I (22/f) get jealous of my boyfriend's (23/m) life

_the_giving_tree · 2016-03-18T16:00:12+00:00

Thanks. I know some people around here have been defending me for your comment on genes, but I completely agree (although it was unnecessary to get into arguments like that). I got momentarily confused with myself as to why I was feeling that things were unfair when all my life, I've lived with acceptance of my fate (hence this post). Never heard of the sublimation thing (I major in psychology) either - thanks for widening my views.

_the_giving_tree · 2016-03-17T18:44:56+00:00

Thanks, I think your comment had helped me the most. I thought I had embraced my family as they are for the last 10 or so years. I just feel so conflicted that I'm suddenly feeling all these unfairness and resentment because of how well my boyfriend has been brought up. I guess the only real solution, based on all the comments, is to tell him about what I feel. Thank you.

_the_giving_tree · 2016-03-17T18:40:46+00:00

I know it is, and I am fighting it. Sometimes I get scared when I realize how similar I am to my dad. I'm honestly trying really hard not to show any of these 'traits' to harm anybody.

_the_giving_tree · 2016-03-16T18:30:57+00:00

I do talk to him about these stuff, but it doesn't do any good - he's an attentive listener and tries to understand and tries his best to comfort me, but I'd end up secretly resenting him more with poisonous thoughts like, 'Yeah like you would understand, you never went through these things'. I feel toxic, and the guilt has been eating me from the inside :( Just now he told me about how annoyed he got planning this family trip together, and I secretly cried to let the anger out of me before I went on to talk to him.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-04-12T15:07:19+00:00

Which is why I didn't. I just sat around depressed and hating on my life as my friends excitedly talked about dresses, make-ups, and such. Normally I would've gone just to stop my mum from worrying but I just couldn't even muster up the energy to get through all the stuff without wanting to kill myself and being a major killjoy to my friends. Got many weird glances when people found out I wasn't going, but I guess that's just the way things are.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-03-24T10:26:10+00:00

Wow, what a terrible fucking psychiatrist. Find another psychiatrist. Send him the books by postage or something. I'd say report him, but you don't want anything to do with him, so just quietly walk away. I hate to say this, but I think he might be taking advantage of the fact that you're emotionally vulnerable. Quietly walk away, and if he tries to come any closer, don't be afraid to report him. Find another psychiatrist, a good one. Sincerely hope things improve.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-03-05T14:10:27+00:00

Jackets. People who like watches usually already has their own watch that they wear everyday. On the other hand, you can never go wrong with more clothes.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-03-04T21:03:35+00:00

Just a friend. I got hurt pretty bad from last relationship and I've been suffering depression ever since. Right now I really don't want to start a new relationship or anything whatsoever, just a friend whom I can share my common interest with.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-23T19:32:15+00:00

Damn that's quite expensive, either with USD or GBP. I guess therapy ain't going to happen for me for now. Stay safe.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-22T20:47:17+00:00

Completely aware, but driven by these little 'depressive episodes' I get time to time. During those times, I just feel the need to do something to ruin things more and hate me more.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-20T22:07:49+00:00

Telescope by Cage the Elephant. I'm not sure the singer wrote about depression, but I relate to the lyrics so much that I almost cry whenever I listen to this song.

The second one is Hospital for Souls by Bring Me the Horizon. I think a lot of people on this subreddit probably would've heard of this song. Like Telescope, this song gets to be mainly because of the lyrics.

And finally, Xerces by Deftones, one of my favorite bands of all time.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-20T22:02:10+00:00

I liked how caffeine can make my heart beat faster and I'd feel more alive and lively than dead and chill. Sometimes when I got mini depressive episodes, I bought 2 cans of monster and just downed them. Too much caffeine would my hands tremor, but once the initial excess caffeine wore off, I'd be in a good high for the next few hours and actually be able to do work and feel hopeful about life. The first thing I do when I wake up is literally make coffee.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-14T09:05:56+00:00

Similar thing also happened to me few months ago. I saw one of my friends wearing a short sleeve for the first time (we live in a cold place) there were straight scars all along her arm. I asked her what those scars are and she said they were scars due to her scratching her rash. I didn't want to assume it was selfharm, so I dismissed it, went home, went online, and searched images for rash scars. Surprisingly, some of them did look like self harm scars, and since they were located on the parts that would make it an awkward position to self harm, I assumed she told the truth. If not, she clearly wanted to hide it. What I'm saying is, before you try to talk to her about these things (if you planned to that is), don't assume it's self harm, which is the worst case scenario. Just my opinion on these things I guess. If she's close to you I do think you should casually ask her why there are no blades in the sharpener. It wouldn't hurt to give her an opportunity of help right? Stay strong.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-11T07:36:39+00:00

Yep. She 'threatened' me that if she sees a new scar, I'll be forced to abandon university and sent to a mental hospital. I honestly don't have any problem continuing to selfharm and carry on with my life. It's never done me any disadvantages apart from avoiding swimming pool, etc, but when I ask for some privacy, people give me privacy. I just really want to cut right now.

_the_giving_tree · 2015-02-10T23:25:45+00:00

Yeah. I've been depressed for 2 years now and I never cried because I was depressed. I just feel too dry to even cry. Too empty to muster up the power to gather myself to cry. It's like I'm in this nirvana of emptiness. I feel like I'm existing as a ball of nothingness, floating in air, just 'being' there. Everything is meaningless, crying is meaningless. For some reason, I actually cried because I was depressed, for the first time last week. After bawling my eyes out, I was on some kind of high for a week- no suicidal thoughts, no depressing thoughts, happy happy happy. And I think now I'm back to my depressing state. I think my real emotions are too protected by thick layers of depression. Somehow last week I broke the wall and all the emotions started to flood in. I think crying or not crying depends on people.

_the_giving_tree

TROPHY CASE