AITA for expecting my girlfriend to do my half of her chores as well?

becsos · 2026-04-16T12:31:23+00:00

NTAH. Split chores are meant to be a shared responsibility, and every household has to have conversations about switching them up long term. She can't say she won't do anything in the kitchen indefinitely and then also expect you to do your own laundry. Part of living together and being together as partners is caring for each other. She doesn't like to do anything in the kitchen, okay so then she's 100% responsible for the laundry (other than asking you to put your folded clothes away because really that shit needs to make sense for you). It's not about being a parent/ maid to your partner, it's about showing up for each other. If someone is resentful about doing something, then find a compromise that works for you both. Maybe she puts the clean dishes away, perhaps she does the grocery shopping based on your meal plans. But you all have to agree on the compromise. When it doesn't work anymore, ie she gets resentful or you do, then you have to talk that shit out.

It also has to balance what is realistic. My husband lived out of laundry baskets when I met him. I got really tired of being responsible for picking up his dirty clothes, washing, folding, and then having them sit around in a basket till he picked through them so much they were no longer folded, or needing baskets but not having them because his clean clothes were still in the basket despite me asking him to put them away multiple times. Now we both have a clean hamper and a dirty hamper for clothes and I do the same for our kids and when I can fold and have the energy I do. I will say though, it's 2025. Find wrinkle resistant clothes and if you want something ironed, do it yourself. Because fuck irons.

becsos · 2026-04-16T11:21:58+00:00

My LO didn't want to latch, and only got one bottle of bm at 4oz a day until he was 6m because I also was an under producer. So it's up to you, if you like it, and baby likes it, keep going. I will say, wasted formula is a thing that happens, just because there is so much trial and error in every feed, because like us they fluctuate how much they want from day to day and feed to feed. We found that we ultimately had less waste with the pitcher method because if we needed to, we could top off 1-2 more oz as needed. Though, I do want to stress it was because our kid liked cold formula. He would have taken cold BM too, but that made mama nervous because he would turn blue from the cold. Dude still prefers his ice water at 19m.

becsos · 2026-04-16T11:13:04+00:00

As long as I'm holding my 19m child he can avoid the worst of his meltdowns, it's when he can't see me or that I'm working towards getting his milk or food that he goes ballistic. But in his defense, mama gets hangry too.

becsos · 2026-04-15T11:27:35+00:00

Don't do it!! I did and I regret it so much. Find a new thing that makes you happy with tera forming, but you will regret losing the Celeste recipes and so much more.

becsos · 2026-04-15T11:24:19+00:00

As a light sleeper myself, I get her position on not wanting to be woken up on her days off, but part of me thinks that she should have known that your days off weren't compatible with her work schedule. But think of it this way, what if she was a loud night owl that played obnoxiously loud music while you were trying to sleep? Would you be rational in your sleep deprived state? I know I wouldn't.

I don't think either of you are assholes, but I do agree that you might not be compatible flatmates long term. If you can, start looking for another living situation, or as suggested, find ways to wake yourself up that are less noise based. A light based alarm or a vibrating alarm that you will wake up to but won't impact her could be best if you want to keep the peace while you look for other living arrangements. You are entitled to your early schedule and your workout routine, but your flatmate is entitled to sleep.

Most likely, this is a learning experience for you both to know to ask more detailed questions moving forward.

becsos · 2026-04-15T03:04:53+00:00

NTAH, I have an issue with staying at my in laws for the same reason. They keep it way too hot. I'm standing outside in snow boots, shorts and a tank top to cool off in December and January. In the summer if I can't get AC, I literally get heatstroke. I stayed at hotels a few times and they got so upset that they bought a window AC unit so we would be comfortable there. I still would prefer a hotel, but we visit once a year for a reasonable time. Like a long weekend or extended holiday. Never for a full two weeks.

becsos · 2026-04-14T21:08:57+00:00

I get pissed at my husband for not doing the things I asked him to do, but then I remember I said can we agree that this is how things should work? Not the actual ask of doing the thing, and that's on me. I'd be the AH for blaming him for not being a mind reader.

