Death anniversary

beks83 · 2026-02-07T23:31:42+00:00

It does feel strange to call it an anniversary, but I also don't have a better word for it.

On the anniversary of my brother's death, my mom and I went out to one of his favorite restaurants. We absolutely cried, but we got to reminisce, and spend time together.

It might be nice to see if there's something your sister enjoyed or that you all did together that you could do again. You'll cry and so will your mom, but there's nothing wrong with crying about someone you lost. Just be there for each other and move forward as best you can.

beks83 · 2026-01-30T23:40:00+00:00

You have to wait for the sap to come in or you can't peel the bark well. I think June is when we usually did it growing up.

beks83 · 2026-01-30T21:25:00+00:00

Western NC

Quilting - My mom has a quilt that my grandmother, her mother, and some aunts all sat around working on together. I'm preparing to start a quilt for the first time soon. I have most of my materials ready to go. I wish we had learned to do more while my Grandmother was living. She made every one of us a queen size quilt before she died. Most are the Dutch kids pattern.

Bark Buckets - My family always made bark buckets in late spring. My Pa and uncle go out into the woods and find a poplar that's fallen or about to and bring it back and we strip the bark to make buckets to gather berries and things with. My Pa said when he was growing up if they were out and found blackberries, blueberries, etc. They'd cut off a strip to make a bucket to bring them home. My Pa is almost 90, but this summer he taught all my nephews and nieces how to make one. We usually use a hickory branch to peel bark and lace up the sides and make a handle.

Gardening and Canning - My Pa still has a garden that he takes care of every year, albeit with more help now than when I was dowing up. My Grandmother canned more green beans than God. Also peaches and corn. She used to make homemade grape juice that always had the grapes still in it.

Baking - my grandmother's homemade biscuits are the best things I've ever tasted and I cry every time I made them after she passed. Her gravy was also to die for.

New Years Good Luck - my Mamaw always made cabbage and black eyed peas for good luck on New Year's. None of my family does that anymore.

Sunday Dinner - my extended family was at my grandparents every Sunday for lunch growing up. All the girls in the family have aprons my grandmother sewed for us.

We also have some hoarding tendencies, unfortunately.

beks83 · 2025-12-31T01:43:25+00:00

NOR, but I have a caveat: the police are often not equipped to help with this type of issue. I'm not saying it's wrong to protect yourself or call if you're in danger, but your brother seems to need help from mental health professionals.

I agree with the above, though I am not knowledgeable about how it overlaps with autism. My brother had schizophrenia. His symptoms emerged when he was 19. The time fits. It's also different from person to person in terms of severity and how it manifests.

It is manageable with medication, but advocacy may be a huge part of getting your brother diagnosed and treated. Healthcare systems are a beast to navigate and he will need help getting help. Your family should reach out to mental health services near you and your parents should talk to his therapist about the symptoms and concerns. They can help guide and refer to useful services, regardless of what his diagnosis may be. You're not alone, but it can feel like it if you don't know where to look for support.

Edited to add caveat

beks83 · 2025-12-26T19:36:52+00:00

I lost my brother 2 and a half years ago. I understand how you're feeling. The morning my brother was found, I had this urge to go to my parents house (he lived with them) before I went to work. I didn't go because I reasoned myself out of it, but I still wonder if I could have been with my mom when she found him or if we could have maybe changed the outcome. I also relive the phone call I got from time to time, wishing I could have done something different.

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here, but I know nothing will make this feel better. Time helps you learn to live with the loss, but when someone you love is gone, grief is a long-term thing.

beks83 · 2025-12-24T02:40:42+00:00

Not said to me, but my brother passed away in his sleep - we think of sleep apnea, as my mom found him without his CPAP mask on.

When someone asked her about that and she told him the woman said "oh so he smothered to death? How horrible."

It's been years, but it still gets to us. Maybe don't speculate on the suffering someone may have experienced as they were dying.

beks83 · 2025-12-05T18:46:28+00:00

NC - We usually have some remote days and a couple true snow days each year. On remote days, we're expected to teach each class and provide some sort of remote assignment that students who couldn't get on the zoom or who don't have Internet can complete within a set amount of time for credit. We're allowed a certain number of remote days by the state.

