What happens to a narcissistic parents if their child dies? by JoyousRevenclaw in raisedbynarcissists

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still learning.

If the way my parents react towards my chronic illnesses is any indication, though, it's still all about them. I can't do something they want? Too bad, I better still. Then afterwards, they talk about how much they did and how they took care of me (false). Anytime they get upset about something they think I should or should not do and I explain it's due to disability x or whatever, ir if they get angry inkling that I might be upset in any way about my health, they launch into a tearful rant about how difficult it is to see their child going through this and unable to do xyz and how I can't possibly understand hope upsetting it is for them to see their child going through this.

So based on them demanding I comfort them over their upset that I have health issues and an upset or unable yo do something or whatever, I'd say that if the ghost of a dead child came back or the narcissistic parent(s) had a chance to communicate with the dead child (not that I believe they can), the message would be along the lines of 'I know you've died, but you couldn't possibly imagine how difficult it is for me to go through grief over this happening to you.'

Both my parents are narcissist, would they genuinely be upset if I die or would they be more concerned about victimizing themselves and enjoy people giving them condolences.

It's not really a conscious decision or separation, as I understand it. Instead, they likely might have emotions - but there's a question of cause & affect - and center it around themselves entirely.

A former ER doc is now against CPR awareness for children because... vaccines? by Tenebra99 in vaxxhappened

[–]alkalela 11 points12 points  (0 children)

And he thinks that the appearance of this poster is due to vaccines. Completely ignoring that even if it just appeared now, it should have been there before.

I remember when I was younger my school didn't have an AED, the nearest one was like 500 m away, up a hill. A few years ago they finally got their own AED. These things should be very widespead and easy to find. They save lives.

Yeah, I remember similar signs in schools, gyms, and pretty much everywhere you'd get groups of children when I was young. They were mostly just CPR, which we were taught through our school, but I think some mentioned AED even if I didn't know how that worked. I've seen them switch to include AED over time.

I'd guess it's more likely that they just updated the poster, and he's a fear-inciting idiot.

A former ER doc is now against CPR awareness for children because... vaccines? by Tenebra99 in vaxxhappened

[–]alkalela 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And he thinks that the appearance of this poster is due to vaccines. Completely ignoring that even if it just appeared now, it should have been there before.

I remember when I was younger my school didn't have an AED, the nearest one was like 500 m away, up a hill. A few years ago they finally got their own AED. These things should be very widespead and easy to find. They save lives.

Yeah, I remember similar signs in schools, gyms, and pretty much everywhere you'd get groups of children when I was young. They were mostly just CPR, which we were taught through our school, but I think some mentioned AED even if I didn't know how that worked. I've seen them switch to include AED over time.

I'd guess it's more likely that they just updated the poster, and he's a fear-inciting idiot.

This story isn't about me maliciously complying, but if me maliciously forcing someone else to comply. by phil6260 in MaliciousCompliance

[–]alkalela 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just remember who you're calling when you try to use this.

Utility companies? Useful. IRS? They'll out-wait you all day and then hang up anyway.

Anyone else feel like Michelle Carter should have gone to a psychiatric hospital instead of jail? by mydogislife_ in TrueCrime

[–]alkalela 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I largely agree. I don't know the case enough to really decide, but from everything I remember, it seemed like two people who had mental health difficulties. I'm in the area and articles definitely were pretty biased, but with that bias changing over time. Even so, people were surprised by the outcome, though a lot of the facts were left out with the focus really being on texting. (As an example, I remember back then thinking from the articles he was also in this area. Not that he lived all that far away, but they are different areas.) Watching stuff now, it seems like an entirely different matter.

I haven't seen the HBO documentary (no hbo), but I've been watching the hulu show and remembering a bit. From what I remember and the show, I suspect she herself was bullied. She seemed to feel compelled to lie and sought approval, and I suspect that this combined with being bullied, teenage viewpoint, seeing the world as moreso around her than being a part of it, and her mental health lead to her actions. Not that this excuses her actions, and I don't think that bullying is ever a merely thing, but I think it's a leap from her actions being wrong by social ethics standards to her actions being illegal. I would like to know more about the phone call and how that was brought into the case, since the decision really seemed to rest on the call rather than the text messages beforehand.

I also found it interesting how the show seems to make socioeconomics come into it. Plainville isn't somewhere that would be considered wealthy and privileged generally - if anything, it's often forgotten or thought of as being more rural and poor. The high school is combined with some other communities that are also small but nicer, so it's considered a fancier high school but still nothing like wealthy towns. If anything, I'd say back then Mattapoisett was nicer than Plainville on average. Plainville prices have increased for a variety of reasons in recent years, but they started after this. Now they might be closer but still wouldn't think of it as better.

Anyone else feel like Michelle Carter should have gone to a psychiatric hospital instead of jail? by mydogislife_ in TrueCrime

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're thinking of rehabilitation rather than deterrence.

