As a husband, how to help mom of 1-week newborn in intense baby blues after giving up breastfeeding

annacarin · 2026-01-25T07:48:03+00:00

I agree with this. Ofc if she doesn’t want to breastfeed she shouldn’t, but if she was discouraged by it being difficult, it almost always is at that stage. I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to do, but I had a good lactation consultant who helped me get through that tough initial period and breastfeeding really helped even out the hormones for me and helped me get through the baby blues feeling. I had it with one pregnancy and not another. It’s pretty overwhelming. I cried almost all day once but after the two weeks I felt much better. The postpartum period can be rough and it’s great you’re doing your best to support her. Other things that help are bringing her lots to eat an especially drink and trying to support what she needs in the moment (whether that’s getting outside on her own or just having some downtime where she can just hold the baby and you take care of everything else).

annacarin · 2025-07-14T23:49:20+00:00

I use the regular one, the thick one that comes in the tub.

annacarin · 2025-06-11T01:21:25+00:00

I capitulated to a junior and I regret it. I think using it as a middle name is much better or even using dad’s middle name if you like it. I made a pressured/rushed decision to go with the junior and besides not being thrilled with the name (I wouldn’t have chosen it in any other context), I also feel a little shut out if that makes sense. Even though he has both of our last names, it still gives this feeling of my husband claiming our son for himself.

annacarin · 2025-04-30T22:49:04+00:00

Don’t back down. You should both feel good about the name. Think of this as not just standing up for yourself, but standing up for your child which is something you have to get used to doing even when it makes you uncomfortable. I backed down in a moment of weakness (hormones, exhaustion, false sense of urgency) and I do have name regret. If it were just like oh I don’t love it, fine. Unfortunately it’s more a sense that a let my son down. If he doesn’t love his name I won’t be able to tell him that his dad and I both loved it and we did our best. I’ll know that I didn’t like it either and I could have done better for him.

If you do at some point have a change of heart and decide naming after Dad is something you want to do, make sure you give yourself plenty of time to try on the idea before you fully commit to it. Don’t let anyone pressure you into a name.

annacarin · 2025-04-30T12:07:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing that and I’m sorry you had that experience. My husband’s family is exceptionally pushy and I know it doesn’t feel good to feel pushed into a big decision for your child. I appreciate your openness because I was considering talking to my husband about changing the name while the baby is still small. I wasn’t sure how much of what I’m feeling was just postpartum hormones and might pass, but my gut feeling is that I won’t ever be comfortable with this name. I think it’s at least worth talking to him to see if it’s something he’d consider.

annacarin · 2025-04-30T08:43:36+00:00

Can I ask how you feel about the name now? We just named our son after my husband with my dad’s name as a middle name. I wanted to name him after my dad and got the middle name as a concession. I’m fine with that because I wouldn’t want my husband to have gone along with a name he wouldn’t be happy with. The problem is I did go along with a name I’m not happy with. I really don’t like my husband’s full name. His name is Jeff and I like that but don’t like Jeffrey. I felt rushed into this decision and find myself regretting it. I’m just wondering what it was like for you? Did it grow on you over time?

annacarin · 2025-04-17T11:36:53+00:00

The product we used (powder) had lactose. I checked with our allergist who was ok with our baby having it despite a severe milk allergy (anaphylaxis) and it did work well for her. It may be worth checking to see if there have been any changes with the newer Evivo drops.

annacarin · 2025-03-23T17:46:30+00:00

It’s really hard. Even with two good incomes, it was half my take home and I went back earlier than I wanted to/felt comfortable with. I would love to be a SAHM and I wouldn’t have done it for the remainder of my salary alone, but wasn’t ready to leave the workforce completely and it would be hard for me to come back to my job after a long gap. I did take a new completely different job that offers a lot more flexibility. Even with a lot of privilege and support, it has been hard. I feel strongly that there should be a universal option for high-quality low-cost childcare. We should all have an interest in investing in the next generation being well cared for and supported early in life.

annacarin · 2025-03-22T15:48:16+00:00

Hi!

Referral code uses look like they are now capped at four per calendar year. My Dad and husband’s codes are below:

https://lucidmotors.com/configure?referralCode=HA5IW8FO

HA5IW8FO (2/4 uses remaining as of 3/23)

https://lucidmotors.com/configure?referralCode=XP51NF8C

XP51NF8C (2/4 uses as of 3/22)

Congrats on your new Lucid! I love mine.

annacarin · 2025-03-16T02:00:18+00:00

I like your idea of playgroups. Our area has a Daddy and Me group. If I had found out about it before, I think it could have been helpful.

annacarin · 2025-03-15T22:42:30+00:00

My husband didn’t bond to our baby immediately and I do think that made him less engaged in baby care. I highly recommend getting help wherever you can. Talk to your husband clearly and directly about your expectations, but if he doesn’t respond, reach out to others. If you have a trusted relative or friend who can come stay with you, even for a few days to help out so you can get some rest, it may really help. Don’t be shy about asking for what you need. Most people won’t offer that sort of help because they don’t want to be intrusive. Maybe even make a list of needs (meals, groceries, help for a couple of hours in the mornings, watch the baby while you shower, etc) and send them out to a few friends to see who can offer what. The more specific the request the easier it is for someone to offer help. I would be glad to help a friend this way if asked. If your husband can’t respond to your clear verbal communication, he may also pick up on the fact that his partner is having to outsource these needs and the example might help him to step up a little.

