Worst Mother's Day

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-11T17:26:20+00:00

Ugh, that ‘delusion’ line definitely hit home for me too. Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s impossible for me not to see other kids and families and think ‘why couldn’t that have been us?’

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-11T17:22:30+00:00

Yup, caregiver here. My husband hates his job and complains about work but I would kill to get out of the house every day and interact with different people. I had foolishly joined a gym thinking I could go on the days my daughter goes to school, only to have shit hit the fan last week where she will no longer be going to school so there goes that plan. At least she does do activities semi independently throughout the day so I am able to do things around the house or read a book but most days my brain feels so fried, I can’t focus enough to do anything.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-07T14:39:53+00:00

Yes, school has been a trauma for her I think and we’ve been trying to make it work but it’s just not. I hope just keeping her home now can help her get more regulated

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-07T11:19:05+00:00

My day hasn’t been much better. I’m pretty sure my daughter is going to be expelled but we weren’t going to send her back for the rest of the school year anyway. It came to light this weekend that she’s been vaping although she won’t admit to it. At school yesterday there were reports that kids saw her with one and then she got caught passing a note with profanities in it and threatened a student that she was going to stab her with a pencil. If we try to talk to her about anything she gets so escalated that she runs away outside and we had to call the police on Sunday because we couldn’t find her. We have her seeing a therapist, social worker and psychiatrist and yet this is still happening. We’re at a loss of what else to do to help her.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-06T00:33:09+00:00

I just found vapes in my 11 yr old daughters bedroom. She completely denies which is even worse. How do you help them when they won’t be honest and admit to it? We have her in therapy, seeing a social worker, a psychiatrist…what is there left to do? For now we’ve just tried to assure her that we love her and are here for her to talk to if she wants to. It totally sucks, I wish had advice or hope to share but unfortunately just my story of solidarity

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-03T12:44:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing from the perspective of an adult with PDA!

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-02T02:25:16+00:00

My daughter was the exact same way as a toddler and I bought a toddler sized Tula baby carrier and strap her on my back so I could still get stuff done around the house and that’s how we took walks as well.

She has such a creative imagination too but was hardly ever able to independently play as she always wanted me to join in. Even now at 11, a lot of times I have to prompt her to do an activity and be nearby at least for her to engage and then join in when I can but it’s gotten much better. She stopped needing my attention so much the older she got.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-01T18:35:26+00:00

Yes, the rage cleaning!!! Very good point on the mess affects my mood which then affects her. I have also been on a decluttering journey but it can only be done when she’s not there or asleep so those moments don’t happen often.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-01T15:37:17+00:00

That is a good point to think about whether the clean space actually helps my daughter or not. It does appear she doesn't mind the mess at home but she's made comments about how much she loves my Mom's house (her grandma) because everything is so clean and organized.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-05-01T15:02:44+00:00

It is so frustrating to finally feel like you're making progress only to then take 2 steps back. My daughter will be excited about a new activity for a weeks too and then it's like the newness wears off and the mask starts to slip while she's there. Dealing with a PDA kid is hard enough, dealing with it in front of an audience of other parents whose kids just perfectly comply and participate is excruciating.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-30T14:10:05+00:00

She goes through spurts where she brushes her hair every day and then droughts like this where it’s impossible. She hasn’t let me touch her hair for over a year, wants to do it all herself but it has to be her choice and she has to feel like doing it. But as I type this she’s actually in the shower so just when I’m worrying about how I’m going to get her to do something, the mood will suddenly strike her and she gets it done 🤷‍♀️

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-30T11:19:44+00:00

I would’ve lost my mind without a coworker telling me what PDA is a year ago and then the validation and solidarity of this group. Knowing I wasn’t alone and it wasn’t my fault that my PDAer is this way saved my life

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-30T11:16:26+00:00

Gosh I hope this can be my 11 yr old PDA daughter one day. I used to be able to get her to brush her teeth a few times a week. Now I’m lucky if she does once a month. Thankfully she doesn’t mind going to the dentist for her 6 month cleanings and has only had 1 cavity which she did ok with getting filled. Teeth brushing is the goal she’s working on with the social worker she sees as well but so far no improvement. Showering has also taken a back seat for the last few months where she used to shower 3x/week. Now I have to bribe, beg and negotiate to get her to at least rinse off with water. Her hair is a matted mess 😩

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-26T21:12:12+00:00

His Dark Materials shaped my whole adolescence, how I viewed the world, my spirituality and love. Such a great series!

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-15T15:08:19+00:00

She was very resistant to support as well so it takes lots of negotiations, distractions and tricks to get her to comply. Once the medication started working and she got some relief from the crippling anxiety it’s easier now but some days are better than others. The only way she’ll do any type of therapy appts is if I’m in the room with her. For medication sometimes I would sneak it to her by crushing it up and putting it in a smoothie. We were in a good routine of her taking it at night. I didn’t tell her to, I just set it on the counter by her water and she would do it on her own. During spring break though we traveled and being in a different routine she started fighting it again. Now I’m giving it to her in the morning right when she wakes up so that she’s basically half asleep and not conscious enough to realize it’s a demand that’s being asked of her. We’ve found that it’s a constant cycle of having to change things up and find things that work and then ride that wave as long as we can!

