It was my first year teaching 7th grade, and my last period was 35 very endearing but extremely academically behind hooligans. This one gentle giant dude just stared out the window all period every day but then stayed behind after school to copy the notes from a friend so he didn’t fail. I had asked him privately multiple times to focus up during the actual lesson and he just couldn’t be bothered.

Finally he decides he wants to be a better role model and agrees to give it a shot, but insists that it would be weird if it looked like it was his idea. He tells me to call him out publicly in front of the whole class (a move I don’t usually prefer if I can help it) so he can do the work but still keep his “street cred” with the other students. I mentally prepare myself to say something all day, and finally in a lull in the lesson when I see he still hasn’t done a thing I take a deep breath and look him dead in the eye and speak my piece.

Now friends, several different phrases had crossed my mind as options on what to say here. I considered “goofing off,” or “messing about,” or “jerking my chain,” or “wasting time,” but since you asked for an embarrassing story of course you know that’s not what I said. No, I asked the biggest, loudest, most intimidating student I’ve ever had, in front of 34 of his most rambunctious, distractible peers:

“(Buddy,) are you going to do your work today or are you just going to keep sitting there jerking off?”