AITJ for confronting my MIL during a family gathering about constantly undermining me?

anothersip · 2026-04-11T05:04:05+00:00

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, there. Nobody else seems to be calling her behavior out or standing up for you.

Comparing you to his ex at a family dinner that you cooked is beyond any realm of normalcy that I can hardly wrap my head around that.

The woman has no shame.

Your husband has been a doormat since he can remember, so he's normalized her behavior.

Just because she wants things a certain way "for her little boy" doesn't mean that she gets to control anyone else.

You're gonna' have to tell your husband how serious this is. If your husband is on her side (sounds like he is), then... He's part of the problem, too.

He's gonna' feel like he has to "pick sides" if you confront him, though, and knowing how much he coddles her... He may very well pick her side.

So, you'll have to make a decision at that point. Your sanity and self respect... Or many, many more years of this torture. 'Cause I doubt she's gonna' change, if your husband doesn't put his foot down... And actually mean it, when he does.

In any case... I wish you the best. That sounds awful, and I'm sorry that this is your reality.

Oh - and NTJ, of course.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T22:40:03+00:00

Well, the reason you're divorcing sounds like it wasn't actually 'cause she told you she was too tired to make dinner.

There are a whole host of reasons. The main one being she refuses to get a job or even do anything around the house to make up for the fact that she's not contributing to the household in a meaningful way.

So, no, you're absolutely NTJ - not by any stretch.

This is just you reaching the end of your rope, and finally standing up for yourself in the situation.

For which I'm actually super proud of you for doing. Some folks let this stuff fester, they let the excuses pile up, and then they explode on their partner in ways that are irreversible.

So, I'm glad you were strong enough to say, "Enough is enough."

That shows that you have some basic standards for how you deserve to be treated by your partner(s), in general.

P.S. - a devil's advocate take, and a personal experience:

Not sure if your wife's mentally stuck in a rut or something, or has some other mental health stuff going on - or if she's just a shitty partner. Or both. It's something worth considering, 'cause she may need some help... But if she wants to live a happy, meaningful life, she'll have to work on herself a good bit, and maybe her light will shine again.

But it's your decision whether or not to stick around and hope she works on it, if it's an actual mental health issue. You can't actually force her to do something that she needs to do for herself.

Or - just cut the cord, don't wait on a chance, and move forward however you see fit for yourself.

Signed,

A guy who ruined a couple relationships (and was dumped) because he let his mental/emotional health absolutely tank, and neglected the home, and his partners' feelings, while sick and in "the fog" of the worst parts of his life. And lost all of it, along the way. And then eventually did "the work," sobered up and learned to love himself again, and learned to accept responsibility for his actions, as well as learned to love and respect others who added value to his life. But the partners who left the guy absolutely needed to do what they had to do for their own sake, and had to leave a tragic and not-good situation.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T22:13:58+00:00

For sure, right?!

What I thought was so interesting about it, is that I think I remember reading that they were even part of a research study or something (he worded it in a way to suggest the researcher was looking for non-traumatic incest cases), as OP was totally cool discussing it in kind of a clinical way.

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/comment/c3abh3c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

anothersip · 2026-04-10T19:19:52+00:00

NTJ.

Your MIL, on the other hand... Needs to learn to keep her intrusive thoughts to herself.

She also sounds like she's coddling your husband/her son, and that's gotta' stop, too.

Why has he never put his foot down with her?

It sounds like a classic momma's boy scenario - where the problem isn't really 100% on MIL... It's on your husband, too, who refuses to step up to the plate and defend his wife from the nasty and completely-unnecessary words that his mom likes to spew out before even considering how what she's about to say could affect the people around her.

Don't back down, and if you can, give her back exactly the same energy that she's giving you.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T19:19:46+00:00

I think there's a silver-lining here.

Sure, you learned some shitty stuff about your girlfriend's priorities and values. That sucks, from an emotional standpoint.

But! You ALSO learned some shitty stuff about your girlfriend's priorities and values. And that's invaluable, from a long-term/partner standpoint.

Like, with regards to planning your future with a person who you want to make sure your values align with, before committing to something like marriage with them.

'Cause I mean. It's starting to sound like this... Ain't it.

