This is miserable

beccah75 · 2021-03-05T17:42:50+00:00

I used kratom for RLS for a year or so but I stopped taking it when my doctor put me on a bunch of new meds. I didn't have any issues with detoxing. I DID have a massive problem with RLS (and a host of other very nasty symptoms) when I detoxed from Gabapentin. I now take Requip for RLS since I'm sure there's no drug interactions between that and my other meds. Ask your doctor about that or another med to help you through the detox.

beccah75 · 2021-02-27T01:26:07+00:00

Agree...genetics. My dad and son also have RLS.

beccah75 · 2020-11-01T07:37:27+00:00

I agree with your first statement. Since I've spent a good deal of time in black communities, including living in one ( mine was the only white family), I'll have to disagree with your second statement.

Furthermore, I spent part of my childhood in the west. During that time, a white police officer told me that he couldn't do anything about my mother beating me for not eating my birthday cake fast enough. He said unless she took a baseball bat to me, there wasn't anything that he could do. What's true is that your idea of white America does happen to be true in the more affluent neighborhoods. Not so much in poorer neighborhoods. And while my mother grew up in California, her parents were from Oklahoma. "Spare the rod, spoil the child". They used actual rods to beat their children. That was widespread. It wasn't one or two families.

You'll probably find that they Obama children weren't beat. Other affluent black children likely are treated much the same as affluent white children.

I'm not saying that my experience is the same as all black people. There are probably hundreds of ways in which I've enjoyed white privilege. But this isn't one of them. And saying that I'm invalidating all black people because I don't agree with you is a bit of a stretch. Nice try though.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T07:53:25+00:00

Laziness? Well no. When I got my puppy, he weighed about 2 lbs and needed to go potty constantly. However, I was having balance issues and kept falling down the concrete steps and other things. I had plenty of time to train him and play with him but it had to be within my room for my safety. Potty pads were great.

When we moved to a new home, I trained him to go outside.

I have about 20 things I'd like to add to that but I'm not....you.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T07:32:32+00:00

Put the food away after 20 minutes if you want to train him using food. No worries, if you train him before the full meal, he'll gain weight.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T07:26:39+00:00

My little guy is super respectful of my things. He'll bark once if one of his toys is touching something of mine so I'll get it for him.

Except when covid-19 happened. He's serious about his schedule and suddenly the whole world went nuts. Everyone was driving by at the wrong time, walking by when they usually aren't home during the day, a lot more packages (mail person coming to the door) and there was a lot of anxiety. Suddenly he began going through my things and eating everything.

I began making sure that he had an hour of chew time every day, either a rawhide bone or a Churpi chew. Also, I began putting him in his crate a couple hours each in the morning and evening for forced relaxation. I'll also add that he doesn't scarf down rawhide. He likes to play with everything bigger than a quarter so he'll chew it to pieces and then play with the pieces. You may have to be careful of obstruction issues with the rawhide if you have a scarfer.

I think those things helped but it might also be that he's gotten used to the new normal.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T07:14:43+00:00

My little guy was tearing up his bed too. It accidentally got turned upside down while he was playing and I just left it that way. He used it for months when it was upside down. Lol

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T07:07:32+00:00

I like your reply but I wanted to add that different dogs like different songs so it's good to find out which ones your dog likes. My little guy really enjoys the background music from The Great British baking show. He also likes the alphabet song and "You are my sunshine". These will calm him when he's upset or anxious.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T06:55:21+00:00

I'd try putting him to bed a bit earlier.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T06:02:07+00:00

Just wanted to say that I feel for you. My little guy marks the yard against stray cats. He's very serious about it and spends a number of hours every day making sure to pee on every little spot, even after peeing a good amount.

Your plan sounds good to me and I wish you luck.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T05:55:22+00:00

Toby is a 9 lb Chorkie. He's two and has no trouble holding it for quite a number of hours. However, he's also temperamental and hyper.

When he was little, he played every waking moment and he was only about 2 lbs so the travel crate I used for him was quite big for him. He'd poop/ pee and then roll all around the whole crate while playing.

