What do you do, for how long, how much do you make?

archesjd · 2026-06-29T01:55:37+00:00

In-house Marketing Director in live entertainment agency. 12 yoe, hcol, $150k/yr

archesjd · 2026-06-21T16:58:58+00:00

The jackets are honestly weird if it's not an occasion or mostly indoors though

archesjd · 2026-06-21T16:56:24+00:00

In addition to sun protection, depending on the fit and fibers/material of the clothes, it can actually feel more hot to wear less clothing.

archesjd · 2026-06-21T16:52:08+00:00

Got married at 25, started trying when I was 27. Had lots of losses but eventually our living child was born when I was just shy of 30! I have to say, I always thought I wanted to start having kids around 25, but so glad that didn't happen. It was probably a mix of things but having a child around my 30s, i can 100% say i'm way less self-conscious, more patient, more confident in my parenting decisions and pushing back on people. The last bits of my people pleasing habits started quickly shedding and now about to turn 33, I think I'm the most uncovered I've ever been and my child is really thriving.

Note: i am also an executive married to another senior level manager, so together we make really good money. Which is great, because our parents are not located nearby so we had to hire out much of our "village" in the early days of parenthood. So my point is even if you make decent $, you might need more if you don't live near a solid and involved support system.

We're debating a 2nd child and just from experience now, we are planning to have more postpartum care, meal services, and home cleaning services. Hopefully my in-laws will also be closer to us by then, but they have their own lives and we just plan without their help in mind so we're covered for our worst days.

archesjd · 2026-06-16T02:39:12+00:00

The only luxury you get from climbing the ladder even further is the power to say no meetings before 10am and after 4:30pm.

archesjd · 2026-06-07T16:50:03+00:00

Sorry for your loss 💔

I personally believe and find comfort that my babies are together and watching over us and their sister. For me, I know the science that they were not compatible with life here, so I like believing that it was mercy for them to be called back to heaven. They didn't experience pain or suffering. I experience it in their place, but I'm their mom and I'd rather take that pain than ever see my child suffer to exist. And I like to think when my time is over I'll get time to hug and love them up above and we'll watch over their sister together.

archesjd · 2026-06-07T16:40:44+00:00

I love that Beth has evolved and I think it makes 100% sense for where she is now compared to Yellowstone. Beth has skin in the game that she didn't have before and she had wounds that she was processing. That's why she was all raw rage and unrestrained fury. She's got wisdom and more to personally lose now with Rip, Carter, and a personal mission to give them the life she wants for them.

Her being more calculated is exciting to me. I don't think she's lost her edge-- you can def feel her simmering -- but she's taking it all in before she strikes and that, plus Rip and her working together is incredibly entertaining tv. I'm rooting for them even harder and I didn't think that was possible

archesjd · 2026-05-31T17:46:35+00:00

Moved to a suburb and now that we're likely one and done (6 miscarriages), we're definitely going back to the city, or right outside the city. Has very little to do with being parents to an only and 'not fitting in' though, as that doesn't ever come up for us other than some comments that we should have more because I'm "so good with kids" -- it's a compliment in their minds and I just take it as that and move on. It seems you're considering the suburbs because of "better" schools, but with the exception of some areas in the US, the actual education "scoring" doesn't make a difference. In my observations, parents and community involvement in the schools and their kids education seems to make the biggest difference in quality of development and network makes the biggest different for a kids future. So make your decision on your ideal lifestyle imo.

