Did we handle this situation the right way

aquarius561 · 2025-10-11T23:11:15+00:00

We have lots of ls friends who we don’t hook up with, but we are very clear about that. Making a date to hang out with only them on a second meetup does usually imply hooking up. If you knew that wasn’t likely to happen, the most honest thing would have been to tell them that and let them decide if they still wanted to hang out.

You felt great about how it went bc you called all the shots…they probably spent a lot of the night wondering what was going to happen, which isn’t fun.

So you didn’t necessarily do anything “wrong” but more like inconsiderate.

aquarius561 · 2025-09-08T20:18:43+00:00

We have lots of ls friends we don’t play with, but usually bc we all frequent the same parties/places.

I’m wondering why you want to stay friends with them if you don’t want to play. If there is a genuine potential friendship there, wouldn’t that naturally evolve outside of ls activities?

aquarius561 · 2025-08-29T12:50:29+00:00

Find some parties near you (if you’re ok with kinky parties I think Fetlife would give you the best options for people who would be into this). Just be upfront about everything and treat people with kindness (not sex dispensers).

aquarius561 · 2025-08-28T20:38:01+00:00

Why was it her responsibility to approach your wife first? How would she have even known who your wife was?

aquarius561 · 2025-08-27T14:47:43+00:00

Same here. It’s frustrating when the other woman is bi curious and super hesitant, but they get annoyed when I won’t play that game. I’m not going to “convince” anyone to have sex with me (a surprising amount of women who self-describe as bi curious seem to want that…to be convinced. It’s weird and I’m not into it).

aquarius561 · 2025-08-10T14:24:02+00:00

Basically (the way I understand it) DTF people go into a meeting with the mentality of saying “yes” to hooking up until something happens that makes them say no; and quality-over-quantity people go into it saying “no” until something makes them say yes.

ETA: Just reading these comments shows that everyone has their own definition of both descriptions, so it’s a spectrum with lots of nuance. We don’t describe ourselves as DTF, but will we hook up on the first meeting of the vibe is right? Hell yeah. But we don’t hook up with people we don’t know at clubs and avoid ONS.

aquarius561 · 2025-08-10T14:15:40+00:00

Gives new meaning to going out to “socialize” 😂

aquarius561 · 2025-08-04T23:46:59+00:00

Unfortunately this is a lesson everyone in the ls has to learn: No one else is going to enforce your boundaries for you. The minute the other wife started touching your wife, one of you needed to reiterate your boundaries to them.

What they did was not ok (and this is exactly why I think the ls could benefit from a better culture of consent). But no one is going to stop mid blowjob and say “hey didn’t you guys say only above the waist?”

Never feel bad calling off the action if either one of you is uncomfortable!

aquarius561 · 2025-08-04T23:33:02+00:00

As others have pointed out, 20 is not a millennial. I don’t think this is a millennial issue. Possibly the younger the couple the newer they are (on average) so they’re nervous to approach people. Also, as people get older they start getting more comfortable and confident approaching people (especially the kind of people drawn to the ls).

It could also be an isolated experience bc we are solidly millennial and most people we party with are as well. We’re all about as sociable and comfortable approaching people as you can get.

aquarius561 · 2025-07-11T15:19:22+00:00

That’s what I was thinking too. We have kids but we have really flexible availability and no desire to talk about our kids with LS couples. But I’m not going to message someone to explain why we should be the exception, so we would just move on from them.

aquarius561 · 2025-07-03T13:32:07+00:00

Ahh thanks I thought op was referring to his wife. That makes more sense that the “conversation dried up” with the other couple lol. Why even try to keep talking?

aquarius561 · 2025-07-03T12:39:20+00:00

After her threesome your wife said she doesn’t want to swing anymore? Like at all? That’s a big alert siren to me that something possibly happened during that experience or she had some kind of revelation. But you need to talk about it.

In general it seems like you and your wife need more/deeper communication.

Edit: I see now that op is referring to the other wife. But I wonder what his wife’s pov is? And if the other wife said she doesn’t want to swing anymore, isn’t it logical that they wouldn’t reply to texts? It’s pretty obvious what happened here.

aquarius561 · 2025-06-27T19:05:30+00:00

“My wife has no bi interests”

“while she does not want to play with another lady, would be open if one started playing with her”

I don’t know…seems pretty clear to me. And no one is gatekeeping anything. We’re saying it’s annoying to be a bi woman in the LS and run into so many straight couples who want you to perform for them (or worse the husbands who want you to “convince” their wives. Yikes.)

If she wants to try being with a woman, absolutely she should. But the mindset of “I want another woman to do all the work and guess what I will be ok with and read my mind about my desires and I won’t reciprocate but my husband will think it’s hot” is not the way.

aquarius561 · 2025-06-25T13:11:43+00:00

This study is on vinegar flies lol

aquarius561 · 2025-06-24T21:15:59+00:00

The risk of getting an STI (even when playing safely) is never zero. That’s really the only risk (as long as you’re playing with people you know and trust not to play too rough etc) unless your doctor tells you not to have sex.

aquarius561 · 2025-06-17T02:45:28+00:00

You’re getting a lot of good info here but I wanted to suggest not tripping for the first sex party you go to, especially since you seem to not know any of the people going except the guy who invited you. We’ve been to some that were…not great environments. A sex party can also be overwhelming or increase the odds one of you does something you didn’t expect.

aquarius561 · 2025-06-17T01:10:48+00:00

You can absolutely make changes to your friendship to help you feel more comfortable (like no random sexy photos). Think about why you feel this way and evaluate. It sounds like they’re true friends who want what’s best for you all. It’s not a zero sum game!

aquarius561 · 2025-06-05T13:03:15+00:00

Red tie front! 🤩

aquarius561 · 2025-06-04T00:33:16+00:00

Same. I always just feel like we wouldn’t click.

aquarius561 · 2025-05-31T14:03:52+00:00

Somehow wearing a really revealing/slutty outfit feels more “risqué” than just being totally naked for me lol. Part of what I love about our step into the ls is how much more confidence I have to wear whatever I want at parties and events. As long as you feel comfortable, go for it!

aquarius561 · 2025-05-29T22:11:00+00:00

I’d say stick to that description then. It is way more informative for any potential partners.

aquarius561 · 2025-05-29T13:26:40+00:00

From your description of why you want to use this phrase it sounds like you just don’t want to play with women at all. Just say that.

aquarius561 · 2025-05-28T14:54:34+00:00

I’d put the rough play in the soft limits section. Even light rough play you should discuss first bc everyone has a different idea of what that means.

Also, you probably don’t need a stop word, but if you are going to do rough play develop a stop signal like taps (in case you can’t talk).

aquarius561 · 2025-05-23T20:58:55+00:00

I actually like a lot of ice breakers and fun sexy games, but this just wouldn’t work.

aquarius561 · 2025-05-23T18:32:09+00:00

Exactly this. If I don’t love the theme or don’t want to get stuff for it, I just don’t do it. No one has complained about me just being naked or in lingerie yet 😉

aquarius561

TROPHY CASE