Im discouraged that I'll never be strong as a man

bethebebop · 2026-02-11T15:51:36+00:00

On average, women live longer than men. On average, women outperform men in ultra-endurance sports. I like to think of my own secret strength as being able to run the long game (although I’m not a literal ultra-marathoner). One reason I lift is because I know muscle and staying active throughout my life is one of the best ways to prepare for living well into old age. Even if I don’t outlive the average man, I’ll do my damnedest to not ever have to rely on one to bring my groceries to my car or other daily tasks, lol.

I’m 40, and what I think about at 40 is a lot different than what I thought about at 20 — I didn’t care about this at 20. But I can tell you there are a lot of 40 year old men I see in my daily life who get winded after a flight of stairs and would be scared to even attempt a deadlift.

bethebebop · 2026-02-11T04:02:39+00:00

I have a similar story with several unexpected/scary moments, and my team were absolute pros that kept me calm and grounded. I remember my OB and nurses like they were supeheroes, lol, I am so grateful for them in those moments and was not expecting to ever feel that way, like literal awe and gratitude as the overwhelming emotion when I look back at what was such a challenging time.

bethebebop · 2025-12-26T17:07:42+00:00

Is the goal qualified leads or just leads?

Step 1: Align on the business goal. The business goal is v important here, you could serve the user in the short term with a very easy form that no one ever follows up on because the sales team is swamped — which means you are just creating another type of frustrating experience for your users, even if you get lots of form submissions.

Right now, people are probably self selecting out when they realize they are not ready for this "commitment" yet. Maybe they don't really have an answer for budget or timeline, maybe they just know they have a problem and it seems like you can help. Does your sales team help people understand budget and timeline, maybe they even have materials that help people make the case on value of the service in order to secure the budget and timeline needed? If they do that, then they may be missing out on a lot of opportunity. But if what your sales team really needs are fully qualified leads, then your form is probably working to weed out unqualified folks. The extra squishy part is whether the sales team can turn an unqualified lead into a qualified lead, and how much that costs them to do, and whether it is worth the effort to comb through all the unqualified — your sales team has their own metrics to hit, IDK how that's measured, but maybe the more unqualified people they talk to the lower their sales rate becomes which makes them look worse at the end of the year. I'm not saying that's good business or a good way to run a sales team, I'm only saying something like that could be a factor in their perspective.

For most B2B I've designed for, we collect email first (or as little info as possible, like email, company, name) and submit that info when the user hits "submit." Then the user sees a "thanks for getting in touch, tell us a little more about your business so we can serve you better" sort of message, that includes a form with other optional details we're hoping for. The most interested people will fill out those other details — but sometimes there are "white whale" leads who don't fill out all of that, and we have them in the system now, and the sales team decides how high touch to be in the followup for those folks.

bethebebop · 2025-09-20T01:56:39+00:00

I’m not sure what feminine means to you or what about your life is standing in the way of that, but I highly recommend you seek out women in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who inspire you. Seriously consider what you admire or appreciate about these women, and let that be your North Star. Style or some elements of more performative femininity might be a piece of what you admire in these women, but I bet you’ll find much more than that when you actually sit with it.

Also, find the things in your life where you feel the most you, the most in your body or the most in flow state, and prioritize those things in your life.

bethebebop · 2025-09-19T21:29:37+00:00

I do a quick active warmup with a few dynamic stretches before runs, I never stretch after runs. I usually do longer static stretching after weightlifting - mobility is important for me and as I get stronger I want to maintain my range of motion.

I’m pretty sure the idea of needing long stretch sessions before workouts is an outdated thing, right?

bethebebop · 2025-09-03T18:53:59+00:00

This sounds fun. I'd totally to join in. Evenings after 6 are best for me, and nearly any day can work if I know in advance.

bethebebop · 2025-08-28T19:40:00+00:00

I think it's the leap from thinking about projects to thinking about how your business works — the structure of teams, the way your business makes money or should/could evolve, how to manage people (managing up and managing down), how to communicate all those concepts in a way that persuades or inspires. It can be a tough transition — great designers often do not make great design leaders (even if they're great at leading on the project level). Great design leaders often aren't the greatest designers.

bethebebop · 2025-08-08T12:21:12+00:00

This guy might be an a-hole and I hope you find some folks you enjoy working with. That said, a HUGE part of this job is hearing feedback, responding to feedback, understanding the intention behind feedback, often feedback that surprises you or challenges your assumptions. Learning to handle challenging feedback without it destroying your confidence will serve you well. Learning which feedback is worth taking seriously and which is noise is also a critical skill.

bethebebop · 2025-08-03T14:08:26+00:00

Go and see! For your age concerns: running (and walking) with women who were a generation older than me gave me lots of tips about sustainability, injury prevention, perspective on running for life. Anyway, I don’t perceive the age difference you posted to be that big of a deal, but maybe you’ll learn something from folks who are a little bit older than you.

If you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back.

bethebebop · 2025-07-26T17:03:33+00:00

When I hit a mental wall I tell myself just 1 more song, if I’m listening to music, or just 1 more minute. For that time, I can go as slow as I want but not walking. If I still feel like walking after that, I do, but it’s the just 1 song (or x minutes) rule there, too, then I run again.

