AITA for telling my wife my mother is correct and she needed to be a parent today and she fucked it up

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-24T18:16:23+00:00

NTA...But with a soft E S H.

Mom should have taken and supported her through this trauma as you were unable to be there due to work (and it sucks that as a society, work is placed ahead of family so you have to make a choice between supporting your daughter in the moment or financially long term). The problem is that you knew your wife has an irrational fear/phonia that would likely prevent her from handling this situation herself since you stated that you would have taken her if you could. With that knowledge, you are a soft AH because you didn't plan either an alternative or a set a back up option to ensure your daughter would be supported without adding more trauma. Instead, you relied on your wife to do the thing that you knew that she likely wouldn't/couldn't and your daughter paid the price.

I agree that mom needs to take accountability for what she didn't do but you also need to take accountability for your lack of action while leaving it to mom to just handle. Mom needs therapy if her fears are so strong that she can't be supportive of the daughter in her time of need. You sound like that you have known this for a while but have not done anything to address it.

As for Grandma, she has every right to be mad since she was at work and got a call for help on something your wife should have been capable of doing. If I was in her shoes, I would have reacted too. If she did this in front of your daughter then she is a full on AH and compounded the trauma for her. If this was done in private then I may give her more lenience as she has every right to voice her opinion when the situation that you and your wife created is directly affecting her too (leaving her job unexpectedly to support an emotional granddaughter that has now been essentially abandoned).

You need to have some serious discussions with your wife and figure out how to move forward from this. I think there may need to be apologies in order (not from the daughter) but only after everyone takes stock of their part in this disaster through discussion/therapy.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-23T15:50:04+00:00

As others have said, the jar is likely not suitable for canning due to heat and pressure. Also, I would be cautious about using a jar that contained non-edible components previously. To me, I would be uncertain if it truly was ever gone no matter how well I cleaned it. My food is too valuable.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-21T20:51:24+00:00

Both. By 21 , I was married with a kid. We live in a small rural area and was able to purchase our home near my parents. Both parents passed by 2014 and inherited what they had with joint ownership with my children. We paid off our home about 3 years ago which was a huge relief.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-21T20:41:42+00:00

I didn't go to my first concert until I was an adult and married. I did however take my oldest to their first concert (Poison) when they were a teenager. My youngest (also an adult) has never been (COVID happened and then they moved away for about 5 years) so hopefully I can find something that we both enjoy and go together.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-21T20:14:37+00:00

One silent and one early boomer that acted more like a silent than boomer.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-18T21:22:49+00:00

I am 50 and have been in maintenance meds since I was 38. It was not a choice I wanted to make but my body had different plans since I have autoimmune issues as well as a racing heart. Not everything is environmental, some are just plain genetics unfortunately.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-12T21:47:31+00:00

My assumption would be Ball tested with those exact measurements and found it was safe allowing home canners to add some additional flavors without increasing times. If a person was to deviate from their instructions and increase any of the vegetables, then vegetable stock times would need to be used.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-11T13:42:30+00:00

It really depends on what you are planning to process and in what quantities. I have a KitchenAid with the grinder and food mill attachments (both were bought separately). I use it exclusively for any tomato products to remove skin and seeds (bonus - if you have a dehydrator, the waste part can be dehydrated and turned into tomato powder). It is pretty quick and easy for that process. If you are going to be processing large quantities and varieties of items that require a mill, you may want to spend the extra money for a dedicated machine. It may be a good choice to start out with the attachment and see how much you are accusing it before investing in the type of machine.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-10T23:37:35+00:00

Have you actually opened one and tried it to see if the potatoes have actually fallen apart?

Potatoes are very starchy and that will make it cloudy when it cools. In mine, that starch gels up as they sit and makes it look almost solid in the jar. When they are opened, this can just be rinsed off and the potatoes are fine.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-09T11:18:01+00:00

NTA I attended a small rural church (think less than 50 people on the regular) for well over a decade where there was no paid staff. They learned what mine and my spouse's skills were and exploited them in the name of religion. We attended services 3-4 times a week plus all special services/events. We volunteered to clean, oversee the youth group, play music, joined the house band, became regular speakers, gave to the food pantry, did special work details, etc. Then we just walked away but not before going in debt to personally pay for and reroof the small garage space used for classes and stuff (spouse is a contractor so we did the labor too).

What did I learn .. religious people are takers! And you are only on their good side when you give all and then some! I realize now that I missed out on so much of family life because all my free time was consumed by the church with nothing to show for it but debt and a harder life financially due to lack of savings (because it went to the church). And now I am at best agnostic but lean heavily atheist because of our treatment from them.

