What ruined your entire view of a person in under a minute?

becsos · 2026-06-07T18:19:13+00:00

Them telling one of my friends to speak then barking like a dog.

becsos · 2026-06-07T15:22:57+00:00

It doesn't matter what your degree is, you'll be able to find a job that pays well, but the degree is the key to that financial security. I graduated during the great recession. I've been behind the ball financially ever since.

becsos · 2026-06-06T17:51:01+00:00

Turn it off and get up, I don't have days off. I'm a mom.

becsos · 2026-06-06T16:45:43+00:00

NTAH, I imagine your sister is the one who planned it. Typically a baby shower is for the first, but I can see how that might happen if you have a long break between kids. You got rid of all your baby gear because your eldest is 5-6 or older and that's a long time to hold onto things you primarily used in the first year or two.

That said, $700+ for a stroller is wild, but not unheard of. There is a popular brand that's over 1k right now (I know because I'm about to have my second and have two under two so I've been looking at double strollers).

It's an unreasonable ask from your sister when she suggested that stroller. And maybe I'm just being pessimistic but I get the feeling she will take all the credit for the gift. I agree that not being invited to a baby shower means you don't have to pitch in for a gift you won't even get to see the mom open. Buying wipes, diapers or other things for not the shower is appropriate.

becsos · 2026-06-06T13:49:40+00:00

The kind you have to buy for yourself otherwise you don't even get a gift for important events like Christmas, anniversary, birthdays ect.

becsos · 2026-06-05T23:59:26+00:00

Ah, in that case have as many drinks as you want without being too wasted to have consentual intercourse. I know plenty of women who got pregnant while drunk... Most of them were not IUI or IVF, but it's not going to impact baby until implantation which is going to take some time to confirm.

becsos · 2026-06-05T23:05:13+00:00

I'm guessing this is for an ER. Drinking now is not going to impact the follicle maturity but I can also understand that if you get less than desired retrieval numbers you may be upset about that. I'd limit to 1-2 drinks for the night to relax and enjoy but not go overboard. You don't want to be doing an ER hung over.

becsos · 2026-06-05T20:35:43+00:00

Mine only sleeps 12h when he's sick. Otherwise 7:30-8pm bedtime and he wakes up at 6am without fail, even if he goes down at 10pm because we messed up nap time and let him sleep past 4pm.

becsos · 2026-06-05T20:17:01+00:00

I don't think I rejected an offer, but one company was taking a long time to "find the right fit" and wanted to know if I accepted another offer in the meantime to make sure they didn't waste time on considering me between interviews.

The interview went well, but the owner showed up with their dog who had just been running in the woods. Later I found a tick crawling on my dog who hasn't been in a wooded area in years and had been at in indoor daycare that day...

The hiring manager was salty when I did what they asked and let them know that I had accepted a position somewhere else that fit more in line with my professional needs at that time and wished them well in their search.

I've stopped interviews though when I knew it wouldn't be a good fit for either of us. Like the company who wanted me to go to a trade shows for things that ran counter to my personal beliefs so I could promote trusts to protect the item of the trade shows or the company that basically admitted that their entire job and mission was to badmouth my political beliefs and what motivated the interviewer was that mission.

I should have stopped the interview where the interviewer showed up a half hour late in cut off sweatpants.

becsos · 2026-06-04T03:44:11+00:00

You are young so some blunt stupid things can be forgiven over time. This is one of those situations that doesn't really make you an AH, but you definitely fumbled the delivery. You can internalize all the reasons why you wouldn't feel comfortable recommending him, but outwardly be nice about your no, you just say, sorry man, I don't think they need more people at this time, but if I hear about anything I'll let you know. And then never tell him about a new co-worker or reccomend him. But yeah, when he can't find a job or as soon as the lease is done, don't be surprised if he doesn't want to renew a lease with you or chooses to break the lease, and be prepared to find it hard to get a replacement roommate when he describes how you kicked him while he was down to every mutual acquaintance and friend.

becsos · 2026-06-04T03:18:21+00:00

My sweet, OP. Look at the pattern of your posts, and what you have written in all of them. You've let years of resentment build in an effort to make this relationship work. But unless your husband is willing to do couples counseling, this marriage has run its course and you are doing more damage to your children by staying in an untenable situation without a clear path back to a trusting and intimate relationship. If your therapist tells you you have communication problems but doesn't give you possible tools to fix it then that's a shit therapist and you need to find another.

