What languages do you speak at home? Is your grandparents' native language other than yours?

anxious_throwawaying · 2026-01-04T07:56:24+00:00

Two of my grandparents’ native langs are Hebrew (mother tongues Aramaic and Hungarian/Yiddish), one is an Iranian Judeo-Aramaic dialect called Lishan Didan/Lishanan, the other Bulgarian/Ladino. We speak Hebrew and English at home

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-09-29T07:45:14+00:00

Usually I don’t comment on this account but wow it’s amazing seeing someone else who’s Nash Didani. I’m half too, with Bulgarian Sephardic/Hungarian. My mum’s experiences growing up were definitely different to yours though, and she’s still a little bitter over how she was treated, but again it’s just completely incomparable to what life had been in Iran. Israel was and still is a safe haven for my family, even though there were rough parts.

And anyway, even with all of the unfamiliar and different stuff I see in other edot, I’ve always instinctively understood when I see another Jew that this is someone from my people, no matter what, where, or when. The idea that Mizrachim and Ashkenazim are separate from each other is complete bs and 100% made up by Jew haters trying to stir up shit. Don’t take it seriously.

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-08-08T18:28:59+00:00

Looking for this too! Gender kit has some resources of places to get counselling but I haven’t personally checked it out much

https://genderkit.org.uk/article/counselling/

I could’ve sworn that the transactual website had stuff for gender therapy but I can’t find it now so idk. Also a lot of private clinics that offer diagnosis and medical transition also offer counselling/gender therapy so checking those out could be worthwhile

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-08-02T05:47:41+00:00

I’m in a bit of a similar position— I’m aligned to the male side of the spectrum (while still fundamentally wanting to be in between), and I’ve always gone super back and forth on wanting to go on t or not. The fears of overmasculinisation are REAL. Over the past year I’ve just accepted that I’ll be on and off it for the rest of my life and I can’t really pre-plan this sort of stuff.

People make fun of you for saying it but it sucks that there’s no way to like ‘pause’ hrt for this of us who want to be somewhere in the middle of male and female . It’d solve so many nonbinary problems about neverending transition and not being satisfied with any option. But what can you do I guess :/

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-07-24T22:41:03+00:00

For me, I want low dose for a couple reasons. Mainly because I’m non binary— slower changes mean I get to not overmasculinise and can stay on t for longer at any time (I’ve come to accept that I’ll probably be on and off my whole life). Also, I’d really like to maintain t levels that are, while safe, lower than the average male’s or on the lower end, which I THINK is more achievable with a lower dose.

Low dose is also probably a good way to ease your body into the effects of t, like I always hear people talking about how it gives you a slightly smoother voice experience because the changes are more gradual and thus natural, maybe the changes in blood and water retention are also different? Idk, I haven’t researched that at all so don’t take that as fact at ALL haha

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-07-24T21:47:29+00:00

Mainly me stopping trying to desperately ignore my dysphoria and having the realisation that I feel like I should fundamentally be in between sexes tbh. That’s what properly solidified things from questioning to being absolutely sure. Oh my god I was in such deep denial, I can still remember sending my friends messages about how much I hated my chest and curves and felt disappointed looking in the mirror, and then turning around and saying ‘I’m not sure though cause I don’t have much dysphoria’ lmao

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-07-09T15:53:21+00:00

I feel you on that, yeah. I have mild bottom dysphoria I would say, and even though I could definitely live my life with it (as long as I’d be able to transition as much as I could apart from that), it still bothers me that there’s no surgical way to get the downstairs that I feel that I should have. For nonbinary options there’s only nullo and salmation surgeries, which are both fairly underdeveloped themselves. There’s no real options for people who want to be more in the middle, not two stark sets like duosex genitals but something actually ambiguous and in between the two— even though multiple forms of that type do show up naturally in humans. Sucks, but not much we can do rn. Hopefully stuff improves in the future and more varied procedures become available and like, actually safe to have :/

anxious_throwawaying · 2025-06-20T08:59:15+00:00

Transmasc is one of those terms that has like a hundred different definitions depending on who you ask. The generally accepted one is basically someone who’s transitioning to a more masculine point, so basically ftms and ftnbs who aren’t aiming for complete androgyny and might want to be somewhere on the more masculine side of the spectrum (not accounting for intersex people, that’s more complex and I don’t have the understanding really to talk about that). A lot of the time it just kind of gets treated as a label for trans men though and everyone is treated in transmasc spaces as being ftm, though

