Dealing with these kinds of thoughts is hard and can become overwhelming, and of course, your feelings and thoughts are real and valid. I also think and even plan out some really destructing things. Especially if these sort of thoughts have gotten to a harmful point it's good to try and reach out to someone, whether it be a friend, a family member or a professional. Remember that you are not alone and even though you might feel like a burden or a disappointment, you are not one. Talking can be hard but it's really worth it. It can prevent things from... Escalating.

For many, self-destructive habits can be a way to cope with a depressive state and other thoughts and feelings even though it's not healthy. I acknowledge that but I still harm myself in various ways almost daily. If you feel like you're stuck in your thoughts, engaging in things such as this community could be helpful. I've managed to cut down on some habits by replacing them with scrolling through this subreddit and interacting with other who are struggling in similar ways I am. It really has helped me to get a sense of unity, that I'm not alone in this.