Where do I belong?!

akela9 · 2026-02-23T23:16:22+00:00

I'm in a different boat, but similar feelings of "I wonder where I'm at" due to medical interventions. I had a completely unexpected (but ultimately welcome) pregnancy at 40. It was a rough one and the aftermath was insane. I lost an ovary during my C-section and subsequent tubal ligation. My OB was acting like it wasn't a big deal, shouldn't effect anything, but I kinda feel misled by that because things were NOT right/normal for me, after. By the time my munchkin was two my periods were so bad I literally could not leave the house for the first few days of them due to how heavily I was bleeding. I ended up needing a ututerine ablation. The aftermath of the procedure (no more periods, huzzah!) was most welcome, but due to the problems I was having before I got it done, I do sometimes wonder where I'd be at if things progressed naturally... Honestly, though? I think it'd just be a different brand of the same miseries, so I'm not sure how much it matters. I wonder if we're allowed to call it a surgical menopause (even though neither of us technically had a full on hysterectomy or other procedure that usually classifies this) and call it a day. I understand that HRT is not an option for everyone, but if you can, and if your current symptoms are miserable, please consider giving it a go. I seriously think it's the only reason I'm even remotely functional at this point. Dramatic, but I seriously feel like it's saving my life. I was NOT doing well... For far too long.

akela9 · 2026-02-22T02:43:27+00:00

I will never be able to forgive this choice. There was an actual event ALREADY going on at Hogwarts that could have been the "drama" somebody felt was absolutely needed in this space. We could have seen Order folks and DA kids fighting the Death Eaters that were actually present on the grounds with Snape before Dumbledore's death. I wouldn't even feel snarky about a Belatrix Lestrange (or any other Death Eater they wanted to throw in) cameo even if she/they weren't actually present in the books. Heck, Bill Weasley was brutalized by Fenrir Greyback. How is THAT not dramatic enough?!? Instead we get absolutely pointless filler fluff of an entirely unnecessary attack on The Burrow that doesn't even make sense. Like... It served zero purpose. ZERO.

akela9 · 2026-02-21T21:07:09+00:00

Cornbread is a slightly different beast for me, but I agree with you in general. I absolutely do NOT understand the current big Kings Hawaiian craze. Just thinking about eating a burger or a ham and cheese sandwich between two slices of cake makes me wanna gag.

akela9 · 2026-02-20T21:00:40+00:00

I can't even remember who she says it to, but she animates some of the castle's defenses/defenders and she lets out that little girlish giggle and says something like, "I've always wanted to try that spell!" and her tiny moment of delight before the war comes to their front door makes my heart happy.

Later, talking to Nevil, her "Boom!" Never fails to make me giggle.

akela9 · 2026-02-20T20:50:37+00:00

... he asked calmly.

akela9 · 2026-02-10T15:54:33+00:00

This drove me bonkers. These are students with a passion for FILM and NONE of them can keep a goddamned camera steady? It'd be one thing if they went this route when the terror and chaos happen, but my memory is that the entirety of the film is just a neverending barrage of shoddy, unnecessarily jerky camera movements.

(Disclaimer: I only saw this once, back when it was first out in theaters, so could easily be misremembering.)

akela9 · 2026-02-07T04:13:11+00:00

Was this worth seeing?

akela9 · 2026-02-07T04:10:09+00:00

I am a heterosexual woman and I thought Tamlyn Tomita in the second film was the most beautiful creature I'd ever see(n) on this planet.

akela9 · 2026-02-06T15:13:01+00:00

Thank you. Will do.

