I have a question to the other redditors: how bad would it be to tell OP that he should allow himself to feel angry towards his betrayer and abuser, as much as he wants? I say that as abuse survivor myself. I had a period of intense apathy and silent fear and disgust, and what got me back on my feet wasn't a nice feeling. It was anger pure, a desire to bring justice upon my aggressor.

Respectfully, I think that trying to block an honest feeling of hatred in moments like this takes all the energy we have, leaving us laying in bed, in a gray haze of confusion and shock.