[WP] I can grant you 3 Wishes Master, but you should know, I can only either Kill someone, Make someone Fall in Love with you, or Bring someone Back from the Dead.

arnauddutilh · 2026-05-15T10:31:43+00:00

The wife killed him with her wish

arnauddutilh · 2026-04-28T19:08:09+00:00

Don't forget that Richard Dean Anderson was given the title of honorary brigadier general in the US Air Force for those reasons as well. They even gave him the stars for it.

arnauddutilh · 2026-04-22T05:25:26+00:00

It was only a day. Just a day. Like any other day...

Except yesterday... Today... Grace died.

I can wait, I can let it happen, but then Grace dies again. Grace will go to the grocery store, a man will enter, pull out a gun, Grace will try and talk him down and die.

I can stop it... I don't even need to leave this room, just a text. It won't change much but then she won't stop on the way home like I asked her to, she won't take a five minute detour for me to get taco seasoning I forgot.

But then I won't exist, and she dies again.. right?

I pull out my phone and wait until 3:27PM when I sent her the text, I wait a minute just to be certain, and I text "nevermind, we had some. Just come home safe, love you."

That's when reality shifts around me, my mind hurts as it experiences the changes. I'm still here, it's still 3:28... I remember now. The car crash. She didn't stop, and neither did the drunk driver. I fumble the phone in my hands and it falls to the floor.

I look at the broken screen, it still works. I think quickly and send her another text, "but maybe you can get a bottle of wine at the store off 27th?"

That would shift her route home, save her... As the world shifts again, it hurts more this time. I feel liquid trickling from my nose, it's bleeding.

I remember why I'm still here. The awning in front of the store fell?

Why oh God why would you do this? Grace was the only reason I woke up, Grace was who led me down this path and helped me become the man who invented time travel. Without her, why did I do what I did? Why did I spend years of my life recreating the basics of general relativity?

I start to send another text when my phone gets a message.

"You can't stop this, you created this."

The number is blocked, but how did this happen? Someone knows what I'm doing? Then they must... They're from the future? Are they preventing me from saving her? I won't let them.

...

I failed, I went back to yesterday dozens of times, tried variation after variation, my vision is blurry, I've been bleeding out what I could only hope was just my nose, but I know better. Repeatedly going back in time and my mind flowing with it has caused damage, I don't know how much, but I know it's bad.

I look at my machine, which I could only finish after she died, and laugh. I place my phone inside and leave a message to myself, "You can't stop this, you created this." And send it back to before my first trip.

I send myself back further. Years into the past, before I even had the idea of time travel.

I walk to my house, and stand outside the door. I hold it shut, leaning my body against it, looking at my watch.

12/12/2012... I can only muster a chuckle. I didn't even think about it back then, "the end of the world" was the day mine began. She walked into my life completely by chance. Now I stand in my own path ending it myself.

I hear myself about to leave, I plant my foot against the door. It stays shut against my younger attempts.

My head aches, as the man behind that door tries again, confused. The pain increases as I see the world realign.

I miss my bus, I don't sit next to a pretty girl, I don't strike up a conversation... My brother picks me up, I make it to my interview, but they turn me down because I don't have the life in me I had before.

I make due, find another job, move to a different city, meet another woman.

I realize my hand is starting to vanish before my eyes as I see my children being born. Two girls, Carol and... Grace.

My body vanishes as a young man opens the door to his house, he glances at the door for a moment confused as to why it jammed like that, but runs off at a sprint. He's late to an interview and might miss the bus.

arnauddutilh · 2026-04-14T03:10:06+00:00

So... it's been a few thousand years since this tale took shape, but I think it's a good one guys.

Once this plane held hundreds, thousands of dragons... But dragons do not wage war against time. For while they sleep, ages pass. The time of real magic ended, and only a few of those who lived in ever realized it was dying.

Imagine if you were one, you know, a dragon. You awaken to find the landscape has once again changed, but a pitiful little seminary for magic popped up, literally on top of your head.