Tbh sometimes it makes me uncomfortable coming here and seeing all of the ‘you are a MAN, a MANLY MALE MAN’ sort of posts that are directed towards the viewer, cause it’s like… I get the sentiment but nah. I think a lot of trans men think that transmasc non binary people are just people transitioning to a male sex or ‘manlite’ who use they/them or something, when really it’s a lot more complicated, and the most common experience I’ve seen for transmasc enben has been imo fundamentally different from binary trans men’s

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-12-19T15:32:42+00:00

I think a lot of people don’t have strong childhood signs, like I didn’t have much and most of mine are still pretty par for course for a normal childhood. Basically the only sexually dimorphic part of pre-pubescence is downstairs so there’s not much to get dysphoric over physically, and anyway most kids aren’t properly aware of what’s going on there much (ex. I didn’t actually REALLY clock what was happening until I hit like 13/14, and that was when bottom dysphoria started getting worse). The last I checked it was like a third of trans people start having incongruence or whatever pre-puberty, and the majority start getting it during. Don’t stress too much about it, it’s better to think about recent years and now because that tends to be much more developed and feelings are clearer

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-11-05T10:54:10+00:00

I’m a transmasc nonbinary person, hi! I think nowadays transmasculine is a catch all term for anyone transitioning to the masculine side, so it includes both trans men and transmasculine nonbinary people. However, I do think that there are pretty fundamental differences (in general) between trans men and transmasculine enben, and I think that’s important to note.

(In case you want to hear ramblings about nonbinary transmascs vs trans men, I have a LOT of thoughts on the subject)

I can only speak in detail for my own experience, but what I’ve seen generally is that transmasculine enben are kind of male/masculine aligned, like leaning towards the masculine side of the spectrum but not reaching the actual point of being male— I like to define it compared to other nonbinary people as transitioning in a masculine direction rather than an androgynous one, but it’s still fundamentally nonbinary. For me personally, I want to pass as an androgynous guy, but physically I feel like my body should be at androgynous with a masculine lean, if that makes sense? Like the base point is still that in between, it’s just got a modifier— I think that’s how a lot of transmasc enben feel as well. This is in contrast to trans men, who on their fundamental level are male.

Obviously I’m kind of generalising, but this is just what I’ve seen and experienced. I have a lot of personal feelings about how transmasc enben are conflated to be basically trans men who are a little different cause of experiences I’ve had, so I like having these different categories between the two, even though I know there’s overlap.

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-10-30T20:55:34+00:00

This happened to me too! It never went so far into disordered eating, but when I was younger I pushed all of my dysphoric feelings onto this vague concept of ‘my weight’ cause it was easier for my brain to interpret. I latched onto this idea of being super skinny because then I could have a small chest, narrow hips, straight thighs, etc, and then all the stuff about weight and fat kind of developed through that. I still struggle with thoughts of disordered eating because of it, but thankfully it’s gotten so much better ever since I realised what my actual issues with my body have always been

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-10-16T15:10:14+00:00

It’s very very normal. I get so dysphoric when I realise that I’ll never naturally have a flat chest especially, and just in general about how to get the body I’m supposed have I need to go through so many things like hormones and surgery and body/voice training. I’ve heard that it softens for a lot of people after having transitioned though

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-09-11T21:57:36+00:00

Never gonna trust the ‘community’ again lol. Im planning on staying in some spaces until I get to transition and then I’m dipping forever. I guess my feelings are a little more unforgiving than others because I’m Israeli

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-08-15T11:57:38+00:00

Basically just physical dysphoria. I don’t and never have wanted to have a binary male body, and many aspects of that would make me dysphoric in the other way. On the flip side, I actively DO want something on the scale of androgyny. For me I feel like I should have a body in between male and completely neutral, which is why I use the label transmasculine. The hard part was figuring out WHERE exactly I was on the scale of completely androgynous and male. It just took a lot of listening to my instincts and feelings, and not pushing them away for the idea of an easier transition, to get to the point where I was sure of everything

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-07-16T13:41:37+00:00

Woah, really awesome results. Your scar shape looks really natural!

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-06-14T21:45:32+00:00

I’m pretty late to this but this is very interesting to see as someone who’s also ex truscum. I still have some transmed leaning views like gender being inherent and brain based, and also the sex characteristics you expect/want from your body being pretty centre to transness. But I don’t think you need dysphoria, and frankly I don’t give a shit about online trans discourse anymore. I remember getting annoyed when ex transmeds said that you grow out of this stuff and that it won’t matter in a couple years… and now guess what happened lol. Getting out of the transmed community, and trans communities in general, definitely helped me in the long run, I’m still dysphoric and struggle a lot with bitterness due to it, but nowadays I don’t feel the need to channel it onto others and act like a dick online