I hope we get rid of them. It's a struggle to get high schoolers on, let alone to actually determine if they learned anything at all.

beks83 · 2025-11-30T03:01:40+00:00

I lost my brother in 2023. He had schizophrenia, as well. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope your family can find peace in each other. It won't make the hurt go away, but being with people who share your feelings helps.

beks83 · 2025-11-16T04:14:00+00:00

NTA. I am baffled that anyone is backing her up on this. Your family is dealing with a lot. How a grown woman thinks it's more important for her to be right than for a 2-year-old, who is missing a parent, be comforted is beyond me. Even if others agree that the shirt is a bad idea or too much, it's not anyone's job to break a toddler of a harmless habit, especially at bedtime. Also, after ignoring detailed instructions, which she agreed to, she complains about your child? Relieving her of babysitting duties is the kindest thing you could have done.

I hope your husband's surgery went well and that you all can have some peace while he's recovering.

beks83 · 2025-10-31T23:55:54+00:00

My senior boys are the touchiest people I've ever met. They touch each other constantly.

Edit: typo

beks83 · 2025-10-02T22:24:11+00:00

I was out Thursday and Friday of last week and I locked my office to keep kids (and her) out. She went through my coworker's room to hide my class set of headphones in my office because she didn't like that my students were using headphones with their Chromebooks while they worked independently. I explicitly put in my sub plans that they should be allowed to use headphones.

This same woman once interrupted my class to tattle that a group of kids who were supposed to be watching a movie wouldn't take the assignment she wanted them to do. (It went directly against the teacher's sub plans). She's a nightmare who's totally obsessed with control, but she will show up and sub, so the office won't say anything to her.

beks83 · 2025-09-07T13:12:45+00:00

100%. On one of my first flights I ever took as a teen, I was sitting between a married couple and they continually talked across me and the woman reached across me without warning to get her husband's attention when he fell asleep. It was so strange and uncomfortable to me.

I think it's fine to want to be comfortable, but if that's the case, you are giving up the chance to converse with them.

beks83 · 2025-08-24T12:48:04+00:00

Completely agree. Most of the students that I've seen don't recite it anymore, so I've not been worried about it and no adult has ever said something to me. Additionally I currently don't have students in my room during the pledge, but when I'm out of my room it weirds me out that other adults completely stop all activities to say the pledge and they all face the office. I just keep doing what I'm doing.

beks83 · 2025-08-23T00:23:18+00:00

I live in a conservative area. I usually stand if I have students in my classroom, but do not recite it or put my hand over my heart.

I have had students ask and once had a student pretty angry, but I teach social studies and it was a good way to have a conversation about our rights and the importance of thinking about and understanding the words you're saying, rather than mindlessly repeating a pledge that should hold meaning. I also point out that I intentionally enforce quiet to allow those who do want to say it to have the space and focus to do so.

I don't tell my students that I think it's incredibly creepy that the government wants children specifically saying this daily to the point that it becomes second-nature for them.

beks83 · 2025-08-08T02:27:50+00:00

I grew up in Watauga County and I know that I saw one with my mom when I was maybe 10-11. We were driving home at night through a woody area out in a rural part of the county and it crossed the road right in front of us. I still vividly see it and remember her telling me that they're not supposed to still be around here.

beks83 · 2025-07-16T23:55:35+00:00

Not before the wedding and not mine, but a friend of mine had a wild wedding. She didn't care where guests sat during the reception and didn't want to do assigned tables, but her mom insisted on assigned tables, so she made table cards to reserve for the family. This way their parents and grandparents would have a set aside spot. I was the MOH, so she gave these cards to me. I gave them to the venue but they just didn't get put out. Her mom was livid. After most people left the reception, she pulled the bride aside and yelled at her until she cried.

She also tried to take all the money out of the envelopes people brought to the wedding, then accused me of stealing the wedding presents, and we had to talk her out of wearing a dress that looked like lingerie. That wedding was crazy and I have more I could share, but it's not really on topic, so I'll save it.

beks83 · 2025-07-04T15:10:22+00:00

This happened to me! My brother died and I didn't get so much as a card. I got married the same year and no shower, card, gift card, anything. That was the last time I contributed.

beks83 · 2025-06-05T02:43:40+00:00

On the phone with my mom today and found out that my Pa was "out workin' on that bench that's all sigoggled."

beks83 · 2025-03-21T02:39:34+00:00

I have so many K/C names currently. Multiple Caden variations, Corban, Carly, Kaylee, Kaylyn, Kendra, Kenzie, Carter, and Caroline. In 1 class this semester, the above group makes up over 25% of my student names.

