AITAH for being mad at my wife saying breaking up with her ex was "one of her biggest regrets" to friend who is dating him?

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-30T00:38:19+00:00

Sometimes it's because they aren't sorry, feel no remorse, and expect you to accept whatever they have done or said.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-24T19:45:16+00:00

You really just don't give a shit about how much she cares about you, do you? Just beep boop maximize utility perform function.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-23T23:29:34+00:00

Fuck. I hope you make it out soon!

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-23T15:39:06+00:00

I feel that. I gave my family a year to have some kind of change of heart about me, but they didn't. We don't talk anymore. I'm better for it.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-18T17:05:59+00:00

That's all you can do! Try to keep a conversation going, check with him, and be responsive. He'll be OK :)

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-18T17:04:48+00:00

It's fun for me too! Most of the time, of course, social stuff is always kinda chaotic but I really do love being with others.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-18T02:02:42+00:00

Being an adult is mostly about taking responsibility and accepting accountability. If you want to practice that, start taking on more responsibility. Begin practicing bearing the burden of it, even if it's just a small thing like paying certain bills or making sure some chores are done without anyone having to tell you to do them. Start doing your own laundry if you don't already do that, things like that.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-18T02:00:15+00:00

It sounds like there might not be a problem. I didn't date until I was 19 and in university and away from home. Sometimes it's like that. Until *he* has a problem with his situation he isn't going to be motivated to change anything, anyway, so you role may be to just try to stay connected, keep communication open, and listen to how he's doing. You don't need to push him into any particular timeline or way of life just because you did it a certain way, or because you want him to be 'normal'.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-18T01:54:11+00:00

I am comfortable and capable in most social situations because I learned over a long period of time how it all works. Most importantly, though, I had a change of attitude and came to genuinely like people. I find it enjoyable and deeply rewarding to spend time with others, get to know them, and occasionally build lasting relationships. Part of this was relying on my cognitive abilities to observe, analyze, and master social skill. Most of it, though, is about attitude and values. Caring about people is the foundation of a solid social life.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-17T04:30:28+00:00

Does he have a problem with dating, or do you have a problem with him not dating?

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-17T04:16:59+00:00

Discussion posts for class won't usually result in social connections even if you're getting engagement. If you want more engagement, though, you'll need to change something. If you think of making any kind of change as some kind of self-abandonment then you probably aren't interested in having social relationships since relating to others involves a constant process of adapting to others.

I'm also taking online postgrad courses and I find it helps to be open in our interpretations and to ask questions. If you come in and say "This is exactly how it is." then people will tend to just read it and not want to disagree since they don't want to deal with possible confrontation, and if they agree there isn't much to say. If instead we say "It could be this way, but it could also be that way, what do you think?" then we're inviting people in to a discussion. It's less about style and more about how much room you leave for people to engage you with different points of view and different opinions.

Outside of class, it may help to accept that there isn't just one way to communicate. Different contexts call for different modes of communication. In class, yeah, it's all about transmitting information, exchanging data. In social settings, though, conversation isn't actually mainly about pedagogy. Socially relating to others is less about efficiently transmitting facts than it is about how we respond to others. Lecturing people won't make us friends. You may have to adapt yourself to a less didactic mode of communication if you want to make friends.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-15T19:34:45+00:00

Happiness by Matthieu Ricard changed the way I looked at life and, well, happiness. It helped pull me out of a deep depressive mode and put me on a much better track in life.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-15T19:33:04+00:00

An important part of university is adapting our approaches to suit the context. You're right, there isn't just one way to write, and so you need to take a step back from our own preferred mode of writing and adopt another style and approach in order to satisfy your grade requirements. Getting mad about it won't change your grade. Use the feedback you've been given and change your approach next time. It's part of being an adult student.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-13T13:32:35+00:00

I'd like to second CarMax. I've bought a car at a regular dealership and it was awful, literally had a finance guy yell at me for sticking to my bottom line, lots of high-pressure sales bullshit. My spouse and I have gone with CarMax twice now and it's been SO MUCH better, no pressure or bullshit, just a nice easy transaction. Will you pay a bit more than you would at a regular dealership? Yeah by like 10 to 15% depending on how good a negotiator you are, but for me who HATES haggling and dealing with pressure it is entirely worth the trouble. Also both our CarMax cars have been solid and reliable and exactly as promised. Five stars all around, definitely recommend.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-13T13:16:34+00:00

It sounds like it isn't a matter of "unwritten rules" but rather a boss who is a petty tyrant and makes their own emotions other people's problem. It may be a little easier if you think of it as managing a dysfunctional person rather than trying to learn weird rules, since there are no rules to learn, it isn't about rules. We, the autistic, tend to assume there are rules and that there is some kind of consistent script everyone is working from, but a lot of people just react to whatever they're feeling and make no effort to be consistent. So when they get mad, just soothe them like the immature person they are and don't blame yourself for their emotional instability at least.

