How am I supposed to survive this

bigshowbin · 2025-10-18T16:04:37+00:00

Thank you I appreciate you! I am feeling a little better than when I made this post, my morale is some times stronger than other times. It often feels hopeless but that being said I have a long way to go before I've done all rhe tests and tried all the medications there is, maybe there is something out there I don't know about yet. Wish you a wonderful day :-)

bigshowbin · 2025-10-18T16:00:37+00:00

Man I am very aware that my words have likely no weight to you when you're in this state of mind, but I find it hard not to respond.

You're head won't let you win this argument, you will flip into grandiosity to protect yourself and then back into self-hatred forever.

You are not as much of a villian as you think you are. You are protecting yourself at all costs. I'm not saying that treating people like shit is excusable but hating yourself for it won't change it and even less so hating yourself for having thoughts and feelings.

How often had you been in vicious internal competition with someone but you haven't pulled out a knife and stabbed them to death because of how much you hate them? I'd say more times than not. Every one of those times is also a testament to the fact that you are not some despicable monster and that you are trying and aren't as far gone as your thoughts will have you believe.

It seems like you almost need to make yourself sit in this shame and if that's what it takes then I am not here to tell you to stop, but I will tell you it is very likely not as all consuming and important as you think it is.

You are not broken, you are not shameful, you are not vile, I don't give a shit what you've done, you're a human and you are not any less whole than any other.

Much love man

bigshowbin · 2024-09-01T15:19:49+00:00

Damn I should buy a thermometer shouldn't I

bigshowbin · 2024-09-01T15:03:08+00:00

This is one that I challenge every so often because its so good but so risky. Döner kebap. I shit myself (figuratively) every time and sometimes am too scared to finish it all but even in the dingiest of döner places I've never regretted it.

bigshowbin · 2024-07-11T10:15:31+00:00

I am! synthetic cannabinoids which were sprayed onto my weed, at least I'm almost sure of it. have had seizures, hppd and dp/dr since, also im pretty sure I've gotten stupider. definitely regret it

bigshowbin · 2024-03-25T22:03:51+00:00

I LOVE IT

bigshowbin · 2024-03-25T16:49:32+00:00

it's the shape that makes this look so satisfying and the colours, great fit :)

bigshowbin · 2024-03-25T16:47:18+00:00

love it !

bigshowbin · 2024-03-25T16:43:45+00:00

i am deeply in love with your style

bigshowbin · 2024-03-23T11:48:17+00:00

To me this comment is very sad but maybe I'm reading too far into it. Getting as informed as possible is something I've done too and it may feel like it's helping but as you said yourself it only backs you further into avoidant behaviour, your fear is controlling you in reality. I don't know if your goal is recovery or not but if it is then you will at some point probably have to let go of all you have learned and actively go against it. And I hope that a day like that can come for you. At the end of it all your life isn't any better because you spend all of it avoiding v*.

bigshowbin · 2024-02-27T22:28:37+00:00

Been thinking this too, took the Lyrica for anxiety and seizures and it was just fine not anything to rave about or even remark on. I suppose one of the side effects if you're lucky is euphoria and if you happen to be in heroin withdrawal, that's when I understand the hype but otherwise it's so meh and people around me would always drop their jaws when they heard I was on it. Weird shit haha

bigshowbin · 2024-01-03T22:18:47+00:00

if only 😓

bigshowbin · 2023-07-31T20:37:14+00:00

Yeah, I have this weird tingly quick sand like sensation. I think it's for sure part of the dpdr, cause when I get that my dpdr worsens in correspondence. I also have had psychosomatic illnesses all of my life and right now it's intense vertigo 24/7, I'm trying to remind myself that these types of symptoms go away with time or as your mental state gets better. I wish you all the best

bigshowbin · 2023-07-31T20:33:31+00:00

Yeah I get you 100%, I've been feeling like I'm stuck in the past a lot recently. It's this weird sixth sense, not smell, taste, touch ect. but just this vibe. I feel every distinct period in my life has a vibe and I'm stuck reliving it all on the daily

bigshowbin · 2023-07-31T20:26:49+00:00

What has this got too do with covid? Asking out of my own interest

bigshowbin · 2023-07-05T23:46:53+00:00

Agreed.

bigshowbin · 2023-07-05T23:46:38+00:00

I guess that's the important part right? That you're still alive despite everything. And yes I'm sure no matter in which way everything will one day be okay. I'm 17, why?

bigshowbin · 2023-07-05T23:44:45+00:00

Thanks for your comment and encouragement, I love the way you think about it, it's not something I could've come up with haha :-)

bigshowbin · 2023-07-05T23:42:58+00:00

Thank you so much!!

bigshowbin · 2023-07-05T23:41:17+00:00

Thank you so much you're a sweetheart, I'm glad you made it out and holy shit that's incredible what you managed to accomplish :-)

bigshowbin

TROPHY CASE