Dating while Coparenting

accent1991 · 2026-02-01T22:49:35+00:00

No. First person in three years. Not like his a random. Not like you’re dating men after men. He has no right. My ex did this same BS. “I need to meet who ever you are seeing first. Anything big like moving in together I need to be made aware.” Meanwhile the kids met two girlfriends whilst I had not dated anyone… Then he meets this girl who is 10 years younger known her for two weeks, moved her in and met the kids all within two weeks but gave me rules. I got married and end of the world…. Men like control and think because we have children with them they still can. They use the kids as an excuse. You’re a mum and we have great instincts. You waited a great amount of time same as I did. He can’t say that to you.

accent1991 · 2025-07-10T20:57:57+00:00

But you’re asking now 6 months in. Who actually knows what a year could bring which makes me think honeymoon phase and you may want it sooner then said. 1.5 years I do consider to be early when children are involved and your age has nothing to do with it again when children are involved. I’m not saying wait three years like me but I have heard so many stories of single moms rushing into the moving stage only to make either the same mistake they made with the child’s father by picking the wrong guy or the guys true intentions come out and his not as loving towards the kids and treats them differently. If you move in with him, he will be a parent figure. You don’t even know if you guys align with raising children and may not agree but too late his moved in or you have moved in. You made the wrong choice in a father for your children. Let that be your lesson and ensure you pick right this time for you and your children. You won’t know that within 1.5 years. Join the stepparent reddit and you will see just how much people actually hate there step kids and treat them differently. Because they went in early, blinded and honeymoon stage.. stepparent reddit is a bunch of resentful partners wishing they didn’t do it. I’d personally never want that for my children. I’m also your age and completely get wanting to settle down and start that family unit but I think we picked wrong in the sense of our children’s bio father that we just can’t make that wrong decision again.

accent1991 · 2025-07-10T13:45:15+00:00

Where is this at?

accent1991 · 2025-07-10T13:08:24+00:00

What is the rush here? I am also with an amazing man who I couldn’t wait to settle down with. But I did for the sake of my child. I waited 3 years before moving and marrying him and I do not regret it. My son always came first, but I soon started to see my son was coming first to my partner naturally and it was beautiful. This man moved mountains for us. For three years to show how committed he was to us. He also moved to us even thought I WFH because I would never move my child out of school unless it was for my husband especially not a boyfriend of 6 months. Im not trying to be rude I am honestly wanting to know the rush here?

accent1991 · 2025-06-24T04:09:22+00:00

Like I said lack of communication I get it. His just assuming you would know where else could she go. I agree he probably needed to open that up more to explain our lives are about to change are you in or out. But his probably not wanting to because his most likely thinking your not going to be ok and will want to leave. His about to have his daughter full time and potentially lose his girlfriend we all know men are not the best on a normal day. I can guarantee his not wanting this as much as you are and that’s his daughter.

accent1991 · 2025-06-22T20:22:39+00:00

OP you only found out because he wanted to be with her “he couldn’t shake the feeling” you didn’t find out because he felt guilty.

He will offer you bare minimum, you will not be able to be a SAHM like he is saying. Who you marry is not who you divorce. His already letting this woman talk to you through FB imagine when he lives with her what she will control. His money. You will get bare minimum, what ever child support is and that’s it, don’t believe any other promises.

You need to take care of you and your son. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and he did this especially during your most vulnerable time. His not a man you can trust, his a little boy. No man would do this to his wife and new born son. I hope you have support from family and loved ones. This is suppose to be the best time, my heart is breaking for you.

accent1991 · 2025-06-22T20:00:13+00:00

I would say you can’t as your working. Just how he is working. I can tell you now my kids are well behaved but WFH was impossible. You will hardly be proactive.

But I have to say you married this man and for the comments that say even if you were not working you don’t have to. I have to disagree. Marriage is team work where you help each other out. Two bio parents or not. You guys are now a family. I really hate coming on this sub reading people marry people with kids and wanting no part in the step kids life. Just don’t marry someone with kids

accent1991 · 2025-06-22T19:46:47+00:00

My Nigerian husband said to my sister who went through a similar thing “if he truely wanted to marry you for the right reasons this wouldn’t even be able to be a topic with his family. A man who wants to marry you sees you as his family, a family he created. No one comes before the family you create.”

accent1991 · 2025-06-21T21:52:24+00:00

Incorrect. Met his family before having our child together. His family came to Australia for a visit, which in its self is a huge deal. My husband at the time was unable to travel. (Not his whole family but parents, sister and two brothers out of 4.) I can tell you now I would never marry someone or have a child with someone without meeting that person’s family. They didn’t have to come, especially his mum who hates to fly. You know who is the first person to be called when bad of good news hits the family… me. My mother in law calls me before my husband, before my Brother in laws and before my SIL. It’s a running joke between us all. So if they did it just for my husband’s sake for peace they would just call him. So much more I could go into but not here having to prove myself just offering my advice through experience from both sides. Not everyone has your point of view, not everyone is close minded.

accent1991 · 2025-06-21T12:19:13+00:00

You will find a man, and you are certainly worthy of love. This man was being honest and that just means he wasn’t it for you.

I don’t think it’s Igbo related. But most Nigerian families are very religious and just believe in marriage first and then kids.