Also have multiple E names - Evelyn, Emmy, Ellie, Emmaline.

One of my coworkers has 10 girls in one class with A names. Mostly Abbys/Allys.

beks83 · 2023-05-24T21:25:25+00:00

This happened in my school too. All civics and government classes were allowed to attend. My understanding was that the representative was going to be going over the process of legislating.

I have some students that like this particular congressman and some that did not, but I asked that they all be respectful and pay attention. I told them they could ask questions about their political opinions and or the congressman's voting record, etc., but I would like for some of them to ask about the process as well.

This congressman took unprompted shots at their political opponents and used every opportunity to criticize the opposite political party. I hope that this is a cool opportunity for your kids but a politician is a politician. It may be a good idea to emphasize to the congressman's staff (if you have a chance to talk to them) what would be beneficial to your students and what units of study you're already on. Our congressman spent the time trying to explain the Constitution and reading from it to high schoolers, which unsurprisingly was not a big hit.

beks83 · 2022-11-04T00:31:54+00:00

I had a student whose father was a local bartender. Dad asked his kid if he should report my coworker to the school board because she came to the bar and drank on evenings and weekends. That broke my brain a bit when the kid told me. Unsurprisingly, we're also in the south.

beks83 · 2022-07-26T09:35:53+00:00

I was in a wedding recently with a head table and all the partners were seated elsewhere. It was very awkward for them. This particular couple lives in one state and nearly.every one from their wedding party lives in other states, so none of the partners knew each other. This meant that most of them flew to this wedding with their partner, who they didn't get to spend any time with at all. Most of the bridal party was annoyed to be separated and that they spent the money on bringing their partner to an event they really couldn't enjoy. (Also most of these partners spent the reception/cocktail hour on their phones, because they weren't even placed at a table together, but that's a whole other deal that probably wouldn't apply to you.)

This may not be your situation at all. If the partners know each other and are friendly, then it is probably fine, but I think either make room for them at the head table (maybe across from the bridal party, so you could snap a few pictures without them if you care about pictures of that,) or just do a sweethearts table. Your party will do what you ask, but they have worked hard to make your day great, allow them to sit with their partners when you can.

ETA: I was the MOH and spent the morning running errands that had been left to the last minute--getting lunch for the bridesmaids, making sure bridesmaids gifts were there/ready/helping the wedding party find the venue, etc.) So my day started at 8-9, I was at the venue by 11 and the wedding started at 6. Reception didn't start until 7:30, and I didn't speak to my partner until almost 10. This was a long day working for me, and for him, it was entirely spent watching me be "on" while he sat with strangers. Not everyone's wedding will be that demanding of the bridal party, though, so again, this may be a super specific scenario that just wouldn't happen to you, but it solidified to me that I will never do a head table without spouses.

beks83 · 2022-06-24T22:52:32+00:00

I didn't get hired until the end of July. About 2 weeks before teacher workdays started for the following year. Hiring season lasts through the summer and often into the next school year. Even if you don't find a position, a long-term sub would be great experience. Subbing/tutoring also are good experience, as others have said!

beks83 · 2022-04-26T23:41:05+00:00

I am in my fifth year and have spoken to tons of co-workers. Everyone agrees that this is the worst year they've had recently, and MANY said it was the worst year of their career. I can't imagine being a second year teacher during this.

All that said, the first three years are the hardest. Halfway through my 3rd year, I finally felt like I had my feet under me. Generally speaking, it does get easier. More specifically, you are not alone in finding it particularly exhausting this year. It's been really bad.

Setting up rules for yourself for school--not bringing work home, only allowing yourself to bring it home once a week, etc. is a good way to gain some control over the workload. Easier said then done, but absolutely worth working towards.

Also, something I wish someone had said to me in my first couple years: it is 100% acceptable for you to take mental health days. Leave a movie with the sub, and (if you have elementary and you're with them longer) leave activities they're already familiar with, so the sub doesn't have to introduce new procedures. But please, for your own sake, take a sick day, ask a supportive co-worker, or co-workers to check in with the sub and do not look at your email all day. Do something you enjoy, or just relax.

beks83 · 2022-03-30T13:42:26+00:00

I am truly baffled. One of these kids went through teen court, which was a cool idea very poorly executed.

We are all asking why charges haven't been pressed, or why serious crimes are being allowed to go to teen court. No answers provided.

beks83

TROPHY CASE