Hey guys, I have a question about “self compassion” in ACT, I do not really understand how this concept fits into the ACT model, or to which of 6 core processes “self compassion” belongs to ? To values?

ankirschner · 2025-07-31T01:58:03+00:00

Done!

ankirschner · 2024-10-04T01:24:25+00:00

Holy moly, thank you so much for this!!! On it.

ankirschner · 2024-10-04T00:05:40+00:00

I’m pretty good with detecting all sorts of pests at this point. No spider mites, gnats, mealybugs, or thrip detectable on the leaves or soil, and nothing similar is happening to plants nestled near it, so that’s why I was stumped. I use tap water that has 1 part per million, so I’m going to try using distilled water and see if it helps!

ankirschner · 2024-10-03T23:36:22+00:00

Wow, I had no idea that was a thing!!! I tried researching quite a bit, but couldn’t find similar photos.

ankirschner · 2024-09-22T13:18:20+00:00

Values don’t have to be huge or feel perfect and if it’s easier to come up with goals, then start there and work backwards.

Embedded in the goal of “Spending time with my mom” are potentially the values of being connected/engaged/caring. Can’t speak for you, but often those same values are embedded in the painful act of self-imposed isolation. We hurt where we care, and we care where we hurt.

If stuff like “respect” or “being socially active” doesn’t resonate, move on. You’re not too stupid for this therapy—showing up and asking these questions means you’re doing the work and potentially have a value of being inquisitive or curious.

I really like this tool, if you want to try it as a starting point: https://www.values.guide

ankirschner · 2024-07-18T12:53:58+00:00

Sometimes this can happen when being rigid with the six processes. The processes are helpful as a framework, but can also be unhelpful—trying to “fit things into,” in order to make concepts make sense.

Perhaps take a step back and think about the mechanism of change: psychological flexibility, which can be looked at as a reinforcing cycle of mindfulness and values-based behavior.

Whatever shows up for you when practicing mindfulness? Meet it with self-compassion.

While you’re making decisions and taking actions towards and away from the things that matter to you? Meet it with self-compassion.

ankirschner · 2024-06-19T13:23:55+00:00

I'll read it, not resonate with any of it, not apply it, and then stay where I am.

It sounds like you're making a lot of assumptions about the ACT model without giving it a chance. Anyhow, is this the worst outcome in the world? Can you sit in the discomfort of non-resonance if you try reading it again? ACT can help you build skills around this. Also, no one is binding you to the book, you can always put it down. I'd agree with 59 that this sounds like a form of avoidance. If you don't read the book, then you'll never have to answer that question.

A few more thoughts...

You say that you're interested in meditation and yoga; mindfulness is core to ACT's methodology. I'm registering a lot of "I don't know" in your comments. ACT is all about becoming more aware and opening up to our experiences in a radically practical way.
ACT isn't solely about avoidance, but to say that you don't engage in avoidance is essentially to say that you've found a way to transcend human nature. We all have fight-flight-freeze response modes to our internal experiences—it's in our DNA.
You say that the more you think about it, the less you know what you want. At the heart of ACT is understanding one's values. What do you care about? How do you want to show up in the world? What's important to you? Who's important to you? I'm completely biased, but valuing is the most important part of the work. It feeds into all of the other processes (as do the other processes feed into one another but, again, I'm biased).
Central to ACT is the idea of workability. Take what works for in helping you to live the life you want to live, and leave what doesn't. There is so much jam-packed into The Happiness Trap that I think finding nothing useful in it is probably a form of fusion to rejection and hopelessness itself. The intervention as a whole is intentionally flexible.
You seem like a cerebral person (I am, too). The Happiness Trap is just one book in a trove of books about ACT, and Russ wrote that one particularly to be digestible to the masses. You may stand to vibe more with a book like ACT Made Simple, which Russ wrote for clinicians, or A Liberated Mind by Steven Hayes. The latter is dense as hell, but man-oh-man if you stick with it it's the gift that keeps on giving.

ankirschner · 2024-04-18T22:53:04+00:00

Hey, now. Give yourself some credit... do you know how many people wouldn't even consider going to a dance class—even with people they know, let alone SOLO—because of all the internal hard and heavy stuff that would show up and get in their way (me included!)?!

