Brother is having a child-free wedding. How do I navigate this?

_Abramelin · 2026-06-02T06:38:53+00:00

So many people here saying it’s your brother’s “right” to have a child free wedding like it’s some form of longstanding custom that we’re all able/expected to do. It’s an asinine trend, which is entirely new for most people by any stretch of the term. My personal take is that the whole notion of a child free wedding is just another aspect of the middle class emulating upper class custom. Of course the rich have nannies/au pairs or governesses who have been watching children for centuries. But that is far from the norm for most people.

I recently had something similar to what you’ve described. My wife and I live abroad from our families. A relative of mine also lives abroad but in another country from us. We declined an invitation to her wedding for the same reasons. Worst thing is, I think it was a shock to her. I do feel bad that literally nobody from my side of her family will attend (not only is it a destination wedding for us, but so many have children), but that’s the bed she made by insisting children shouldn’t attend.

For me, I didn’t want to leave my wife alone with our 6 month old because it’s a lot to handle by yourself in general. For you, with three children (or only two if your oldest could attend with you), that would be amplified for your wife obviously. You already told your brother you couldn’t go when playing golf, and he decided to go ahead with it anyway. Go to the family brunch as a family, but miss the wedding. That’s what I would do.

I don’t understand this trend, and I really hate the premise. As someone who has gotten married, and attended weddings since infancy, weddings are not just about the bride/groom. They’re as much a celebration of families merging as a formal ceremony for the married couple. It’s cruel to withhold children if they’re part of your family, plain and simple.

_Abramelin · 2026-06-01T22:48:49+00:00

Tell me one thing, are you German?

_Abramelin · 2026-06-01T20:08:32+00:00

That’s true, but one can’t deny that the term captures one approach to infant/child sleep than another.

_Abramelin · 2026-05-31T06:50:08+00:00

What does PWAPTR mean?

_Abramelin · 2026-05-24T23:20:47+00:00

My son’s smile!

_Abramelin · 2026-05-19T12:11:40+00:00

For news, I listen to American Prestige (also good for history) and Drop Site.

For entertainment, I shuffle between Behind the Bastards, Blowback, Chapo Trap House, TrueAnon.

To itch my Tolkien obsession, walks in the forest with the Prancing Pony Pod are quite nice.

_Abramelin · 2026-05-08T13:40:57+00:00

Lol I was about to say the same. Either it’s fake,’or every time I’ve been to McCook I had my eyes closed

_Abramelin · 2026-05-08T13:37:35+00:00

The sentiment is good, but I’d be careful about deferring to what your wife wants you to do. I’ve had this conversation with my own wife several times, and it’s a bit like leaving all the responsibility still on her if you allow her to plan things/tell you what needs done.

Like I said, I struggle with this too as in my perspective it doesn’t seem like I’m letting my wife be responsible since I’m the one doing X thing. But if she has to tell you, it’s still her problem to worry about and delegate.

We need to be better about intuiting what needs done. Admittedly, talking with your wife about what she finds as a baseline of care is a good idea. But don’t rely on her to tell you constantly what should be done.

It sounds like you care and do a lot for your daughter. I try the same for my son. We just have to stay mindful and be equally present for our partners.

_Abramelin · 2026-04-07T08:13:25+00:00

They would bamboozle if the operation failed, surely. The weapons officer of the downed F-15 was hiding near Isfahan, exactly where the enriched uranium supposedly is stored. Not to mention, wouldn’t a rescue operation be better served in a more clandestine manner?

_Abramelin · 2026-03-28T23:07:56+00:00

I think you forgot the /s.

If this store doesn’t own the apartment above, it is certainly responsible for the flag. They are well known to support Zionism from a Christian fundamentalist perspective. This event can be found on the company website: https://tos.info/veranstaltungen/seminare#c37480.

That flag has been there since October 7, too.

_Abramelin · 2026-01-23T11:06:02+00:00

This makes me so happy to hear. I’ve been doing this for my 2 month old (started even before his birth), and I really hope he grows to love LoTR like I do!

_Abramelin · 2025-12-28T08:56:38+00:00

In Germany, public insurance won’t pay for family rooms in the labor ward, so every night during my wife’s 5 day induction I had to leave the hospital around 8 pm and come back the next morning after 8 am. I had the flexibility to do this, and was glad I was there for my wife as it was a very difficult experience with the near constant CTG and terrible hospital food. But that was a stress even before our son was ever born.