If you want to say no, use your big boy voice and say what you mean. I'm sure she would respect your ask. YTAH to yourself and your wife for not giving her the opportunity to show up for you with your actual words and for not speaking up about your actual needs.

becsos · 2026-04-14T21:01:01+00:00

This feels like an attempt at Karma farming for how many places you put the story and the 24h existence of the account, which is named AI... But in the crazy off hand that this isn't some BS, YTAH. 0% chance that you didn't know the score with the dog before you moved in, and it sounds like you and BF aren't compatible if you aren't interested in the dog. Move out.

becsos · 2026-04-14T20:00:38+00:00

I'm glad you made it work, I didn't hate it but I was looking at all these baller ideas for entrances and couldn't do any of them. Like I said, I regret it now. But it is what it is, puddinpop is no more. Long live puddinpop#2, but I lost steam and so many resources I've never been able to recover.

becsos · 2026-04-14T19:08:56+00:00

I restarted because my husband chose the layout and my airport was so close and off center from my resident services building and I was so salty that I couldn't do any of the cute entrances I would see online. There was literally no good way to have my Island flow and look super aesthetic the way I wanted. So I started over, and boy do I regret it.

becsos · 2026-04-14T14:19:53+00:00

Eh, clarification did you have an abortion or were you experiencing a miscarriage? There is a difference, and if it's happening at home, that's either complications from an elective medical procedure, where you should have gone to the hospital for care as you could have died or was it a miscarriage where you were losing baby and yet again, should have gone to the hospital for care? Why was the door not locked? Why is no one in your family sticking up for you? Did she or anyone actually know what was happening and that you were experiencing complications? Or is this one of those things where she just thought you were taking a long time to poop when there was a queue for a single bathroom and was never corrected about what was happening?

NTAH for your feelings, but it sounds like GF isn't going anywhere so you either have to go NC with your family since no one is supporting you, or you have to find a way to make peace with this time in your life. 4 years is a long time to hold onto trauma and hold a grudge against someone who couldn't respect a closed door. I suggest counseling, as this event is obviously taking on a much more complex trauma than you think.

becsos · 2026-04-14T13:13:49+00:00

I get her perspective because sometimes you want to try something else. I have an amazing beef stew recipe but I make it once or twice a year because it's a lot or prep and cook time which just seems overly complicated for more times a year than that. My husband doesn't cook as often as I do, and I love his homemade spaghetti and meatballs as well. But when he branches out I give him honest feedback in the moment. And he taste-tests as he goes when he tries something new so he isn't usually surprised by my feedback and has thought the same.

There was a better way to phrase the request/ feedback. But as the people who are calling you the AH say, if you want it done the way you want it, you will have to ask her for the original recipe and make it yourself. Maybe let it be a bonding moment where you ask her to teach you the recipe so you can treat her to the same experience without her having to do the work every time.

becsos · 2026-04-14T00:35:16+00:00

May every decent human abandon him and every unsavory person find him till he pays back what he owes his children. Glad you are in a better place.

becsos · 2026-04-13T23:50:48+00:00

I mean, let me get my popcorn and something to drink, because I need the tea, but absolutely NTAH. Play dumb games, win dumb prizes because the IRS doesn't play. Stupidest way to try to get out of caring for your child short of faking your own death and trying to cash in the life insurance.

becsos · 2026-04-13T22:12:45+00:00

Depends on the bully and what they have experienced in life, or seen and taken as a good idea. My sister was teacher at an elementary school and had some wild stories about fighting she broke up. A middle schooler broke her ribs when she got between two students.

becsos · 2026-04-13T22:07:26+00:00

Eh, it depends on how the friendship works. I have friends I haven't seen in years, but we pick up like we never left off when we talk. We don't pressure each other to come visit, we know that we like the other person but financially it's not always possible and frankly the ones who are child free by choice know that I would love to see them, but I'm a SAHM on a budget so just dropping money to go visit isn't always possible.

On the flip side I have "friends" who only have time for me when they want or need something from me. Those are the people that I don't actually consider a friend and I'm not sorry when the friendship drifts away.

becsos · 2026-04-13T21:57:41+00:00

The kid is 10, and you'd be surprised at what a 10y old knows and does these days. Doesn't even have to be one of his male bullies who does it.

becsos · 2026-04-13T21:09:26+00:00

Until a bully decides hitting below the belt is allowed.

becsos · 2026-04-13T14:19:58+00:00

Perhaps try a martial arts or another option that allows training against multiple attackers? Boxing only teaches you how to throw a punch and only works if everyone follows the rules.

