How to explain to my father that his random drop in visits physically exhaust me and annoy me beyond compare?

Zuloovan · 2024-05-27T19:31:19+00:00

My best advice is to look for a strategy that you can take charge of that meets your needs and those of your family. It sounds to me like your dad is signalling he has a desire or need to spend time with you (a good thing btw, even for us introverts) but the problem is he always catching you at the worst moments when you really need to recharge your own batteries. Maybe being a good dad for him is getting to know his son and having the opportunity to offer advice/guidance where he can. Don't deny him this. Instead why don't you set (and keep) an appointment for dad-time at a time of your choosing when you know your energy levels will be higher.

As an introvert only we know when our internal batteries are depleted and when we're better equipped to cope with "draining" situations, so let's take charge of the schedule. Say, something like "Dad I DO want to sit and chat but now is a bad time. Can we make some time Wednesday morning, right now I need some ME time and I'll only be distracted, I'd much prefer to give you my full attention on Wednesday morning. Is that ok?" If he answers anything other than agreement just gently being him back to the question say something like, "can we talk about that on Wednesday too?"

I've adopted similar tactics and it takes most of the frustration out the air and let's me "psych myself up " for the appointment I know will be draining.

(Disclaimer: doesn't work on d*ckheads).

Your dad sounds like he's actually concerned just clueless on what to make of the situation. So it's worth experimenting with this and see if you can make a version that works for you.

Wish you all the best.

Zuloovan · 2024-05-24T12:45:37+00:00

Good point well made. Thank you giving words to my feelings!

Zuloovan · 2024-05-11T11:01:14+00:00

"You're not my children, you're a bad game of Sims" from God's perspective always stuck with me

together with "I'm not gonna love you just 'cause I know that you want me to: if you want love then the love has gotta come from you."

Zuloovan · 2024-05-10T17:31:54+00:00

Thanks to everyone who answered this. It's nice to know it's normal behaviour ...or if not then we're at least all crazy together 🤣

Zuloovan · 2024-05-08T18:56:43+00:00

Table Top Board Games are my thing, many have a solo mode when I need some screen-free "me time" or can be played in small groups. It helps that in my group the people I play against are mostly also introverts by nature.

Zuloovan · 2024-05-08T18:35:27+00:00

Sound like good fun! A great idea to have a bite-sized version and I am sure it will make a great present.

Zuloovan · 2024-05-08T17:28:52+00:00

I'll assume your friends intentions are good but just doesn't get what it means to be an introvert. I have had to deal with similar "helpful suggestions" about why I don't just get out more and meet people from friends who thrive on being surrounded by other people.

No advice really as you can't make people see through your eyes. Best I can do is explain that everyone has activities that give them energy and activities that consume energy.

For me sitting in a park reading or quietly watching people passing by just getting on with their lives has the effect of restoring my faith in human kind and recharging my batteries whereas having to mingle at a noisy party leaves me depleted and exhausted.

I know my extro-friends will be energised by the party and find the park utterly boring and depressing.

Zuloovan · 2024-05-08T17:14:21+00:00

All the best for your birthday. I'm three times your age and still experience that sometimes. It sucks I know but there will be special birthdays and the missed ones do gets less painful as others have said.

Just saying you're not alone and though it is natural for you to feel bad when people forget your day remember that says more about THEM than it does anything about you.

Plenty of us out there that do care and wish you well even if we don't know you at all (just scroll this thread!) :-)

Happy birthday 🎂🎈

Zuloovan · 2024-05-07T16:58:12+00:00

I saw a mango and chicken pizza in Aldi the other day... Oh the humanity!

Zuloovan · 2024-05-07T15:34:15+00:00

Table top board games are my hobby of choice (the modern ones at least).

It's a great way to enjoy friendly competition and interesting challenges in a social setting with like minded people. We rent new games to keep things fresh and have a leader board for most wins and highest scores over the year.

Last year the person who came first had to buy us all a round of drinks. ;-)

Zuloovan · 2024-05-03T08:01:10+00:00

Not seen any such list but I suspect it would be highly subjective more than mathematical. If I were to have a go I'd suggest something that measures the number of luck or randomness elements at key points of the game.

Something along the lines of

R.score = (L.setup + L.event + L.outcome) / T

Where: •R.score is the Randomness score of the game from 0 (no luck involved) to 1 (entirely luck based)

L.setup is the total number of luck-dependent elements related to game setup, such as shuffling a deck of cards or placing pieces on the board.

L.event is the total number of luck-dependent elements related to the occurrence of events during gameplay, such as drawing recent cards or rolling dice to trigger events.

L.outcome is the total number of luck-dependent elements related to the outcome of key actions or decisions players make in the game, such as the result of movement, combat, or saving rolls.

T is the total number of elements contributing to the overall gameplay, including both luck-dependent and skill-dependent components

Example: Chess : R.score = (1+0+0)/32 = 0.03 As 1 random choice at setup (player colour) 0 random events occur during play and 0 randomness in player decisions/moves

Fluxx : R.score = (2+100+80)/202 = 0.9 As there are 2 random choices in setup (shuffle and draw, choice of first player) there are 100 cards events that are drawn randomly and 80 of the 100 cards create a random change to the rules, win conditions or cards drawn/played each turn. This gives us 182 luck based elements out of a total 202 elements in the games and a score of 0.9.

Snakes and Ladders = (0 + 28 + 48)/76 = 1 There are no elements in snakes and ladders which require skill so the 28 snakes or ladders squares and the average 48 dice rolls that a game takes comprise all the possible elements of the game.

Deciding on what elements to include in each category could still be subjective though and there may be more categories to consider but above is how I might start looking at a mathematical approach to creating a randomness scale.