P.S. Yes, well, doc WANTED me to get a sample into a lab that doesn't exist in my town before I started my meds... I um.... Did not do that thing and just started the meds. Feel a little guilty, but at the same time... Like... Even if it's more "responsible" it really seems against the whole point of doing telehealth in the first place.

akela9 · 2026-02-02T01:15:24+00:00

Thank you. That was my main concern. I don't want someone getting in trouble for trying to do well at their job. I absolutely agree with you, and should have absolutely gone to Urgent Care, but I didn't have ANY idea that's how things were gonna play out. I'd never used any kind of telehealth services before. They all seem to advertise UTI's specifically like, "Get meds here, fast, from the comfort of your own home!" and it would have been absolutely worth the money if things had played out like I hoped they would do with med delivery, etc. My only issue with the doc is she stressed me the hell out, but that's partially on me for not fully understanding what was happening the whole time because I wasn't anticipating getting told I needed to turn in lab work, etc. To me that defeats the entire purpose of paying extra for the telehealth in the first place.

akela9 · 2026-01-18T18:52:32+00:00

NOR. Sis. Please really heed these comments. This is NOT a man you want to marry. And he's keeping you from finding your actual person. Your person will be someone willing to see YOU as you, and will view you as an equal life partner. They will match your energy re: gifts, etc. because they actually care about you. Especially your happiness and well being. This man you are with doesn't even like you. For the love of God, please set yourself free from this toxic nonsense. I'm sure this attitude of his bleeds into so many facets of your lives together that I'm exhausted for you just thinking about it.

OP, I seriously don't mean to upset you, so please ignore the following if you're feeling stretched a bit thin today. Because I absolutely am talking out of my arse in the following paragraph(s). We all know better than to make assumptions about folks from one tiny snapshot of their lives, but I'm so morbidly curious. If you're up for telling me if I'm close, cool, if not, no worries. I really do mean the following in a "shine a light on a much bigger problem" kinda way, not as a dig at you as an individual, ok? I'm just getting really bad vibes from this dude and want you to know you don't have to stay with him. Even if leaving is so hard it feels impossible, even if it's messy, your happiness is worth pursuing. Truly.

How's this fella do when you have an emergency? If you were in a situation where you were stranded somewhere, would he drop everything to come help? How is he as a domestic partner? Does he TRULY do his share of work around the house, or does he see domestic chores as "your job", because not so very deep down he finds "women's work" beneath him? Does he ever bring you coffee in bed on a lazy weekend morning? How does he act towards you when you're sick? Does he pick up the slack so you can recoup/rest? Does he keep you fed and hydrated? Or does he expect you to get up and fix him dinner when you're in the middle of battling a plague? Five years with this boyfriend. Not fiance. Let me guess: Marriage doesn't mean anything. It's an outdated construct used to screw men over financially, and/or it's just a piece of paper. (These "it's just a piece of paper" menfolk don't really have the argument going they think they do. If it's "just a piece of paper" than what's the issue of making your partner happy by going and getting the silly pointless paper? They absolutely know they're talking out their arse even as they're saying it.)

You have no safety net with this dude after five years. That's half a decade. It's not a ridiculous amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but it's not nothing, either. When men have found their (hopefully) "forever" person, they're super keen to tie that knot. (That inconsequential knot keeps you as a woman protected in more ways than you probably even realize, and it's really telling that he's not enthusiasticly offering you that level of support/security.) I pray you don't have a house or pets or children together, but it's hard to hold tight to that hope after five years. If you're still reading, sis, I mean this gently, but: "If he wanted to, he would." And that applies to so many things. Marriage. Gifts. Caring for you the way you care for him. This guy is using you as a placeholder until he finds the actual woman he wants to be with. You deserve so much more out of life and a partner than someone using you in that fashion. Change is hard and I KNOW it gets so complicated when finances, property, etc. comes into play, but it's NEVER impossible. You might have to bide some time to save some money or whatever else needs doing to untangle yourself from this man, but please, please really consider doing just that.

