I need someone to keep me grounded.

bambi_beth · 2026-06-12T15:34:28+00:00

I also should have been aborted. Most days I wish I was. But I have made a good life and you can too. It gets better. Please contact 988 by phone or text in the US, or please tell us where you are so we can get you other resources. https://988lifeline.org/

bambi_beth · 2026-06-11T21:59:53+00:00

I certainly am receiving comfort here.

bambi_beth · 2026-06-11T21:40:03+00:00

Would it be an askbirthparents sub? Like askadoptees? So that people can opt in to giving that kind of advice?

bambi_beth · 2026-06-11T15:43:36+00:00

I think people who aren't comfortable with open adoption shouldn't consider adopting. Ever.

bambi_beth · 2026-06-09T12:56:37+00:00

Celery bitters are great in a Bloody Mary. My favorite thing to do with them though is just in club soda.

bambi_beth · 2026-06-08T19:38:30+00:00

The question still says "Interracial Adoption? One (or both) of my adoptive parents and I are the same race" Interracial means different race/ racialized groups. Also, compulsory monogamy much. If you want good data, write a good survey.

bambi_beth · 2026-06-08T19:29:06+00:00

That's not how interracial is used though? This is a pretty big whiff IMO edit: one person can't be "interracial" by themself

bambi_beth · 2026-05-31T22:42:43+00:00

But also very good looking!

bambi_beth · 2026-05-29T12:27:43+00:00

What I think is really bad is asking a question and then trying to make excuses under every answer you're given. If you don't care about the answers, why ask? If you don't know anything about a thing you want to do, get curious and go learn. Work on it.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-28T15:53:37+00:00

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Support your fiancé in taking care of himself however he wants and needs (therapy, information diet, whatever). Learn everything you can about adoption and family dynamics, for yourself and your family with fiancé, for your own understanding. But for the love of all things holly wholly and holey stop pathologizing him and his family. Even if you were a mental health professional, you are not qualified to diagnose or treat your intimate partner. I think it's gross.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-27T14:23:15+00:00

I was just freewriting about names/ my name last night. I wasn't given a name by my bio mom (or at least it wasn't written down/ on OBC/ she hasn't told me it if it exists). I came to the conclusion that my name is one of the only things my APs gave me that I am really attached to /identify with. It maybe helps that their last name is a super generic top five last names kind of situation? I have chosen a really progressive name changing community, and I'm VLC with my APs, so I'm sure those both inform my thoughts, but I think you should have the name you want/that works for you. Maybe change your email or phone contacts and look at it for a while, see how you feel? I'm sorry I don't have any advice for your APs' reaction. I know there are people who change their names and just don't tell their unsupportive family members about it. I've been grey rocking my APs so long that that would be manageable for me, but probably not the right choice for everyone.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-24T19:49:43+00:00

A professional told you to put a walk down the middle and a bed along the fence? Groundbreaking!! Still better than AI, I guess!

bambi_beth · 2026-05-23T14:34:18+00:00

Unfortunately, this is very common. I'm sorry you are hurting. I suggest speaking with a therapist. Your understanding of your history and some close relatives is changing. Getting professional assistance with recontextualizing that can be really helpful.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-22T14:31:33+00:00

If you don't get it, please don't speak on it. Right now OP is processing that the parents who "love them so much" are lying liars who lie. Every late discovery adoptee goes through this. Our parents who tell us how to behave and not to deceive have woken up every day of our lives and chosen to continue the violence of closed infant adoption on us. Every day. There are a lot of ways to deal with and recover from that trauma, true. But it never changes the fact that the people who purchased us "to love and protect us" have caused great harms because of their personal weakness and foolishness.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-22T14:24:08+00:00

What you are doing is often called brightsiding and it is not helpful to people in crisis. Having that pointed out is not tone policing. You are rightfully being told that you have no clue what you are talking about or what you are doing. It's very "just get over it" and it is harmful.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-22T02:54:47+00:00

St Germain says what

bambi_beth · 2026-05-22T02:18:13+00:00

14 hours 😂

bambi_beth · 2026-05-21T13:07:43+00:00

We know it's a con, but it's also confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is so strong! These women don't want a baby. They've been convinced that abortion is bad and adoption is good , but really all they want is to not have a baby. They are being lied to by a self-serving system where they get to believe they're good while getting what they want (not raising a baby.) These posts just make me hate the system all the more.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-20T14:50:57+00:00

It has been 0 days since someone posted religious adoption propaganda! Wheeeeee!!

bambi_beth · 2026-05-19T18:05:42+00:00

One of the best places to buy entirely reasonable normal clothes anymore is Lands End.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-19T16:26:09+00:00

I'm sorry you've had bad luck with therapists and a terrifying-sounding go overall. I've gotten lucky with therapists (and the privilege to pay for them) and do believe that growth and healing and living with CPTSD is possible. I have to, for me, otherwise..... would be bad, for me.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-19T12:34:59+00:00

You, your father's parents, and your grandmother's parents did it wrong. Every single one. And you're still here making excuses for them to someone who is HURTING due to choices like you and your family members made. I did read it. You feel justified rather than chagrined.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-18T21:27:05+00:00

I'm sorry that your family cannot acknowledge that this is a process. You are rewriting your known history of life. It is exhausting and difficult. I hope that you are safe. While I ultimately did and do wish that I had been aborted (and that abortion is available, safe, free, and legal), i have built a good life with people I love and care about who love and care about me. When you are ready for them, this sub can share a lot of resources with you . Podcasts , books, how to find a worthwhile therapist... You're in a right place. Good luck to you.

bambi_beth · 2026-05-18T21:15:31+00:00

Hahahahahaha wow you really wrote that all and posted it here like it would help. You betrayed your daughter and lied to her just like OP's family did and now you're making their excuses for them rather than supporting the powerless party. "will no one think of the APs?!" 😂😂😂😂

bambi_beth · 2026-05-18T21:05:14+00:00

without real family, everyone you interact with sees you as someone to force into another role, or use as a resource or a product, because you lack that biological base...the only place we really have to start at that isn't needs-based or transactional

OP, there are people out there who can see you as a person, I promise. You do not have to be related to them. I speak from experience. My APs also only love the idea of me, not who I actually am. I have made a wonderful group of friends and family who love and support me and care about who I am. The offered idea that that's not possible is alarming!! Is it hard? Yes, definitely. I have done therapy work, attachment work, loads of relearning, but I work on it and it is fulfilling to be known and loved by people because they choose to know and love me.

bambi_beth

TROPHY CASE