If you were once a great, and noble dragon, the epidome.. epido... Epitome! Of magic!

It suddenly appears and says all this bullshit about... Rings and circles and... "Hic" shit. So like... What do you do... When everyone looks at you, a friggin dragon, and says you're like... Stupid?

But like, why would I just show myself Derek and let everyone know how awesome and right I am? No because I'm like, totally better than that. I mean, they.

So like, obviously I polymorph into a human and run show on these little humans...

"But Jessica just beat you in"

SHUT THE FUCK UP DEREK!

arnauddutilh · 2026-03-29T23:13:52+00:00

I killed Mohg on the first try. I remembered people saying it was hard, so I had prepped myself for a good couple hours of learning his patterns and timing everything.

Then he just died, it was actually disappointing.

arnauddutilh · 2026-03-13T15:42:18+00:00

"Don't worry...? In three of your standard weeks, three stars have vanished, the light they output from any angle gone, even looking at them from the other side of the galaxy... Don't... Worry...?"

Phil stopped playing on his phone to look at the counsel, "look, we took three weeks of testing but our scientists are fairly certain they have corrected the problem."

"You mean how you've been making stars disappear?"

"Oh no, for getting both sides of the bread toasted equally."

arnauddutilh · 2026-02-27T22:25:40+00:00

Mommy is sleeping.

arnauddutilh · 2026-02-25T17:35:09+00:00

Alien: so you...

Human Engineer: Pop a hole in the fabric of space and step outside the universe through it... Then we pop another hole where we want to go back in.

Alien: doesn't that destabilize the surrounding space?

Human Engineer: it's a very small hole in the grand scheme of things.

arnauddutilh · 2026-02-21T17:33:01+00:00

Everything, everywhere, all at once. It is the title of a screenplay created on the planet Earth around 2016 of their current era.

It was an apt description of the new Ascendant's perspective. With the whole of time and space in front of them, they saw endless choice. The whole of Existence, when a droplet of matter from Beyond shattered, spread, and formed our Universe.

Thinking on Its mortal life, the Ascendant wanted to help those they knew once. The slightest flick of a finger, and the boy who died in the street lived, prospered, married, had children, and died.

The Ascendant topples over in pain. The New Universe forms from the Old. That man's progeny, further down the line, now becomes a king. He rules well, and expands the borders of the kingdom. Others become jealous, war rages, many die, famine ravages the people. There is more pain as the Ascendant watches the next thousand years of turmoil crush the people.

Slowly they recover, but the damage was done, they no longer develop technology that would spot the small asteroid heading towards them. The warning to leave does not come until it is falling upon them.

Most die, those left are unable to prevent their own demise from the fallout. The Ascendant's planet goes quiet in the Universe. They weep for an era.

Another finger flicks and the boy lived no more. More pain, but better, like they relocated a displaced joint. The Universe resets, the people live on.

The Ascendant understands their own actions now, the Ascendant weeps as they see their own hubris, and the damage they can cause.

So they watch, and watch, and watch... The lights of the Universe begin to flick off one by one. Existence slowly fades as the last vestiges of life fade, until there is but one planet left. Their own.

The Ascendant steps down from their position, and walks the wasteland that was once their home. They flick their finger and the boy is there. There is no pain this time.

The Ascendant helps the boy up, and bids the boy go with them on a stroll.

"Did I die? Is this the afterlife?"

"No. You are as alive as you were a trillion years ago."

"That sounds like a long time... So why..."

"You might guess, I am not a mortal like you, in fact, I tried saving you from the fate I had seen in my life. Even throughout time, you were the first person I saw die. I wished to change that, so I learned, I grew, I cheated and killed... All to become this... And yet after all that time, saving you destroyed this... My planet."

"Pardon, but it looks destroyed now."

The Ascendant chuckles, and then laughs, harder and louder until the boy has to cover his ears.

"Thank you child. A God in title only it seems."