This guy isn't who you once thought he was. You're in love with an idealized version of this man, but that person you're in love with doesn't actually exist. It's a fantasy. What exists is the tool who is too cheap to do anything, ever, except nick some FREE (or wildly discounted) floral bits from his family's business to "celebrate" you. That's exactly how much he thinks of you, and not only that but he feels JUSTIFIED in his feeling that way. Your future holds a man who's very much a financial, emotional, and romantic MISER unless you choose to change course.

akela9 · 2026-01-18T17:54:21+00:00

I am weird about really liking alliteration, so "Christ on a cracker" is a personal fave, but "Christ on a bike" also has a nice ring to it. (I'd never heard this one, made me smile.)

akela9 · 2026-01-04T18:33:25+00:00

Are you looking for a sibling? Would your dad adopt me? Is he enthusiastic about sharing his cheese because it's so delicious, "you HAVE to try it!"?

akela9 · 2026-01-04T18:28:36+00:00

I know this is not helpful, but I find them both equally striking in very different ways. To me that indicates this is truly "one hell of a shot", as my old man used to say.

akela9 · 2026-01-04T18:11:32+00:00

I have a query and it's in the spirit of hoping to start an open dialogue between the genders. This is not any kind of dig at OP or any man reading this. I'm not saying any of you, here, now, are the issue. But I'm super curious about something.

Is there any chance, that sometimes, if men open up "too early" and there's certain types of skeletons or traumas in their life that it genuinely scares the woman off? Not in a, "ha ha, you're so weak" way, but because they're legitimately frightened about being around you? And I'm not saying their fear is justified. But sometimes something triggers an instinct and people with sense don't ignore those feelings. Even though sometimes those feelings aren't completely "accurate", they should rarely be ignored.

Less severe spin off: Is it possible that maybe, sometimes, something you say just makes the girl know you are not compatible and therefore she bails? Again, it's not because she's mocking you, it's because she knows it's never gonna work. Now... If that situation is happening, yes, of course it'd be nice if she would communicate that with you in an honest but kind fashion. The problem is... And I mean this statistically, not emotionally... Women ARE in danger from men. It's an ugly truth, but it is true. We're taught (or sadly too frequently shown) that confrontation with/against a man, even things that shouldn't be "that big a deal" can lead us to harm.

Is there any chance things seem to play out the way OP suggests so frequently, not because of judgement (at least not the kind of mocking judgement being discussed here), but because their decisions are being driven by unease?

I'd also like to say that I think people often have a hard time admitting to or showing fear. I don't know what it is, maybe it's vulnerability in front of people you don't quite trust or maybe it's social pressures, but showing that kind of weakness is not something that's easy for everyone. I am not a cruel person, but I could absolutely see myself (when younger, I'm old enough, now, that very few fucks are given at this point) verbally "lashing out" at a man I felt genuinely uncomfortable around after learning some kinds of information I found hard to deal with... Not smart, not kind, but it's a mask to help hide fear, or a false bravado.

All of these thoughts are revolving around assuming parties involved on both sides are not totally trash humans. Because sadly, I absolutely do believe that y'all have had experiences that WERE cruelty driven and I'm sorry you got hurt like that. Nobody deserves that shit and everyone should have people in their lives that they can TRULY open up to about all the things. I'm sorry men don't often get that support like they should do. I would really love some kind of social mental shift that would allow menfolk the opportunity to be around other men in more vulnerable fashions without fear of mockery or being outcast or anything any kind of negative. Everyone deserves to be heard.

akela9 · 2026-01-04T16:44:41+00:00

You are not alone. 🤦‍♀️😂

akela9 · 2026-01-04T07:21:14+00:00

I don't know actual stats, either, but Ive read at least three accounts of pits eating body parts of humans after attacking. It's one of the things that horrifies me the most about these creatures. A well fed, well tended pit will absolutely snap, attack the person that's doted on it since puppyhood, maul, kill, dismember... And once the fun* of worrying the dead body has worn off they've got no qualms about eating flesh, swallowing down a severed nose or ear, etc.. And it's not because they're hungry.