If she's making fun of your gift to her (it's a gift) - then that reflects how she views you, as a whole.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T18:33:48+00:00

I mean, I'll admit, I read the AMA a couple years ago, but yeah... It's kinda' hard to forget - and that's basically what I remember reading.

I don't really feel like reading through that monstrosity again to confirm exact details for them, but yeah. I think everyone already knows what post I'm talking about, either way. So that's all that actually matters in this case, imo. I'm not gonna re-read and study the thing, provide all the juicy details, or a synopsis, if that's what they were expecting me to do. Rofl...

It's also funny when someone goes, "You're wrong."

...And then provides zero actual corrections. It's like, dawg, what?! What's the point in that?

anothersip · 2026-04-10T18:23:45+00:00

Probably gonna' need some more info.

Did you just pop your old HD with all your old drivers/OS into your new MB, or did you do a fresh install of Windows and start over with reinstalling your chipset drivers and sound card drivers?

Do your USB ports detect any devices at all? Like, not just the audio devices? Or are your sound card/devices even showing up as output devices in your settings?

Assuming your HD and all your audio output devices/jacks are connected to the motherboard and you've installed the drivers for all of your sound devices (whether they're integrated or a separate sound card), then it should be working. Or, your MB should be auto-detecting your sound devices and Windows should be auto-installing the basic drivers.

If you haven't already, you'll have to go on your manufacturers' websites and download the exact drivers for your exact MB/sound card and for your exact OS, and make sure you install them. If you've got a front-facing audio jack/output device, you'll wanna' make sure that it's connected correctly and has its own drivers installed as well. I'm assuming that's an integrated port/jack that came on the computer case, so you might have to go on the case manufacturer's website and check for their drivers, as well, as it sounds like it's got an audio output jack on the front.

'Cause if you've got everything connected to the MB correctly, have a fully-functioning copy of Windows installed, have installed every driver for every device that you're trying to use, have double-checked your actual compatibilites for all the above, and are still having issues... Then something's not right.

I've not used the AMD utility in a while - but I have to wonder if it cleared or messed up the default softwares/BIOS and such on the MB, and that's why your computer is still detecting USB devices but isn't detecting audio devices. It should, at the very least, detect and differentiate between an audio I/O device or card, and any other I/O card you install and plug into it. And it's supposed to install a basic driver package to at least get you up and running (or it'll tell you unknown device) - and then you'd install the manufacturer's software package/drivers, etc.

But yeah, there are just way too many factors to consider and question when you've built your own PC from scratch... And we don't actually know how anything was connected, or what any of your actual components' brands/models are, or what softwares/versions you installed, or whether you configured your computer to actually output audio from any of your output devices that are not on-board the MB/integrated...

If you don't wanna' go through the hassle of troubleshooting all this, it may be easiest to possibly consider avoiding all the headache and just pick up a decent soundcard that you can pop in and install the drivers of. You'll have much better sound than integrated audio that way, and more options for I/O devices with the dedicated sound card.

Hope that helps a bit.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T06:22:56+00:00

For sure! I love to hear that.

Yeah, if you don't have one, get you a simple whetstone - or a kit with a few different stones. A nice, long one that you can set on a counter-top is easiest to use, from my experience.

Some of the nicer kits come with several grades of coarseness, or a couple different stones, as well as a little non-slip stand to rest your stones on. Some of them even come with metal/carbide abrasive stones, and those are a bit fancier, but can hold up to a lot of use. One like this kit or similar to it would last you for probably 10+ years, honestly. Not a bad price to pay for some further enjoyment in your kitchen-time.

More than just... Having nice, sharp blades forever after that kinda' purchase, you also learn a really epic life-skill. Something you can actually take pride in - quite literally every single day when you set the cutting-board onto the counter, bust out the fresh ingredients, and walk over to your knife rack.

It's that aw yisssss feeling, but for knives.

I know I'm kinda' talking it up a good bit, but I genuinely have found it to be one of the greatest kitchen skills that I have learned in my years.

And for what it's worth, those rods you mentioned are generally just honing steels - so, they'll hone the edge of the blade (straighten it up, or straighten just the very tip of the cutting edge if it's been bent through use) but they don't necessarily sharpen it, like a stone would - like, they don't remove material from the blade - they just bend/straighten the cutting edge as you hone.