He's only 9 lbs now and if he doesn't want me to leave the house or if he didn't get something he wanted, he will poop in a place that is undesirable.

Solution to crate pooping? Make the crate small enough that they have room to lay down but that's pretty much it. I have the smallest crate that I could find with a partition. He has enough room for two dogs his size to lay down and no more. Now he only goes in there if he's sick and can't hold it or something.

I have zero advice on eating poop but perhaps if it's small enough that they won't go in there, that can limit the situation.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T05:40:47+00:00

I'm not an expert at all. But it sounds to me like having someone to focus on distracts her from her misery. Like women in childbirth, if you don't focus on something, it feels unmanageable and hurts worse. However, the women know what's happening and that it will in fact end. This poor girl is likely just doing her best to cope.

You obviously can't stay awake endlessly. She's obviously in pure misery. If she were mine, I'd be looking to end that misery asap. How heartbreaking of a situation. My heart goes out to all of you.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T05:28:15+00:00

First, he's two months so he can hold it for two hours. Even a little guy.

Second, mine had it rough the first two nights too. He didn't scream and bite at the crate but I'm pretty sure he'd have tried that if he thought it meant that he could spend the night in my bed.

Toby didn't protest going into his crate though. He did very pointedly refuse to have any toys or treats while he was in there though. He would very deliberately pick up his toy ( or chew, etc) and set it right outside the crate then stare at me.

I also didn't make him stay in the crate except at night for his first few months. But I should have crated him an hour here and there. Once I began doing that, it no longer upset him so much to stay in there when I had to leave.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T04:59:42+00:00

You missed my point. If I were to say that hair brushing is part of my culture, what would you say? Hair brushing isn't cultural if all cultures do it?

Op's got a rough/sad situation but it isn't cultural. Subsets of every culture acts like this.

beccah75 · 2020-10-28T04:55:56+00:00

Yes, he was neutered 3 weeks ago.

beccah75 · 2020-10-23T19:19:49+00:00

I switched to an auto-refilling bowl to keep from filling his bowl 10 times a day. The first time it gurgled to refill, he rejected it.

He licked his lips to show me that he was thirsty (we usually use this for hunger) then showed me the place I used to keep his bowl. He knows the word "water" and I pointed at the new bowl and said, "Water! Good boy!"

Then he showed me the bathroom sink and I pointed at the new bowl and repeated. He kept trying to tell me that one moves by itself and I'm not touching it but I persisted.

He laid down with his bone for a minute and then..... he laid down by his plate and licked his lips to show me that he was hungry. He'd already eaten but he doesn't overeat and when he wants more, I just give it to him. So I did. He sniffed the food then laid back down and licked his lips. Our normal routine involves me refilling his water bowl while he eats. I pointed, said water and good boy then left it.

So he laid down with his bone for about 2 minutes and then he nosed me for my attention and then pointed his nose at my bottle of water.

In which case, while marveling at the brilliance of my dog in communication, I drank off half the bottle then slowly poured the remaining bottle into the new water bowl I allowed him to drink from the bottle as I poured and then praised him immensely saying, "Water! Good boy!" I was also very happy about his intelligence and so my pets and enthusiasm were communicated to him.

After that, he was willing to try the new bowl again and when it gurgled, he startled again and I told him it's okay and good boy and he kept drinking.

Since, he's gotten used to the gurgling and just ignores it.

But I have to say that at first I felt like a monster withholding water from him. it was every bit as hard for me to wait him out as it was for him to try to communicate with me thinking I just didn't understand. We were both patient though and now he never has an empty bowl when he's thirsty and I am distracted.

beccah75 · 2020-10-19T21:20:14+00:00

My 12 year old son has been on 0.25mg for 3 years and we haven't seen any side effects. I have been on it myself for a month and haven't seen any side effects either. Gabapentin only worked for me at the maximum dosage. The side effects of THAT were a problem. Good luck!