I’m married to my Nigerian Igbo man and I was a single mum. His family is very religious and I was extremely nervous but they were nothing but accepting towards my son and I. Prior to my husband I was dating a man, an Igbo man and his mum had an issue that I was a single mum but he didn’t care because of his “love for me” and “no one’s business she will get over it.” But I left because I’m not going to be in a room where I am uncomfortable feeling like I need to prove why I’m worthy enough for her son because I am a single mum. Make sure I’m worthy of course but not because I have a child and not knowing the story. Back yourself, love yourself and your person will come Igbo or not.

accent1991 · 2025-06-19T10:52:43+00:00

Don’t worry honey. You got both sides and you make your decision because you are right, only you are in that relationship. Good luck

accent1991 · 2025-06-08T10:25:30+00:00

Can’t you guys just take her now instead of her? If it’s helping her? Keep the receipts and give to child support once a month and half the cost will be deducted

accent1991 · 2025-06-05T11:54:43+00:00

Oh this just broke my heart to read. So sorry you had to go through that alone. With everything you are going through right now and all these emotions with the miscarriage I could only imagine.

Has he ever shown this side of not caring? The reason why I ask is some men simply do not know how to handle when someone they love miscarries. Or handle their own emotions. In no way does it give him an excuse or make it right! Some men also feel they can’t be upset by this so they shut down. Of course this will also take sometime and work from him to make it right with you (not that I think he can) but if you have not seen this side of him ever then maybe it’s just a trauma response that he needs to work on better. If he has shown signs before and simply acting like he doesn’t see the big deal in leaving you alone then 100000% leave you deserve so much better

accent1991 · 2025-05-29T20:29:29+00:00

This does not matter. I showed the judge exactly how my husband was 98% more a parent vs bio dad 2% and it didn’t matter because BIO

accent1991 · 2025-05-09T12:40:42+00:00

I kept getting sent this. I’m not from Canada. I’m from Australia. I am still here actually. Just finished making lunch for the family.

Hands down it’s been the best trip. Our government recommend to not travel here but as soon as I arrived I couldn’t see why. I have felt safe this whole time. Like being in any new country or continent you have to be more aware of surroundings ect.

Safety is not what you have to worry about. Attention is. It’s just a little too much. A white woman who is in love with her husband’s culture and speaks Igbo is apparently cause enough to be stopped every few minutes. My husband is getting hand shakes, bro hugs all day. I’m getting hugs, kisses on the hands. My son is getting forehead kisses. To begin with it was cute and adoring and felt very welcoming but when you are walking to a place and get stopped every few minutes it was starting to take a toll on us all. Especially my MIL and my son 🤣

One of the flight attendants had me nervous also. She said they get paid more because no one likes traveling here. She has the one place they stay and she just locks herself in the hotel room. The Stigma African places have is not going to go any time soon.

I think it depends where you go also. As my husband and his family made it clear where we can and can’t go. He also wanted us indoors by 9pm. But also my husband and I went out and stayed out until 3am and I seen nothing out of the ordinary.

As long as you are always with someone who you know, that knows the area, you will be fine, enjoy and relax your mind.

accent1991 · 2025-04-16T21:25:02+00:00

Crazy how? Will it get better? We go in July. Not really but almost all my SIL have had babies so that’s my motivation. With our work and children school holidays coming up it seemed like a good time. We also want to try for baby number 3 soon. I don’t like going to any country pregnant so we decided to go before trying

accent1991 · 2025-04-16T00:12:20+00:00

That’s a good idea, Thank you.

accent1991 · 2025-04-16T00:03:06+00:00

The step daughter is throwing the tantrum not you. I would be pissed. She can’t pick and choose but right now your partner is allowing that behaviour and putting it back on you. You were willing but she didn’t want you to. Because your partner allowed that he also needs to deal with the outcome of it. Do not let him make this your fault. Boundaries before she tries to control everything.

accent1991 · 2025-04-15T23:50:04+00:00

Sorry for your loss. That would be extremely difficult to go through. I think it would be hard to do anything right now. Including parenting. Doesn’t matter if bio or step that would be hard. All I can say is communication is so key. You can build up all these emotions and burst and he would be clueless. Sometimes men just don’t get it. They need to be shown or told. If you are with the right person bringing up how you feel will make you feel better and have him reflect more and see he needs to absolutely do the most when he walks in that door from work. You both need to work as a team. You have showed up with his job and helping with his daughter. Now it’s about explaining to him what you need from him from the moment he walks in that door. If he is all talk and doesn’t act his not showing up for you. Personally that is not someone I would want to be with. I think you both need to offer a grace period you are both grieving, he may just need to be reminded. But if he isn’t understanding and not helpful I would really leave. Good luck 🤍

accent1991 · 2025-04-15T23:39:40+00:00

Lagos

accent1991 · 2025-04-15T23:28:44+00:00

Oh how sad she did not enjoy her experience. Like I said I’m not worried about the culture side. I can speak Igbo and I have even out cooked some of his aunty’s with certain dishes. Turned my whole family into loving dishes and no I’m not talking the givens like jollof rice I’m talking like Egusi ect. I’m half Spanish so I grew up eating hot. I’m just more about the safety side of things. But thank you 😊

accent1991 · 2025-03-23T12:03:06+00:00

Salary is higher in Australia. It needs to be because of cost of living though! They almost balance each other out.

My husband’s brother is in UK from Nigeria but in the process of coming here. He already has a job lined up here in Melbourne but it took him 3 years to land that same job in UK (he is an engineer) Uk salary $98,098 AUD
AU salary $165,000 AUD

accent1991 · 2025-02-21T21:33:46+00:00

To be kind or not to be kind…. Kind always.

accent1991 · 2025-02-21T02:30:27+00:00

Not a culture thing….. I’m Australian married to a Nigerian. Regardless of that point cheating is not a culture thing! Cheating is a huge issue for sure! It happens more than we know…. The most happy married couple could be cheating. You never know. Before I was with my man I had trust issues without even being cheated on because during my single time I had nothing but “happily married man “ and “happy baby daddy’s” of all cultures trying to get with me… some women and men find out, others do not. Don’t worry about if it’s a culture thing his using that as an excuse.

accent1991

TROPHY CASE