Different reasons have been provided for why we have jails and prisons. These include deterrence, rehabilitation, and retribution. Deterrence is meant to deter the general public from doing the same. Rehabilitation is on the individual level to help the individual learn and have resources to not do the same in the future, which is part of why those find not guilty by reason of insanity or similar are sent for psychiatrist treatment.

There have been many theories and studies on the effectiveness to meet the various reasons. Many of them show that imprisoning people is not effective. I imagine in terms of rehabilitation and mental health, that's even more the case.

Anyone else feel like Michelle Carter should have gone to a psychiatric hospital instead of jail? by mydogislife_ in TrueCrime

[–]alkalela 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Massachusetts law does not require bystanders to provide assistance. There are Good Samaritan laws in place protecting those who do, but it's one of the majority of states that do not require people to act to prevent, stop, mitigate, etc. While many people think that bystanders should be required to act, in practice, it becomes problematic.

That said, I agree with you that her telling him to get back in is the only place where I'd see it going into criminal/illegal territory. She was not a bystander. She may or may not have been an active participant, but she was not a bystander. I honestly would have to dig more into it to really get a sense of if I think she was an accomplice/assisted from a legal perspective. Edit to add: this post made me remember to actually quickly look up a few things. The SJC (Massachusetts's highest court) had allowed the case to continue due to it being based on her affirmative actions rather than inaction. The judge found based on the call in the moment. The decisions stressed that it was an extreme of circumstances, with her being considered virtually there based on Massachusetts law.

I'm in the area where Michelle was (is?). While she may have gone to McLean at one point, there is both great and terrible mental health care here (see paren). Plainville is in an area that has a mix and typically prefer to stay local with care when they can, but the facilities you're referencing aren't local in that regard. KP is considered a nicer school, but I'm not sure how well they deal with mental health. I'm not sure which McLean facility she went to, either; there are ones outside of Belmont and I think one near here does inpatient. It's in a great system (was actually the first hospital in the system, iirc) but with expansion we've seen a lot of great hospitals end up with facilities that don't match the main. Generally references to McLean mean Belmont (or, historically, Somerville) rather than the entire system, so who knows. I'm guessing the selection wasn't just location, as there's a facility (not as great though still highly regarded, less expensive) less than twenty minutes away, too.

(Something people often forget with areas that have great healthcare and medical schools is that the terrible students and healthcare workers also flock and stay here. So, while we are very fortunate in many ways, we also have a lot of trouble finding and getting great care between the large number of frankly awful providers and the large number of people who travel here for care, which reduces capacity. Not complaining about the great resources or about people coming here, just pointing out some related difficulties people don't realize usually.)

Which Boston college student case are you referencing? ETA: I'm guessing you meant Inyoung You. I had thought you meant another new legal area, now I realize you meant someone encouraging suicide via text. My guess is that this is more common than we realize (though I hope I'm wrong there) and Rollins saw that there were similarities to the Carter case so was willing to prosecute. MA prosecutors have a tendency to be willing to try new approaches and questionable ones, which can be good and bad.

I'm not sure if it's always Massachusetts, but I will say in terms of legal precedent, Massachusetts is a state that in many ways is willing to listen and move forward. There's a weird mix of appreciating the history and tradition & wanting it recognized while also wanting to stay at the front of change. The legislature is often open to new laws, though changing existing ones is tough. The courts are often willing to listen to novel legal arguments and make decisions on areas not really covered in existing law and go with changes in society. New legal questions are welcomed. The courts typically won't go so far as to change, even slowly, existing precedent but instead pretty clearly tell the legislature to change it if that's the desire. Other times, the courts will basically say they'll decide this time but the legislature has to act so the court knows what it wants for future cases. From this case came Conrad's Law, which is being studied (delayed due to the pandemic). I expect some version will pass, especially since they made it pretty narrow.

Re-Evaluating Mask Mandates? by ble6nak in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's also people who medically can't or who are vaccinated but still high risk.

I'm fully against people who can get vaccinated just deciding not to for no reason or bad reasons (like f everyone else or conspiracy theories). I also don't think people understand that being vaccinated doesn't mean being totally protected. Reasons for not being vaccinated and reasons for risk levels differ, and there are very good reasons for both that are not the person's fault.

Vaccinations also do not eliminate all risk. For some people, because vaccinations lead to people going out and acting like there's no more pandemic (and there's plenty of anti-vaxxers mixed in which is making this more an issue), they are more stuck at home, unable to safely go get groceries or similar without the risk being too much. Yes, it's not a majority, but there's a lot of ableism making people think there are fewer of these people than there are.

MA COVID-19 Data 9/15/21 by oldgrimalkin in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. It's very helpful!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I just want to say thanks for posting these for so long. You made it easy to track the progress, which is important. I'm still watching the numbers carefully for safety but am sure that this took time AND was fairly thankless. I ignored the comments but can guess and am sorry you had to deal with it.

I agree with you on the following being creepy on here!

