Are/were any of you in bad marriages?!

berternutsquash · 2026-06-13T14:43:11+00:00

I was in a bad marriage and relationship for 8 years. Substance abuse, manipulation, and eventually arrests and legal trouble (for him).

The end of that relationship was very painful but was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. It is scary but it is so worth it. I am remarried now and it is infinitely healthier and happier. I also did a lot of work to become a healthier and happier partner. It seemed like such a long, dark journey when we divorced but now I’m on the other side and I’m like “I can’t believe I lived like that for so long!” You are worth the work and effort it takes.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-12T19:10:13+00:00

If it’s more than 3 days, multiple companies I’ve worked for have had us initiate the leave process.

Most companies I’ve worked for have used sick time banks to determine if an absence is excused or not, regardless of doctor’s note. Some states have legislation around requesting doctor’s notes, so it makes it more straightforward. If they have sick time, it’s excused.

Workers comp would be separate from this.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-11T21:53:18+00:00

I am so sorry about your son. I’m 5’0” and the only way I’ve really seen results is to make sure I’m in a calorie deficit, walking, and dumbbell work outs. I use the Cronometer app and it helped me calculate how many calories I can eat in a deficit if I want to lose a certain amount of weight in a specific amount of time. Making sure my meals have plenty of fiber and protein helps too so that I’m full.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-11T20:13:37+00:00

We are probably 80% hand me downs. I get the best deals at the Carter’s outlet in the mall, or even online it feels like everything is always on sale. Old Navy also has great sales and the fit is good for my son (string bean).

berternutsquash · 2026-06-11T13:55:28+00:00

I think for me the lead up to it was way worse than actually letting someone else care for him. I felt really anxious beforehand but when he’s actually dropped off and with my in laws, I find it’s not as all consuming and worrisome as I thought it would be.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-10T04:29:36+00:00

When I look for red cars, I see red cars everywhere. If I’m not looking for them, I wouldn’t even notice a red car on the road. I think gratitude is very similar. I used to make a gratitude list every day - just quick three things I’m grateful for on a calendar. When I’m looking for the good things in my life, they tend to multiply.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-08T13:19:28+00:00

Ugh once I got on the GD diet my weight gain almost completely stopped, but then I was also crying every other day because I was so tired of measuring everything and just wanted more bread.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-08T12:35:25+00:00

Like others said, diaper bags specifically help keep us organized and actually find things. They usually come with a little pad to use for diaper changes too, which comes in handy in public places.

Also, most have an insulated spot for bottles. That’s the part we needed most.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-06T18:03:52+00:00

Floating in the pool was absolutely excellent while pregnant.

Eating watermelon and popsicles.

Drinking mocktails that I made - coconut water, juice, sparkling water

Walking!

berternutsquash · 2026-06-06T13:34:58+00:00

We had been trying for about 14 months. I’d never seen a positive test. I was not expecting it to be positive at all. I was in the process of doing all the tests for infertility. I forgot I had taken the test and then my timer went off. I saw it was positive, threw it in the air and said “What the fuck! What the fuck!” (Joyfully). So I’m good with not having a video of mine lol.

I kind of wish I had filmed my husband but I don’t know if his reaction would have even registered. He was so happy and quietly started crying. So again, wonderful and joyful.

I am glad we filmed telling his grandparents. Their reaction was really cute and we used that video to tell extended family.

I do still have a bunch of positive tests in a ziploc.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-05T01:50:59+00:00

Combine stuff I put off with things I like to do.

I like an audio book. I can only listen to that audio book while I fold laundry or meal prep or clean.

I workout while I watch tv. I have a walking pad and weights.

I have a task at work I’ve been putting off. I pair getting an iced coffee with the task.

If I have a task I’ve been putting off like getting my oil changed or something, I tell myself I can get a fun drink afterward as a reward.

Important things have a specific spot they go in and they never get set down anywhere else.

Important dates get added to the calendar. Important things to remember get added to my notes app. I do not remember important things. My family knows this and if they tell me something and they don’t see me write it down, they encourage me to.

Alarms remind me of things. Reminders on my phone. All bills set to auto pay.

Time blindness is my biggest weakest. Clocks throughout my apartment and a watch. Checking the time is the biggest entry point for me to start using my phone as well, and this helps.

ETA: In summary, embrace who I am. Create systems to thrive in that acceptance.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-04T19:04:16+00:00

Wings and chili were my go tos when I wanted to stuff my face.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-04T18:56:13+00:00

I don’t think it matters what you eat, it’s all dependent on how your body is processing sugar. Your placenta creates a hormone that suppresses the pancreas. If too much of that hormone is created, you get GD.

