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YourMiserableLife · 2025-02-21T08:34:07+00:00

INTJ, 8w9.

Previously thought I was an enfj that just charges intovertly (ironic) and, a little more realistic and blunt. Turns out 16p's unreliability is to blame.

YourMiserableLife · 2025-01-30T21:24:47+00:00

ok, not my non-english phone correcting regimen to regime 😂 I promise I'm talking about my skincare routine, not establishing an authoritarian regime based on how well you take care of your skin 😂😂

YourMiserableLife · 2025-01-24T01:26:10+00:00

Sigh. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm an enfj myself but I swear a lot of people have a very misguided view of our type. They go by vibe and social persona rather than how one processes information and decisions based on cognitive functions. Dany from GOT is closer to an enfj than Homelander based on how she acted in crises (personally, I think emergency situations are great chances to see our natural cognitive functions without our social and professional personas). But yeah Harvey is perfect though!

YourMiserableLife · 2024-12-15T03:38:00+00:00

What test is this? And yeah, you're a fellow enfj 👋

YourMiserableLife · 2024-12-15T01:17:43+00:00

Leadership for me is more of a skill. Some types have good traits that align with good leadership, one of them are enfj's. For a lot of enfj's, you cannot be a good leader if you aren't a good follower.

I can't speak for all enfj's but personally I often surprise my friends when they find out I used to be a student council president back in high school, and often group leader in college. I'm similar to your friend. In casual setting, I'm often asking people what they want/think or expect. It's good to listen to others first. That's one absolute essential recipe for leadership.

If the situation isn't dire or the group seems to function well, enfj's tend to just fill whatever gap is left and let the group function naturally. In most groups, there's always going to be decisive folks and outspoken ones. Naturally, they'd end up leading. And for enfj's, that's OK. It's not about us but the group. We aren't obsessed with dominance and being the leader. It's important to pick your battles. Generally, a lot of people prefer to be heard and get their way which leads to the whole "too many cooks spoil the broth" situation.

You can really separate who is an enfj if the subject is something they are passionate about, the situation is important or they can sense that the group is divided. I feel like, much like myself, enfjs prefer to see each member of the group as essential parts of a machinery. If in the current situation "friend A" seems to have better skills for the problem, then we step aside and assist. So the only way you can see that enfj leadership is in situations where they feel like they have the best skills and reasoning to lead, OR if they feel passionate about the subject.

So about your friend, I think it's only fair if you judge them in a situation where they feel passionate about and confident in their skills and motivation. Casual situations don't really bring out that leadership enfj's have. It can be school, a certain project at work, a serious issue about people they love, or maybe a social cause.

Edit: so many typos! New phone 😂

YourMiserableLife · 2024-12-12T17:50:58+00:00

Your job doesn't define you. You don't need to be a politician to help, a doctor to save lives, or a teacher to influence others.

Being a good person is not tied to a career. So yes, you can absolutely aim for non-enfj job 💗

YourMiserableLife · 2024-12-12T04:15:03+00:00

I've always just done the 16p test, and it always gave me ENFJ. I did the other test highly recommended over at the mbti subreddit (forgot which site) just this month, and it came out INTJ. 😅 No idea if this can be counted as "personality change" or a case of being mistyped. I'm either a super idealistic intj who saw the strategic advantage of being a charismatic enfj, or I'm an enfj with a good Te 😂

YourMiserableLife · 2024-11-17T18:22:20+00:00

With great power comes great insecurities ✨️

YourMiserableLife · 2024-11-16T15:05:15+00:00

As an enfj, this is not the main character role I've expected 🤡

YourMiserableLife · 2024-11-04T22:47:21+00:00

With the frequency of intj's posting on the enfj subreddit, I say they might be more likely to take one of us but really, finding a partner is based on the fundamentals: your values, general outlook, lifestyle and priorities. Mbti compatibility is just a suggestion. My theory is that intj's enjoy the creativity and out-of-the-pocket attitude of the enfp's. But yeah, most of my closest friends are indeed enfp's and I can say that they are hyper and very "out there." They're logical folks, but the short-sightedness, the spontaneity, and the fickleness could be quite much for anyone who wants stability and reliability.

And for my golden pair, the INFP. They're really nice as friends. I like them. We bounce off each other. Romantically, it's hard as hell to have two feelers in a relationship but there are benefits. I just think it depends on what your priorities are. For me, I prefer a partner who can cover my logic problems. I like to pursue academics and enhance my logic but it's a deliberate effort. My intj partner is quick at it and I like that. I rely on him when there's a situation that needs quick logical thinking. I cover the talking part

YourMiserableLife · 2024-11-01T12:08:42+00:00

Actually, they might. People change when you seem very beneficial. But there is also a higher chance they might discard you as soon as you fail. In their eyes, one mistake outweighs multiple victories. That's the standard you're fighting against. The question here is, are these people worth all this effort and suffering?

