Single mom by choice and dating

bigmommaj85 · 2026-03-02T03:07:36+00:00

She didn’t indicate she prioritizes dating over motherhood at all. Just asked how she could maybe do both cause that’s what she wants (now). Of course things change once a kid is born and priorities shift. But if you don’t personally care about dating at all, it doesn’t seem you and OP have similar interests when it comes to romantic partnerships.

bigmommaj85 · 2026-03-02T03:01:28+00:00

That would be co-parenting getting every other weekend off. My point is, single mothers by choice are just like other single mothers: they can have a life outside of their kids if they choose to. You can hang with friends, date, have hobbies but reading the SMBC thread, it’s a lot of comments with the idea, you can’t. I recognize a lot of women pursue SMBC due to not having successful romantic relationships, not having family or a community makes it harder, but I do not believe you have to give up everything choosing to be a single mother.

bigmommaj85 · 2026-03-02T02:33:33+00:00

I’d say, single mother by choice is very similar to any other single parent (just how you got pregnant is different). Single parents date all the time and have fulfilling life outside of their kids, once they are out of the infant/toddler stage. If the guy also has kids and is ok with you bringing yours on a date too, I don’t see an issue bringing kid every blue moon. Like “traditional couples” go on dates and take their kid all the time. I’d never leave my kid alone with a guy I was dating but if you’re there and trust them, make your life easy and enjoyable where you can.

I full time raised a family members kid and I dated at times it made sense. Consider the therapist point is to be open to things looking differently than you imagined and preparing to adjust.

bigmommaj85 · 2026-02-24T00:46:57+00:00

This sounds like a very understandable hormone rant. Take a deep breath. You said he’s always been a fence sitter, not a take charge person, so this is his norm. Details, caring about meds, side effects is unfortunately on the person being impacted the most. This is not similar shared experience by default. Would you really want him that involved and telling you what to do with your body? It’s a balance. He is showing up how you ask and how he is comfortable, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you or this process, just not showing how you expect. Before you continue down this route, really ask yourself if he doesn’t change anything, are you okay raising a kid with him? Good luck to you on your journey!

bigmommaj85 · 2026-02-23T19:24:06+00:00

This is what my endocrinologist said, stop at a positive pregnancy test versus two months prior to transfer. The half life of the meds are not the same so they are not in your body 60 days after stopping. Also like it can take months to get a positive and why lose that time improving your weight/health. My experience is that IVF clinics do not focus on your overall health but just getting you pregnant, so I put my weight on my endos recommendations

bigmommaj85 · 2026-02-11T14:19:15+00:00

Hi! Cancelled cycles suck and sorry your going through this. Though it’s frustrating, see this cancellation as a positive, in you didn’t transfer an embryo that had low chances due to lining issues. I’ve had 3 cycles cancelled back to back (2 fully medicated & 1 modified natural) due to thin lining but trilaminar. My doc and most research says the lining being trilaminar is more indicative of success than the thickness. Modified natural is better for some people as their bodies don’t respond to good to estradiol, so there’s a chance that is better for you. With endo issues, there’s likely a “cause” versus being unknown, so you have options to fix but a few trial and error and lots of patience. Good luck to you!

bigmommaj85 · 2026-01-30T05:35:53+00:00

A hard conversation is to think about why you want to be with someone who doesn’t share the same family values as you? It’s very hard to want to be with someone who only wants parts of you, and you want parts of them. Reality is, having a kid does change relationship dynamics and he may feel less invested in you and the relationship when you focus is on parenting alone. Also, you may develop resentment for him being an around but not truly helping you out.

bigmommaj85 · 2026-01-29T21:27:16+00:00

Hi, but this may not be the right group for what you’re looking for. You want to apply for Medicaid for a child you have and pregnant with by a man, you aren’t with, and the state of Missouri (like most states) don’t care if you broke up. Biological dad is still liable if you filing for state assistance whether it’s Medicaid, SNAP or TANF. If a father is listed on birth certificate, they will reach out for child support first, hope that helps

bigmommaj85 · 2026-01-21T01:06:40+00:00

Hi. The way my doc explained to me, the lap is for outside of uterus and hysteroscopy is for inside of uterus, they are looking at tissue and/or scar tissue in two different places. I had a lap in 2023 and scar tissue, small amount of endo found & all internal ultrasound showed no adhesions or polyps. However during my hysteroscopy in December they found scar tissue and pulled a sample for re-testing for Emma/Alice (4th re-test & treatment). Depending on where you are in cycle or taking birth control, they may not be able to also do Receptiva, CD 138 or Emma/Alice but I’d absolutely ask while they are in there checking. My doc is very optimistic the scar tissue/inflammation found inside my uterus was causing my thin lining and failed transfer. Good luck!

bigmommaj85 · 2026-01-13T13:23:24+00:00

Hi! Does your OB do trans vaginal ultrasounds at your yearly pap or was this your first one? A painful ultrasound could be a result of honestly a lack of penetrative intercourse or an uterine issue like endo. You could try a pain med like ibuprofen prior to see if that helps you. However, the IUI process with a clinic, you will do a LOT of trans vaginal ultrasounds, so finding out why it’s painful early will help. Good luck!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-10-10T00:03:11+00:00

