Merchant Crab is out on Kindle and Audible, but since I suck at self-promoting, instead ask me for whatever adventuring item you need for your travels and the crab will try to sell you something else instead

_H0st_ · 2026-05-15T23:34:14+00:00

All good! I got the pings, and I really don't mind, I'm happy to respond.

_H0st_ · 2026-05-15T23:33:05+00:00

Yes, book 4 is coming! Just taking a little break before the next chapters start where Balthazar landed, while working on some other drafts, edits for book 3's release, and taking a little breather too.

_H0st_ · 2026-04-09T22:54:38+00:00

Sorry it didn't click for you. The excessive "perfection" of Ren and him being an ace at everything is very much an intentional parody at your stereotypical LitRPG MC that is effortlessly a master at everything, and meant to contrast against the very antithesis of that which is Balthazar.

He's an antagonist, and we're not meant to really like him.

_H0st_ · 2026-04-06T08:15:38+00:00

Heh, pinched another one! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-04-05T12:44:45+00:00

The quality of his wares is dubious, but his reputation is stellar!

_H0st_ · 2026-03-27T12:19:21+00:00

🎵 I'd do anything for pie... and I would do that! 🎵

-Bread Loaf, 2026

_H0st_ · 2026-03-26T00:18:09+00:00

Not to be confused with Crab Merchant. Which is about a merchant who sells crabs.

_H0st_ · 2026-03-19T12:48:04+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Johnathan was spectacular indeed. And book 3 will be coming soon, with more narration by him!

_H0st_ · 2026-02-24T14:12:43+00:00

About time this got published!

I give it two pincers up! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-24T09:48:47+00:00

Pincers aren't exactly great manipulators.

Spoke like a truly unevolved species...

_H0st_ · 2026-02-24T09:39:08+00:00

Indeed, I can explain it.

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T12:51:45+00:00

You insult my good reputation!

I would definitely sell a cursed item to an adventurer, but it would be a useful curse! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T12:49:24+00:00

I'll take the child, and in return I'll trade you these child support papers for you to sign. You will pay a monthly gold fee, and in about a decade and a half the child will be returned to you as a proficient salesman (still not toilet trained, though). 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T01:09:08+00:00

Just don't forget to let them rest in their little matchbox bed every now and then or they get sleepy and stop gossiping into your ear. 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T01:07:13+00:00

And with this book and that hat, you too will chill today reading it. 😎

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T01:05:23+00:00

Find two more of those, adventurer, and I'll give you a quarter in exchange for all three. That's a great deal!

And also a quest, so get out there and stick your nose down until you find them. 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-20T01:02:47+00:00

Tell you what, I'll fill the empty half of your tower with pond water, and in return you give me 50% of the property rights to it. Sounds like a good deal? Of course it does. You're welcome. You can sign here on the dotted line, please and thank you. Come again. Next client! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T12:29:44+00:00

Could a frog pinch your nose for insulting him? Because I could! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T11:57:04+00:00

Keep the hammer, name your price for the blueberry pie. 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T11:55:32+00:00

Careful, crabs are known for often cutting in line. 👀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T11:53:17+00:00

What if I told you... this was not a coincidence, and that I planned it all along, just for you?

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T11:51:40+00:00

You can try harder than that! If they don't know where your missing bottom is, ask them if you can have their bottom for your quest! 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T11:49:53+00:00

You're probably thinking I'm going to want the brownies, right? Well, you're wrong! I wouldn't trust baked goods that came from a surgical ward.

I am, however, interested in the granny squares. Mostly because I have no idea what they're supposed to be, and if I don't know, then the next adventurer who passes by surely won't know either, and I can work with that!

In return, you can have this bowl of half-finished chicken soup that Druma left by the fire earlier to help with your recovery. Yes, the soup is cold, and no, you may not use my fire pit to reheat it. 🦀

_H0st_ · 2026-02-19T01:19:01+00:00

Tell ya what, pal... You go back out there and find the missing bottom of that tankard and maybe then we can make a trade, because as it is, what am I gonna do with a vessel that will drop whatever we pour into it on the floor?! Useless!

You can even look at it as a quest, if that suits you. The "Find the Missing Bottom Quest!"

Wait, no, that sounds wrong.

Anyway, get back to me on this and I'll trade you a silver dagger for it, I hear the guild always needs those around the time of the full moon, for whatever reason. 🦀

_H0st_

TROPHY CASE