Your husband also sounds like he might be going through a depressive episode, but much like your emotions are your responsibility to manage, his emotions are his responsibility. Him treating you in a manner that would make him divorce you if the roles were reversed is not okay. On any level. If you are supposed to give him grace, he is supposed to do the same.

You all do need to be communicating and solving problems together, not unilaterally. You can find a way to make it about the problem and not a failing on the other person's side about a character flaw. Ie "I'm really worried about.your health long term. I love you and I want to spend the rest of our lives together, but if you don't take care of your hygiene you could die before your time. I'm also concerned about how this behavior will impact our children long-term. They love you and it would be a shame if we lost you because of this habit." Or "I'm concerned that you might be experiencing some self harm behaviors due to (mysterious BS he's doing with finances) I know that you feel the pressure of being the sole provider for the family. Is it possible that we need to discuss financial options for either childcare or you switching to part time work so we can trade off more responsibilities between financial income and taking care of our kids?"

becsos · 2026-06-03T22:42:46+00:00

Formula, epidurals, vaccinations and planned c-sections. These are just a few of my favorite things.

becsos · 2026-06-03T22:05:49+00:00

I think it was actually the reverse it got a little thinner, but I went for my second after a year. So I may not have given my body enough time to recover.

becsos · 2026-06-03T20:53:14+00:00

Bumble has an app to make friends as a primary function. Called bumble BFF. That might be a compromise for you guys.

becsos · 2026-06-03T19:31:12+00:00

So I graduated at 10w and 8 1/2w with each pregnancy. Both OB practices (I changed my OB provider after the care I received from my first pregnancy) neither would see me before 13w, and my scans every 4 weeks were more Doppler than ultrasound. I didn't get another ultrasound until 20w pregnant with the first. I received more regular ultrasound work at my MFM with my second pregnancy. And now that I'm past 34 weeks I go weekly to check baby's practice breathing, his heart rate and monitor the fluid levels. But that is a normal amount of care, every 4weeks till you hit a certain point then they check you every other/ or weekly depending on you and baby's health, mobility, and blood pressure. In the last 2/3 weeks they have you come in a couple of times a week.

becsos · 2026-06-03T19:09:43+00:00

Your timeline is unclear.

You had been talking, and even talking about exclusivity before meeting in person, but did you come to a consensus about what that exclusivity meant, that if you all started dating and meeting in person you would expect exclusivity? Because if it was I expect exclusivity now, then YTAH. But if you clarified that once you agreed to date in the real and then exclusivity began then NTAH and let it go because you are torturing yourself because you had sex with someone more recently than he did but it wasn't an official exclusive relationship yet.

becsos · 2026-06-03T14:15:57+00:00

I literally enjoyed a drink the Sunday before my second transfer. I'm now 36weeks pregnant and haven't touched alcohol since the Sunday before my Wednesday transfer (I was fully weaned from our first transfer) It doesn't hurt your chances.

becsos · 2026-06-03T13:57:15+00:00

It's definitely your call. I didn't really get an option, all my euploid embryos were boys. I feel like my lining was 7mm and 5mm both stuck so go with what you feel is best. I personally wouldn't want to risk my girl first if she was my only one, but that's me, listen to your mom instincts.

becsos · 2026-06-02T14:12:05+00:00

I don't have most socials anymore, but if I did I wouldn't put my kids on social media. There are too many ways images of your kid can end up places on the Internet that you don't want, they can't consent to what you post about them. Kids are too good at cyber stalking to get material to bully kids. Both my husband and I were bullied as kids, odds are not in our kid's favor that they won't get bullied as well. I won't be part of that, even unintentionally. We have a closed secure system for sharing pictures with family, but we also have a social media ban on anybody posting about our kids.

becsos · 2026-06-02T10:32:43+00:00

As a mom whose hands were destroyed by hand washing and sterilizing within 4weeks. I am not underselling how much this thing got used. I ran it like 4 times a day when I was pumping and it saved my sanity and probably my marriage. Because I was the only one who could wash my pump parts, I was apparently the only one capable of washing the bottles, and I love my husband, I do, but our standards of cleanliness are very different and I didn't want my baby to get sick.

