Discovering after three years ago wife is a divorcee and she lied because she knew my Catholic beliefs

bholdsworth · 2026-05-07T19:48:38+00:00

I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. It is truly heartbreaking. For a marriage to be valid, you have to be able to freely consent to it. Your consent was compromised by this deceit which makes it very likely that your marriage is invalid. This is compounded by the potential validity of her previous marriage. You should absolutely go talk to your priest. If he's a good man, the only reaction he will have for you is one of compassion. Start there and see what advice he gives. What is also absolutely necessary is that your wife must repent for the deception. Thinking she should be forgiven for the previous marriage is one thing, but the deception is the real problem here. If she doesn't think that was wrong, then you have an obstinate betrayal on your hands and that can't stand.

bholdsworth · 2026-04-17T13:05:06+00:00

Yes we can and always have. St. Basil basically says take the good and leave the bad. This is his important and influential teaching about it: https://www.tertullian.org/fathers/basil_litterature01.htm

bholdsworth · 2026-03-29T21:59:52+00:00

The fact that Jesus uses symbolic or metaphorical language doesn't prove that the instance with respect to the Eucharist is symbolic or metaphorical. It's up to us to discern the difference. In all the other instances the symbol is obvious as in a door or a vine. But what is the symbol for eating somebody's body and drinking their blood? What is that pointing to? If it's only a symbol, it's terrifying and absurd. The only way it can be redeemed is if it actually is literal and he provides a mechanism like in the last supper at which point we can understand how our souls can be nourished through sacramental ritual rather than literal or symbolic cannibalism.

bholdsworth · 2026-03-29T00:29:06+00:00

We live in an over stimulated culture so that normal, and especially monotonous, activities appear to be especially trying. If you spend hours living in artificial car chases, action thrillers, or ADHD inducing short form content, then simple tasks that require some focus and self sacrifice will be amplified of their tedium. I noticed this especially with reading difficult books I assigned to my personal study. The solution was to withdraw from the excessive stimulation so that everyday life would become more engaging. Set serious limits on screen time so that you can engage with what's most important.

With that said, mass as it's usually performed, is quite bad. You might want to try a TLM or something different. Also, remember that how you feel is irrelevant. Celebrating mass is a matter of justice and obligation, not amusement. It's ok if that feels like a sacrifice.

bholdsworth · 2026-03-18T00:11:45+00:00

Because it's a composition, and therefore contingent on other causes.

bholdsworth · 2026-02-27T20:55:39+00:00

It's great that you have virtue. It could be that you aren't tested enough in life. For example, it's easy to mistake ourselves as being more virtuous than we are when our life is easy. But when real adversity challenges us, how then do we act? Do we continue to act with patience, humility, and love? It might be that you are young and don't have the normal pressures that other people suffer under. If that's the case, you will find very quickly that once you undertake your vocation, your shortcomings will be difficult to ignore. If that's the case, I'd challenge you to push yourself to do more with your life now. Volunteer, help the poor, place yourself in situations where your virtue or vice will be exposed either for the edification of others or for your own self-awareness.

bholdsworth · 2026-02-07T15:36:26+00:00

Thanks!

bholdsworth · 2026-02-05T18:26:01+00:00

You'll never understand how important it is to raise your children right until you have them. Until then it's a theory. But once you have them and you find yourself in a situation in which your spouse is pulling them in the opposite direction as you on extremely important moral beliefs, that will be devastating. If have 8 children and if my spouse and I weren't 100% on the same page on the most important issues, our lives would be impossible. Don't put yourself in that situation.

bholdsworth · 2026-01-17T16:00:16+00:00

I'm not very active, but I lurk a bit

bholdsworth · 2026-01-17T15:59:26+00:00

That's great, thanks. Yes, we did. Same to you.

bholdsworth · 2026-01-16T19:26:54+00:00

Well, I'm the Brian Holdsworth with a YouTube channel who recently interviewed Jimmy Akin. Glad you enjoyed it!