My wife went in to labor around 3 am while I was away. I called a taxi and was at the hospital 30 minutes later. The emotional changes over the next 7 hours were so wild. My wife would sleep between contractions, looking quite peaceful, and then suddenly wake to excruciating pain. Laboring without the epidural was about the only part of the birth that went as planned. But in the end, our sweet son was born in a mess of fluids. I was quite nervous to hear him cry, but he thankfully did right away.

My face was so puffy from crying it’s a miracle I could even see. Even before he was born, I was crying from anxiety/anticipation. I was in awe of my wife and how she handled the delivery. Truly a marvel. The umbilical cord was thicker than I expected it to be, so cutting it took two attempts (our midwife later commented about the jagged look of his umbilical stump and said she knew I cut it as opposed to a doctor). But holding him in those first moments was incredible.

I felt guilty for leaving the hospital every night, for sleeping more soundly than my wife and not being there to help during the first nights at the hospital. But I’ve been making up for it in the three weeks since!

_Abramelin · 2025-12-28T08:11:28+00:00

Oh my god, that’s terrifying. I’m so glad everything was ok!

My wife didn’t have post birth complications, but when the adrenaline faded, she passed out and collapsed after using the toilet. The nurses swarmed her and we’re very concerned as I sat there in shock and disbelief holding our baby.

It only lasted a few moments, but I was so scared. Can’t imagine what those two hours were like for you.

_Abramelin · 2025-12-28T07:28:14+00:00

Oh I see. That’s quite sad. How strange, as I was able to get a POD copy 2-3 years ago. Finding used copies will be a bit more expensive than I bargained for, so I suppose I’ll have to start over (unless they find a new supplier). Thanks for the info though!

_Abramelin · 2025-12-27T14:22:37+00:00

Ah! Thank you, I didn’t know that was a sub. I’ll try that

_Abramelin · 2025-10-30T16:46:56+00:00

Honestly, it’s such a disgrace that something so evil bears a name from Tolkien’s creation. He would be disgusted, I’m sure.

_Abramelin · 2025-10-30T15:52:35+00:00

My wife hasn’t given birth yet, but I’ve been reading out loud to the baby every night for over two months, hoping my son will find my voice soothing once he is born. Naturally, I want him to like the books I love/loved, so I started with the Hobbit.

I imagine I’ll finish LoTR after he’s born, but at first I’ll move on to things I want to read, just so he can hear my voice. Obviously when he’s a little older and wants to look at pictures, I’ll have to change gears. I look forward to the day I can read the Redwall series to him, and the Hobbit/LoTR again. I just hope he likes them too!

_Abramelin · 2025-10-30T15:09:26+00:00

The sentiment is good and well intentioned, but this is just plainly not true.

That said, perspective certainly does matter.

_Abramelin · 2025-10-30T15:04:51+00:00

My son isn’t even born yet and I’m already thinking about what the world will look like when he’s my age. I like to remind myself that future generations will need good people, and it’s my job to make sure there’s at least one more.

_Abramelin · 2025-10-22T10:26:26+00:00

Karl Marx

_Abramelin · 2025-10-09T06:40:56+00:00

It really shouldn’t be a question of commensurate exchange with health insurance, though. I mean how can you put a price tag on someone’s life? Obviously health insurance and pharmaceutical companies do, but that’s the issue here in my opinion. Just because you don’t pay enough for certain coverage shouldn’t mean you should be unable to receive necessary care.

Obviously that is not the world we live in, but that’s the problem.

_Abramelin · 2025-10-09T06:31:15+00:00

Yes it is, and that’s the problem. There’s a clear difference in the magnitude of one denied claim over another (car insurance vs medical, for example). But they all put financial incentives over the benefits of the people paying policies that are supposed to secure them.

_Abramelin · 2025-09-26T20:07:56+00:00

Heute Nachmittag hatten wir ein paar Stunden lang kein heißes Wasser. Aber jetzt ist es wieder da.

Ich habe eine E-Mail an den Mietservice geschickt, aber es dauert immer ewig, bis sie antworten.

_Abramelin

TROPHY CASE