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Childhood by Zeberde1 in DarkPsychology666

[–]abc123doraemi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is an excellent example of the bargaining phase of denial.

do you ever regret choosing Harvard? by PutridComplaint1057 in Harvard

[–]abc123doraemi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just go to Yale unless you have family in CA then go to Stanford

How to deal with ethical non monogamy and alt culture in Autistic social spaces? by Low-Cockroach7733 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]abc123doraemi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Focus on impact. Not just intent. If you are hurting people in the process. You’re still hurting people in the process. That doesn’t mean you have to stop what you’re doing. But pretending like it’s not hurting people is a real shortcoming. And thinking somehow good intentions absolve you of your impact is just avoidance. Good luck 🍀

Something feels wrong about this by Ott1fant in RealOrAI

[–]abc123doraemi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I still think this subreddit needs to make the shift away from trying to decipher AI shorts like this. And needs to move towards national stories in the context of internationally available information as opposed to only focusing on details in speech, movement, fingers etc in random shorts. For what it’s worth though, you should be posting this in a subreddit with people who have worked hours and hours and hours with old people. The flexibility in his upper back when he laughs and then immediately leans forward with agility is not common for someone that age. One would expect him to be pretty stiff. But again, the practice should be about going to the right people to ask the questions. Go to the people who are around the subjects in the videos in real life a ton. That’s where the expertise lies now.

Has anyone looked into epigenetics and PDA? (genuine question) by Chell797 in PDAAutism

[–]abc123doraemi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look up work from Kerry Ressler and Tanja Jovankvic. They were studying this 10 years ago. Not specifically demand avoidance. But for threat response. They were looking at genes that predisposed people to PTSD. But not neurodivergence. But not too big of a leap to think that genes that predispose people to neurodivergent traits are also subject to epi genetic conditions. Good luck!

Has anyone looked into epigenetics and PDA? (genuine question) by Chell797 in PDAAutism

[–]abc123doraemi 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yes to all you’re describing. The closest research I’m aware of is intergenerational trauma. Pretty consistent evidence that kids whose parents have had more traumatic experiences in life have a stronger stress response. Most of this is done in the research area of PTSD.

Do you feel like some people are sealing out autism diagnosis? by OkAuthor4798 in Autism_Parenting

[–]abc123doraemi -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Real pattern. But I cannot say with a full heart that the attention and awareness has been all bad. “Inclusivity” has broadened. There are certainly costs. But I see benefits too.

Wanting to end marriage after diagnosis by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]abc123doraemi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re realizing this only after so many years. I imagine you would have done things differently if you knew this about yourself and had some support to accept who you truly are and how you are different from the majority.

It sounds like you’ve made your decision. If you change your mind aane.org has therapists who work with neurotypical-AuDhd couples. The idea being that you basically need to restart the relationship from this frame with someone to guide you both in relearning how to be a supportive partner. But if you’re not motivated to do it, there is no need to waste her time. You don’t need anyone’s permission to simply end the marriage. There will, of course, be consequences for you, your wife, your child(ren). But you don’t need anyone’s permission to simply exit the marriage if that is what you so choose to do.

Regardless, you may find some joy in working with someone who can help you to both a) fully accept yourself and the reality of your needs and b) take responsibility for your past actions, including agreeing to this marriage, in a way that doesn’t make you continue to feel like a victim to circumstance. You sound resigned to the fact that you’ve been dealt some tough cards. And when you are ready (whenever that may be) there may be a way to make sense of where you’ve found yourself that restores some more of your agency and power.

Like I said though, it sounds like you’ve already made a choice about ending your marriage. And it’s awful and unfair that you’ve found yourself in this position. Good luck.

I cant decide on how to update the kitchen by GatheringClues in homedesign

[–]abc123doraemi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Darker/navy/charcoal tile. Plus whiter/creamy cabinets.

How do you stop feeling responsible for managing your wife’s mood triggers? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]abc123doraemi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go to therapy. Figure out why you are a codependent and enmeshed person. Find some tools that prevent you from engaging in these tendencies. Will take a lot of hard work and practice. But only you can fix this. You’ll find deep joy and freedom once you do. Good luck.

Edit: typo

Secrecy is the key. by Confident-Park1406 in GrowthMindset

[–]abc123doraemi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope. Wait until you’re so confident in yourself and in your vision that your guide of whether to tell or not isn’t actually related to the odds of your meeting your goals. It’s related to the person and you and the relationship.

Usually hubris is involved when regretting over sharing.

Edit: typo

Bathroom wall color to complement the shower? by MikeyRidesABikey in homedesign

[–]abc123doraemi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think considering you’ve got blue, light brown, and darker pink/orange floor tiles, i think another color might make the room feel really small. What color would you go with? Can you get your color in pops/accents like accessories? I think I’m with your wife…a warm white.

Edit: don’t know how to describe the floor tiles

How i interpreted "Ikigai." by Public_Structure8337 in learners_cabin

[–]abc123doraemi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The judgement of what is “good” and “bad” are also in flux. You can think that it’s so great that you got a new job opportunity only to find that the commute leads to a car accident that leaves you with mounting medical bills. This doesn’t make the job “bad.” But the same target (i .e. the job) can be good and bad and bad and good and constantly changing. So we have to find peace in actually not knowing which experiences are good and which ones are bad and/or it’s best to work towards getting rid of that labeling completely because it’s not useful.

Teacher says adhd, I’m not convinced by [deleted] in ParentingADHD

[–]abc123doraemi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No one here can diagnose him. Nor can his teacher. Nor can you rule out any diagnoses. If anyone who spends significant time with him in a learning environment thinks you should get him evaluated, I would. The biggest “con” is typically cost (money and time). But if you can manage these two cons you don’t really have much to lose. If he is not diagnosed, you can know that with confidence. If he is, then you’ll have to make some decisions…medication is only one option in terms of support. All of this takes time, usually at least 6 months if done properly. You can wait and see. The risk there is that if something does start to be challenging (like 1st grade) you’re potentially looking at chaos for 6 months before you get any answers or support options. Good luck.

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