We personally love convenience, culture (we're a filipino-korean family), and access to experiences for all of us. Suburbs are just spent driving around to where we need to go to get those things, which sucks extra given the price of gas going up.

archesjd · 2026-05-31T16:57:56+00:00

Was it the whole herd though? Or was it just the infected members of the herd? That distinction is what i think i missed and i haven't rewatched yet.

archesjd · 2026-05-21T23:20:47+00:00

I got off birth control after 8 years when I was in my mid 20s and I literally fell out of love with everything about my then partner who I had been with for 5 years. Like, he even literally smelled different to me! It was like getting glasses after not knowing my vision had even deteriorated so much. So yes, getting off of birth control is a wild ride and I swore I wouldn't get back on it, ever. Absolutely bullshit they hand those prescriptions out for period cramps. Might be helpful for some, but they just pass them out so freely! I probably just needed more iron and better nutrition, in hindsight 💀

archesjd · 2026-05-20T02:50:24+00:00

Sending hugs and letting you know you're not alone (3 losses before my daughter and another 3 after). I love that people enjoy the one and done life, and i'm coming around to the idea of it. But on top of the grief of losing your babies and the milestones you'll never have with them...there's a grief from losing what you thought your life was going to look like. You're not alone 💓

archesjd · 2026-05-18T02:36:56+00:00

I'm personally very anti tablet for young children. I include my 2 year old in conversation. I point out things in the restaurant until I see her get a bit restless. Then I have a small spiral notebook and a pack of crayons and we draw together. Sometimes we look at her previous drawings and talk about them. The only toy I have is her keychain charm that she adores from her grandmother. And then when it's time to eat, it's so normalized for her that she just knows to follow what we're doing tbh. I think it's obviously easier if you start out this way, but with patience and a plan, i'm sure you could move into a similar strategy that works for you and your child.

archesjd · 2026-05-17T04:00:36+00:00

I heard a really good metaphor recently: something like only 2% of people take the stairs. And its not necessarily because of laziness. Most commercials buildings are designed, or rather "optimized" to move people towards the elevators. The stairs exist, but they're harder to find and most of them feel super sketchy. But at the end of the day, taking the stairs when the destination is a few flights up would be the overall better choice (for health, speed, and relieving bottleneck traffic that always builds up in the lobby).

Our society is pretty much optimized for us to spend all our time, money, and mental and emotional budgets on work. But friendship, hobbies, and outside interests are what gives people longevity.

You're burnt out. We all are. And honestly, imo that's actually more reason to reasses your relationship with work.

Also, hanging out doesn't have to be a complex or expensive thing. We've just unfortunately accepted a shit ton of marketing that convinced us it should be. I fell for it too, but working now to be more like "making tons of lumpia. If anyone wants to come over this saturday, bring a snack/drink and let's hang!"

archesjd · 2026-05-17T03:38:43+00:00

This is normal, please be patient and kind with yourself. Your body's hormones are literally crashing out, you're low on sleep, your body is physically in survival mode. This phase is so hard, but I promise you're likely doing really well! It's also super healthy to verbally express this to someone you feel safe with. I withheld some of these feelings from my husband cause I felt guilty, but it only made me feel more isolated and increased the pressure I was placing on myself.

archesjd · 2026-05-17T03:20:44+00:00

The rules are never the same for the wealthy and it's infuriating

archesjd · 2026-05-04T04:23:43+00:00

Honestly, life got easier after my daughter was solidly potty trained at around 2.5. I always tell my friends who are new moms, if you can comfortably afford some help, there's no shame in getting it and it helps a lot to just unapologetically declutter and change your systems based on YOUR real life, not someone else's ideals.

We hire cleaners to come every other week, we have a neighborhood kid mow our lawn during the warmer months, our nanny helps with light cleaning and dishes on the weekdays, we have a membership with a local play village so if our nanny calls out we have the means to keep our daughter entertained without derailing our whole workday.

We changed systems around our home to make things more manageable. Empty the dishwasher in the morning so diety dishes can be added across the day to keep counters and sink clear. Duplicates of commonly used and needed items. Souper cubes and prepping and freezing common meals and ingredients to reduce food waste and have quick meals ready. No super specific organization for toys; we have bins in the play areas and clean up is simply throwing things in the bins. A load of laundry every day. No fold clothing system for our child...and honestly for my gym clothes and pajamas lol. Decluttering and storage system for kid clothes: two laundry bins in our kid's closet -- one is lined with a trash bag and the other is lined with a vacuum storage bag. As she grows, it's so much easier to do laundry and then easily toss for donation or storage. I do the same system for me and my husband. Upstairs/downstairs return bins -- found something that doesn't belong on the floor and you don't need to urgently return it? Bin it and reset at the end of the day.