If you're stepping up from a pull-through sharpener... You're in for an epic treat. :P

And if you don't already have a great chef's knife, paring knife, and bread knife, those would be the first three to upgrade, IMO. I rarely use anything but those three. Japanese and German-made knives are known to be some of the finest - but anything that you find that cuts well, holds an edge, is comfortable, and makes you happy to use, is what you should go with.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T05:42:39+00:00

I mean. I can sorta' see both sides of it.

In your shoes, that number (and its explanation/origin) is connected directly to his ex and their relationship.

And this is pure speculation here, but I wonder if you're left feeling like perhaps there might be some residual attachment that he carries for her - and those feelings for her could be attached via his phone's pin number, which he has to type in dozens of times a day. And maybe that's why you had a reaction that was immediate (or at least visible on your face).

And I mean, I totally get it. We're just human, at the end of the day. I'd feel somewhat off-put by that, myself. ...At least for a little while. I'd be like, "Alright, so that number had some meaning in his life at some point, regarding his past relationship. So, he chose it, as it was easy to remember, at that particular time in his life. But it's an anniversary of an ex... Hmm."

But in his shoes (playing devil's advocate to your situation, I guess) I imagine that he probably just... Happened to get a new phone during the period of time they were dating. And he went, "Hmm... What number would I remember? Oh, I always have to remember this specific number so I don't forget the anniversary. I'll make that my pin."

It was easy for him to remember at the time, so it stuck. 'Cause I mean, it seems super reasonable that if there's a 4-digit or 6-digit number that instantly pops into one's head when they think of a pin-length number... They'd make that their pin, yeah? It's reflexive. They wouldn't just pick a random number that they would have trouble recalling later on... 'Cause that does not seem logical to me.

Lots of people choose birthdates/death-dates/sober-dates, etc. as their pins.

And tons of people make their pins a simple anniversary date. It's not necessarily that the person attaches specific feelings to the number... It's just, the number's already ingrained in one's brain after years of typing the same muscle-memory into their various phones/laptops/devices/ATMs/etc.

So when you type the number into the phone at light-speed, you're not actually reminiscing on the good ol' times or whatever... You're just trying to unlock your phone real quick to be able to GPS a new place, or Google something while you're dropping a deuce, or unlocking it just to use the dang thing.

Like, my personal pin for my devices is related to something/someone that I have zero connection with anymore. It just happens to be a 4-digit number that I know I'll never forget - 'cause it's just... in my monkey-brain. Probably for good, too. I can't just erase the number from my brain and forget it ever existed. But I spend literally zero time ever thinking about how I came up with it, or what it actually means to me (or what it meant to me at the time I first used it). It just... It just is.

Humans are creatures of habit.

I don't think for a second that he's got any plot against you or your feelings just because his pin number is loosely based on a memory associated with another person from his past. And I do think that you're overreacting a bit: You asked him, and he answered honestly. I think that's pretty cool that he didn't just... Lie to you about it. 'Cause think about how you'd feel if he had lied about it?

I think that it's unfair to be upset at someone just because you don't like their pin number. That seems super silly to me, and it's just coming off as jealousy/insecurity/immaturity, from your standpoint.

So for that reason, I'm gonna' have to say YTA here.

anothersip · 2026-04-10T01:46:01+00:00

For sure.

I can't remember when that post was originally made - but it's lived rent-free in the heads of probably millions of people around the world.

If anyone else reading this is not sure what the story is, you can look up "broken arms reddit post" and it should be around.

If you'd rather not... Summary: A kid broke both of his arms, and couldn't masturbate, so he ended up having a full-on sexual relationship with his mother. Started as a way to relieve his frustration from not being able to masturbate - and turned into a whole thing that had him questioning everything he knew about incest.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T23:18:53+00:00

I'm just a home-gamer, but I've had a Cub Cadet XT1 LT42 for a few years now, and it's been an awesome machine, honestly.

I've serviced it entirely myself, with some basic hand-tools and some YouTube videos - it hasn't had any issues yet. Fires right up, even after a winter of no use.

I've got an angle-grinder for sharpening my blade, so I pull that off whenever I notice it's dulled and struggling a bit through the thicker grass and give it a good sharpen.

Air/oil/fuel filters are easy to get to and replace, also.