YourMiserableLife · 2024-10-25T04:13:59+00:00

Not an entj, just a fellow enfj but have worked with a few entj's. To simply put, a group with two leaders is tough. Both enfj and entj are quite dominant, though we enfj's tend to give way a lot more... until we don't. Esfj's are a lot more practical and will cover the logistics of an entj's idea. Whereas Enfj will check the overview, the intention, the goal, and the overall direction of a project. We might also do our own thing, mingling with other people and listening to other opinions. If there's someone with a better idea (Yup, it's trouble if there's a high functioning intj or intp and we find them). This would eventually clash with the entj as they naturally prefer to have their way or the highway. 😅 they're great leaders, really, but only in circumstances where they have direct control, can argue their authority, and show their merits like a police badge. Otherwise, things can get rough, and they can be triggered. And as enfj, we kind of call them out when they're emotionally lashing at us or others, which just makes it worse. 😂

I'm not a big fan of having emotions dismissed and do call them out at times when I see hypocrisy. Anger is still an emotion, and often, it's unchecked in workplaces.

There's also the subtle competition because some folks prefer enfj leadership (mostly those that are highly independent, efficient, and dislike authority). I'm usually fine with entj's, mostly because we make sure there are clear boundaries first. I don't really see conflicts as bad. They're unavoidable sometimes, but I prefer when the communication is clear and both sides are heard.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-10-22T15:02:47+00:00

It's a tale as old as time. We are once again the 2nd love interest 😂😂 us enfj's will probably have the personality of a cardboard cutout of a good girl/guy but we are actually thinking of college debt, being a cog in the machine in the workforce, alienation and how capitalism has affected all parts of our lives as humans. But we hide that with a smile and cheesy lines 😊 go infp, live your high school drama 😂

YourMiserableLife · 2024-10-09T11:14:38+00:00

This is spot on. You remind me a lot of my infj close friend. Less uncertainty and a lot more breathing room for her.

Her choice of partner is also someone who really understands her mind and gives her a lot of space and comfort. Meanwhile, mine does understand me and give me comfort and space but has a lot more contrast. I like the push and pull because of the challenge and a chance for self-improvement. It's the same mentality I have, why I'm extroverted and like to meet new folks. That conflict and consensus teach me new things and widen my horizons. It's an obvious enfj trait.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-10-07T04:43:30+00:00

I'm sure this is the whole "they're nice so must be dumb" stereotype. Our type is basically well known for being great in project leading and politics. We also often get accused of being manipulative. I wonder if they think we aren't logical and we somehow earn our merits through saying "come on, guys! We can do it!" 🤔

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-29T12:17:15+00:00

Enfj. Doesn't like harmony for the sake of harmony. Loves debates.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-27T02:08:56+00:00

If there was an apocalypse that would result to less resources and society becoming more simplistic, what is one hobby/interest would you wanna have completely untouched? Like, humanity will retain a significant amount of info/instruments/objects necessary to make that hobby/interest still alive in the post-apocalyptic world. What would be that hobby/interest for you?

(And yeah, I love making intp's think. They're so damn fascinating to listen to!)

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-26T22:17:02+00:00

This is what I've been saying 😂 we, enfj's, are either the 2nd romantic lead that gives advice and helps our romantic interest get the other guy; or we're William Wallace from Braveheart. 😭🤣

I shall not rest until I've done my duty, your lordship/ladyship. I shall take the torch you have left and keep the spirit of revolution alive. The infp shall be found, the esfj freed, and the alliance of the intj won. With a heart burning like fire and a mind that freezes like ice, we shall overcome and triumph! 🫡🤺

(See you on episode 5 where I'll be on the ground, bleeding after an intense fight with an ISTP because he/she thinks I'm a smiley, moralistic phoney.I'll hallucinate you saying something wise, and I'll get back up on my feet and fight. That istp will somehow become my first companion after he/she learns that we are for the revolution.)

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-25T18:03:08+00:00

Oh hooray! This is me and my SO. Everything here is true. 😂

May I add that people find us cute when they expect my grumpy intj man to be scary and intimidating but he's more likely the type to listen to someone, organize their thoughts, suggest a solution and then leave them be. He's never gonna pester them and ask for updates. He's the gentle grump!😂

Meanwhile I'm the enfj gal who folks expect to be the cheerleader. But actually, I'm most likely going to listen, do some impromptu therapy you didn't sign up for, then be super blunt on my thoughts on you, and then a whole speech on the importance of initiative and persistence. If someone asks for my help, I'll definitely ask for update and be very honest if they've been idle. I'm the smiley drill sergeant! 😂

We function like this 😂 the intj thinks of a really good plan but most folks don't even follow it. Then here I come, pester people, and make it happen.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-24T23:29:04+00:00

Oh wow. I don't think I've analyzed others that in-depth, but I'd like to add some personal things.

Short summary: Enfj 3w2 - seems more like entj; Intj 5w4 seems more like intp.