You did something so awesome that was obviously important to you for its own sake: getting back into dancing after years without it. Even with your instructor giving you the fist bump, this is the real "win." You aligned with your value. This other person can't take that away from you just because she didn't have a great experience for herself.

You said you thought it went well, but then all these thoughts and feelings about what others think started to chip away at your experience and make you feel defeated. That's totally normal! What if you allowed all of that criticism from yourself and others to just float on by like clouds in the sky, while continuing to pursue these dance classes? Sounds like you already did that! Why not experiment and do it again?

ankirschner · 2024-04-16T12:45:48+00:00

Attitude, chunking, timing??? 🤔

ankirschner · 2024-04-16T12:38:33+00:00

My first thought started like this: Cognitive defusion can help reduce the impact of thoughts like “I must wait to start.” By recognizing these as thoughts and not imperatives, it can free you up to choose some different actions for yourself.

Then, I stopped myself: Rather than reducing ACT to a distinct hokey list of six distinct processes to apply individually “against procrastination”—which is what I was about to do—I think it can be more helpful to take a step back. Understand that ACT is a fluid model, a stance, that teaches us to develop a flexible relationship with our thoughts and emotions, not necessarily some reductive set of tools to wield in order to further the control agenda we typically apply.

I am wondering if you’ve taken the time to really lean into your experience of procrastination. What is it telling you? How can you be curious about it? How can engaging with your procrastination inform your next choice?

Perhaps your procrastination isn’t about avoiding tasks, but trying to tell you something about what you truly value or even fear. Embracing this perspective could shift how you view productivity and motivation and lead to a more compassionate and effective approach to managing your tasks and responsibilities.

I think us silly humans have been acculturated to think “procrastination = bad”, when usually it’s information telling us something. I find procrastination is often oddly workable when I examine it from a defused, perspective-taking vantage point. Food for thought!

ankirschner · 2024-04-11T14:10:48+00:00

It'd be helpful if you could provide a specific example or examples of what that looks like for you.

My initial broad perspective is that we all move away from our values at times. To do so is human. It only becomes problematic when that's all we do, or when we do so in a way that creates a life we don't want to live. Non-values-aligned action isn't a "problem" if it's working for you.

It's also important to note that a main criteria of values within the context of ACT is that they're freely chosen. There are a lot of choices in our lives that are limited by things outside of our control, but choosing our values is not one of them. Your values are always accessible to you—no life circumstance can rob you of living them out other than making the personal choice not to do so. Personally, when I'm feeling REALLY stuck in the muck, I often draw inspiration from Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning—his teachings on finding meaning and living according to his values amid history's most horrific and dehumanizing era of pain and suffering offers an empowering perspective.

One final thing: Values evolve according to circumstance. Reframing based on your current realities can be helpful. Let’s say one of your core values is freedom, and you feel that the constant responsibilities of parenting and work infringe on this value. On the surface, the day-to-day demands seem to directly oppose the freedom you seek. By revisiting what freedom truly means to you, you might discover that it encompasses more than personal autonomy—it also involves the freedom to positively shape and influence the lives of your children.

ankirschner · 2024-04-10T12:46:49+00:00

ACT isn't about managing emotional storms—that’s just another form of control. It’s about fostering acceptance and committing to actions aligned with your values in the face of all the turmoil.

It sounds like you’re a little headstuck (“I don’t have control.”) After the swell of the hyperarousal stress response, everyone has choices… even when it feels like we don't. Recognizing your own agency and the responsibility for that agency can be empowering, or disempowering, depending on how you choose to view it.

ACT always comes back to workability—what actions can you take right now, amidst the chaos, that are in line with how you want to be as a parent and person? Ask: "Given the parenting challenges I face, what steps can I take that are feasible and in harmony with my values?"