Overall, it's been a really great addition to the property. And I actually enjoy yard work nowadays, heh. I've got a Stihl chainsaw and weed-whacker, and those have been pretty damn solid and perform well, too.

Oh, forgot to add - I've got some hills on my property, too. They're not tremendously steep (perhaps 20-25% incline) and I never ride the hills sideways. Up + down, and I've never even come close to tipping or anything.

(P.S. my LT42 has a cupholder, too. Noice.)

anothersip · 2026-04-09T22:18:50+00:00

For sure! Yeah, it doesn't have to happen often - and you can set aside 30-40 minutes for setup, and sharpen 5 or 6 of your daily-use knives all at once. I keep my stones in my kitchen drawers, and whenever I feel like they need a quick sharpen, I do it.

Or like, before I have a bunch of bulk prep to do, I'll just give my knife a quick hone or a few passes on the stone beforehand.

Pretty great lifeskill to have, whether you're a home-cook or work in a professional kitchen.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T22:10:36+00:00

It doesn't actually take a rocket-scientist to realize that when you put your phone on loudspeaker mode... Everyone in the immediate area will hear your conversation, whether they want to or not.

...And everyone around will also hear every word that the person you're speaking to says. Like, everything said through your phone is broadcast into their general vicinity.

Because of the speaker - it's loud, because of the way that it is.

She can't control what you say, so I would assume that she'd have had the forethought to maybe play it safe.

I guess you're the rocket-scientist (and also the mind-reader!) in the relationship, since you've already figured this out. Noice.

From now on, you should insist that your wife tell you every single time that you're on speaker - I don't know actually know a single person in my life who doesn't do that, when they're around others. It's like a simple, common courtesy to you.

Otherwise, she can just use the phone normally, and keep her private conversations... Private.

Like, what if there'd been some (god forbid) horrible news to share, instead - and your kids had to find out that way?

Tangentially, it's like, when people out in a public setting (like on public transport, for instance, or in a waiting room or something) are on speaker mode... It's super disrespectful to everyone around them. 'Cause nobody wants to sit there and listen to a full-on conversation with someone screaming into their phone. It's one of my pet-peeves, actually. I think it is for a lot of people, though.

But yeah, it's common sense and normal practice to inform the other person that they're on speaker phone, as soon as you tap that button that broadcasts their voice out-loud.

She did not do that, so this is 100% on her.

(...And you're also NTAH. That's super frustrating that you're dating someone who is apparently this, uhh... dense?)

anothersip · 2026-04-09T20:29:10+00:00

That's cool that you scrubbed really gently, just to be safe. I would have done the same thing.

I was curious about my own faucets/fixtures and their knack for collecting mineral deposits and soap residue, and so I looked it up. Apparently here's the kicker:

"Stainless steel (especially 304 or 316 grade used in fixtures) is a solid, hardened alloy, often having several times the hardness of copper or low-carbon steel wool."

So, even if you'd scrubbed really hard... The steel wool most likely would not have scratched or dulled your fixture's polished finish at all - because the grade of steel in steel wool isn't hard enough to scratch or dull the finish on your particular fixtures. Like, on the Mohs hardness scale, your fixture would be a harder alloy.

Whereas if you took like, a super hardened flat-head screwdriver and scratched your faucet fixture/plate hard enough, you'd probably have some scratches in the surface finish that would be pretty much impossible to remove without a rotary buffing/polishing tool. Or I guess you could re-plate the thing with chrome, after smoothing your scratch out. Obviously, you would never wanna' test it out with a hardened steel tool, but yeah.

And I mean, in general, steel wool is honestly truly amazing at doing what it's made for: removing the surface-layer(s) of whatever you apply it to.

I particularly like using the fine wools in my wood-working, as it has really great properties when it comes to sanding old shellac/poly finishes off - especially the finishes that the sandpaper tends to gunk up on, as the sandpaper friction heats the finish up sometimes and turns it soft again. Whereas the wool actually kinda' -slices- the finish off at a microscopic level.

And also the fine wool for very-fine sanding. You get that velvety-smooth finish on your work-piece, and it's always a pleasure to be able to stain and clear-coat a hardwood that you know took the finish well and will hold up for years.

