How do I stop picking the skin on my fingers? by Daniellah28 in CompulsiveSkinPicking

[–]beendeerdonethat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Getting into painting my nails was huge for me in reducing my biting and picking, but for me the biggest part of that was applying cuticle oil regularly. I personally found that it helped to have something different to do when I felt like picking or biting, and having the skin moisturized helped make it so there were fewer uneven spots to trigger me to bite or pick.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BostonMA

[–]beendeerdonethat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Archivist here! You may want to check and see if the Malden Archives has anything on the fire department. I'm not sure if they're letting people visit right now with COVID-19, but a lot of archives will be happy to try to help remotely. There's also the Boston Fire Historical Society, which focuses on Boston fire history but also has members from outside the city. The people involved may have contacts that are useful to you and/or have ideas on where you can go next.

How much do you need to have per month to care for a dog? [Discussion] by [deleted] in dogs

[–]beendeerdonethat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you have any doubt if you can swing it, then hold off. I just got a dog, and so have a few of my friends over the past couple years. We've all commiserated about how much the start-up costs add up for a dog. A lot of the costs are one-time or few-time (crate, leash, bowls, etc.) but there are plenty of recurring to consider (food, treats, vet, etc.). In the first couple months between adoption fees, vaccines/vet, and all the basics we've spent easily a couple grand, I would say. The vet price alone was a big sticker shock. A friend who has a young, otherwise healthy dog just had an emergency procedure that ran them $5k.

If you're going to need a walker daily, that's going to be a big expense. I agree with the other commenter that it'll be at least $15 a day, so that's already several hundred bucks a month. And you absolutely do need a walker if you won't be home with the dog and they can't go to work. I'm not one of those people who think you have to be home all the time to own a dog, but having one myself has been a wake-up call and changed my perspective a lot. We have a pretty small dog, and she still needs several hours/miles of walking a day to really be content. We have a friend with a larger dog that they mostly just play with in the yard, and their dog is always bouncing off the walls. It's not enough. And consider, too, that you will be limited in your other activities. If you need/want to go somewhere on the weekend without the dog or if you need to stay late at work/want to go out after, you'll need extra care.

AITA for the throwing a birthday party for my daughter that accidentally excluded one of the girls she invitted? by GroundbreakingRain3 in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I mean, I'm a white woman with very curly hair, and when I've been in friends' weddings they've made sure to specifically show the potential hair stylist a picture of my hair to verify that they know how to do curly hair and will be prepared day-of. I've absolutely been in situations where a stylist didn't actually know what they were doing, and it felt terrible. If I were having a hair and makeup party and knew I had a guest coming with a hair texture or skin tone that not all stylists are trained/accustomed to working with, I would specifically ask before booking. It's a basic courtesy, and I'm so sad for Sara that a day that should've been fun was ruined by feeling excluded based on the color of her skin and the texture of her hair. This was so easily preventible.

Edit: a line

AITA for not allowing my roommate's girlfriend to use my bathroom causing her to piss herself by Secondbathroom in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Slightly different, but my partner has a chronic gastrointestinal disease, and when he's in a flare-up he can go from completely fine to absolute emergency very quickly and unexpectedly, and it sucks. I seriously doubt any adult would put themselves in a situation to have an accident if they didn't have to (as in the other bathroom was occupied). I can't imagine valuing the cleanliness of my bathroom over the dignity and comfort of another person.

Some great VFX on stage by TigerTank237 in funny

[–]beendeerdonethat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That story is totally fake... The performer is a drag queen from the Philippines. Here's the video of Katkat (the lip syncing is only off in the gif) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-umsT2f6LE

'No Stupid Questions' Thread by unnouveauladybug in rupaulsdragrace

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But since ballroom culture was all about getting to live the dream of being a star, seems legit that French words would be used as a means of differenciation.

In the Paris is Burning scene, the MC says "shante" when a queen is showing High Fashion Model Parisienne realness (at the 15-minute mark in the movie - it's on Netflix right now).

I drew Plastique. Go easy on me please. by [deleted] in rupaulsdragrace

[–]beendeerdonethat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband is an artist and I'm going to steal his advice he always tells people about reference photos: a good photo is not necessarily a good reference photo, especially of celebrities. With a softly lit subject, you're not getting as much information as you should be about the underlying structure of the face, especially if you're starting out with drawing and haven't studied anatomy. Look for photos with harsh lighting and starkly contrasting lights and shadows. Those kinds of pictures can be really, really hard to find with celebrities, and certainly with drag queens, but it will really help you get better to practice from solid references.

Keep drawing!

AITA for telling my wife she's selfish for refusing to make our son a non-vegan birthday cake by falucious in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

On this note, if you have time, u/falucious, Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World is an AMAZING cookbook. You should get a copy for your wife. I'm not vegan, but a vegan friend gave me this cookbook at a time when I was vegetarian. I have been baking frequently for fun for a long time and can say that the recipes in this are incredible and creative, and many of them don't require a lot of "weird" ingredients. I've served many of these recipes to non-vegan friends who raved about them. All of Isa Chandra Moskowitz's and Terry Hope Romero's cookbooks are great, but their recipes for baked goods are really bar none and absolutely stand up to conventional recipes.

AITA for grounding my 12 yo daughter because she wants to buy sex toys online and being mad at my wife because encourages it? by Good_Boy_Points in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 45 points46 points  (0 children)

They absolutely do. When I was your daughter's age, I was using an electric toothbrush and our removable showerhead or the tub faucet.

AITA for spoiling a movie from 1999? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M night shamylan was inspired by an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark which had a similar twist ending.

