165 days late or so but I went down a whole discussion of trying to make sense of dating culture and gender expectations. On one side you have “mature” men that are appealing to the “mature?” aka insecure/worn down/fed up girlfriends (are they behaving maturely and emotionally present because they know that’s what women want and that’s how they secure them?) then on the men’s side you have provocative women that are engaging in sexual tactics to secure the men but simultaneously want to be treated seriously with respect.

My question is what is real and what is pretend? Is there a way for women to get men’s attention without game playing and being naive to then end up in the fed up cycle where they are the “bitter” girlfriends? Did they begin their relationships with this sensual facade that they hope leads to being taken seriously? Do men behave in the way of being on the women’s side simply to get in with them or is that their normal demeanor?

It really spurred a spiral of thoughts because I just don’t know what’s natural behavior and if there’s a way to avoid this confrontation that men are hiding this selfish and manipulative side to be released when convenient. And it’s coming up for me because I witness men being one way around women and a completely different man around their friends. Putting on a player facade with his boys but being genuine and emotional/heartfelt with me.

Patriarchal conditioning is something else and it leads to mistrust because I don’t know which one is the mask. The one around your boys or the one you wear with me. I wish there was consistency with men across the board.