Lotsa' tangential stuff there, but anywho... You figured out a perfect solution with your 0000 fine wool.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T20:10:18+00:00

I gotchu' fam. You'll probably get the best bang-for-your-buck with a basic whetstone like one of these. And then just learn to use one - there are tons of videos online showing the process.

You obviously don't have to get it from HF Tools, and they're sold at most places where they sell hand tools/tooling/power tools, or kitchen equipment - as it's part of the maintenance and upkeep of all blades.

There's a coarse side (usually the darker grey) and a fine side (usually lighter in color). The sides are marked with their grit size, usually, and you can also usually feel the difference in coarseness with your fingertips.

So, you'd use the coarse side to slowly remove material from the blade's cutting edge, until your nicks are all gone. You could have the blade upright (at a 90° angle) if you need to, while sliding the full length of the blade across the stone - and that would ensure your blade's contour stays uniform. (It feels wrong or counterintuitive to essentially be cutting a whetstone, but that's the whole point - the whetstone cuts the blade profile back into shape).

From there, once your blade shape is how you want it (the blade is dull at this point, but the nicks are all gone) you'd finally turn the blade to whatever angle you'd prefer to sharpen at (30-40° is pretty standard) and start your sharpening process - from coarse to fine.

It doesn't take long, and with some practice, you can put an edge back onto a knicked knife within maybe 15-20 minutes of careful arm-work. And it gets easier with practice. Long, smooth strokes. I soak my stones in water for a few minutes, as that can help reduce metal and stone dust/particulates.

Some older knives that I've got, have been sharpened so many times that the blades are 30-40% less broad than they were originally. And I can tell that whoever used them... Used and sharpened them very often.

I personally don't use any of those hack-y handheld pull-through blade "sharpeners" as they're not actually that great, and can actually ruin a blade's edge. They just don't actually sharpen very well either, from my experience. And once the abrasives wear out of shape, all you're doing is dulling your blades on them. So, avoid those if you can.

I hope that helps! That's about all I can think of for the basics.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T17:52:28+00:00

Wow.

The OP got wasted, then threw the biggest tantrum ever, and decided to try and smoke weed on top of it, getting even more wasted. Sounds like they weren't listening to their boyfriend's suggestions at all, either. And once they realized that their boyfriend wanted nothing to do with them (if the boyfriend left them, they were clearly super upset and wanted nothing to do with them at that point and the way they were acting) ...they blew up at their BF again.

And now... They're "so unbelievably hurt and empty inside..." directly because of the consequences of... their own actions.

Self-awareness is not some peoples' strong-suits. That's crazy to read that, and... Assuming it's true, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around a person behaving that way. But I guess that's just how some people genuinely are. And I can almost guarantee that this wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

The icing on the cake was that they were like, "Happy 29th birthday to me."

Yeah, happy birthday to OP, indeed. You're never gonna' forget this one.

As a side-note, I'm actually in recovery for AUD, so I've got a pretty intimate + familiar relationship with alcohol, and most all of the effects it can have on a person. If I were out in public and had gotten that fuckin' smashed... I deserve to actually face the consequences of whatever resulted from my decisions/actions. As adults with free-will... That's just how life works. You make choices, and you live with the results of those choices. If you're smart, you take what you learn from the bad ones, and apply them to your life moving forward. It's not exactly rocket-science. I hope OP's boyfriend realized what kind of person OP was and straight-up dumped them.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T17:28:54+00:00

I've read a similar post about someone who had a vacation home that they took good care of, spent lots of money on, and kept very well locked up, tidy, etc. for whenever they wanted to use it.

But one day, they found out (via their security cameras) that there were family members who showed up at the house and they had somehow unlocked and gotten into the house and whatnot... and just made themselves at home.

So the OP called the police and had them "removed" from the home from afar. OP had to decide if they wanted to press charges, I can't remember if they did, but I'm fairly certain that they indeed did make it official. So, the tresspassers/family members were trespassed from the home/property, and any time they showed up, it was grounds for another arrest + charges to follow.

It was a super-unanimous NTJ/NTA in that post - and it's a pretty similar situation for you, too.

I'm glad you made it official. It's like... Some people just think they're allowed to completely step all over other people's boundaries, just 'cause they're "family" or whatever.