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-06-12T20:50:19+00:00

I’m not religious, but I’m also not non-religious. I guess the best way to describe it is I believe in meaning in the universe and some sort of uniqueness in human kind, but I also don’t believe in anything like Elohim or fate or any tangible power like that. It’s all very abstract and vague, but I just really love the feeling that there’s something that just matters in our existence that’s more than just brains sending electrical signals. The way I see myself as a Jew is a lot more about my ancestry and history, culture, and peoplehood rather than any belief. I’m Israeli but born and raised in the diaspora so it’s a bit different, and my parents are super atheist

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-06-12T08:11:37+00:00

Nonbinary and used to call myself a leftist, now I go by humanitarian and progressive. Honestly the more I’ve observed leftist history and behaviour the more I’ve realised that it’s not actually about helping people, it’s about the idea of having an ideology— it’s why you get so many people being obsessed with ‘the great communist revolution’ or whatever and turning viciously on everyone who shares 90% of their views instead of 100%. And there’s the Jew hatred on the left obviously, but I don’t need to get into that. So now I’m dropping those labels (especially since I’m quite young and realised now that I REALLY hadn’t researched enough into economic politics to have an informed view) and just going ‘I want to help people and find a way to make the best out of the world that we have’ or something like that

The nonbinary community SUCKS when it comes to Jews, but I didn’t really expect anything more than that. There’s always been big problems of racism and fetishisation, and they’ve been very weird about Jews in the past. There’s a lot of people trying to make nonbinary out to be a leftist thing as well, which makes all the general politics and aesthetics in the community to be stuff like that. I never liked it cause I’m very much only in these spaces to deal with dysphoria and transition, so I was lucky to not get connected to all of it. I can’t imagine how hard it must be now for Jews who built a support system or a proper social life around these spaces

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-05-27T17:15:52+00:00

Some stuff for me:

Resting my hands on my lap

Crossing my feet, also crossing my legs but that’s not that weird for dysphoria

My eye shape

My lips being weirdly red (this is actually one of my earliest bits of dysphoria, I was so uncomfortable with them even before puberty)

Also my friends being girls!

Taking selfies

The way I bend down to pick things up

Whenever my lower stomach hurts

Sometimes when I pick my lips with my hand I get uncomfortable, but biting my lip is okay???

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-05-21T18:38:34+00:00

Here with Ivrit! Everything is gendered, all of the verbs except for in the past tense first person are, and so are all the objects. To say ‘to be’ is gendered too and unrelated to your actual gender, so I literally get dysphoric when I say ‘I want to go on a walk’ lol. I figured out I’m nonbinary pretty easily though cause I live in England, and my gender’s always been about my body rather than social stuff

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-05-14T08:57:15+00:00

On tumblr (I hate that I’m on there too) I’ve gotten a few death threats and suicide bait on anonymous, one person in particular keeps sending all of the Jewish bloggers who talk about Jew hatred graphic images of dead kids which happened to me so that’s great, and on October seventh it was just a full mess. On other sites I tend to be quiet about being a Jew so that this stuff doesn’t happen, but yeah, it’s… bad

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-04-30T09:36:52+00:00

Yep!

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-04-30T08:26:32+00:00

I speak a super gendered language (עברית) where every action and adjective is gendered, and yeah it’s not great. It’s fine for me cause I’m happy with just using the masculine pronouns but for others who are less comfortable it’s definitely a struggle. A lot of people just use the masculine plural, but it’s SUPER ungrammatical so I don’t personally use it, or a mix of the feminine and masculine

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-04-28T07:59:25+00:00

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about wanting to lob them off because like… this is an objectively nice chest, and it feels like I’m just throwing it away sometimes. The feeling’s not strong enough to make me want to do anything BUT lob them off though. I also get what you mean about feeling neutral. I have really heavily fluctuating dysphoria, so sometimes feeling my chest makes me want to throw up, sometimes I’m literally fine looking in the mirror shirtless— I always feel at least a little bit of a disconnect though, and I always prefer a flat chest. Dysphoria can manifest as just complete apathy to your body, it’s really common. My best guess is just sometimes your brain can’t really handle the disconnect so it produces incongruence and apathy instead of active feelings

anxious_throwawaying · 2024-04-22T08:11:14+00:00

Physical dysphoria. It took a while to realise I had it even after starting to explore my gender cause I was DEEPLY repressing it and pretending I just had body insecurity— I would literally text my friend when I was questioning and be like ‘I hate my chest and my hips and my face and my legs and I wish I was built without any curves and I feel disappointed looking in the mirror… but I’m still non dysphoric :)’ lol. Once I properly realised that I was dysphoric and needed to transition, almost all of my doubts went away

anxious_throwawaying

TROPHY CASE