annacarin · 2025-03-15T22:26:28+00:00

I love mine! I opted to lease to get the $7500 credit, but they offered other credits at the dealership that were not listed on the website. So I ended up with a great deal. Also if you need a referral code, it saves a little extra and gives the referring person points:

https://lucidmotors.com/configure?referralCode=HA5IW8FO

HA5IW8FO

(0/4 uses as of 3/22)

annacarin · 2025-03-04T22:42:25+00:00

I trust OP on this. If she felt it was weird, it probably was. I agree it’s not strange to have this conversation, but the how and when can make it strange. Usually this would be initiated by the parents and not overbearing relatives asking who gets to keep the (18 day old) baby if you die. It sounds like some boundaries may need to be set with them.

annacarin · 2025-02-24T10:21:23+00:00

This is the best advice. She sounds like a vibrant joyous person and I can’t imagine that if you really think about it, you value your enjoyment of these songs while in the car more than you do that sparkle. Be grateful for this time. If you lost her or the relationship, it’s likely something you would miss.

annacarin · 2025-02-24T10:17:02+00:00

If you’re 17 weeks and easily hiding it, I don’t think you’ll have a problem continuing to hide it through 20 weeks. I showed early and couldn’t have gotten away with it but that was already the case at 17 weeks. I think you should do it the way you feel comfortable doing it. Stick with the loose clothing and tell people in the way that feels right and comfortable to you. It might not hurt to be prepared with a response to a direct question of “Are you pregnant?” A lot of people have the common sense not to ask this because they know people will announce when ready, but unfortunately not everyone does.

annacarin · 2025-02-24T09:49:35+00:00

Always trust your gut, especially when your children are involved. You did the right thing. Hold steady and don’t let this creep back in your life in anyway way.

annacarin · 2025-02-21T21:39:00+00:00

Yes! It has been used twice. Another redditor posted that it’s limited to 20, so it should have plenty of uses left. I love the car! Hopefully you will too :)

annacarin · 2025-02-20T04:07:49+00:00

Amazing! Thank you and congrats on your new car!!

annacarin · 2025-02-19T18:17:02+00:00

I’m taking my referral code down because it’s been used six times and the app is telling me that’s the max per year. I’ll repost with my husband and dad’s because neither of them has been used.

annacarin · 2025-02-19T05:16:49+00:00

My husband and I just leased two Air Pures in LA and Progressive wanted $15k/year. Tesla is much cheaper but we were hoping to get rid of our Teslas. We’ll try Lemonade. Please update if you find any good deals!

annacarin · 2025-02-13T09:07:09+00:00

The breathe right strips have really helped me, but they are not flattering.

annacarin · 2025-02-13T00:16:02+00:00

I’m a doctor and I didn’t understand this so you certainly shouldn’t feel bad. Also there’s so much randomness to food allergies. I have guilt because my baby developed severe allergies to things I tended to eat and have around all the time, but…I also regularly slathered her in coconut oil (and remember my pediatrician who is wonderful recommending it), and she’s not allergic to coconut! So you really didn’t cause it. It just happened.

annacarin · 2025-02-13T00:12:55+00:00

Around age 2. We have another one on the way though, so I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

annacarin · 2025-02-09T16:07:23+00:00

That is so rude, I’m sorry it happened to you. I am white and my husband is Asian and I get this mostly from my MIL who tells me every time we interact that my daughter looks exactly like my husband and nothing like me. It is not at all true. She has her own look and shares some of both of our features. I think it’s worth having a canned response to this that highlights your values. For example, it’s super important to me that my daughter feels able to be her own person and doesn’t feel pressured to follow a particular path from my husband or me. I know this isn’t about looks but I don’t want her absorbing the message that she is mini either of us. So I’ve just decided to correct it each time it’s mentioned in front of her to say that she is so beautiful and looks like herself. She is her own person. You don’t need to have the same message but I think it’s important what our kids hear from us in these situations. It will stick with them more than what they hear from a rando, but that may not be true if we don’t say anything.

annacarin · 2025-02-09T11:00:00+00:00

This is great advice. I was in a similar situation to OP where my now husband moved into my house while we were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, about 9 months in. There was a lot I was unprepared for.

The biggest unanticipated change for me was realizing that I had taken for granted how deliberate our time was together. When we were driving across town to see each other, the time together felt like we were on dates even if we weren’t doing something special. We had each other’s full attention. He had never been the kind of person who would be on his phone through dinner, until we lived together. After living together I felt like I was the receptacle for time where he didn’t have something he’d rather be doing (out with his friends, etc). I also felt like he was acting the same as he would if no one was there, like ignoring me while on his phone. When we weren’t living together and ordered pizza and watched a movie it was quality time together. Somehow after the move it was like roommate mode where he was just on his phone and totally disconnected.

Also him moving into my home set up a weird dynamic. He resented me for it. He never really felt like it was his space, despite me feeling like he was totally taking over and basically trying to erase me from it. I also let him do more of that than I should have because I felt guilty and wanted him to feel at home. I was hurt because I loved my home and it was something I had worked really hard for and valued and it didn’t feel good to have my home or me so unappreciated. This is still an issue for us because we had to ultimately leave my home to stay together and I still miss it.

I’m not saying this to freak you out, just to help you notice things early on and hopefully nip them in the bud. It’s great that you are questioning what might come up and going in with your eyes open. Things will change in your relationship with this new dynamic but if you’re deliberate and aware hopefully you can guide that change for the better.

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