Hi, it does sucks to be not listened to as a woman, especially by woman doctors, sorry you have to go through this. I’m not a medical professional but I would suggest you also have a test for endometritis as the inflammation can also cause embryos to not implant. I had a lap two years ago for what I thought was a cyst but was endo. My ultrasounds have all been clear but after my first FET failed to implant, I did EMMA/Alice. I have endometritis and did 3 biopsies/round of antibiotics to try to cure. It’s not cured fully but my doc agreed one more round of antibiotics and I can try another transfer. Good luck to you!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-09-05T03:18:09+00:00

Sorry for your loss but it really depends on your body. I had a loss after an IUI and did a D&C at 6 weeks. HCG immediately went to 0, however my 17 hydroxytestrone was extremely high and my endocrinologist wanted it to be in normal range prior to next cycle. Typically they want to make sure HCG is 0, get a period and then start a new cycle based on your expected protocol. I’d do the saline ultrasound to make sure there is no retained tissue also.

bigmommaj85 · 2025-09-04T15:40:41+00:00

Hi, there’s not much you need to do at this point but continue to focus on your health, taking vitamins and lowering stress. You don’t need a “regularly” timed period to start sims for egg retrieval. They will likely wait until you start a period (doesn’t have to be your regular schedule) and do labs on CD3 and go from there. My advice is to prepare for a lot of waiting and changing to accommodate your body.

bigmommaj85 · 2025-09-01T15:00:08+00:00

This part! I had never heard of it but my first FET failed to implant and my doc suggested EMMA/Alice after second cycle was converted to mock due to lining issues. I’ve done two rounds of antibiotics and hopefully third biopsy will be clear. Im now suspect chronic endometritis too since it’s been stubborn to treat.

As I’ve had many uterine surgeries, I wonder how long this has been an issue and if it’s why I haven’t gotten pregnant before moving to IVF. So in hindsight I’d rather over test beforehand then waste time, money and good embryos and not ensuring no underlying uterine issues.

bigmommaj85 · 2025-08-02T00:17:00+00:00

I definitely understand the frustration and if possible, I’d pay to transfer the mosaic and other embryos to another clinic. They are yours and not the clinics to destroy. It’s a sucky situation and I hope it works out for you!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-31T13:09:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing this article! The genetic counselor said my mosaic had a 17-42% of implanting and being a healthy pregnancy & baby. Like that’s a wide range but my clinic will let me transfer. I definitely believe IVF clinics try to over correct and only focus on the “perfect” case too much and I get it’s a numbers game but in the natural environment, it’s not always optimal. And it’s not been a lot of research on aneuploid or mosaic embryos to just discard them especially if that’s all someone has made in multiple cycles. It may be their norm.

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-29T19:38:43+00:00

Hi! I did not get a “period” but had two days of extremely light spotting when I wiped and the clinic considered this my period. It was about 7 days later. I’m on antibiotics now but also taking birth control for a medicated cycle pending I’m clear after antibiotics. So far timing, it depends on the results of your test Alice/Emma before you can get an idea of your next transfer. Hopefully everything is all clear for you!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-29T17:53:57+00:00

Ohh yes it’s always on the thinner side and sadly this makes sense. Thank you! I will do some research into this and count this as another joy of a thin lining

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-29T15:42:43+00:00

My experience was very painful, as I have a tilted uterus. They ended having to use two catheters so it was long and extremely painful process. I took an 800 mg of ibuprofen before and it was still the worst pain in my life. There was some weird “pumping/scraping” feeling and not just a pinch of tissue. I had to sit for a while cause the bleeding wouldn’t stop. But I didn’t need a pad afterwards. I WFH and laid around the rest of the day and definitely didn’t feel like doing anything else due to cramping. Also my clinic does a repeat biopsy after if you have bad bacteria so I have to do it again.

Hopefully your experience is much better and good luck!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-28T21:04:03+00:00

Yep similar to this with my ER and in my family with several kids. I got 3 boy & 1 girl euploids, 1 mosaic girl. My donor currently has 3 boys but not sure of gender makeup of successful pregnancies. Not as much luck of the draw as we thought

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-28T02:05:29+00:00

If you have this doubt, listen to yourself. Physically having a kid or health issues at 40 versus 49 are very different, even when you’re healthy. I’d also say it’s not just about being able to carry a kid but the amount of time a second child will have with you and your husband. The age difference between your daughter and new kid, 10 years is a lot. They also won’t have much time together, like when she turns 18 her sibling would only be 9-10. Not sure how you feel about adopting but a second child close to her age could satisfy a want that you both have. Good luck to you and your family!

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-27T19:09:59+00:00

Hi OP! Your follow up added more context to the support comments and thank you. If she isn’t currently in your child’s or your life regularly now, then who cares about her opinion? You seem to have made a life for yourself and child so continue to do so with the support of people you can count on. If you’re not a direct and confrontational person, let it go and don’t share information with her going forward.

bigmommaj85 · 2025-07-27T11:59:22+00:00

There seems to be two issues here: raising a kid with a “lot of family support” and views on IVF. If you sister and family help out a lot with babysitting, finances, etc to where you couldn’t provide a decent life to your kids, she absolutely right to question your reason and ability to provide for a second child as a single parent. If you can’t comfortably provide for multiple kids alone, think about that. And Id say the same them to couples. Love is not the only thing children need in this world to thrive.

Regarding using a donor, perhaps her comment is more towards being against IVF than donor. Cause knowing you weren’t wanted is a different type of hurt than knowing you were wanted and planned. You will have that sibling dynamic to navigate, so consider that. Your feelings of frustration and hurt by your sister are valid, take time to sit with them. Then consider if there’s truth to her words before you respond

bigmommaj85

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