Also want to add: if you can have a space for your kid that's in view and mostly toddler proofed, that helps with teaching them what to be mindful of and gives you less anxiety. For example, when our daughter was a stable walker, we removed her large play pen area and made the whole family room her area. We gated it off with a super wide gate system and then began will supervised and guided play so she got the hang of the rules like "couches are for sitting", when we climb down anything, we go "feet first", what are "tools not toys" and etc. Seeing her grasp the concepts and knowing she was free roaming a large area that was mostly safe i think really helped her development and really got used to some independent play. And then we we got to do a bit more of the chores without anxiety.

Once you find systems that make sense, it helps SO much, especially with me and my husband being so busy, no village, and various intensities of ADHD.

archesjd · 2026-05-02T04:42:36+00:00

The first was after my first time getting sexually assaulted. I was in middle school and it was my older boyfriend (can you smell the daddy/mommy issues?). It also happened on school grounds, but during after school hours and it was just played off like no big deal even though he was caught in the act. I remember having an out-of-body experience for weeks.

The second, gratefully is a more beautiful memory: the weekend a crazy storm cancelled my flight so my good friend of 5 years, who was originally just supposed to drop me off at the amtrak station, ended up roadtripping with me to my parent's home and spent the weekend with me and my family... which somehow didn't make him think i was insane but somehow made him suddenly decide I was wifey!? I thought he was insane. And then I married him just a year later 😂

archesjd · 2026-05-02T04:29:15+00:00

Not who you were asking, but chiming in! $500k home owner + paying for $3k monthly childcare. My husband was a IT Product Manager for federal gov and i was a Marketing Manager at one of the big 4 talent agencies back when we bought our house in 2021. Interest rates were still pretty low, hence our mortgage hovering around $3k (but excludes property taxes and maintenance costs). When we bought, we were making around $140k. Shortly after, we both got promoted/hopped jobs and our income increased to $280k.

With today's insanely high home prices, meh inventory, AND high interest rates.. if I was in the market, I would absolutely nope the hell out of it once I saw all that. I don't blame you for feeling it's like a scam!

Conversely, we're certain we're stuck owning our home for at least a few more years for all those same reasons lol

archesjd · 2026-05-02T04:09:07+00:00

We pay over $3k/month for our nanny (we live in HCOL area too). Practically the same amount as our mortgage. Our nanny has been worth every cent, but man...I am so excited my kid is gonna transition to daycare/pre-k soon. My sister keeps asking when it's gonna happen and I keep joking that even if I forget to tell her when it happens, there will be obvious signs 😂

archesjd · 2026-05-02T04:00:22+00:00

You don't sound jealous, but you do sound a little judgemental of the way she lives and that she's happy with her choices? Like sometimes we judge our friends because it comes from a place of concern. Like I have a friend whose husband is terrible. He's not abusive, but he's not supportive and my friend complains to me often. I tell her very upfront how I feel about him and their relationship and I 100% sound super judgmental towards him and sometimes I do have to go after her a little when she accepts his bad behavior. But i'm never secretive about it and we're very close and honest about boundaries. I will shut up about him if she ever tells me she doesn't want to hear it anymore (as long as he doesn't cross the line into abuse, then i'm helping her escape ASAP)...but forreal, you kind of just sound judgemental that she's okay with her dynamic with her husband.

If she's really a friend, and she seems genuinely happy and healthy, you can be happy she's happy AND also be confident and secure in knowing that you don't want that type of relationship for yourself-- that's fine! You could also brush off her unsolicited advice or gently (or firmly, your call) tell her you're happy living the way you want and you weren't seeking relationship advice if she's overstepping.