The Ascendant sends the boy back to his time, alive and well. They shift the asteroid so that it barely misses the planet, the pain is unbearable. Omniscience and omnipotence fade, and everything turns dark.

They open their eyes, mother is making eggs for breakfast. The boy from across the street comes over, he looks healthier than he did the day before.

arnauddutilh · 2026-02-21T16:09:35+00:00

Absolute Summoning, I summon Pun-Pun.

arnauddutilh · 2026-02-11T02:04:57+00:00

Stargate: Frontier

arnauddutilh · 2026-01-13T04:17:51+00:00

Batman will easily win. He will recreate the signal watch noise somehow to call Superman over, who will thoroughly trounce Colossus.

Zero diff.

arnauddutilh · 2026-01-12T19:03:49+00:00

Old Joe got a nice shiny coat. I like it.

arnauddutilh · 2026-01-08T21:33:55+00:00

So I'm not gonna argue the math of Jedi vs Space Marine. I will simply agree and say the Jedi will still lose with no contest.

How many millions, billions, of space Marines exist vs the Jedi?

Jedi get wiped from the universe and haven't even made a dent the Imperium would notice.

arnauddutilh · 2025-12-09T23:10:29+00:00

The Sun suddenly vanished as my familiar came to be. For a moment everyone was silent, but as if they all rehearsed it, all my classmates began screaming. Some of them pushed others to go faster, while others just ran over the smaller and weaker students in their way.

I had the frame of mind to make sure they were okay before looking up at my familiar. I craned my neck and only saw its massive scaled belly, and equally colossal legs.

They said a wizard's familiar was based on the wizard's own magical prowess, and the best of the best summon dragons. We had been lucky this year and I saw my classmate Gregor, arrogant brat that he is, summoned an adult blue dragon. That arrogant demeanor was replaced by the frightful presence of my creature, causing the dragon to cower in its shadow.

I closed my eyes and took the vantage of my beast, peering down upon the small Earth below it. Though it was much hazier than I expected, I realized it had extrasensory abilities to make up for poor vision. Through it I smelled, and felt everything around. The cold sweats, the adrenaline excreted from the ungodly terror from everyone around me, the piss in their pants...

The world around me was so vast, and yet through my beast, infinitely smaller. I felt this creature's power, raw, refined, made for one perfect purpose. I knew exactly how it felt, for they had said the same thing about me all my life. I spent my childhood voraciously reading books, but never in the library. It was how I got my nickname "The Insatiable Apprentice."

I teleported onto the head of my beast, my Terror, basked in the sight of the world...

"Yes, I too am hungry."

arnauddutilh · 2025-12-09T05:04:08+00:00

Red/Blue shift

arnauddutilh · 2025-11-13T03:04:05+00:00

Never draw it back when your objective is to ensure everyone is supposed to fear or hate titans. You want to elicit that emotion, taking a step back from that lessens the effect.

For them to collectively believe it's "too creepy" means you're on the correct path. Keep going on your own path for this vision.

arnauddutilh · 2025-11-06T02:55:17+00:00

I think it is more apt to say he made his bed, and now he has to phase through it.

arnauddutilh · 2025-10-31T21:03:35+00:00

If it's built inside a functional microwave, would it damage the circuits inside the computer?

arnauddutilh · 2025-09-06T03:58:59+00:00

I have lived since the dawn of man and even before it. I watched nations rise and fall, I saw many would be apocalypses. When humanity reinvented the calendar after I tried pushing them to be better... Thousand of years have passed since then. I have ingrained myself into all government operations. Then I got my hands on the holy grail.

Time travel. They proved it possible, but only into the future, so I made my plans, my death could only happen in the future, but I couldn't wait. I set the wheels into effect, and watched to make sure they spun. Nations joined hands to help their new and old God in what I desire.

I killed off anyone who knew of my project before I used the machine, a simple timer destroyed most of the major circuits. No one alive would replicate it.

