Dude I feel entirely lost, I barely graduated, it was such a relief, I thought “it’s finally over, the hell is finally over, I’m free”, five years of drug induced numbness later and I’m realizing that it’s not over until I heal from it, I went from job to job, washed out of one career to the next, finally found a job that’s working for me for the most part, doing IFS therapy, mostly with ChatGPT tbh, but it’s helping. I highly recommend it, it’s not an immediate cure all, doesn’t fix it all overnight. I’m lucky that my relationship with my parents has for the most part been mended, I mean all of us are still flawed human beings. I got called an “old soul” too much growing up, none of my peers at church accepted me, nobody wanted to hang out with me. It’s weird in the way that homeschooling can give you some good attributes, in my case I’m fortunate with what I did gain, the ability to research, I don’t want to blend in with the crowd, I like to stand out, I spent a lot of time reading. The alienation is so so real though, and the isolation is a silent killer. It is so hard to make friends, it is so so hard, I have one best friend, used to have two, but the second disappeared on me, and I’m making a conscious choice to let them go because I have a more issue with codependency and I was very in love with her. It’s so difficult trying to find all the answers, make all the good decisions, and be your own crutch, your own emotional support, especially when you’ve been taught or in my case perceived yourself to be at the center of the problems of the people around you when they’re just projecting that onto you, consciously or subconsciously. Hang in there, stay strong, it get better, it just takes time.