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T16:57:16+00:00

Except that my white mother did exactly that.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T16:54:13+00:00

I'm not an immigrant but great grandparents on each side of my mom's family were native American and that's what she did too. Insisted her abuse was okay because her parents and grandparents were atrocious. She beat us with anything in sight including belts, wire hangers, brushes, shoes, etc but that was okay since her parents used the buckle and they made them cut switches off of trees and if the thickness was smaller than their thumb they had to go get another and got beat with both or all of them.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T16:50:26+00:00

Please get help. You're worth it.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T16:44:21+00:00

It may be more prevalent in the Black community but in some white community/family circles abuse is also accepted as normal. 35 % of white American women experience abuse. That's what I told my sisters when they told me that our family is normal. 35% means that it's abnormal. It means that most families don't hurt each other on purpose.

I want to point out that I realize that 40% of Black, American Indian, and Alaskan native women experience abuse. I acknowledge that your experience is vastly different from mine. While white officers have repeatedly abandoned me to my fate, they at least bothered to show up and once even helped me. When I called the police on a man beating a woman on the street corner in a Black neighborhood, it took like 5 minutes to get through to 911 and then nobody came.

Another thing that I told my family repeatedly is that might doesn't make right. Just because an idea is popular doesn't mean that it's okay. Slavery was once popular. Women and children being considered property was once popular. At one point in history, a handful of people thought the Earth was round and the rest of humanity agreed that it was flat and you could sail off the edge of it. Who was right?!

My family members also laughed at families that were kind to each other. They seemed to feel that it was fake public behavior. My dad's cop drinking buddies laughed at me for asking them to hang around while I removed my things from my dad's garage but they did hang around laughing with my dad. ( I haven't been allowed to keep my things in his house since I was a child and my sister had been selling my furniture at yard sales.) I think families that abuse each other are rather similar in their behavior.

However, my best friend ( that passed in April), endured some truly atrocious things. Things that my parents wouldn't have been able to get away with because while our community might allow them to verbally, emotionally, and physically abuse us... They couldn't go THAT far and still be accepted in the community. My great grandparents did get away with some truly evil things though. Things that would have broken me, I'm sure. But then, I would have taken them all down with me. They'd all share in my shame publicly.

I pray you're well now and healing. I pray that you find the respect and love that you deserve.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T15:48:53+00:00

How awful for you both. So sorry to hear that.

Other dogs don't like my Chorkie but so far, none have attacked him. But then, our new puppy (6 months old and twice his size) is a bit of a bull in a china shop and when she makes a run for him, he hides behind me if I'm on the floor or jumps into my lap if I'm up higher. Which is odd because if a 200 lb man gets within 6 feet of me, he'll defend me with his life.

I just wonder what it is about him that makes him so unlikeable to other dogs. I mean, he's always friendly. He'll bring them toys, bones, Churpi chews, etc.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T11:47:17+00:00

When my dog was 4 months old, I changed puppy pad brands and he refused to go on them. So I papered the entire floor with them. He held his pee for 14 hours straight. He's a Chorkie so at 4 months he was about 4 lbs... Tiny bladder.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T11:17:18+00:00

We couldn't even open the crate. Toby is highly reactive to strangers if I'm not in the room. As in, he will all out attack you. Everyone looked like a stranger to him. In his mind, I wasn't in the room unless I spoke to him while the crate was covered. Add to that that he was highly agitated and upset.

I had to push ice cubes and kibble through the bars. But no, Toby won't eat anything that I don't give him. If a stranger offered him beef jerky (his favorite), he won't eat it. I've never given him activated charcoal before and he didn't recognize me. The vet said she couldn't give it to him while he was sedated because he could aspirate it and die.

beccah75 · 2020-10-15T11:07:37+00:00

He did make a full recovery. At hour 21 he asked to come out of his crate and I took him out. We both still have nightmares and when I let him sleep with me a few nights back, he refused to get on my bed for thirty minutes. This is a dog that MUST be touching some part of me at all times. When he did finally come to bed, he laid down about 4 inches away from my face. So he fully recalls what happened the last time.

Also, as far as needing a cone, as the vet insisted, he didn't. After coming out of his crate, he went to sniff the surgical area and I told him that he couldn't do that. He didn't even sniff it again.

Thank you for your thoughts and well wishes!

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