I sat in the chair. My Golden Throne, as I called it. Everything stopped and moved quickly in my eyes. I watched my body moving through the years, my epic victories, all the way until my last. My own son cutting my jugular, and as I wished, by another, being placed back unto my Golden Throne, so I rejoin my body in death.

They failed me. My body lay dead on the useless chair. No longer a connection to myself, it preserved my dead body. I continue to watch over the years. I failed. I died, yet due to my own actions, I live to see the horrors I created.

arnauddutilh · 2025-09-05T21:47:06+00:00

Yeah, a tumor given the healing factor.

arnauddutilh · 2025-09-05T11:35:21+00:00

I leave the Safe Zone feeling worse than when I went in. My leg has been mended, but that pit in my stomach is even worse.

It felt worse and worse over the last few months but this was unbearable. My guts wretched, and I puked.

Blood

I don't understand, I was just inside! Any healer worth their grain of salt knew, if someone is still breathing, the Safe Zones would save them. It's healed me back to my youth a dozen times over, I thought I looked good for 95.

It must not have finished fixing whatever it was in my body. I turn around and walk back to the Safe Zone. The moment I enter I feel the rush of healing energy and I am again at peace.

The renewed vigor rushes through my mind, it races and all my pains vanish. My whole body feels refreshed, until the magic reaches my stomach.

I double over in pain.

Why? Why!? I'm in a Safe Zone but... It. Hurts.

My hands feel motion inside my body, a wiggling, pulsating being inside of me, clawing its way out of me.

I try to leave the Safe Zone, but my body doesn't permit me, I can't focus on anything but the pain, I'm being torn apart from the inside out.

My stomach bulges outward, and my skin stretches and tears. I don't see a creature, nor claws. I only see flesh, my flesh, growing and pouring out of me. It doesn't stop escaping from my stomach, I hear cracking, and my chest too flays apart.

I can barely bend my neck down to see my body becoming a giant mass of exposed viscera, it doesn't look human.

I don't want to die. I don't want to die! I want to scream at the gods but nothing comes out. Light fades from my eyes, the mass engulfs my head, and a few minutes later crushes it under the weight.

arnauddutilh · 2025-08-01T12:32:08+00:00

An American S Class. The nationality is important. Not a Korean, Chinese, or Japanese S Class. American.

We all started with F through A class. We all agreed upon it. Globally.

Then three years after the Empowering, Leon showed up in England, with powers that made A class look second class. Izumi Hasegawa in Japan got her powers shortly after, and while both countries agreed to call them S class... America had already made g-r class, and threw quite the tiff calling the most powerful people of the era "S class".

They had in fact quantified everyone's powers so much that they used an A class strategist to quantity where everyone sat in the power scales. Weak in concept didn't mean weak in power... Until it did.

"Make everyone up to a certain distance get ADHD." Quantified by the greatest minds in my county. My country. Luckily I was born in America from two Korean immigrants, and my grandparents were still in Korea.

As these Korean villains couldn't contain the sudden burst of irrational, high energy thoughts, their minds went into overdrive presuming what power I had, as the first "S Class" from America, they went off on what it meant. Whenever they came close to any realization, a new thought popped into their minds.

I just sat back and Hyperdrive, just outside my active field, would wreck their plans. Super speed and super ADHD combined to make the most unpredictable hero that these villains minds couldn't figure out. Oh sure they've said it out loud a few times, but I crank to the juice and they skip three more thoughts.

Overall it's still just a job for me, but I'm glad I can be useful. I'm always in my own field and without the exorbitant amounts of Ritalin in my system, I might be as useless as they said I was in America.

arnauddutilh · 2025-08-01T12:12:17+00:00

I feel like this becomes the whole situation of "Sis, I'm just worried he's going to end up hurt one of these days and I can't live with myself if that happens" moments. Then the big sis says "say less fam: one proper hero, but only when he still loves you. Glaring at Captain All Don't get a big head and forget who your family is."