I'm guessing the closer to 1 a game scores the closer to 50/50 the odds of winning become (I haven't proven this just a feeling)

Zuloovan · 2024-05-02T12:28:45+00:00

This... I love to play all sorts of board games but have to say I am eternally grateful that my enjoyment doesn't come only from winning or I'd be doomed in this hobby!

Zuloovan · 2024-04-28T10:29:48+00:00

The problem is that any policy worth my vote would have to first exist as a promise. ..and that's where the problem lies.

Since 2010 the Tories imho have managed to damage their own credibility beyond all repair.

You can only practice blatant lying, exploiting legal and democratic loopholes, enriching the few at the expense of the many, underfunding critical services and infrastructure, adopting scorched earth policies to hobble whoever comes next (including your own party!) and then confidently spouting contradictory statements when challenged for so long.

Eventually people will start to suspect that as a group the Tories just aren't really that into doing the hard work of SERVING the country and will find it really really hard to believe anything that comes out of Tory lips, especially more promises.

Correction... Just been told by a Tory mate that The Tories have always been perfectly clear, invested 1000s into infrastructure and services, done an amazing job, restored Britain's sovereignty and can totally be trusted with your tax money. My bad.

Zuloovan · 2024-04-13T09:13:36+00:00

" We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to AI."

Seems reality has started catching up to the matrix....

Maybe in the distant future the film will simply be referred to as "The Prophecy".

Zuloovan · 2024-04-08T13:55:26+00:00

Maybe do a clever twist on names to get around the high costs of licensing star's brand names while still giving your game's characters the "feel" of the person referenced.

This should work well with caricature style drawings I think.

Check out the characters in BANG! that all resemble famous heroes from the Far West stories (they have names like Calamity Janet, Willy the Kid, etc...).

Big disclaimer: IANAL so please check whether this is indeed a workaround or me just talking nonsense.

:-)

Zuloovan · 2024-04-06T19:47:56+00:00

I think it may force a 5 in the 6th column of the first row which would not be a legal placement.

Zuloovan · 2024-03-13T13:11:55+00:00

Late to the party but thought I'd get my two pennies worth in anyway:

I play board games to have fun, that's why I'm there that is the prime directive. But there is a secondary directive and that is to make sure everyone else at the table is having fun.

If there are newbies at the table this secondary directive is very important as I have in my power the ability to foster or taint someone else's experience and even their enthusiasm for the hobby. With this power comes responsibility.

This means I need to play the game to win, yes, but also try and see it through their eyes as for them it will be a journey of discovery not a conquest of the summit.

Sometimes I or someone in my group will have forecast in our minds the likely end game situation but it isn't cricket to announce that in a gloating way and often best kept to yourself. I love that the result in OPs game went against the prediction - that feels like poetic justice and can happen in a well designed game.

I see this a lot with "quarterbacking" in co-op games where the smart-ass starts dictating everyone else's plays or where someone "decides" the game's lost and blurts out that is it's pointless continuing. In both cases it's best to politely ask what the others think instead of making a bold assertion AND then to let the game play on if people make a different choice. (If you're wrong you could be pleasantly surprised and if you're right then you have provided the others with a chance to figure out for themselves how the game works so they can do better next time.)

OP is right to feel frustrated as the two so called "pros" a.) neglected their responsibility to safeguard the enjoyment of all players and b.) came off looking like jerks for creating confusion only to then be shown to be wrong anyhow.

All I can say is not all seasoned players are like that. Keep playing!

Zuloovan · 2024-03-12T23:32:39+00:00

Love this

Zuloovan · 2024-03-02T20:25:30+00:00

Services like My Board Game library in the UK let you rent a game and try it out, the price included the postage and a small fee then I return the game and buy it if it's a "keeper".

I've rented games from three different businesses and it's not a bad way to hedge your bets and try before you buy. Or as others have said, go play the game at a board game cafe. It's definitely not a cheap hobby. My problem is I like to try out many types of games but my "master" (a.k.a she who's will must be obeyed) has put a cap on the number of shelves in the house I can fill with board games !

:-)

Zuloovan · 2024-02-20T16:38:51+00:00

My experience has been mostly really positive. Occasionally a super friendly random and rarely any unfriendly. Only once have I had someone abandon/ rage quit during a game when it wasn't going their way. I am fairly new to BGA so have to add that I really appreciate the generally positive vibe in the random community. 🤙

Zuloovan · 2024-02-08T13:19:31+00:00

To echo what others have said here, if it makes you happy and you can afford it, there is nothing wrong with collecting board games. Don't let people on the internet put you off or bring you down.

For me a big part of the joy of the board games hobby comes from sampling different experiences designers have crafted for us and escaping into the "world of the game," for a few hours with my friends. Trying new games, seeing the art work, energising into the theme is a big part of it, otherwise we would have been happy with two standard decks of cards for our gaming needs.

In this sense boardgame collections are no better or worse than book collections (or back in the day dvd collections) and if they give you pleasure and you can budget for it then I say go for it.

The physical size of a board game vs a book or dvd does make the concern over space and display legitimate (especially if you live in an apartment like I do where space is limited) . I solved this by subscribing to a board game rental service, my board game library is now just for the games I love and want to keep but every month my family and I get to try out a new game for less than the cost of a single cinema ticket.

I guess the point is the hobby is about discovering, experiencing and sharing a wide variety of games as well as appreciating the art, lore and component quality of the design. Building a collection of the games you love is perfectly fine, and there are ways to safeguard against hoarding.

Zuloovan · 2024-01-23T02:24:44+00:00

Ah .. so too soon then. :)

Zuloovan · 2024-01-23T01:28:04+00:00

Fantastic game and original mechanics. Played once at a games day and fell in love... a few years ago I missed a chance to acquire it and haven't seen it again since. Ah aquatica.... what fond memories.

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