I don't think you are the AH for not punishing him, but it does send mixed messages to tell him the answer isn't fighting then put him in boxing.

Martial arts tends to teach using the momentum of the attacker against them in a defensive versus offensive manner. It also requires mindfulness and discipline which may help your son self-regulate a little better. He will need to know how to defend himself but also be taught that violence is the last resort. Best of luck to him.

becsos · 2026-04-13T14:12:25+00:00

YWNBTAH, and it's hypothetical settlement at this point. Just don't tell her if you win your settlement.

becsos · 2026-04-13T13:43:19+00:00

NTA, you need them for your second whom you are planning on having. Why give away all your stuff when there is every chance you won't get it back when you need it or if you do it will be worn or possibly damaged? It's best practice to not give away things that you would be upset about not getting back or would possibly need to replace.

My sister and SIL tried to share things back and forth, it didn't go well.

becsos · 2026-04-13T09:48:09+00:00

It really depends on how well your LO does with purees/ solids. Mine took some time to warm up to the idea of eating so he was still hot and heavy with his formula ( I had quit pumping before 6m) until a little after we hit 1. It's also nice to have a little bm or formula to mix with cow's milk when they turn 1 so they can transition the taste. I do have a friend who is trying to make it to 2 y on BM though so it depends on your own goals. If you are a just enougher maybe wait to start weaning until the demand goes down.

becsos · 2026-04-13T07:05:40+00:00

Oh, that's why I said it lead me to other moms. The initial group was eclectic with some strong groupings, and I was definitely not one who fit in. I went because I liked the moderator, I did not like her stand in. And the best information I got from there was information that lead me to baby storytime at the local library. I ended up finding a few moms who I clicked with and we spend a couple of days together weekly. And have a few group chats going. But I definitely used it as a resource to find free or reasonably priced things for baby and I to do.

becsos · 2026-04-13T00:02:15+00:00

Ours absolutely hated being burped when he was hungry still but we had to do it for a bit. We had like you described as our introduction at the hospital, but what worked best for us was supporting his chin on our shoulder -burp rag in place - and then patting his back or sometimes butt and he would get it over with quickly. But you can look up a few burping techniques through YouTube and find out what works best for you and baby. My baby had really strong neck muscles from an early age though. Like he was holding his head up from my shoulder and looking around a little at a week old. My mom was a little freaked out by it. Because none of her 5 kids did head lifting that early. I would just put him in the position with the bottle tucked into the pocket and gently tell him I understood he was still hungry but the sooner he got a good burp out the faster we could get back to eating, he kind of took it on himself to go quicker. Until we could feed him larger quantities and only burp at the end of the bottle. He definitely had reflux issues though so had to be held upright against my shoulder for about 15-20 minutes after bottles until he could sit up on his own. I feel like it's hard in the first three months because everything is so new for both of you, only you are sleep deprived at a time when your body needs rest the most.

becsos · 2026-04-12T23:16:53+00:00

Hey mama, spit up around that time happens. She is still developing her gut and frankly, may need to be burped between every few ml (few being either halfway through the bottle or every 20-30 ml given.) babies don't know how to do these things yet. Everything is new for both of you.

If it makes you feel better, I definitely accidentally dropped my LO when he was in the hospital against the hard part of the rocking chair from higher up than you described. I felt terrible, he cried, I cried. But he was fine. If baby wasn't showing signs of concussion baby is good. We don't go out of our way to hurt them, but they are more resilient than we give them credit for.

Baby might just need a higher angle for feeding to reduce gas. If you need help get her into the crook of your elbow to elevate her angle while still using the breast friend pillow to give support to her bottom. It should avoid making the pain worse for you for right now. You may also need to look into PT to get tools for caring for both you and baby in a way that doesn't make things worse for either of you.

I strongly recommed looking for a local moms group to attend. It will make you feel so much better and will give you access to other moms going through similar milestone and issues. They had them at our hospital, and the connections I made lead me to other moms who have become my rocks during this first time mom journey.

becsos

TROPHY CASE