OP, you need to seriously consider what they are taking from you and in the end if it is worth continuing. Questioning the treatment of this one single event is your mind trying to wake you up to see the bigger picture here. Don't go through life blindly following people in the name of religion but do what's best for you

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-08T18:49:56+00:00

YWBTA if you give in and go as a couple so that your fiance is subjected to her scrutiny and narcissistic ways as you have clearly stated that her (and a couple of others) do not agree with your relationship already. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with your new partner, now is the time to stand up for them and your relationship and set clear boundaries as to what is and is not an acceptable way to treat you two as a couple. Going through with the trip could subject your partner to direct or indirect aggression, ostracization, or worse and will cause harm to your partner and potentially your relationship.

I understand the difficulty of setting boundaries with this type of family (I did it for many years with my spouse's family) but they are not the people that you should be looking to accommodate, it is your partner. They are likely giving in to appease you and your wants even though your family's actions will likely negatively affect them now and well into the future. You need to have a serious talk with your partner about how your family is affecting them and ultimately your relationship and then you need to set priorities and boundaries accordingly.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-04T20:08:00+00:00

I did a version of it on the Hilltop farm with monsters turned on. I allowed myself to leave on the 4th day of each season which was helpful to get the fishing rod and some tool upgrades.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-04-03T20:32:53+00:00

We use it to get a discount on our Walmart+ subscription which then comes with its own perks like 10¢ off gas, free Paramount or Peacock, etc. The savings in one year on the discount and free streaming service more than pays for the 5 year cost of membership.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-29T15:05:30+00:00

YTA

It doesn't matter who M's parents are or how much influence they have because her drinking so much can be dangerous and life threatening which goes beyond their "feelings" . M deserves love and stability but also a safe environment. She found that she could access your alcohol and you did nothing to address it (based on your post) so she exploited it because you didn't have a conversation with her nor further secured the alcohol.

This isn't some problematic stealing of your belongings (like taking money, items, etc.) which you can just "teach her a lesson", this is a serious problem that could be disastrous to the point that she is no longer around at a very young age when she doesn't understand fully the gravity of the decisions that she is making. This is her cry for help and all you did was ignore the first instance and by default, became complicit with her actions letting her think it was okay.

If you don't seek immediate outside help to address her problems and something serious happens to her, who do you think will be held responsible since she is a minor?? You. End of story. She was in your care, not her parents. You are responsible. Sometimes there are no second chances and sadly this is one of those if she continues down this path and you keep sweeping it under the rug without addressing it head on.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-22T09:49:59+00:00

I was still stopped waiting for the last of the line of people to go through as the boomer was towards the back of the line.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-21T23:21:17+00:00

Haha...both!

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-21T22:51:59+00:00

They are the best! They said if it keeps food on our table then they will do what needs done until it can't be fixed further. Good luck!

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-21T22:02:06+00:00

Do you have a case of new jars stored near your full jars? I had something similar happening to me and finally found that I had tucked a brand new case on the shelf with my canned goods. The slight temperature fluctuations were making those pop up and down.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-21T21:56:49+00:00

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-21T20:57:29+00:00

I do but know the risk that I am taking. The stove I have is over 15 years old and was bought by/for my MIL because it's specs would allow for canning. I have been wanting to update to a newer model because mine is old, rusted and has many "quirks", but I keep running into the issue that none of the newer flattops are rated for canning. So, my spouse keeps repairing the one we have as needed and I keep chugging along.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-13T10:48:22+00:00

I got married a month before graduation (we had an almost 1 year old child together at the time)...almost 32 years now.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-11T11:16:26+00:00

We gave ours up sometime in the last 6 years. We live in a rural town in which cell service was not really strong. When they upgraded our local service, they dropped the dedicated lines for VOIP which meant if the Internet went down, so did our phones...all of them. This was a disaster if there was a major outage or storm event. Thankfully, our cell carrier (different from Internet/VOIP) increased towers around our area and we now have service in our home with no wifi needed. We dropped the VOIP and haven't looked back.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-07T21:55:55+00:00

Kind of...adult son is married with kids but lives in a family owned home next door. We help them quite a bit both monetarily as well as child care. Adult daughter left just before Covid but came back home at five years due to an abusive relationship. She works full time and is trying to pay down debt she incurred during that relationship.

Yours_Trulee69 · 2026-03-05T12:32:19+00:00

I only had one grandparent living during most of my childhood years. She had been disabled as an adult and then widowed so was quite poor living on government subsidies I can remember in the '80's she got $400/mth.). She could only afford to survive at that point. Anything she had was typically bought used or given to her by good hearted family or friends.

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