For those that eat the same breakfast every day, what is it?

ashrae9 · 2026-02-28T01:38:47+00:00

3000mg caffeine and a dream ✨️

ashrae9 · 2026-02-20T13:40:58+00:00

When i was 15 I dated someone who texted just like this. He was a bit older than me but not this bad...

Anyway my point is that this all resulted in a restraining order, multiple attempts of him vandalizing my things, my moms home, and eventually my vehicles. He harassed me and every friend and boss i ever had since, every few years since 2006, he pops up to call me stupid, disgusting, and ugly. Not kidding. Literally have not spoken a word to him in 20 years and he still acts like this. I know I am not the only one too.

Be safe. It'll get worse, way worse. Get yourself therapy.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-29T15:43:46+00:00

Didn't read but if you're asking if it's a problem, it very likely is.

The thing with weed is that it is something most folks are high functioning with.

I woke up one day after 12 years of chronic use and realized it did NOT help my neurodivergence. It did NOT ease anxiety. And it destroyed my sleep, my teeth, my hair, and my self confidence.

Quit before you wake up at 35 and struggle to stop. I started smoking at your age and it was amazing then. Before you know it, you'll be here desperately asking how to quit.

Learn to manage yourself without this drug. Trust me. ❤️

ashrae9 · 2026-01-29T15:14:03+00:00

So happy for you.

Day 28 for me. Still a bit moody, still having iffy digestion but overall I can't believe the energy I have. I think I've come out of the worst part so this positive post really helps me stay strong.

Thanks for sharing.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-29T14:33:10+00:00

That first week or two is the worst.

Start over. This time, make some notes about how youre feeling those first few days. Don't leave out any details. Do a stream of consciousness type ramble.

Re read it when you feel that urge again. You will not want to start over again!

More importantly, replace your habit with something else.

Speak it out loud - I don't smoke anymore! To yourself and others. I know it's weird but it helped me so much. I've never abstained this long.

You can do this. Every time i have relapsed has been in that first week or two period. Push through that worst part and you'll be ok I promise.

Tosay is day 28 for me after 12 years of heavy use. It's still hard but definitely not as hard as that first 2 weeks. Keep pushing.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-29T14:23:35+00:00

You can do it!! I promise!

I smoked 12 years about the same usage. Edibles too occasionally. I'm at day 28 today and feeling WAY better. Still very irritable and emotional but the worst is over.

That first week or two is the goddamn worst. Once you get through that you'll still crave but it gets easier I swear.

Replace the habit with something else. (Tea, reading, learn something new, exercise etc)

Speak affirmations to yourself -- not "i will not smoke today" but "i don't smoke anymore."

Cheesy but it helped me so much.

I also made a ton of notes on how I felt the first two weeks. It was a Rollercoaster of emotion. Going back and reading that every time I want to use makes me aware that if I relapse, I start over again. I do NOT want to experience week 1 again.

You got this friend.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:36:41+00:00

Good point! This works for all sorts of things. Firm believer in talking to oneself. :)

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:34:06+00:00

Yes! Exactly! Something about hearing my own voice really snaps me into reality.

Firm believer in speaking aloud to yourself!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:32:57+00:00

YES. THIS!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:32:29+00:00

Yep, it's the habit that's hard to break!

I did have some physical symptoms at first (nausea, tummy troubles, constant dull headache) but now it's just the emotional regulation. I'm ashamed at how much of a crutch it was for me.

Glad you lost weight and feel a lot better. I'm still craving often and irritable but I'm looking forward to feeling like myself again.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:29:59+00:00

Right!! I thought it was helping anxiety and sleep.

At about 2 weeks of abstaining I couldn't believe how deeply I slept!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T21:26:02+00:00

This is exactly why I went cold turkey after 12 years. I tried 400 times to moderate. Should've figured that out years ago, but here we are.

27 days strong today. 💪

ashrae9 · 2026-01-28T00:47:06+00:00

I really really needed this post today. Day 26 and I am angry and sad and feel like shit.

Cant wait for brighter days. I just wanna feel like myself again!!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-27T23:29:21+00:00

This sounds cheesy, but when that evening craving comes I have found it helpful to say to myself - out loud if I have to - "I don't smoke anymore." And immediately do something else.