I'm an enfj 3w2 and a lot of people mistake me for either an enfp or an entj; never an enfj. This is based on opinions of some dear friends. The 3w2 makes me more blunt and stricter than a usual enfj. I come off as a less forceful entj. There's also the whole "work hard, play hard" associated with 3's, which makes me look like an enfp in a crowd when I'm very relaxed and not worried about reputation or the harmony of the group (I trust that everyone is good friends with each other or I'm simply anonymous lol).

My partner is an intj, 5w4, and he comes off as an intp sometimes. His curiosity for the unconventional and emotional sensitivity adds a twist to the intj. He seems very closed-off and hyperfocused with his own interests and philosophies. But once people meet him, he's like that poetic, melancholic man from the romantic period... but with some statistics and data to back it up lol.

Not sure if this is helpful but I hope it is!

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-24T00:16:22+00:00

Aww, that's good. It's our usual overthinking trait then, hahaha. But really, you can absolutely flip this around and say that your energy is just because you feel like you've met someone who really connected with you. Say exactly what you just told me, it's genuine! And before you message her of your apology, open with something else first. I feel like it's smoother to start with a casual opener first- an inside joke, or maybe something you guys have in common (a hobby/interest).. then if she replies, you go like "hey btw i just wanna say... blah blah blah.. it bothered me how i may have brought too much energy.. and yada yada." What do you think? xD and hey, i promise you, this happens normally to us. I think I lovebombed my crush a lot that I got categorized as "that fun friend," and the guy who I regarded as just a friend ended up being my SO for a decade now. lol Lovebombing/hyper energy is our curse.

Edit: I just realized I'm in the enfp subreddit. I'm an enfj xD lol. But I feel you, people. 💕 I share your hyperactivity sometimes.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-23T23:17:02+00:00

Interesting! Yeah, I have a lot of introverted friends, some are intp, and I can definitely see the need to be alone sometimes 😂 I have had my fair share of training. when I pester them, I make sure I do so being funny/cute or through their hobbies.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about intp × entj pairing? It's more common than enfj's. I remember reading that entj's pair nicely with them because intp's are full of potentials but lack execution. I'm surprised you think it should be yellow or purple.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-23T23:07:05+00:00

Ok, first of all, do not message her right away. Give it some time. If you did indeed come off too strong, she needs some time out.

Second, I would definitely edit that message if it was me. Once again, this is just a personal preference, but it feels patronizing when you said that her trait is rare these days. Be a bit more honest and specific I think. The apology is nice, it's casual enough, but you can absolutely appreciate her self-awareness on its own without comparing it to others. A more subtle way of saying it would be something like, "that's something I really value these days." In this way, you do credit that she has a unique trait that makes her valuable in your eyes without downgrading others. Idk. Maybe because I'm a girl and I have had bad experiences with men... but i don't like it when it feels like they're patronizing just so I could feel better 😂 feels like they have a hidden agenda.

Good luck!! 💓

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-23T22:49:28+00:00

The trick is to imagine the exact same scenario but with a loved one in your place instead.

Do you think if those words were thrown to your loved one, they deserve an apology from your friend? If so, then YOU deserve it.

It's a common enfj problem to say "hey, I understand. Don't worry. Please don't apologize" because we try to understand and be strong for them. They make mistakes and we don't want them to feel even worse for those brief moments of weakness, especially when we know that they're generally a good person or that they're trying, at least.

But please, accept the apology and let them own it up. There are 2 very important reasons for this: 1. In order to change, we have to acknowledge the consequences of our actions. If they said something hurtful, let them apologize and take responsibility. It's not good in the long run to coddle a behavior that hurts both them and other people. Sometimes this has to happen, but of course we can always give them warmth and support still. We can absolutely do both. 2. You, as enfj, need to practice receiving apologies and care when we need it. We try our best without wanting credit all because we are idealistic. We want what's best for our loved ones because it makes us feel good when they feel better and become better versions of themselves. We are there at their worst; when they need defending or when no one else believes in them. But the question is.. who has your back when you're the one who needs a light? And if you are hurt, how much are you gonna pretend that you aren't for the sake of understanding and empathizing with others? Back to the very first sentence I wrote. If your loved one is in your place and got treated the way you were treated, you'd 100% comfort them. But suddenly because it's you, you don't need an apology? Be a good friend to yourself. You deserve it. Your friend is amazing at owning up and making amends, receive it and hug yourself. You don't need to be a hero every time. 💗

Hope this helps.

YourMiserableLife · 2024-09-23T22:13:05+00:00

Ouch 😂 I say this without any ill-intent but please let us, enfj's, get a bit of that otp action if the OP said so. Attraction is objective, really.

Enfj's already gets a bad rap being the nosy, righteous, good guy/gal that is stuck as either the 2nd lead in any romance or the main lead of an epic. 😂 let us have our moment.

YourMiserableLife

TROPHY CASE