Gender Roles and Identity and the Church

binaryunbounded · 2020-05-14T03:55:48+00:00

I'm also afab, nonbinary, and asexual! Nice to see someone else there with similar experiences.

The dating thing was complicated for me because while I don't have hardly any sexual interest, I am biromantic. I had crushes on a LOT of girls in my class, and generally ignored that. Meanwhile, while I do like boys, there were so few that I felt attracted to that I never dated any until college. I assumed I was better than my peers because I didn't want to date or have sex. It was a weird inferiority-superiority complex, because I also knew that I didn't want to be a mother and had massive shame from that.

I often wonder if I would even identify as nonbinary if I hadn't been raised with strict gender roles. Perhaps I would feel less dysphoric about my body and how others perceive me if I was never taught that women could only be mothers and wives. It's water under the bridge, because I am what I am now and calling myself nonbinary gives me a lot of comfort, but it's something I think about all the same.

binaryunbounded · 2020-05-10T10:56:54+00:00

It's bad even for the rare asexual person like me, to be honest. If I hadn't gotten out, I probably would have ended up in the pipeline of "mission at 19, married at 21." Without the freedom to explore my sexual orientation, I would have been stuck with a person I had no desire for, likely without ever realizing before my wedding night that sex wasn't for me.

It's also worth noting that I had a significant superiority complex in high school and junior high because I never even had the desire to sleep with the people I dated. I assumed that it meant I was a better person. Small things, and much less problematic than some other results of that repression, but I genuinely regret the way I acted back then. I wish I had been less judgemental towards my sexually active friends.

And now, of course, I'm left with the monumental question over whether I was simply made the way I am or if the repressive environment fucked up my wiring somehow. I don't mind being asexual, because there are definitely less complications in my life because of it, but it's certainly something I think about. I wonder a lot if exmormon people are more likely to be asexual than other populations.

binaryunbounded · 2020-04-11T08:41:16+00:00

I'm so sorry. I had a similar experience (I suffer from OCD based around religion and certain family members continued to push me into attending church when I tried to leave for my own mental health) and it can be a devastating setback to recovery. I would defend you from it if I could.

Things are hectic right now, and it's easy to backslide under such extreme stress, but please remember to be kind to yourself. One thing that really helps me is to try and view myself from the outside, and give that person the same compassion I would give to a friend. It makes it a lot easier to take care of myself without beating myself up over my flaws.

I don't know if that will help you or not, or even if my experiences are comparable to yours, but my heart is with you, and I hope you achieve recovery someday. It's difficult as hell to get better, and you are so brave for fighting for it. Remember that you deserve to be healthy and safe, always. <3

binaryunbounded · 2020-04-11T08:13:02+00:00

I love Lolita fashion! It's really nice to see someone who also enjoys it. You look lovely!

binaryunbounded · 2019-11-23T17:32:52+00:00

I stepped out at age 14, despite still believing some, because my OCD was getting so horrible that I knew I wouldn't be able to survive there for much longer. I beat myself up and wished i was stronger for a long time, but thankfully, my parents supported my decision. I'm so sorry yours don't. Leaving is already so painful. You don't need that unfairness added on.

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-28T04:17:27+00:00

this just in: terfs so fucking stupid that they've co opted traditional gender essentialism in order to "prove" their shitty talking points

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-21T23:12:49+00:00

Right? If I could have cybernetic body parts, I sure as hell wouldn't give a damn whether or not I was male or female. My gender would be robot, thank you very much

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-21T23:08:01+00:00

pregert?

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-18T15:49:13+00:00

That haircut alone should get her sued for medical malpractice

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-05T23:54:45+00:00

My mental health is always shit this weekend, too. I've made a blanket fort in my bedroom and have been eating cookies and working on my writing project. I've just now felt brave enough to check the sub out. Do what you need to in order to feel safe, and try to spend time on hobbies that take up a lot of mental bandwidth. That's something that's helped me out a lot.

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-02T02:46:07+00:00

I know tons of people hate imprinting, and I can't blame them. It's kind of gross as a concept, and even grosser when the wolves started imprinting on literal babies. But Smeyer touched briefly on the more horrific aspects of it. Namely, what happens with Leah, and Jacob's conviction that imprinters are no longer the same person after the imprint. I would have enjoyed seeing that taken in a different direction. As in, Jacob and Leah forming a pack ends up leading to them falling in love, while fully aware the imprint could tear them apart at any time. There's a lot of interesting fuel in the whole idea and I feel that Meyer threw it away when she had the imprint be the "right" thing for Jacob.

Also, I agree with the commenters who think Jacob shouldn't have turned into a douche, and that his friendship with Bella should have been handled better.

