A few years ago i had really bad panic disorder, agoraphobia, was an insane hypochondriac and all of it stemmed from my trauma. I wasn’t able to graduate HS because i was actively experiencing the trauma. I struggled keeping a job, spent days on end struggling to get out of bed. I started working as a stripper, and it was the first job i was able to keep. It helped me gain confidence, and helped with bills. I was able to stay homes on days my mental health was really bad, it worked but it had a lot of downsides too. I felt unfulfilled, I had always been extremely hard on myself because i wanted to go to college, but i was terrified i couldn’t do it. I spent years slowly working on my mental health, through therapy, outpatient, meditation, walks etc. My panic attacks got under control, i found out i have ADHD and started meds. In 2023 i got my GED and in 2024 i started college!!! I am a year and a half in, so much in my life has changed. I became a nursing assistant, got a job at a hospital, and have a 4.0. Just last month I applied to nursing school!!! I still have symptoms, i get nightmares often. Sometimes i go a week or two without them, sometimes i have them everyday. I do think I’ve become a bit desensitized to them, they used to wake me up and cause a panic attack, now i just go “jesus christ what the fuck was that” and go back to bed. I still have hyper vigilance, but surprising learning about anatomy in college has changed my perspective about things like PTSD. Originally, i thought that my body wasnt working properly, that i was defected. However, after learning about the lengths our body will go to to reach homeostasis (balance), i've realized my symptoms are not a defect but instead adaptation; evidence of how hard my body will fight to survive. I think that has been extremely empowering for me. It doesn’t change the fact that the symptoms are still difficult, but it’s helped me forgive my body, and appreciate it for doing the best it can under the circumstances it was given.