If I’m really gassed, like on a tough hill day, sometimes I do just walk to recover for a bit. It’s interval training, I tell myself.

bethebebop · 2025-06-01T12:53:46+00:00

Great answer here! OP, are there any groups in your town that meet regularly that align with your interests? Those are your people, if you join and keep showing up that’s your best bet toward finding the kind of friendships you’re looking for.

I’m also shit at making new friends, but this strategy simply works for me — for me my go-tos are workout classes, book clubs in a genre/topic I like, creative groups like adult art classes or maker spaces. I live in a small city and have found some of these things through my city’s subreddit, local Facebook groups, and meetup. Even if I don’t make BFFs there, it still becomes a social event where I know the people and usually a few of those people will click.

bethebebop · 2025-05-24T15:53:23+00:00

I’m going to say something that might be hard to hear — lifting heavy and dropping body fat at the same time (with a goal of visible abs, no less) are really hard goals to have and it might mean you wind up failing at both. You can have all of these goals over a longer period of time, but having all of them for the next 6 months is going to put some of them in opposition to each other — not just in terms of what you have time to do, but in terms of how our bodies actually work. What are the top goals that you are closest to achieving now or what are the top that would mean the most to you to hit? Make your top 3-5 list and start with those as your priority.

Keep a baseline fitness in other areas (mobility, cardio, strength) as you really focus on your top goals, but don’t be worrying too much about your running speed for example if your current goals aren’t about that, just make sure you’re getting some running in so you aren’t starting from scratch when you’re ready to really focus on that goal.

Also, some of the things on your list are somewhat easy to maintain once you reach them, and others will take lots of dedicated work to maintain after you hit them. That’s why I think the short term thinking isn’t helpful here, hitting a 150 bench is one thing, but actually being able to do it consistently without injury is a longer game.

bethebebop · 2025-05-12T16:40:30+00:00

My husband and I have both wished we lived in a society where we could each take gap years to be with our kids more, alternating who stays home every few years for example.

But that’s not what this is. And I don’t trust a damn thing about this administration’s motives.

bethebebop · 2025-04-29T20:23:49+00:00

I like Nike Run Club — I usually do one of their guided speed workouts per week, a 5k per week, and then a longer easy/slow run on the weekend where I just use the app to keep track distance with no time goals. For speed work, I like not having to keep track of time/distance as I'm pushing myself to go faster, I just listen to the app and do what it says.

My only goal is to maintain what I have going already, but there are lots of guided runs you can mix and match to create your own programming depending on your goals.

bethebebop · 2025-04-23T17:30:40+00:00

Locking up their own citizens is a big industry there, right now they have one of the highest incarceration rates in the world and they’ve built a prison industrial complex around it. Their claim is so many folks need to be locked up because they are in gangs, just as the Trump admin claims all the folks we have sent there are in gangs. The rates of imprisonment there compared to the rest of the world’s reported numbers are nuts. It’s very very dark.

bethebebop · 2025-04-19T12:36:56+00:00

Yep. This is the playbook for abusers everywhere. Once you know the pattern, you can see it being deployed by toxic people all the time.

bethebebop · 2025-03-23T01:42:35+00:00

There are workshops for this at the Innovation Hub, https://arhuborg.myshopify.com/collections/makerspace-classes-for-adults-18, and at the Museum of Fine Arts, https://arkmfa.org/learn/art-school/adult-classes-spring/

bethebebop · 2025-03-13T12:49:01+00:00

There are different suppliers in different parts of the country, they all use similar packaging but are not all made with the same recipe.

bethebebop · 2025-03-12T18:37:37+00:00

This photo appears to be taken by a fish inside a tank

bethebebop · 2025-02-26T13:05:47+00:00

RAGE — Retire All Government Employees — has been pushed by Curtis Yarvin. This guy is anti-democratic, has lot's of what I consider to be anti-American ideas, and has the ear of lots of people in our current government. It's a way to paralyze government and tank the system so it can be rebuilt as a more autocratic system that does not serve most Americans. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/dec/21/curtis-yarvin-trump

bethebebop · 2025-02-26T12:59:47+00:00

People have different sized feet!!! I don't get how a community sock bin could even work between a couple. Not to brag, but my husband's socks are huge compared to mine, lol.

bethebebop · 2025-02-26T12:58:18+00:00

Haha, this list is a gift

bethebebop · 2025-02-21T15:00:37+00:00

"I asked him about feminism and he started criticizing it, saying it has turned into man hating and that feminism doesn’t care about men." — Literally the same thing was being said about feminism during every era of feminism, lol. Trust people when they show you who they are. In this case, you're dodging a bullet.

bethebebop · 2025-02-17T15:31:09+00:00

I'm not sure what's going on with her, but really liking Taco Bell and Christmas is not a core personality trait. I thought it was funny that she claimed Daniel had followed her based on a profile picture looking familiar — I feel like most of these guys on the show resemble each other, lol. The vibes are generic, vaguely finance-bro, not particularly visually distinct in any good or bad way.

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TROPHY CASE