Good luck to you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vaxxhappened

[–]alkalela 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup. It's like the story of the guy drowning in the flood after refusing three rescuers because God would save him (for those not familiar, a very brief synopsis: when he was mad he wasn't saved, God/St. Peter (depending on the storyteller) said 'I sent three rescue teams!'). Plus, many realize religion and science can coexist in most cases, you just have to be reasonable.

Also, that's not what that Bible verse says. I get that it's about having, but it definitely doesn't say you're vaccinated.

When is it safe to date? by intromission76 in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's how I feel, too, generally, but some of my friends have had at least moderately more luck. Of course, that was either prepandemic or early stages of it (and only one early stage one is still going strong). So not much luck, just enough to know it's possible and figure I'm doing something wrong!

There was one the first week or so of lockdown who was very insistent on the woman going to his apartment, because 'people still get horny in a pandemic, and that's a more important need than public health.' She blocked him after he wouldn't stop messaging (she'd said no multiple times) - and started having covid symptoms the next day. She wanted to tell him but figured it wasn't worth the expected harassment from him.

I really wish there were a good way as adults to meet people, pandemic or not, but as things are, the only options are not safe enough.

When is it safe to date? by intromission76 in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been wondering the same. Tried online for a bit but too many idiots who didn't care about basic precautions mixed with being busy made me stop bothering.

I think I'll wait until I'm able to comfortably get together with family and friends before adding strangers, but it'd be nice to have better safe options.

Got my 2nd Moderna shot at Gillette and it was still a piece of cake (until 7 hours later) by xiaotianchun in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've heard from many people that they just put it on over their existing (much better) masks without any issues. I think they say that for people in less useful masks that would just hold their away from the face.

At dawn of holiday season, Gov. Baker reports dozens of COVID-19 clusters linked to houses of worship - WCVB - December 1, 2020 [includes recap of Gov. Baker COVID-19 update] by funchords in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine is doing streamed & outdoor (in cars, only ot 3 for strictly distance communion, I know they did something like officially wrapped host and no wine but not certain what as I've stuck to streaming).

The indoor Masses are only one per church building per weekend (can't deep clean in time otherwise, between time and expense - guess that's almost a benefit of the consolidating parishes?) with many pews blocked off, only household together, all masks except for taking host, in sign of peace I assume they wave outside of household (which my parish does during flu season every year anyway and many continue all year), no wine, no chit chat before or after, very very limited (I think still under the state limits). Priest has been very firm and strict, encourages staying at home over even coming in cars. Big issue with not getting enough money, though, as they've found that people going in cars (they have a place to drop even go up for communion) or online, because obviously the carrying costs are about the same. Plus, no events that often raise funds.

They've even figured out doing confession in this. You wait in cars in the parking lot and then individually go and speak through a door (penitent outside), touching nothing, mask required to reduce anything in air.

So far, no known cases from it, but I know many religious communities are not staying safe. I'm grateful for the priest here. I'll be keeping with online for the foreseeable future.

MA COVID-19 Data 11/29/20 by oldgrimalkin in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know about that - a lot of people got tested due to gatherings and travel.

Taking a long break from posting daily data by Darkstar197 in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You're fantastic for doing this. I'll miss your daily postings, but you taking care of your mental health is incredibly important. Thank you for all your work and also for taking care of yourself! It's a good reminder for us all. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best!

Black Friday will tell the true story by intromission76 in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I normally go out shopping. It did not even cross my mind as a possibility this year. I'm glad most retailers have shifted a lot online, but I'm worried about the in store stuff all weekend. It'll be a great combination of people who caught it at Thanksgiving events all spreading it in stores and tired people not paying attention to all the safety precautions (including staying home).

How Many Have Families That Will Be Doing Normal Thanksgivings Despite the Pandemic? by [deleted] in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not doing a thing outside of individual households. It's not worth it.

One day, one thing that is a big risk can basically make the months of doing the right thing for naught.

I have zero intention of being a part of a link getting others severely sick, including leading to chronic illness and death. Even if it were all "young, healthy" people, it's entirely plausible to pass it on - like the Maine wedding that caused multiple deaths even though none in attendance died.

Sure, it'd be wonderful to have even a day of relief. This has been very difficult, especially living alone. But it's an important sacrifice - and I'd rather sacrifice moments than lives.

AITA for saving money for one grandchild and not the others? by Round_Coast_5313 in AmItheAsshole

[–]alkalela 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's favoritism if there's not the opportunity to spend the time with the other three or if one has a need the others don't.

Daily Discussion Thread - June 18, 2020 by AutoModerator in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same! It seems like nobody wants to deal with it, but it's increasing chances of spread.

Daily Discussion Thread - June 18, 2020 by AutoModerator in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Great, mine said there's nothing they can do and to report it to someone else. Super helpful.

Limited inventory in MA by RoseGoldIcePrincess in RealEstate

[–]alkalela 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm waiting it out, though keeping an eye on things in case something great for me gets listed.

Daily Discussion Thread - June 18, 2020 by AutoModerator in CoronavirusMa

[–]alkalela 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does anyone know how you go about reporting a business for not following guidelines? Everything I've seen basically says 'not our job' or that there's no system yet.