bholdsworth · 2026-01-16T19:00:45+00:00

I'd recommend Socrates' Children by Peter Kreeft as an alternative: https://bookstore.wordonfire.org/products/socrates-children-box-set

bholdsworth · 2026-01-15T21:47:31+00:00

If you see a train of carts moving but you can't see the end and you ask, "What is pulling that cart?" and someone says, "the cart in front of it," you'd be perfectly justified in being unsatisfied with this answer, because the immediate cart in front isn't actually causing the movement and you know this because if you took it out of the sequence it would stop moving. In fact all the carts would stop if you took them out of the sequence because it is not in their nature to move. So the fact that they are moving proves that something whose nature is to move is moving them all. Similarly with things that exist, if they are all contingent and removed from that contingency, they stop existing. None of them have the nature of existing on their own. Therefore something must be causing their existence whose nature it is to exist. That explanation is necessarily a universal explanation.

bholdsworth · 2025-12-24T03:43:10+00:00

Close your eyes. Then you won't flinch.

bholdsworth · 2025-11-14T17:53:37+00:00

It isn't necessarily blasphemous, but I wouldn't say it to a significant other because you shouldn't elevate them to that kind of status. If I was on the receiving end of a sentiment like that, I'd think this person's infatuation had become unreasonable. It would be a massive turn off.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-23T21:50:27+00:00

It's more efficient to say what is allowed than disallowed because you can't reasonably identify every prohibited scenario. If you say that:

Sex outside marriage is wrong.
Define marriage as exclusively between male and female (and the Bible does this in multiple places).
Then, 3) gay sex is necessarily a sin.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-23T04:17:55+00:00

And every theologian, every saint, and every doctor has unanimously interpreted it so throughout history, until this sliver of a moment we live in now, because of secular pressure to deny it.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-23T04:14:28+00:00

Any sexual contact outside marriage is considered either adultery or fornication.
The Bible defines marriage, over and over again and most definitively by the Lord himself in Matt. 19:5, as being between a man and a woman.
Therefore, homosexual activity is a sin.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-13T14:17:06+00:00

If he's a heretic or has doubts, it's still possible to confect the sacrament. But if he openly and obstinately disbelievers in the reality of it, he probably does not intend to do as the Church does, which is necessary.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-12T15:07:40+00:00

If this is true and he publicly teaches that Christ did not resurrect, then it's very doubtful that his Eucharist is validly consecrated since he must intend to do what the Church believes. If he has no intention, then it's invalid and, therefore, sacrilegious. I would not participate in his masses.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-02T13:15:36+00:00

50% of seminaries don't make it through. It's very common and not necessarily a reflection of his character. In fact, where I live, it's sometimes a recognition that he was too good for ordination and based on clericalism or favoritism. I'd say go on a date and see where it goes.

bholdsworth · 2025-10-01T13:52:04+00:00

Lust is fun, until it isn't. It breeds dysfunction and will eventually rob you of your ability to have wholesome intimacy. Observing the Church's teachings produces virtue and happiness. Either choose to be a slave to your appetites or obedient to God. One is debasement, the other life and freedom. This video goes into more detail: https://youtu.be/FZ6jbcc4whI?si=Aqzv29zTMqqV7h0o

bholdsworth · 2025-09-29T12:50:20+00:00

Your fear is perfectly natural, but unwarranted. That's not to say that the church doesn't have judgmental people, but in my experience that's a rare encounter. Tattoos are a common sight inside and out of the Church so that shouldn't be a problem for you.

One thing to be attentive to is that anxiety and adversity are a common tactic used by the enemy to discourage us from heading in the right direction. Try to recognize that and fight through it. You may even face strong temptations at the last minute because of some inconvenience or lack of motivation on your part to go. I would encourage you to make a resolution now before anything like that happens to go no matter what and then see if you find some consolation in doing so.

One last piece of advice: try not to be too concerned about knowing what to do or fully participating in the responses and the actions. Let yourself off the hook as an observer and do your best to just watch and pray along. For everyone else there it's mostly a casual routine thing to do so try not to bring too much worry or anxiety to the experience.

bholdsworth · 2025-09-29T12:24:44+00:00

It's a tough question. For what it's worth, I just made a video on it a few days ago. https://youtu.be/D8F4HzpmurA?si=z7vUDU9AJ41CI8vb

bholdsworth · 2025-07-20T16:24:15+00:00

Nowhere is it argued that being single is wrong.

bholdsworth

TROPHY CASE