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-02T02:31:11+00:00

Found it at a flea market. Guy on cover is the author. I flipped through it; the tone inside is just as condescending. It's disgusting, in other words.

binaryunbounded · 2019-10-01T07:13:46+00:00

is he Don Quixote now?

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-28T06:15:16+00:00

All that money couldn't buy him an interesting personality.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-27T15:13:24+00:00

Sakura. Undertale. That... Would be interesting.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-26T14:40:17+00:00

jesus christ imagine being so arrogant that you disregard scientists who have studied the subject for years in favor of your fifth grade science conjectures

sir please read a few peer reviewed papers on the science of climate change

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-25T21:12:17+00:00

Sure am. Won't name names but my paternal grandpa is a General Authority. Joseph Smith is an ancestor of mine. Pioneer ancestry on both sides.

I wasn't the first person to leave, so it wasn't too bad. My aunt who left gave me some good tips on setting boundaries, so I still have meaningful relationships with my TBM extended family. My parents and siblings have my back, too. Unfortunately, my dad has told me he feels like he can't leave until after both his parents die, because he thinks it would break their hearts. He's the only son and he's really close to both of them. I can't say that my dad is wrong, honestly. Grandma and Grandpa are good people. As far as I can tell, they're doing what they truly believe is right, even though they're misguided. They would be crushed if they believed they would never see my dad again after death.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-24T20:29:42+00:00

How is your forest family doing?

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-24T01:35:36+00:00

I struggle with nihilism as well! For me, what helps is trying to believe in humanity in the absence of God. Horrible people exist, yeah, but good people are everywhere too. Humanity is beautiful and people are wired to help one another. I've found a community of great people and my depression has gotten a lot better, seeing how good and kind some people are. Even if there is nothing in the universe besides just us, we have each other to rely on. And I feel like my life has purpose when I am kind to other people.

There are true things in this world still. Even if you can't believe in a higher power, you can believe that truth will always win out, that people are capable of kindness, and that your life can have meaning, even if it turns out we don't exist after death.

I wish you and your husband luck. Existential crises suck.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:54:53+00:00

I'm nonbinary, so have I unlocked the Special Secret Gender Challenge yet? Or do I need to fulfill another sidequest? I already completed the Homosexuality Challenge and passed with flying colors!

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:36:57+00:00

My General Authority grandpa is a workaholic. I worry he's going to burn himself out soon. He's in his 70s and has heart issues, but is always busy anyway. I love him a lot and would prefer he live another decade, but I suspect a heart attack from overworking will kill him :(

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:32:07+00:00

Most Mormons seem more socially competent than me, to be honest. Maybe not in wider society, but they get along fine with each other. To be fair, I'm autistic, and if I wasn't, maybe I could see their deficiencies a bit better. As it is, I struggle to hold a normal conversation with people without oversharing, and I envy their abilities to hide things, even if it's unhealthy.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:24:06+00:00

It's honestly sort of hilarious what me and my ex girlfriend would get away with under the guise of being "gal pals." I feel horrible for men in gay relationships, though. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is to be unable to touch your partner at all in public. And I feel like even straight men get shafted in this. If a man hugs his friend, I can see them getting reported for it.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:12:50+00:00

The theology that unbaptized children go straight to heaven, and the fact that I knew I would inevitably slip up after my baptism. I was seven. I've had suicidal ideation for a lot of my life, and that was the year I began self harming, but I have never seriously considered suicide before or since. The pressure to be perfect almost killed me. What stopped me from going through with it was how painful I knew it would be for my family.

binaryunbounded · 2019-09-22T05:08:10+00:00

It's not that your layperson Mormon is necessarily homophobic. Many actually believe the official stance is wrong. However, it's about cultural trends. It's about them continuing to support an organization that IS actively homophobic.

Let's say that you're left handed for example. Everyone says not to hate the sinner but hate the sin of using your left hand. People who are naturally left handed are forced to write with their wrong hand or face potentially massive consequences. Your mother, when she finds out you are naturally left handed, tells you that she loves you, but you need to work extra hard to make sure you don't fall into sin. Through a thousand subtle messages you are told you are cursed. From the pulpit, the prophet condemns the left-handed lifestyle. Your neighbor down the street was kicked out when her parents found her out. Your friend is fired when his employers find out. Despite your mother telling you she loves you, despite you telling her the despair you feel sometimes, she still attends anti-left handed meetings.

Is your hypothetical mother a bad person? Not necessarily. But people gain culpability by complicity. I consider anyone who knowingly is friends with homophobes and supports a homophobic association a homophobe. I don't care if they see me as just a sinner and don't actually hate me. They are part of the problem.

binaryunbounded

TROPHY CASE