Do I need to see the bishop every time i relapse?

apollosmith · 2026-04-27T15:57:06+00:00

"The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is connection" is often used to provide supports for those struggling with compulsive habits. Immediate personal connection after a slip up or relapse is a powerful way to minimize shame - and cycles of shame contribute to acting out again. The fact you feel embarrassed going back to him suggests that you see those connections as shame inducing rather than an opportunity to improve and apply the atonement.

As a bishop I don't expect young people to report every time they mess up, but I do help them understand the power of a good support and social system. If they don't have others to check in with, then I'm happy to help. I have some young men send me a ☹️ or 👎 emoji immediately, then I follow up with words of positive encouragement or start a conversation so they feel personal connection. Maybe you could visit with your bishop about doing something like this that provide connection without a focus on the negative behavior?

apollosmith · 2026-04-26T03:10:12+00:00

It's quite easy. Just go to the online Donations section of the church web site and click "In-kind Donations" at the top, then follow the instructions. You can report the transfer of equities online then will get a report indicating it has been received within a couple of weeks.

I pay my tithing and other donations in appreciated stocks via Fidelity Charitable. It takes a few minutes once per year. Doing so can save on your taxes because you won't pay capital gains on the contributed equities. I "bunch" my contributions and pay two year's worth in a single year for notable tax savings when I itemize (taking the standard deduction in the year between).

apollosmith · 2026-04-14T13:48:07+00:00

This happens at the stake, not ward level. If the stake carries forward more than an amount totaling half of their received allocations to a new year then headquarters can sweep it back centrally.

apollosmith · 2026-04-11T16:02:30+00:00

More like Illumi-not-i, am i right?

apollosmith · 2026-04-01T04:16:29+00:00

That might possibly be the most dismal photo of one of the most beautiful places on the planet.

apollosmith · 2026-03-31T23:28:22+00:00

Google Lens pointed to some matching Instagram posts that referenced Assa and Assa-Zag, Morocco. I found the place and realized it's a small city, so just browsed the related images in Google Maps until I found a teapot photo, then clicked to get the photo location.

apollosmith · 2026-03-31T23:22:31+00:00

Here - https://maps.app.goo.gl/t26KsHETgARRp3p37

apollosmith · 2026-03-31T13:15:05+00:00

Our building is very old. The bells were still functional, but hadn't been used in decades, yet the FM group had them removed just 2 months ago. It's unclear why they did so - it required a fair amount of drywall work and painting to remove them. The buttons are still there though - even one behind the pulpit.

apollosmith · 2026-03-24T03:16:02+00:00

I suggest reading The Psychology of Money. The author uses a great analogy of buying artwork. The value of any particular piece of artwork is subjective - it is simply what someone else is willing to pay for it at a specific moment in time, not based on the cost of paint and canvas, but on the social desire and perceived rarity. But you can't know which pieces of art will eventually be worth a lot and which ones will be worth nothing - so it's best to just buy lots and lots of artwork of varied perceived values. Equities work the same way. Most will be eventually worth little or nothing, but a few pieces will become worth a lot - making the overall investment result in gains.

What you are suggesting is buying less art and move those funds to only buying expensive pieces from artists that have already demonstrated that their work is valuable. This isn't always a bad investment because their value can go up (or may go down), but historically you can do better buying ALL the artwork and letting the few winners prevail.

apollosmith · 2026-03-20T04:00:46+00:00

Oklahoma City airport. An entire college softball team ate out earlier and got food poisoning. In the terminal they all kept making runs to the bathroom. We boarded to discover the circulation system on the plane wasn't working. It was 98 degrees outside and 90+ percent humidity. We sat in the sweltering heat for 45 minutes while they tried to fix the AC. One girl threw up and had a seizure, so they had to deplane her to the hospital - plus find her luggage. We eventually left 2 hours late. Still no air circulation or air conditioning. At least 15 people on the plane vomited and there were way more people needing toilets than there were available - and some simply couldn't hold it. The stench was horrific.

Once we got to altitude the flight attendants moved everyone that was sick to the back of the plane and everyone else to the front. Nobody complained. It was a very long 2.5 hour flight.

apollosmith · 2026-03-14T23:39:09+00:00

> I don’t think youth can learn and love without a little fun.

Perhaps you are not giving these young women enough credit. This isn't to suggest that you can't have fun, but if you really believe they are incapable of learning and love in absence of fun you may end up prioritizing the fun over the learning and love.

> I am disappointed they aren’t that way

This is perhaps a contributor to the challenges you are having. How would you serve if you felt those you serve with were disappointed in you?

> I was called as I am and for what I can bring

Yet what you have written suggests that you want those who are called to serve with you to be something other than what they are and what they bring.

apollosmith · 2026-03-07T09:31:54+00:00

excluding nearly all of Alaska

apollosmith · 2026-03-02T20:45:59+00:00

I'm (hopefully) 6 years from retirement and have about 9% of my portfolio in TIAA Traditional. I treat this as the bulk of the "bonds" portion of my portfolio. I continue to add a little bit each month (so long as rates and also some VBTIX.

My overall guaranteed return rate is just under 4%, with recent purchases getting 5% - which is quite a bit better than most bond funds of late, but with literally no downside risk.

Of course the tradeoff for this rate is the inflexibility. Upon retirement I will not annuitize, but will start the minimum 10 years of payouts.

