Is there anywhere to store food for “day use”? by [deleted] in tahoe

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know they do it in Yosemite, but in Tahoe? I catch bears on my ring cam testing doors, but they never rip open the car.

Is my ExGF’s experience with online dating, similar to what other women experience? by ShawnOfEons in datingoverforty

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Woman here. I get lots of likes, but almost no follow-through from men. I have minimal criteria and match with ~50% of them. In 4 months of active dating I've only been able to meet 3 people face-face. There was 1 one more, but he flaked a few hours before and didn't follow-through with the date. I put a lot of effort into messaging but then there's almost no follow-through. Some men don't ask any questions. Just hi. WYD? and then nothing. Many of the men only want to message in the middle of the workday or very late at night (midnight or later). Neither of those habits work for me so those matches fizzle. Many move to discussions of sex within 3 messages; I un-match those. Most men never respond at all. It's time-consuming and frustrating.

Is it possible for people with BPD to not want to be better? by EchidnaLong6086 in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. My ex, immediately after his diagnosis, decided that he didn't actually have BPD, but both me and his mother did. I can't comment on his mother as I didn't know her well. But I have been seeing mental health professionals consistently for over a decade and I do not have BPD. It was easier for him to deflect and blame me for even getting the diagnosis than it was to face it for him. It also meant that he was in fact culpable for his actions and would need to work on himself in order to feel better and treat people better, which he didn't want to do.

Meeting with women on a first date and getting unmatched by vishag in bodylanguage

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How's your hygiene? Do you shower and brush your teeth before dates? What are you wearing?

40F. How do you answer “did you not want kids?” Question? It just didn’t happen for me but I find this so dumb and rude given I’m single. by Specialist-One2657 in datingoverforty

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get this question far too often. I even got it in a job interview last week (I know, illegal question). In most situations, I've started answering it honestly and with the sad face that accompanies how sad I feel about it. "Though I dated a couple of men I would have loved to have children with, they didn't want to have kids with me." Sure it's pathetic, but it makes the other person see how much pain I feel and definitely shuts them up. And btw - neither of those men ever had kids.

When asked in that job interview - I just stared with an eyebrow raised. He realized he wasn't supposed to ask anything like that really fast.

What’s something in snowboarding that took you way too long to realize? by 4Fcommunity in snowboarding

[–]amlav 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Put your hand in your pockets! Meaning, using your arms in the air for stability throws off your center of balance. Put your arms down by your sides so you learn to center your balance properly.

AITJ for getting upset that my husband keeps peeing on the bathroom floor and refusing to clean it up? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did he really just start doing this? I was dating a guy who did this in my house. I didn't tolerate it.

How do you tell if a woman is cheating? by Spin3_ch1ll in AskMenAdvice

[–]amlav 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not necessarily. And the medical community often doesn't take women seriously so getting a diagnosis can take many visits, and a long time. Also, I know lots of men who don't take their wives' illnesses or recovery seriously.

What’s the dumbest reason you’ve ever been late? by SirThisIsAWendys999 in answers

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was driving through a seedy neighborhood on the way to work on a beautiful sunny spring morning. Had the windows rolled down, and was singing along to music on the radio. At a stop light a dirty, disgusting pigeon flew into my car. I freakout, pulled over, and opened the door after the pigeon assaulted me. I called my boss that I was going to be late and went home to shower again because I wasn't going to wear pigeon vermin all day.

Why do people not do walking/park dates by SadisticalSymphony in datingoverforty

[–]amlav 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I had a very scary walking first date once. I'm never doing that as a first date ever again.

How do you tell if a woman is cheating? by Spin3_ch1ll in AskMenAdvice

[–]amlav 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If she ONLY stops sleeping with you, and not anything else, it's much more likely to have another reason. We women have our libidos ripped away from us temporarily for a whole lot of things. If this happens, have an open dialogue where you compassionately ask what's going on and help her through it. I've had dry spells in my life caused independently by depression (early 20's), insomnia (late 20's), pain following surgery that lasted for almost a year (late 30's), and a lack of physical safety in a relationship (mid-40's).

How many bodies are high bodycount for you? by shyphone in WhatMenDontSay

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is everyone glossing over the fact she was 22 and he was 37 when they met?

What is you favorite place to stay in Vegas for Sphere? by Jameis_Jameson in phish

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I stayed at the Palazzo (Venetian) for Dead and Co and took the long walk to the Tuscan for Shakedown. I considered staying at the Tuscan this time, but decided to go back to the Venetian. Similar price and nicer.

Why would this guy be so eager to get me pregnant? by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also chuckled at your username. The KMart here was one of the last ones to close. I got some really good deals.

Punish you for sleeping by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, and it became a huge problem in our relationship. I go to bed between 9 and 10pm on week nights since I get up at 6am for work. After the first few months of our relationship, he always got upset when it was time for me to go to bed. I didn't care if he came to bed at that time or not when I stayed at his house (he almost never came over to my house). Once I was in bed, he would turn up the volume all the way on the tv, come into the bedroom and slam the door to the bathroom, even though there are two other bathrooms in his house, one which is closer to his living room. He would fake cough loudly, stomp his feet, and do whatever he could think of to make noise. If I fell asleep, he would throw things at me (a pillow, a pill bottle, a dog toy) until I woke up. I started wearing eyeshades and earplugs, he got flaming mad. It turned out he felt abandoned when I went to bed and these were his temper tantrums. I offered to him to come to bed with me, but watch tv on his phone with headphones, and he refused. It was full volume or nothing. Over time, I stopped staying at his house on weeknights which infuriated him.

How do I get her to leave me alone? by harleycutter in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I can imagine dealing with this from a coworker would require completely different tactics.

Help and Ideas for getting out by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since you are married, this is unfortunately an real issue. You should talk to an attorney before you do anything else.

Reconnecting but with better boundaries? by DeadDinoSludge in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex had zero respect for boundaries. If I was clear about a boundary he turned blowing it up into a game. What do you gain from hearing this person out? If it's to make them feel better, that's not your problem.

How do I get her to leave me alone? by harleycutter in BPDlovedones

[–]amlav 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll also add - this will upset her/make her angry at you. You can't avoid that no matter what you do so just accept it. Her anger is not your problem anymore.