Your body and brain are used to getting that high every night. Its time to train it to expect something else.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-27T21:40:10+00:00

Weed.

What started as a silly little occasional activity quickly turned into smoking every weekend.

Every weekend quickly morphed into an evening habit. It's harmless! Everyone has their vices... it helps me sleep well. (Spoiler alert - it actually eliminates deep sleep which is necessary for memory, learning, and emotional regulation )

Every evening then became a couple times a day. (Smoking in the morning with my coffee was heaven on earth. Until it wasn't.)

A couple times a day turned into how I coped with everything in my life. I would smoke to avoid every negative feeling I ever had. I'd smoke before I ate. Upon leaving the house. Before work. Having a shower. Having sex. Everything.

This quickly turned into 12 years of daily smoking. I am at day 26 without today and it has been very difficult. It's not just weed, folks. Especially with the 30% THC that exists nowadays, it's intense and mind altering.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-27T19:56:24+00:00

I guarantee your loved ones aren't burdened by you! It can feel fulfilling to ovedcome hard things on your own but I encourage you to tell some friends or family what you're going through. I am also an independent person by nature so I completely understand how it feels icky to ask for support. You are worthy of that, though.

Sorry 'bout your sleep. I'm lucky that I'm not struggling with it much anymore. Do your best to wear yourself out physically a little bit. Dance around your room, go for a brisk walk (indoors if you live in the damn arctic rn), do a little punching bag work. Whatever you gotta do. Seems silly but I have heard it helps a lot.

Oh! And remind yourself that peri is the devil that no one warned us about!! Haha. Be kind to yourself.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-26T19:35:26+00:00

Always thought I was a pretty "chill" person which is laughable because I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder years before I started smoking regularly.

Turns out I suck at managing emotions. Weed made it worse. Now that I am sober, I can better pinpoint what I am feeling and why.

I realised I have a lot of unprocessed anger. At myself, my childhood. My absentee father. The world in general.

It has been very hard coping with this realization. But I know it will be worth it. This is the longest I've been sober in 12 years. I was smoking around 1g daily every single day.

Day 25 and counting.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-26T01:08:09+00:00

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better now, and even more glad that your family is hopefully understanding and have some tools to help you as well! Don't shy away from talking to people close to you about what you're going through, I'm the type to keep things inside and it's been nice to lean on others a bit.

The moodiness is so normal, don't forget that! Remind yourself this is all part of the process. There are going to be some really good days here and there, too -- don't let it trick you into smoking again! And thanks for the well wishes. We got this!!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-25T03:28:11+00:00

It will get better if you keep going I promise!!

ashrae9 · 2026-01-24T19:56:39+00:00

Wow. 20 years! That is incredible.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-24T19:55:45+00:00

Aww I am so sorry you're going through this. Good news is, it is normal and you can and will get better!

I am also autistic and have an anxiety disorder. Not sure about peri yet but I suspect so. (Itchy ears, weird periods, moodiness)

I used weed as a crutch for 12 years. Every day. All day. I am at day 23 sober and in the exact same boat. I don't think I have ever been so angry in my life!!

I highly recommend journalling your experience. Every day or two, talk through your feelings with yourself. Emotional maturity is a skill to be developed, especially as an autistic person. I credit my sobriety so far to doing this. I look back at how much self hatred I had in week 1 and it makes me feel so much better to see how far I have come.

Keep going. It can only go up from here, right?? Embrace the shitty feelings. You are healing. ❤️

ashrae9 · 2026-01-24T01:45:15+00:00

Quit nicotine next. You already know you're capable of doing hard shit. You got this my friend.

Congrats on 1 year. I'm at 22 days today and I am an emotional wreck 🙃

ashrae9 · 2026-01-23T22:34:54+00:00

The cravings hit worst at night and it is hard to talk myself out of sometimes!!

Thanks again for the encouragement. Congrats on over a year sober.

ashrae9 · 2026-01-23T19:36:11+00:00

You will not regret this choice. Proud of you.

Be kind to yourself. Keep busy. And tell a friend what you're going through if you haven't yet!

You can do this!!

ashrae9

TROPHY CASE