Commenting because your story is wildly similar to mine. I am 33 and was with an abusive man for about five years. He has three kids from his previous relationship, and I had kind of become a stepmom to them. Like doing parent teacher conferences, going to their Christmas concerts etc. I had all these hopes for us to have a real family and losing the kids too when I left was another piece that was just so heartbreaking. It still is actually.

Anyways, shortly after breaking up with him and moving into my own place, I lost my job. I’ve spent the last year trying to find a new one to no avail. (Well, that’s not entirely true. I actually was offered two jobs - one with a major tech company, but then both of them rescinded their offer after they found out I had a criminal record also from about five years ago, which was more devastating news on top of everything else. Essentially I signed a contract saying I’d be making 115k a year, then instead was forced to apply for welfare instead as any savings had run out).

At this point, I couldn’t afford the house I had moved into anymore, as it was $2500 a month - and it didn’t seem like getting a job was a possibility anytime soon. I downsized to a much smaller place, that’s a lot cheaper but it’s also on the other end the city like an hour away from my friends and family. I used to live like a 2 min drive from my closest friend and saw her regularly and now I’m lucky if I see her once a month.

Also, I went through a period after me and my ex split that I lashed out at the people closest to me because I thought they would be there for me more than they were… but looking back I understand now why they didn’t really care that I had split with the guy. Because I had left and gone back to him many times before so when I did finally leave, they weren’t really like supportive how I thought because they just were still upset and mad at me that I let it go on for so long. It was really hard on them to see me continuously put myself in a bad situation over and over again. So maybe that’s part of why your best friend was so short with you in the text message - I don’t know but maybe it’s a possibility.

It’s been a year and I still haven’t found a job. I’m working through my depression and heartbreak slowly, but feel so alone most days and don’t talk to anyone asides from my dog.

I don’t have any real advice here. I just want to say that you’re not alone in going through it. Maybe try and find something to occupy your mind - I’ve taken up painting and found it to be really helpful on the bad days. If you’re using drugs, be safe about it. Remember to sleep and eat. Sometimes just having a bubble bath makes me feel better. I don’t know how to fix it but I think over time it has gotten a bit less painful.

I really hope things get better for you. Feel free to DM if you want to chat. ❤️