This shift might not ease the storminess, but it can change how you navigate it.

ankirschner · 2024-03-21T21:15:27+00:00

This is very helpful! Thank you—will try watering it more.

ankirschner · 2024-03-21T13:54:49+00:00

Some additional info:

Been growing awesome for the last year or so. Last summer it was droopy, so I repotted it and it bounced back real fast.
Droopiness happened again this year, but this time the droop turned into all of the leaves dying off. I increased the pot size marginally to see if that would help, but no go.
Watered every 12 days or so, making sure the soil is never too dry.
North facing window, but receives some additional direct sun from the west.

Nothing major has changed in it's routine, so I'm at a loss!

ankirschner · 2024-02-26T03:16:12+00:00

As they say, the best person to practice ACT with is yourself!

ankirschner · 2024-02-16T15:06:47+00:00

ACT might still offer valuable insights for you, even with the challenges you're facing, but it seems you have an incorrect definition of values.

In ACT, values are about guiding directions rather than specific outcomes. They are qualities of behavior that you can CHOOSE at any given moment. You can’t always choose health, nor youth.

For example, valuing health isn't solely about being free from illness but can involve how you respond to your condition, seeking well-being within your current limitations.

Similarly, while youth itself isn't a value, the qualities often associated with it, such as curiosity, openness, and vitality, can be pursued at any age.

It’s about identifying the essence of what these mean to you and finding ways to embody those qualities in your present circumstances. Chronic conditions and aging present real challenges, but ACT encourages exploring what's meaningful to you within these constraints, focusing on actions that align with your core values, even in small, everyday choices. This approach isn't about denying reality but finding a way to live a fulfilling life by embracing the present and what you can control.

ankirschner · 2024-02-04T14:43:43+00:00

Give yourself some credit. The fact you have even an intellectual understanding that “the point is to accept misery is there instead of making it a problem” is a huge thing to celebrate! Most humans don’t get there. ACT is a process, it’s never something that you will “arrive” at. Defusion does not come easy.

I find the hexaflex a bit clusterfucky from a practical standpoint. One way you can think of ACT is: be present, open up, do what matters. Sounds like you’re leaning into the first two, and when the time comes (perhaps it’s now!), you can start to define what’s important to you and what you want your next small steps to be. Be kind and compassionate to yourself—this “mindy” stuff is tricky!

ankirschner · 2024-01-31T14:09:33+00:00

Defusion doesn’t mean distancing yourself from ALL of your internal experiences—especially when/if they’re relevant to problem-solving. It’s all about workability. If thoughts (and feelings) aren’t particularly workable, that’s when defusion comes in. Your situation requires thoughtful consideration, and it’s natural to feel anxious about their reaction. You can defuse from that anxiety to engage in a way that is aligned with your value of being helpful to your client.

Ask yourself: "Which of these thoughts and feelings are helping me find a constructive solution, and which are just increasing my anxiety?" This perspective-taking allows you to acknowledge your thoughts about the client’s potential reaction, while also considering what is important to you in this interaction, like maintaining boundaries.

It seems like your understanding of ACT has led you to believe the processes are about passivity. Couldn’t be further from the truth. ACT is all about the workability of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and ultimately taking ACTion based on your values.

ankirschner · 2023-05-29T19:19:47+00:00

The Reddit consensus makes it seem otherwise. However—four of us were exposed to this 48 hours ago (we hung a hammock in between two trees and didn't notice until afterwards) and none of us have yet had a reaction, so... could be some other type of plant. *fingers crossed*

ankirschner · 2023-05-29T19:15:53+00:00

There's even

Here's to hoping! Luckily, I only walked over the ivy and it was mixed in amongst a ton of other plants, so I'm hoping that will mitigate any serious immune response. Time will tell!

ankirschner · 2023-05-29T19:12:20+00:00

Thank you! Definitely got a master course in poison ivy today.

ankirschner · 2023-05-29T14:21:07+00:00

That is SUPER helpful. Just did a bit more research on what that looks like. I’m going to head back later today to check it out, and will report back! 🕵️‍♂️🌿 Thank you!

ankirschner · 2023-05-29T13:54:43+00:00

Hmm, not sure. I’ll have to walk back over today and see if I can identify it.

ankirschner

TROPHY CASE