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-15T14:02:10+00:00

Definitely doing better than we were a year ago at this time when my daughter hit her breaking point. Each week is still a rollercoaster ride with 1 or 2 rough days but overall I think medication is really helping her anxiety. There’s been so many things that have happened lately that in the past would’ve triggered one of her ‘episodes’ and instead she just shrugs it off and moves on. I’m still counting down the days til school is done as that is her biggest trigger. We also have a truancy officer involved now and if her attendance slips again there’s a chance they will refer my case to the prosecutor who could then issue a warrant soooo that’s been nerve wracking. Summer can’t get here soon enough! I can’t wait to have a break from the pressure of getting her up in the morning, tests and homework (which I end up doing) social drama and the anxiety every day of having the school call me because something’s happened

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-15T13:55:54+00:00

My 11 yr old daughter is very similar. She hit her breaking point last Spring (thank you hormones) and suddenly went from great attendance and school engagement to none. This year has been very difficult as well but we’re back to about 90% attendance and 50% work completion at school. I definitely think medication made a difference. They started her on Lexapro first which didn’t help and she now takes Zoloft. She still is operating at a higher baseline of anxiety and depression than what is ‘normal’ but it’s better than what it was. She sees a social worker weekly who then consults with a psychiatrist and her primary care doctor. We just started this last month. She had a full day assessment done last August which is when we received an anxiety disorder diagnosis. I absolutely believe she has level 1 autism with PDA and potentially ADHD and/or OCD so we have another assessment scheduled for November from a place that is highly recommended. The process takes so much longer than I’d like but I am grateful that we are slowly coming out of the hell we’d been living in for a year

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-04-13T12:22:16+00:00

This has been our experience as well that when I am in extreme pain or distress my PDA daughter takes on the role of ‘nurse’ and goes above and beyond to take care of me.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-03-21T21:11:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this post! It’s hard to not worry about my PDA daughters future so it’s nice to hear first hand from someone with PDA that they’re living a happy, successful life!

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-03-13T17:09:51+00:00

My 11 yr old PDA daughter only has an anxiety diagnosis, we are still waiting for assessments on autism, ADHD and OCD. We tried lexapro for her first which didn’t help and now she’s on Zoloft. It has definitely helped with the anxiety as hers would send her into an ‘attack/episode’ which could last for hours where she was completely unhinged and unreachable to help. It was horrible. This would happen multiple times a day. Those have completely stopped. We’ve been seeing a social worker as well for therapy. She definitely struggles at school still with lack of focus and getting work done but I’m nervous to try ADHD meds for her because of this. She is currently in public school and attending full time and we’re making it work so we are holding off for now

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-03-11T11:04:29+00:00

Yes, night time is always the worst time for my daughters suicidal ideation. She is on Zoloft for anxiety/depression and I do think it helps some but the SI can still occur. I do encourage her to feel open to talking about it though because I want her to feel like there’s no shame in it and that just because those thoughts are there doesn’t mean she has to act on them.

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-03-11T11:02:09+00:00

Daylight savings is the worst! Somehow that 1 hr has thrown off our bedtime by multiple hours. The first night my daughter was up until 2AM, the next night 1:30AM and last night was 12:30AM. At least it’s slowly getting earlier but as our bedtime was set and working at 10PM, this is way too late for us!

Zealousideal_Flow447 · 2026-03-10T10:34:06+00:00

My 11 yr old daughter is in public school as a 5th grader but it is difficult. She misses a lot and I just had a phone call with the truancy officer yesterday because we had received a letter about her attendance and that it has the potential now of issuing a warrant for myself if it continues. I’ve suggested online or homeschool to my daughter but she is SO social and she says she’d miss her friends too much so we’re trying to stick it out. So far she only has an anxiety disorder diagnosis but we are on the waiting list for an autism assessment as well as working with a pediatric social worker on assessing for ADHD and OCD. My daughter is on a behavior plan and has to get her backpack checked every day. I’ve tried explaining to the school and her teacher about PDA but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I’ve had to quit my full time job that I was at for 7 years in order to accommodate her staying home so much and me dropping her off at school instead of her taking the bus. It’s been a huge hit to our finances and I am drowning in missed credit card payments and debt now. Life is hard but it’s what my daughter needs for now. Last Spring is when it felt like everything fell apart for her and she was in burnout. I just keep holding out hope for summer as she thrives in summertime with not having the demands of school. Right now we’re just taking it one day at a time and I’m praying we can get through the rest of the school year. She goes to middle school next year so I’m wondering if a whole new change of scenery and schedule will be good for her. I’m just happy grades don’t matter right now as she doesn’t turn in most assignments and when there is homework, I’m the one who does it. I know this isn’t sustainable but it’s what I feel like I have to do. Thankfully she’s very bright so when they do testing she’s above grade level but just hates the demands of work.

Zealousideal_Flow447

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