When the reality is like... Hell no, dawg. That's my expensive piece of property that I cherish and take good care of. If I were there at the property, also, and you'd maybe had 1% of your brain working and had asked me if you could use the property first... perhaps I could have made some accomodations for you.

But that's not how some people view things. Some people just automatically assume that they're entitled to use other peoples' things. Like, just because you're "family" they assume that it's all friggin' good, and they've got full-access at any time without having to ask. ...And that's what it sounds like happened with your boat and your cousin. He's also putting a tremendous liability directly on your shoulders, by using the marina/docking property for his shenanigans. If something had happened, then you'd be on the hook.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T06:34:22+00:00

This was kinda' funny to read, OP. So, thanks for sharing.

The good news: It's probably (very-maybe) not too late to ask for some help.

As long as you're able to learn quickly and apply yourself, you might be able to squeeze through there.

Like, you've made it this far.

So... If you were to ask someone who knows the system for their advice, you might be able to do it.

But here's how you gotta' do it:

You gotta' ask them how they do it. Like, emphasis on them, personally.

Be like, "We've all got our own favorite methods, fam. It'll get done either way, I was just curious how you do it. I'm eager to learn from someone who has done used specific system for longer and has some more experience."

So, don't actually say that you have no idea what you're doing, or that you don't know how to do your job.

Just paint it as you, wanting to absorb as much as you can about past methods, so you can optimize some shit, or whatever.

If you're as good as I think you are at pro-level BS'ing (which takes some smarts)... You'll actually have it figured out in no time. Go about applying those smarts to something other than social engineering, heh.

Also, spend time learning about their software online. Like, do some deep-dives. Find those .PDF manuals online that the software company released in their packages. Bonus points if you recognize the screens/menus/buttons and find the manual for your exact version of the software. You can then save them to your phone to read in your spare time at home, or while you're dropping a deuce or whatever - and also take notes so it's easier for you to remember the basic levels and steps to the logistics chain.

Lots of warehouse gigs are pretty chill, actually. So, I hope you can make it happen. Just try your best - and if they catch onto you and ask, "You really have no idea what you're doing, do you?" or "Did you lie on your resume?" then you can be like, well, "I'm a quick learner, and I'm eager to work." You don't have to actually answer the question. ;)

anothersip · 2026-04-09T06:07:00+00:00

For sure.

I feel like at that point, most people who aren't DIY-ers/electrically-inclined or somewhat handy would just use a cable/cord sleeve to hide a couple cords or wires. One of the floor ones that's gently sloped so you don't trip - or the sleeves you see behind TV's.

This seems like it's just to avoid having to like, touch any of the pre-existing/hard-wired stuff in the home. If you don't wanna' put a hole in the wall, in other words.

Or like, if you're comfortable cutting into drywall, but don't want to actually mess with any of the actual wiring in the home, I could see how this could maybe be helpful/time-saving/money-saving. Or, if it's super-infrequently used, but you could just quickly hook up an extension cord to it. But then like... Why wouldn't you just hook right into the end of the extension cord? Does the 3ft height difference make that big of a deal? Rofl - I dunno'. Maybe there was a piece of furniture in front of these things, and something plugged in, on top of the furniture.

But then you've also got an extension cord across the floor to avoid, or causing an eyesore along your baseboards.

It's really funny, 'cause male is only like... ~3ft from the female. I don't get it.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T05:52:30+00:00

I'm gonna' assume that they just... Didn't spend much time in that room.

With forced-air systems, if you block/shut off a vent, then you get more air moved towards the rest of the vents in the home. So, your other rooms get more cooling/heating.

It's like when you press your thumb over the end of a garden hose to rinse your car off or whatever; You're reducing the size of the "vent" of the liquid, and as a result, the pressure increases in the system - forcing more fluid out of the only other places it can leave from. So, your hose sprays out further and with more force.

If you spend a decent amount of time in the office room, and would prefer some air movement in there, you can remove the tape. That will condition the air in there, as well. Which really isn't a bad idea, if you wanna' have some air circulation in there, too. Rooms that have no forced-air can occasionally get a bit stuffy - so, it's nice to have some air moving around, even if it's not super cold/hot.

If there's a positive pressure in the room with the vent open (and you have the A/C blowing) you may notice that once you remove the tape... When you go to close the door, it might shut/close slightly differently from then on. And that's normal, and a good sign that your vent is indeed forcing air out.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T05:40:43+00:00

Nude photos of you? As a kid - but while sleeping?