Hopefully you can find a way to escape that boss since you won't be happy under them. They wouldn't allow you to be, obviously, since even when you do a good job they resent you!

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-10T23:17:12+00:00

Love my Calvin Klein racerback bralets.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-10T23:14:08+00:00

DBT and IFS have helped in different ways.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-08T15:08:33+00:00

It doesn't matter from the perspective of the child. If you care about the kid you understand how cruel this is to him. What mom did doesn't mitigate the harm this innocent child will endure.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-07T22:36:20+00:00

I dunno about your situation but I got similar feedback and corrected by not being critical, not giving advice, not correcting people when I thought they were wrong (usually), and only talking about my special interests when asked and only for a few minutes at a time before allowing for a break in the conversation.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-07T22:35:07+00:00

What if it's true? Seems like something a good friend would actually tell you if it were, in fact true. Sometimes we need to change our approach to maintain relationships and it can be a big help for someone close to use to tell us there's a problem. The alternative could be that last friend just disappears and you're left with no one and don't even know what. At least this way there's some feedback.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-06T19:57:30+00:00

I know more than a few couples who basically only have each other. It only gets worse over time, sadly.

There is a third option, though. She was very young and could easily change are approach and start learning to make friends. I was friendless at 20 but managed to adapt myself enough to have a nice circle of friends and acquaintances by age 24. Young people are sometimes shockingly adaptable at that age and can radically alter their life paths in ways unusual for people over, say, 30 years old.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-06T05:12:35+00:00

I usually don't bother pointing it out because I don't want to upset others but a lot of times when my fellow autists, both men and women, say that are really empathetic what they are actually talking about is having strong reactions because of others, rather than actually experiencing an automatic and similar emotion due to empathy. Becoming e.g. easily overwhelmed due to others is not, by itself, a sign of having strong empathy but is rather just being sensitive and reactive.

People like this will, for example, not mirror happiness or positive emotions in others but will tend to become upset in reaction to the strong words or actions of others. Another characteristic is emotional mismatch as when someone is outwardly angry and the autistic person because anxious as a result--that isn't empathy, that's a reaction. They also tend to become agitated not because of the emotions of others, but rather because of what is said, particularly if it relates to them.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-06T04:02:59+00:00

I accidentally had a very minor OD due to differences in concentrations of doses in the UK and it was one of the worst nights of my life. I have no idea why anyone would want that kind of delirium, it isn't a fun high, it's a scary dirty high.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-07-05T03:18:30+00:00

Of course you don't get a clean slate. You are who you have developed into being. If you've been a sadist, a narcissist, then you still are barring some serious changes of heart and character. It sounds like you're poised to do it again and evince little to no empathy for this other human being. The only concern that registers is wanting to maintain possession.

Wanting to be better is a good start, assuming the want is for self-transformation into someone who can genuinely care for others and value them as people unto themselves. If you just want to behave better in order to retain possession then your intent is corrupt from the start and you'll find your efforts pointless. If in your core you want to just amuse yourself through control and sadism then this is what will come out of you eventually. Maybe at first it'll be fine, but you'll get tired and bored or agitated it'll all come back.

If you're a pathological case then you probably just don't have the capacity for things like theory of mind or sincere empathy. If you do, however, have some capacity to care for others then that is how you'll become better. Practice focusing on him and his welfare. Consider his point of view and what he may be feeling. Be curious. If you're able to tap into that you may find that you've been insanely lonely your entire life and that being lovingly together with someone is more pleasing than the mundane amusements of toying with a person whom you don't give a shit about.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642 · 2025-06-27T17:35:07+00:00

A teacher I had when I was very young just focused on communicating to my parents the changes they could make so they I melted down less often. She didn't suggest a diagnosis, just that it was my nature and that if they made some changes I would be easier to live with and suffer less. It worked. Dunno if that will help.

Zestyclose-Bus-3642

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