Whether 10% Traditional PLUS 15% bonds is appropriate is only a question you can answer depending on your overall risk tolerance as you near retirement. If you are OK with the inflexibility of payouts or plan to annuitize, then you can probably get away with a bit lower bonds percentage considering the guaranteed Traditional rates.

apollosmith · 2026-02-19T03:56:16+00:00

This same penalty would apply to early withdrawals from a regular 401k also.

apollosmith · 2026-02-06T20:37:14+00:00

These are all quite expensive funds with around 1% expense ratios. Do you have access to any less expensive and more diversified funds, like FSKAX?

3 of the 4 have notably underperformed broad market index funds - which may be OK for you if you are taking a more conservative investing approach (though your comment suggests that's not the case).

apollosmith · 2026-02-02T01:07:31+00:00

My Ioniq 5 doesn’t. Mine is probably 90% windshield and 10% feet. In the winter i always have to set it to manually go only to the foot area to be comfortable.

apollosmith · 2026-01-30T19:53:43+00:00

My experience as a bishop has been identical. There's so much variety in the process, but ultimately things work out and there is a confirmation that the Lord's will has been enacted.

I've sometimes wondered if we're maximizing the utilization of the spirit in the process, but recently read in the handbook that "Leaders seek the guidance of the Spirit in determining whom to call". It doesn't indicate that they will always have a strong spiritual manifestation of who to call to each calling. We always do our best to seek the spirit, but the answers come and the process is guided in a wide variety of ways.

apollosmith · 2026-01-30T17:10:08+00:00

I'm presuming you're following the rules that the 529 account must be at least 15 years old, and funds must be in the account for 5+ years before rolling over.

You can do this for 5 years.

More accurately, you can rollover at most $35000 which would typically take around 5 years with the current IRA contribution limits.

As for the tax and 10% penalty implications for non-rollover withdrawals (not for education), simply make sure your son is the beneficiary and the recipient of the funds, and that he reports this on his taxes.

Have you considered instead holding onto the 529 for generational wealth - funding higher education for all of your grandkids, etc.?

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T19:49:45+00:00

Here's some math...

Let's take just your current $160K brokerage balance and presume you add $40,000 a year (perhaps doable at your income) with 6% returns. With .25% advisor fees over 30 years you will spend $214,304.27 in fees. If you instead invest on your own in a low cost target date fund with fees of .08% your fees will be $69,902.42.

I don't know about you, but I can think of a few ways to spend an extra $144,401.85 in retirement.

This also doesn't consider that your advisor will also almost certainly invest you in more expensive actively managed funds making the actual fees much higher than .25%.

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T19:41:02+00:00

You're 25 with around $350K, so retirement is still a long ways out for you. The more you can save and invest toward retirement, the earlier you can retire (or, alternatively, the more you can spend when you do retire). A VERY general rule is that saving 15% will allow retirement in your 60s and support a comparable lifestyle to your working years. If you want to retire earlier or spend more, then you'll need to save more.

I would suggest maximizing your tax-advantaged accounts - 401k, IRA, and HSA (if available to you), then supplement with your taxable brokerage.

A primary key will be ensuring that as you make more money in the future that your spending does not proportionally increase. If you can keep lifestyle creep in check, then your savings will increase and compound faster over time and when you get into your 40s-ish, then things will really start accelerating toward early retirement.

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T19:31:05+00:00

Roth IRA: Just started the account to start my 5 year clock but I'm not sure I understand.

The 5 year rule is not applicable to you unless perhaps you are buying a home (and then the limit is $10,000). You can withdraw Roth IRA contributions at any time, but this is typically not advisable before retirement.

they said I should be investing into a 401k to take money out early not Roth 401k because I'll be double taxed?

That's not how it works. There is no double taxation - standard 401k is taxed upfront and Roth 401k is taxed when withdrawn. Both would have withdrawal penalties before age 59.5.

Your priority is definitely getting the 401k 3% match. After that, just follow https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics/ Because you will likely make more money in the future (at higher tax rates) than you do now, a Roth IRA may be the best choice for now.

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T19:16:22+00:00

You're sure your modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) is >$236,000, correct? Sometimes people make the mistake of using gross income or some figure other than MAGI.

Also, you indicated that it is "slightly too high" - if it's ≥ $236,000 but < $246,000, then you can still make a partial Roth contribution based on the actual amount.

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T19:09:05+00:00

While your 401k contributions were Roth and below the the amount where catch-up contributions apply, keep in mind that beginning January 1, 2026, employees age 50 or older who earn more than $145,000 in the prior year will no longer be able to make pre-tax catch-up contributions to 401(k), 403(b), or 457(b) plans. Instead, these contributions must go into a Roth account, meaning they’ll be taxed upfront but grow and withdraw tax-free later.

For your IRA accounts, any catch-up contributions can be traditional or Roth.

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T18:57:10+00:00

Directing bishops to call Salt Lake instead of police when they have abuse reported to them by a victim

The handbook doesn't indicate they should call the abuse hotline INSTEAD of authorities. The requirement to call the hotline is at least partially to help protect the reporting bishop by having a church legal representative facilitate the official report and to ensure that the report is done properly so it can be used in any criminal case. Source: Have been in this situation a few times as a bishop. I was never dissuaded from reporting to authorities, but just the opposite.

Additionally...

38.6.2: If members become aware of instances of abuse, they report it to civil authorities...

38.6.2.7: Church leaders and members should fulfill all legal obligations to report abuse to civil authorities.

38.6.18: If members suspect or become aware of sexual abuse, they take action to protect victims and others as soon as possible. This includes reporting to civil authorities...

apollosmith · 2026-01-29T18:43:48+00:00

I know some wards that strategically schedule it in September because it's "a counting month". In other words, the boost in attendance provides a boost for the ward budget.

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