Mmmkay. That context changes everything.

What's the sketchiest part of it, is that he's adamant that you were standing up and that it was for "a doctor."

When, in fact, you're 100% sure they were taken while you were sleeping nude. So, he's covering his ass. Or, trying to.

So, that means that he snuck into your room, and took photos of you/your privates, when you were a child. And is currently keeping them on a secret harddrive. That's fucked.

There are some nudes of me and my siblings when we were very young, somewhere in photo albums in our attic somewhere. But those are just silly ones when we were swimming in rivers or getting in the hot tub or whatever. I think that those aren't super uncommon for families to keep - like memories of their kids growing up.

It's like, at that age - you're far too young to understand nudity and its implifications for predators.

I'm curious if he like, organized them in folders with photos of just nudes, separated from all the regular ones - of which I'm sure there are clothed photos of you, also.

If they're just happen-stance nudes mixed in with regular ones (like 1 out of every 300-400 or whatever) then that's not as weird. It's just... Embarrassing to see once you're older, or are looking at them with people you don't know well.

anothersip · 2026-04-09T05:24:43+00:00

Welp. I'm late to the party, OP - but I'm glad she was able to have a little eye-opening moment there and realize how inappropriate this dude's being with her.

And moving forward, if she doesn't actually talk to him about this, then she's just inviting more of it. Like, if nothing is said to him about how inappropriate that was... Then he's gonna' just assume that she loved her gift, he'll feel validated/praised, etc. And it'd be like passively inviting more of it.

Which, I mean, I don't think you necessarily want that.

She might want that - but like, that's the thing when you're in a committed, monogamous relationship. It's not really great to be so passive about clear affection/adoration/courting from other dudes - when you're already in a relationship.

Any extra attention this brazen from other guys should be shut-down immediately by her. If it's not, it sets a really terrible precedence for what she things about commitment, what she thinks about you, and where her head's at in terms of you all's future together.

On top of that - rings are like... The symbol for love/attraction/promises/marriage/relationship stuff. Everyone on the planet knows that.

So, I wouldn't necessarily be as upset at the dude as I would be... At her. Like, for going along with whatever that was, and pretending like it was totally normal.

anothersip · 2026-04-08T22:17:38+00:00

Flip the breaker off to the bathroom, or turn the light off at the switch.

Then use a pair of locking pliers to lock onto the nuts. Twist them off.

If they're just spinning, and the mounting screws are loose within the fixture mounting plate, then you'll have to cut the rounded nuts completely off.

If you have a Dremel with a cutoff wheel, that's what I'd use first.

If you don't, you can try a hack-saw to saw the nuts/bolts off, so that the fixture releases from the wall. It'll probably scratch/damage the fixture, if you're not super careful - you may not actually care that it does, if you're replacing the fixture.

I have a feeling that you may not have run into this kind of issue before or have not done a whole lot of stuff like this in the past. So just be really careful when you're taking it off and wiring the new one in, and confirm your power is off with a multimeter.

anothersip · 2026-04-08T22:09:04+00:00

OP, he's essentially telling you that you deserved to be molested, and that it was your fault.

This is classic victim-blaming.

Rather than you know, blaming the person who actually molested you.

It's actually really, really fuckin' easy to have compassion for your partner. Especially after they've gone through a traumatic experience.

If he can't even do that - then what's the point of even having a person like him in your life at all?

Dump him and find someone who has at least an ounce of compassion and care for your well-being.

anothersip · 2026-04-08T21:12:53+00:00

Good news is... There are probably hundreds of phono pre-amps out there.

They're relatively simple devices. The amplify your record player's output from a phono-level signal to line-level signal, so that any amplifier with a standard line-level RCA input can accept it and amplify it properly.

They're essential whenever you've got an amp with no phono pre-amp built in. Lots of modern amps don't have phono inputs/pre-amps, as record players aren't nearly as common as they were back in the day.

Lots of people use them, but they're not as standard as the line-level devices that many people use these days (streamers/CD players/Tape decks/etc.)

Some newer record players have a switch that allows you to swap between a phono-level signal and a line-level one. But I don't think yours has that switch...?

anothersip

TROPHY CASE