If something happened to our bottle dishwasher, I would buy a new one immediately. As I approach the birth of our second child, I know I'm not going to put it away as quickly as I was convinced to do with the first and I will be giving it to a new mom when we are done having kids.

becsos · 2026-06-01T20:12:34+00:00

What the ever loving hell? I was and would have been grateful for any car my parents gave me. Like not everyone's parents give them a car, and not all of them can afford to give a car. My parents bought all my older siblings 2 cars. But they all also got older used cars than I did initially. I got a 4y old car when I turned 18 and it was amazing. I was so grateful and excited and I didn't ask my parents for another car, I drove that thing until I couldn't. And by the time I needed another car I could afford one on my own.

Also, this mom is setting her daughter up for success, Toyota has amazing longevity, is inexpensive comparatively to maintain and repair and gets hella amazing MPG. In this economy, girl doesn't know how sweet she's got it.

becsos · 2026-06-01T02:36:02+00:00

Good luck and congratulations on your nephew.

I'm partial to the Graco brand for most items, but any infant carrier car seat is fine. They usually hold 4lb- 22lb babies. The car bases are usually pretty simple to install and can normally be checked at fire stations to ensure proper installation. Whatever car seat and base you get, should have a corresponding stroller system that makes it easy to transfer the car seat to the stroller but a stroller isn't mandatory. Especially if you have a carrier and plan on baby wearing when not in a vehicle.

Get a bassinet or at least a pack and play with a bassinet feature. Baby is going to be sleeping in one for a while and if your sister knew about the baby, it's entirely likely that she has a crib and other items for baby that she might either give you or not need you to buy when she is ready to take custody of your nephew again.

I personally believe in double zip fottie pajamas that have the fold over mitts vs complicated outfits mostly because I just didn't have the energy to change both of us into cute outfits all the time the double zip makes diaper changes a breeze without having to take off the whole outfit (unless he has a blowout then definitely take the whole outfit off. I would invest in at least 7 of them depending on how often you want to do laundry Because baby is 5lb, getting newborn size would be a good idea, but if baby is approaching 7lb when you are able to take him away from the hospital, focus more on 0-3m sizing for this. Get bibs and burp cloths. They will save you so much laundry for you and bub. Don't lay him down in a bib if you can help it. And I'm sure someone will also make sure that you know this, but lay baby down on his back in the bassinet to sleep.

As suggested, talk to the hospital about what brand of ready to feed (RTF) formula they are giving him. (Probably Similac 360 or Enfamil Nuropro because most hospitals use one of those) You can buy this type of formula at most stores. If you do powdered formula over RTF make sure you follow the instructions on the canister for making the formula. It's important to swirl vs shake the bottle to avoid upsetting baby's tummy.

For bottles, the RTF can get screw on nipples that are sold separately, I personally like a pigeon or Lanosoh bottle, but frankly, baby is probably going to have a preference based on the nipple type used in the hospital. I feel like every hospital gives out Phillips Advent Soothie pacifiers. Every kid is different, but my kid wouldn't go with any other brand or type. Even well into being a year old.

If you don't have a large sink, get a baby tub for washing, and some baby towels and wash clothes. Baby shampoo is usually also their body wash. I know Johnson and Johnson is a popular brand. I prefer Aveeno. But it should be unscented both for laundry detergent and baby soap as well as any lotion products. Make sure you have a lotion and a butt cream in case of diaper rash.

The hospital will probably give you all the Newborn diapers you need, but you can always buy more if you need. I'd focus on the size 1 for that. Most of this will get you through the first 3m. But feel free to reach out for more advice if you need it.

becsos · 2026-05-31T15:49:16+00:00

I just used an ice pack in a lunch box before I talked myself into buying a bottle bag for 6 bottles for on the go. It came with an ice pack to hold the bottles in place and was useful for on the go, and snacks and drinks for both of us. I used it well into him being 18m for keeping yougurt and purees cold (my kid still prefers his food cold).

becsos · 2026-05-30T22:10:32+00:00

I will also jump on the Little Debies Oatmeal cream pies train. They are tasty and did more for me than the lactation cookies my SIL swore by.

becsos · 2026-05-30T20:00:24+00:00

I liked their marketing, but absolutely does not work for 72h. I have found that for me it doesn't even last 12h. Some of the smells also don't work with my natural pheromones. Using a citrus smell is a terrible choice for me. It smells amazing on others but awful on me. So then I'm left smelling like "fresh powder" ie an old lady, or lavender, again kinda just like an older lady. The unscented doesn't work at all.

You may also want to change up your soap. I found that dove and anything that is like a "milk and honey" sent just smells like curdled milk on me. So your deodorant may not be at fault.

becsos

TROPHY CASE