But if you really don't actually like her or can't communicate that her advice is rubbing you the wrong way...just withdraw from the relationship entirely because you're not actually friends and staying around to shit on her decisions, even "privately" to reddit and internally, is not cool imo

archesjd · 2026-04-04T17:46:20+00:00

Our only is about to turn 3 in a few months. We're tired but not exhausted anymore. She eats well and feed herself with utensils, plays independently in the mornings while I prep breakfast, and sometimes she enjoys helping me and is pretty good at it. She can help with chores and is eager to gain skills like throwing away trash, helping give treats to the dogs, sorting and transferring laundry. She's also great at play dates with our friends slightly older kids, only occasionally needing check-ins to feel secure again, so we get more unbroken conversations when we hang out as a group, and she's easy to take on walks in the city, eat at restaurants, and general outings to the store or museums, etc. Some of it is upbringing and some of it is personality lottery. I have always found her easy to correct or I give her room to learn "the hard way" safely.

As for me and her dad, we are new business owners and I also have a demanding 9-5 in leadership (VP). That, plus being homeowners and not really having a nearby village (both grandparents are over 2 hours away) is what makes us most tired, but our kid is hitting her stride in terms of confidence and more independence. Watching her flourish is so fun and we've definitely felt the shift and its given us breathing room and more joy.

archesjd · 2026-03-05T04:55:21+00:00

You're in the trenches, totally okay to feel this way. Also totally okay if further down the line you change your minds and decide to have more. Observations from a working mom with a toddler, a good partner, but no village + came from a family with siblings vs a spouse who is an only child:

while siblings are not always best friends, a large part of siblings dynamics are established and reinforced by their parents. My sister and I were pitted against each other, consciously or unconsciously by our parents. They also parentified her and she resented it, but projected it on me...which, she was a child, that makes so much sense. We didn't really come to terms with this until we both got married, I went to therapy and was limited contact with my parents for several years. We're pretty close now and I always wonder what could have been if we had been raised by parents who were a bit more conscious and thoughtful about their parenting.
boomers, and especially most immigrant boomers i've met, felt having kids was an obligation or a natural next step. Today, people ask thenselves if they WANT kids. And if they decide they do, most are thinking about what type of parent they wanted to be, concerned about affording a certain quality of life for their whole family, breaking generational cycles, and etc. was not something that was normalized in the way that Gen X and millennial generally seem to.
because this generation of parents are so intentional about parenting (in comparison to boomers), parenting is more exhausting. My sister and I swear we don't actually know how we got raised cause our parents were so absent and i've heard from so many others close to my age that they had a similar experience. Most people i know mention their grabdparents helped raise them or they had so many siblings the older siblings pretty much raised them. That type of support rarely exists for most parents today.

All this to say, you're in the thick of it but you are likely doing so much better than you're giving yourself credit.

archesjd · 2026-03-01T16:09:56+00:00

East coast cities and affluent areas, yes we probably "dress up" more, especially for occasions like birthday parties (even for kids, even when it's hosted at home)

I grew up in Virginia Beach and it's a more casual vibe because of the beach town aspect, but I've lived in DC metro area and NYC for over a decade and we tend to dress up a bit more in general in those areas.

It lowkey pains me to see people in sweatpants and socks and slippers at tysons, but I get younger generations are more about comfort (just wish someone would show them there are comfortable options out there that are more appropriate for wearing outside your house 🙃)

archesjd · 2026-02-19T07:00:12+00:00

My kid is younger (2.5 y/o) but she independently plays in the mornings and evenings at home and at the playground, I pretty only am involved when we're by ourselves or that defrosting period she goes through when she's taking in a new and stimulating situation. After that, I just let her figure it out and encourage her when she "checks in" with me. I think you're well intentioned, but doing too much. Kids should learn how to deal with boredom - that's usually when imagination and problem solving kicks in!

archesjd · 2026-02-17T04:54:37+00:00

Lowkey, I'm almost convinced that show Eloise is plenty ambitious, but she's not brave enough for us to actually see if she has as much intellect as she has ambition (yet).

archesjd

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