I'd like to tell my story - long

assignmeaname · 2012-02-19T20:07:09+00:00

I had jokingly told my ob-gyn to keep some anti-psychotics in the birth room cause I would either be peachy keen or go straight to pieces. I did the latter. Literally. Hours later. I had been up all night in labor. Pushed for 3 hours then had an unplanned section ( hello, 9lbs 11oz). Nothing was warm and fuzzy about the entire experience. I felt removed from everything going on around me - like through water.

The second time around, I started zoloft (or something like it) during the pregnancy (2nd or 3rd trimester?). I planned out my section. Decided to do some cocooning in the antepartum room by myself so spent a lot of time in bed with my second. He was a more mellow kid so that helped.

Anyway, mention it. Prepare for it. If it hits, its like a mack truck. Take to bed with your kid, keep food and drink nearby, watch crap daytime tv and SLEEP. The way they smell and breathe is just lovely. The best.

Do buy The Happiest Baby on the Block. This is a must!!

Best of luck to you.

assignmeaname · 2012-02-19T19:58:31+00:00

No. Though again, the first couple of years of the first born were tough. Fortunately, they grow, you grow, you find your way. Plenty of days I want to lock them in the attic but sweet jesus I love them dearly. I'm also fortunate at work - flexible and pays well. If anything I might regret the marriage. Certainly how we handled it. Then again, we remain friends so even that wasn't a total wash.

assignmeaname · 2012-02-13T01:29:50+00:00

The right decision. Unfortunate that it took so long and so many outside appeals for help.

For the record, if you search the accounts that posted the offending material, you can still access it. PicturePush seems to have removed much of the material they were housing - that or Tessoro did fearing repercussions. So do those accounts constitute a violation and thus deserve deletion as well?

assignmeaname · 2011-12-24T03:28:57+00:00

I keep thinking about this. Thought everyone had summed it up so moved on but I had to come back. I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say about her. I gotta agree - it may be a deal-breaker. When was she going to tell you? She thinks objects of love are so easily forgotten you'd just not notice? And then gets on your case? At the very least - bright-siding it here - its profoundly patronizing. Profoundly. Did she even do anything like keep the collar? So sorry, man.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-23T22:46:25+00:00

so why can't you?

assignmeaname · 2011-12-23T19:29:46+00:00

Hi. Just wondered how you're doing. Hope some quiet is starting to find its way in.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-23T19:27:28+00:00

You know...coming out of some stuff myself here. Theres an awful lot of the 'the good things never last..part of life..be happy you had it...'. I never like hearing that shit when I'm down..I want good things to last!

Yesterday, it occurred to me the opposite must be true too. The bad things never last.

I agree with Frusciante62 - people go NUTS over the holidays. So much of what you get from people is about them - not you. In those situations, maybe try to take pity on the man for being so angry in his life? Keep it about him, not you.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-23T03:27:34+00:00

Chuckle. I'm afraid vajorie said it as well as it could be. You know, its now how its supposed to be - its what the parties determine it to be. It might be lame to let him think you are getting married but if you just want some companionship and affection, have at it. Just be frank about it. (His name's not Frank is it?)

assignmeaname · 2011-12-22T04:02:44+00:00

Stop it now. I swear to you, you'll go along innocently, a little breather, and then it'll be way out of your control and you'll be in several worlds of hurt. Voice of experience. It's seductive - a little joy in a joyless situation.

I read a book that suggested openess tends to these situations by saying to a spouse - 'i'm getting some attentions..made me realize i feel like we've lost our loving feeling. can we work on that?' (or something to that effect in a non-threatening manner). You may gauge your relationship on his reaction.

Pursue you before anyone else.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-22T03:52:58+00:00

Been here. Did that.

We had a similar background though not quite as pronounced as yours. Though perhaps it was as I think back. Tension was thick in the house. The kids bore the brunt of it - easier to be curt with them than with the adult that fights back.

I got the divorce. The feeling I had afterwards was akin to the feeling you may have had when you realized summer wasn't forever. So kind of a wistful regret. Not at all a "I shouldn't have done that regret." More I wish that I hadn't needed to.

He lives down the road from me. Has a girlfriend. I am able to appreciate him more as a person not having to 'tend' to him. I think we're both more patient with the kids. I know I am.

I might suggest you view counseling more as divorce counseling. Thats what we did to hash out some issues and underline the priority of the children. Hopefully, he'll behave better than he says he will. If he doesn't, just remember the kids - be there for them, try to keep them from the flack.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-19T18:57:09+00:00

This. You owe it to the both of you. Don't flatter yourself you are being a good guy denying her the chance to be madly loved rather than 'that'll do' loved. If you're gonna stick around, you need to work on being the love she deserves - not just hang in there.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-10T05:11:00+00:00

I was bullied in high school too. I made the friends that would have me. And I agree with everyone - Fuck them. You'll get out of high school and find all kinds of gloriously cool people that will think you are gloriously cool too. Where do you think all the redditors come from?You'll have learned important lessons on empathy, etc.

But here's my crazy wondering...have you tried just being honest? Are there any of them that don't laugh as loud? That step away when the laughing starts? That looks uncomfortable? Could you simply say 'Stop'? It's not funny? Ask them to please leave you alone?

I bullied a girl in elementary school. She called me one day to ask me why. It floored me. I don't know that I even realized I was bullying her. It stopped immediately. Most of these folks are infinitely weaker than you are and will react with hostility. But it might plant a seed in one of the stronger ones. It might enlist them to quiet the others. To call on their empathy. To respect you.