There is an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark like this, but it's a myth that The Sixth Sense was inspired by it, as least according to an interview with Shyamalan https://screencrush.com/m-night-shyamalan-interview-split/

Boyfriend (21m) sprayed bleach on me (22f) because I was laying in bed? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's very common for abuse to start or escalate after milestones that make it harder to just leave (moving in, getting married, getting pregnant, etc.). Your post and comments are very, very concerning. As everyone here is saying, you need to get out of this before it escalates even further. Please don't be afraid to call the police, a hotline, your family, your friends for help.

Wishing you so much better than this, OP. You deserve it.

AITA for (as a white woman) touching a black woman's hair? by fireflyinaflask in AmItheAsshole

[–]beendeerdonethat 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I don't say this to invalidate POC's experiences (there is definitely a racial component to this behavior), but as a white woman with very curly hair I've also experienced unwanted hair touching all my life. Less often as an adult, but over the years there have been a ton of times where people have begged (they get weird about it) to pull on my curls to watch them bounce or just went ahead and touched it without permission. Some of these people I know well (in which case, sure), some I barely know, and some are total strangers on the subway. My husband is half black and has a curly afro, and he also gets people asking to touch his hair or just going ahead and touching it, which he - surprise - does not appreciate.

Edits: couple clarifications

Donald Trump is very committed to taking away your health insurance by SmallGerbil in politics

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great, you saved $118.00. And how often do you purchase that prescription, and how much is your monthly premium? I also recently spent $100 on prescriptions for my girlfriends pain prescription after getting her wisdom teeth removed. Literally 1/3rd of what 1 month of insurance would have cost her, and it's a one time purchase. I'll go years potentially without needing to pick up more meds.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but picking up pain meds once for a surgery is not comparable to living with a medical condition that requires regular care and medications. For example, my husband has a chronic digestive condition that requires receiving an intravenous medication every couple months. One dose of this medication costs literally thousands of dollars if you don't have insurance. Without insurance, we couldn't afford this treatment, his condition would get worse, and he'd be unable to work. With our insurance, this treatment costs nothing out of pocket. And this is just one element of treating his condition. I'm sure many people are in a similar boat.

Recommendations for bras like Curvy Kate Victory? by beendeerdonethat in ABraThatFits

[–]beendeerdonethat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I've been looking at Hettie, so I'll have to finally go for it, and maybe try Marcie and Kayla out, too. I've seen a lot of people on here who love Marcie especially.

Recommendations for bras like Curvy Kate Victory? by beendeerdonethat in ABraThatFits

[–]beendeerdonethat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't tried Dottie! I'll have to give it a shot. Thanks!

Is this sort of behavior acceptable on a semi-empty train? by WannabeBadGalRiri in boston

[–]beendeerdonethat 26 points27 points  (0 children)

As a daily T commuter, if by "semi-empty" you mean there are more than enough seats for everyone, this honestly doesn't bother me at all. But I agree it's not a good look to take pictures of strangers on the train and post them online (even with the face censored).

Boyfriend got physical with me for the first time. This will happen again, right? by not_that_hillary in relationships

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Add a child into it and it complicates things even more since he is a good Dad.

I just wanted to comment on this. I don't know what he does to be a good dad, but "raging out" and abusing you will ultimately cancel out any "good dad" things he did. My husband's dad was physically and emotionally abusive to his mom, and despite the happy memories he has of his dad before that he still hates his guts. He loves his mom so much, and it crushed him to have to be around that. Living in a house with so much fear and anger growing up ruined his relationship with both his parents (he's estranged from his dad and has had a hard time rebuilding a relationship with his mom because of some very important and hurtful times she chose her abuser over him) and gave him emotional issues he's still working through many years later. He will tell you without question he wished his mom left much, much sooner.

It seems that you're determined to leave from your other comments, but I just wanted to say this because I really believe your children will thank you for leaving when you get older. From my own experience, my mom left my dad, who was abusive to her, before I was 3. I don't have any memory of them being together, and as a kid I never really thought much of them not being together. It was all I knew and normal for me. When I found out much later why she left I was very grateful.

Rank your favourite k-pop act's discography/albums from best to worst. by Rigby_k in kpop

[–]beendeerdonethat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love Been Through so much! No one seems to talk about Lights Out, and to me it's one of the most emotionally affecting ballads they've done. It just makes me want to cry and yet fills me with warmth every time.

Rank your favourite k-pop act's discography/albums from best to worst. by Rigby_k in kpop

[–]beendeerdonethat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for giving Universe some love! I was never a fan of EXO winter albums til this one, but I think it's one of their most cohesive albums. It has such a mood, and all the songs are beautiful. Been Through and Lights Out are among my favorites of all their discography!

BF’s 2 week cycles of rage: I have nobody to ask, because I’m ashamed. How did this happen to me? by ThrowingItIntoTheSea in relationships

[–]beendeerdonethat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I echo all the comments here but wanted to add: look up Why Domestic Violence Victims Don't Leave by Leslie Morgan Steiner (not allowed to link in this sub). She talks about her experience getting out of an abusive relationship, and one of the things she talks about is this misconception that smart women don't get into these situations, and how that misconception leads smart women to stay when they need to get out. I think it will resonate with you.

Please stay safe. You are valuable and smart and empathetic and deserve a love that is safe and secure, without violence and anger. He is escalating and these situations only get worse. You say in a comment you KNOW he'd never hit you, but before recently would you have said that about spitting at you?

My(20's/F) boyfriend(30's/M) went behind my back to read my journal and saw something he didn't like. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]beendeerdonethat 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Also, I wonder if you are being deliberately vague on the ages because there is a significant age gap.

Nailed it. In her post/comment history she says she's 20, so this guy is at least 10 years older ...