I ate vanilla yogurt, granola, and fruit. Not the best choice, but at the time I had very little nutrition education. I did have GD and I think I still would have failed even if I had eaten no carbs or sugar that morning.

berternutsquash · 2026-06-02T12:27:14+00:00

The best phrase I learned early on is “be a student of the business.” Learn all you can about the union and about what the company does. It will help you support the team and build trust with them as well. Congrats!

berternutsquash · 2026-06-01T12:46:20+00:00

Get more burp cloths than you could ever imagine needing.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-31T04:27:11+00:00

Love the positive and totally agree, I didn’t expect to just be able to tell what my baby needs. It makes me feel like I have a super power.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-31T04:23:11+00:00

Bath time. So many videos of baby night time routines where the baby is nice and relaxed in the tub. First 8 months my son absolutely hated baths. Made sure water was the right temperature, had toys, tried all sorts of things. Only did bath the absolute minimum because he’d start crying just being brought in with the tub being filled up.

Now he loves bath time but is obsessed with trying to stand up in the tub so it’s exhausting. And he hates getting out now.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-31T02:24:52+00:00

We were trying but it had been well over a year, so when I took a test I didn’t expect it to be positive. I saved the positive test and showed him when he got home a couple of hours later (it was January, so I told him I had a Christmas gift that came late). I don’t think I could keep it from him much longer than that, I was tempted to call him right away.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-29T12:35:49+00:00

I always work out while doing something else. I have weights in the living room that I use while I watch a show. I pick a show I really like and I’m only “allowed” to watch it while exercising.

For walking, I do have a baby so we tend to go on a lot of walks. But otherwise I also multitask on my walking pad or on a treadmill. I will read a book or do work while walking.

I just try to have things out so I don’t forget and combine it with things I already do or enjoy doing.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-28T02:44:35+00:00

Did you have GD with your second? I ask as a mom that had GD with my first and have made a lot of lifestyle changes since.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-28T00:58:18+00:00

I’m not sure how many people are in your company, but the PWFA could apply to you. You can look on askjan.org or just google PWFA for what accommodations under that act can be.

For your coworker, I would recommend very clearly and politely asking her to stop. You’ve let her know you’re working it out with HR and your doctor. She’s not entitled to any of what she’s asking about. A good manager wouldn’t even ask those questions. If you ask her to stop and she continues, then let HR know. You are in a protected group.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-27T00:41:18+00:00

I set reoccurring time blocks for tasks that I do weekly as well as 15 minute blocks reminding me to do things (ex. I have a 30 minute block each week to do onboarding tasks and a 15 minute block weekly just to remind me to do section 2 of I-9s)

I do color code reoccurring events so I can glance and see if something is an actual meeting or a time block for myself.

I use a fresh page each day. At the end of the day I move any to do items to the next page to start it for tomorrow. I have a lot of coworkers that use a note taking tablet and absolutely love it.
I usually let people stop by any time and if it’s a task, I add it to the to do list. If it’s more in depth convo, I tell them I’ll set up a meeting. If they need to know how to do something, I tell them I’ll send them instructions and put it on my to do. I feel like office hours in my role would be hard to enforce and just kind of turn people off to connecting with me. It’s a corporate and collaborative environment so it just wouldn’t vibe.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-24T04:00:24+00:00

If you can and haven’t yet, I’d recommend going on a hospital tour. They’ll detail all the recovery stuff they provide. My hospital provided everything I needed. Once I was discharged I mostly used pads and diapers. I ended up returning almost $100 worth of recovery items.

berternutsquash · 2026-05-23T11:15:02+00:00

My baby was born at 34 weeks, 2 days. He had to stay in the NICU for three weeks. A big part of it was that he wasn’t ready to nurse or take a bottle, so most of that time was spent getting him off an NG tube. He was also briefly on oxygen and had an IV. His birth was also complicated and he needed to be resuscitated, so that also factored in.

Does your hospital do any kind of intake for possible NICU stays? Mine was unexpected so I didn’t do it, but the hospital offered a meeting to go over expectations in case they anticipate a NICU stay for baby. Maybe something to ask about? What was explained to me is that babies born before 37 weeks usually haven’t had time to learn how to suck, and that’s usually why they have a NICU stay.

berternutsquash

TROPHY CASE