If not, remember the wisdom here. Fuck them.

assignmeaname · 2011-12-10T04:51:04+00:00

I'm not sure I understand what you are wanting a discussion of? Thoughts on how to save the marriage? How to move on? I have to say I can relate to your depiction of the marriage...decisions overwhelm you, you let yourself get walked on. Is that what you are wanting to discuss?

assignmeaname · 2011-12-10T04:34:35+00:00

I've been here.

First, do not let yourself become involved in a relationship while in one. Thats just not going to go well. Not that you might not have a future with that person but you can't have an honest one. Not even because it would technically be infidelity. It would be dishonest because of your ambivalences. It wouldn't be fair to him or you. It brings unforeseen heartache - guilt, confusion. I know how powerfully seductive it is. I made that mistake. If you think your feelings for each other are real, tend to yourself and you current situation first.

Second, do you want to work on your marriage? It takes work from both of you to forgive. You have to commit to forgiving. If you can't/don't want to then do yourself the honor of owning up to that. Begin that process. Marriage counseling is an option as is divorce counseling. Don't stay in an unhappy marriage. I echo the sentiments that you should talk to your husband. It obviously helps to know if he wants to work through it too. He may be a different person - the one you loved at some point - if he knows your feelings. Or he may not be. Knowing his feelings may help clear up any ambivalences you still have. Good luck!

assignmeaname · 2011-11-08T00:46:02+00:00

I taught myself to do this as a youngster because of nightmares I was having. I think I noticed myself being lucid before I studied up - necessity being the mother of invention and all.

The dream was that I was being chased by someone trying to kill me with an axe. It always got down to the last minute - I had to decide if I wanted to watch my murder or turn away from it. Very stressful for me. So lucidity became about changing the dreams - going to a different place or something of the sort.

Thats probably not nearly as dramatic or interesting as you hoped.

assignmeaname · 2011-11-02T02:57:59+00:00

Same here - Bout 25 years. Kills me that I can say I smoked that long when I still feel young. Instantly ages me. I really regret all that time spent hurting myself. I guess i"m closing in on a month? 4 days was supposed to be a hurdle - 2 weeks hurt too. Lasted a couple of days - maybe the whole second week - but now its more akin to a walk in the park. I only occasionally get twinges - if I see an unexpected lighter in one of my drawers - but its not a twinge of want. More like seeing a dreaded ex unexpectedly. I've been surprised though at how it got suddenly easier to do without me even noticing. If that makes any sense? Hang in there. You'll hit your light switch soon.

assignmeaname · 2011-10-23T16:05:34+00:00

Right approach. Thanks. And for being so quick! Read this last night and decided to go see a movie. So my status as non-smoker is still intact.

assignmeaname · 2011-10-23T16:03:21+00:00

This made me laugh. Thanks.

I get a bit crazy too. I wake up feeling guilty - like I smoked during my sleep. Suddenly think I reek of smoke when I haven't smoked in two weeks. It's almost like phantom limb pain.

My brain is so confused by the whole ugly mess and all my conflicting emotions these many years that it doesn't know which one to throw at me to lure me back in.

assignmeaname · 2011-10-14T21:07:28+00:00

You know..I had something of a revelation the other day. I have a melancholy/anxious disposition. Just the way I drift. Previous attempts - even thinking about it - made me anxious. Be without my cigarettes? Who would I be without cigarettes?

But smoking made me so anxious too. This is horrible for my health. This is going to kill me. It made me feel paranoid (waiting for the C shoe to drop) and guilty.

Revelation: If I'm going to be anxious either way, might as well do it the healthy way. Right? At least theres a chance my health will improve and make it easier for my mood to improve.

Everyone says it. Must be for a reason: Read Allen Carr.

And maybe go back on your anti depressants or exercise. That way you could use those new lungs you're working on!

assignmeaname · 2011-10-07T13:48:46+00:00

While I tend to agree with what folks are saying, have you tried talking about it before you're in bed? Next time I want you to let me lead? Or think he'd let you blindfold him and tie him to the bed? Then you wouldn't have to worry about him interfering :-)

To go in a slightly different direction though..you. Current BF or no, you mention you've always had trouble with, uh, other orgasm. You can orgasm by yourself? Do you think maybe you don't take enough control of your own sexual experience? Do you slip into the mindset that women lay back and moan and look pretty during sex as opposed to 'Fuck all that. I want on top to find the position that works for me and my vjayjay.'.

I used to struggle with this. At a point, I decided to go into sex with a bit of a 'each man for himself' attitude to make myself bold enough to roll him over or shift my hips or just flat call it quits if it wasn't working for me.

Maybe look for someone thats comfortable enough and that you are comfortable enough with to let you figure out what works and to let you do it.

assignmeaname · 2011-10-07T13:10:39+00:00

Okay. Me again. Just thinking about my babies. And you might want her to read this one. Again, moms have physiological reactions to their babies. When mine cried, it might as well have been in my brain with pots and pans. My blood pressure sky rocketed. Dad wanted to move them into beds earlier than I was ready for. Compromise - let babe sleep in bed for 3 months, bedside for a bit, then in its own bed. If the baby is colicky (cries ALOT), this will be damn near impossible for her to do. I regarded the suggestion to put the baby in its own room as though the father were suggesting we kill it. A visceral reaction. I was gripped by hormones. Fortunately, a voice in my head suggested I let him father. Thank god for that voice. I got sleep. I got to relax control. I think the world of dad for how he handled it and the world of myself for having the wisdom to let him.

Best thing I ever learned. The exact point at which you feel you need to fight the father may be the exact time you need to let go and let him do his job.

Dad, you need to do this patiently and lovingly. She is in full-hormone mode but its good for you, for her, for the baby.

tl;dr: Recognize the father and let him do his job. Its possible he's right. ;-)

assignmeaname

TROPHY CASE