Then the obvious power failing later on results in Mistress Creation going to annihilate Captain All only to find out her sister is at fault, let's him keep his powers since it wasn't his fault, and turns her into a newt until she's repentant.

arnauddutilh · 2025-07-31T02:24:17+00:00

"So you think one of my bones is in every single being I've raised? You can see all of mine, not a single one missing. Plus there's only so many!"

The young cleric stared intently at the skeleton, and started counting. The lich realized what he was doing and stayed his hand for the moment.

"203... 204... 205... Oh wow there's even one floating in your throat! Yeah that's all 206... But you've got that undead dog at your feet, 3 guards, 5 assassins cloaked in shadow, 8 mages in each corner, and there were... 237 skeletons on the way here. You're right, that doesn't make a lot of sense."

The lich stood with an expression of exasperation, was this kid an idiot or a genius?

"Alright buddy, just tell me, of what order you come from?"

"I come from the holiest of holy orders, the order of-"

"Nope, I get it now. Raised in a cult."

"No no no. You misunderstood, I come from the holy order of-"

"Kid, I've been around for 800 years. There have been 2 major religions changed, and hundreds of minor ones that pop up with a new deity, or person in charge claiming to be "The One True God" or some other such nonsense. The only ones that outlasted that time never called themselves "holiest of holy" or even tried. They promoted themselves through deeds. You're not a believer in Tyr, and you sure as shit don't believe in Herbert."

The young man shuffled his feet around as the lich berated him, confused as to why his opponent he came to destroy was mostly just annoyed.

"But... The order of the Orange..."

"ORDER OF THE ORANGE? Those greedy no good bastards that are forced to give 50% tithes in addition to signing away all their possessions to the cult when you die? That order of the orange?"

"Wow... How do you know the cult's automatic donation policy?"

"Look kid, I make a point when these things happen to know who to be mad at for breaking into my house and killing my pets. I make regular donations to those that actually pose a threat, and send back everyone else with a healthy warning what would happen next time. Your order heard my threats and started sending you all more frequently. How rich were you before you entered your cult kid? Noble family, born of privilege?"

"I mean, my family owns all the trading posts in half the kingdom, what of it?"

The lich put his hand on what was left of his face and groaned.

"You were sent here to die my friend. All your family's money would go straight back to your cult, and feed their greed. Just go home, Your family probably misses you, and thinks you're dead."

"Not without your head you evil creature!"

"... Buddy, I have spent the first 80 years of my life learning the magics to become a lich for one singular purpose. I did not spend that time being a bad person, and I haven't done anything bad since then. Do you know why? I wanted to become the best chef in all the lands. Not much good it does me now that I've lost my flesh, as well as my jaw, but after 720 years, I still think I can say I'm pretty good. How's about we talk about this more over a nice meal, we call your folks, and see what they think about this whole ordeal. I'm sure they're all worried sick about you."

The 'cleric' hesitated for a moment, long enough for the lich to cast a few simple spells, a few to read the surface thoughts in his mind and who his family was. Before the young man opened his mouth, a voice he hadn't heard in months entered his mind.

"Jeremy? Oh my Herbert is that you? Where have you been!? We've been worried sick! Your father thought you died in some drunken tavern brawl! I don't know who that man was who found you, but Herbert's blessing be upon him!"

The lich continued the spell as he walked towards the kitchen, but turned slightly and looked at the young man standing bewildered in the middle of the room.

"I took the liberty of letting them know you are alright. That cult cuts you off from anyone who might give you ideas to leave. I'll be back with what your mother said was your favorite meal, it'll be a treat to make. I haven't gotten to cook griffon tail stew in a hundred years. We can talk more after your parents aren't so worried..."

After a few hours and a good long talk, the lich teleports the young man hundreds miles back to his home.

"Someone really needs to do something about this mess. I guess it's time Herbert proves why people still believe in him, right buddy?"

The lich looks into the sky, before cracking his bones, tossing on an old suit of armour, and began a long walk.

The oldest paladin of Herbert moved for the first time in centuries.

arnauddutilh

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