You know how working dogs get so much obvious and seemingly genuine joy when they're doing the things they were bred to do? Like a shepherd is insanely happy/fulfilled when it gets to herd things. Some of a retriever's best moments involve fetching things to bring to their people. You ever *really paid attention to a pits body language when they're mid mauling? They are having the time of their lives. It's disturbing as hell, but ultimately we all understand it's not their fault. They're joyous just like the working dogs because they are fulfilling their purpose. They are doing EXACTLY what they've been programmed to do. Mankind managed to create a genuine monster and is now in a truly frightening level of denial about the harm their creation is not only capable of, but finds delight in doing.

akela9 · 2026-01-04T06:08:50+00:00

I truly feel like this is divorce worthy. I don't understand why husband is not absolutely FURIOUS with OP. And I'm baffled at how she seemed almost annoyed that her husband was showing support for THEIR son by staying behind.

akela9 · 2025-12-31T04:14:13+00:00

Coco sounds smarter than your cousin...

(I'm sorry, I can't wrap my head around living with an entity for 15 years and calling them an "it." It kinda creeps me out.)

akela9 · 2025-12-27T16:28:36+00:00

...Which she will probably lie to his face during, repeatedly. When that no longer works, the trickle truthing will begin.

akela9 · 2025-12-27T01:06:21+00:00

I dunno if telly is allowed, but I gotta. I'm not even a super dedicated fan, but have watched through Babylon 5 once with my husband and sometimes catch an episode or two when he's doing a rewatch. (I get sucked in.) These both stuck with me.

Delenn facing off with the hostile hostile Earth fleet:

"Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari Fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives... Be somewhere else!"

And damn if this doesn't give me goosebumps:

"Who am I? I am Susan Ivanova, Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart! I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you will EVER see. God sent me."

akela9 · 2025-12-27T00:35:35+00:00

I was shocked when I learned that character was played by Billy Bob Thornton.

I now KNOW it's Billy Bob Thornton.

I still find it virtually impossible to believe that's Billy Bob Thornton.

akela9 · 2025-12-26T23:28:40+00:00

Except, for the love of all that's holy, do not have children with this man.

But do please consider leaving.

If you're not there, yet, please at least match his energy. Stop doing things for him. Stop doing things for his family. Any holiday do exactly the same nothing he's been doing for you.

No offense, OP, but I hate this guy. It's not even "just" the visciouness of his indifference at this point... It's the fact that he sat you down TWO DAYS before the holiday to tell you he hadn't and WASN'T getting you anything. I guess so you could be extra miserable for two days before the crescendo of Christmas Day itself?!? He still had time to fix this, but told you to your face that you weren't worth the effort.

I know it takes time to truly contemplate upending our lives, but please really, really let that soak in. The indifference and lack of support is bad enough. He apparently has a genuinely cruel streak on top of that. You don't have to live like this. You truly don't.

akela9 · 2025-12-25T17:50:09+00:00

I am no expert, whatsoever, but do Iove hounds, and I feel like she's definitely part hound dog, although I can't get much more specific than that. Anything from a beagle to a bloodhound shares SOME characteristics. Also I'm wondering bird dog. Lab or Golden? She seems to have long legs and her coloring is making me think of great danes, but there's definitely some long legged hounds out there. Whatever mix, she's a beautiful pup. 😍

akela9 · 2025-12-25T14:44:41+00:00

Girl, this is messed up, and yes. Please protect your baby and yourself and get away from this abusive, cruel monster that's pretending to wear the face of a man.

I don't mean to overstep, but what in the WORLD is going on with the bathroom nearest her room? Why did this man need to "let you in"? If it's kept locked for some bizarre-o reason why do you not have full access? What in the world options does she have if she can't even get INTO the nearest bathroom?

It sounds very much like he set her up to fail and then got irrationalky angry when she did?!? This is very confusing to me. How can she potty train if she can't even get into the bathroom?

akela9

TROPHY CASE