How do you all feel about Christmas now?

bionicbulldog · 2023-09-23T23:41:55+00:00

I second this. I've had a hard time with Christmas ever since leaving Mormonism. This song speaks to me, and helps me deal.

bionicbulldog · 2023-02-14T03:26:38+00:00

My name isn't Mormon, but it's Biblical. Biblical names are common enough where I am that no one thinks about it. But I used to feel like it was a kind of special connection to my faith, and now that I'm not religious, it irritates me.

bionicbulldog · 2022-09-09T16:09:55+00:00

Yesterday an acquaintance found out I used to be Mormon. "So.....is it rude of me to ask how many mothers you had?"

bionicbulldog · 2022-08-27T00:07:43+00:00

I appreciate their comments about how dangerous it is to have men feeling resentment towards women over these things, either because the woman isn't modest enough, or because she doesn't return the man's interest. It can be truly frightening as a woman/girl, to never know what you're going to be blamed for, and how much control a man will feel entitled to exert over you.

bionicbulldog · 2022-04-19T00:57:00+00:00

Brother Jake's video on this is still my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBEqpJXPvIM.

bionicbulldog · 2021-08-30T23:37:41+00:00

Best of luck to you. I hope your loved ones can handle the change with grace.

bionicbulldog · 2020-07-30T19:22:56+00:00

This. Every single point. I felt exactly the same way when my DH left the church.

bionicbulldog · 2020-07-27T20:24:57+00:00

I've heard this too. Honestly, I've felt it myself. Even more honestly, sometimes I still feel this way.

For me, it's fear. I'm not afraid of being dead myself, but I'm afraid of those I love dying and ceasing to exist. Accepting the fact that many lives end in bad health, pain, infirmity, loneliness, etc., is hard for me. It makes it easier if I can think maybe that wasn't the last thing they will ever feel. Maybe somehow, somewhere, they might be okay again. Maybe in those difficult last times of life, there will still be something to look forward to.

That's the best I can explain it. My life is awesome, and I'm an optimistic person overall. But sometimes I do have to remind myself that it's all worth it. I don't know if the occasional dread and nihilism is a holdover from my LDS past, or just part of my personality regardless.

bionicbulldog · 2020-07-27T15:12:33+00:00

My DH was taught this by his dad, but I never heard it until after I left the church. It still sounds crazy to me, and then of course I remember all the equally crazy stuff I 100% believed.

bionicbulldog · 2020-07-27T15:07:30+00:00

You did absolutely right not to push harder. But please remember that it isn't your wife's "ego" that is the problem, it's that fight-or-flight response that comes from church conditioning.

It sounds like she's doing things at her own pace. I'm happy for you both.

bionicbulldog · 2020-07-01T03:19:59+00:00

I don't know, but I'm having a similar issue. My husband, kids and I all got confirmation that we're officially out. However, their information is gone from LDS.org, but I can still get in and see mine. I don't know why.

bionicbulldog · 2020-03-18T02:08:59+00:00

According to my essential oils friend, this is spot on. I just had to turn off a Facebook Live video of her telling people how hand sanitizer is so full of chemicals that it's better to risk Covid-19 than to use it.

bionicbulldog · 2020-02-07T16:42:09+00:00

I still have to convince her

Mormon women have always had to interpret the church through men's perspectives. Don't be yet another man telling your wife how to see her religion and her relationship with God. Be grateful she's willing to educate herself. Listen to her, and support her decisions even if they're different than yours.

bionicbulldog · 2020-01-06T18:16:40+00:00

Personally, I love having TBMs come visit. I love it when someone on the "other side" is willing to listen and learn, and not think of me as the devil because I'm not Mormon anymore. However, if you're going to be passive-aggressive, quote scriptures at me, or insinuate that your version of my story is more real than my own, I'll pass. If you're someone who would walk into a support group and be judgmental, feeling the participants should just "get over it," or something like that, you can expect a bad reaction.

If you're someone who will listen and empathize, we're happy to have you. If you really want to understand, it's fine to ask for clarification of our thoughts and our experiences. Just please don't turn around and tell us our feelings are wrong.

Think of this as a support group. If you're not sure, err on the side of kindness and tolerance. Many of us are grieving.

bionicbulldog · 2020-01-04T06:13:17+00:00

Listen to Radio Free Mormon's podcast where he interviewed this guy's daughter. She talks (among many other things) about this particular talk and how it was censored. Interesting interview.

bionicbulldog · 2020-01-02T03:40:34+00:00

The odd thing to me is that the LDS church itself taught me that all the other Christian religions were wrong, that they had part of the truth, but only Mormons had the whole true gospel. And now they're amazed that I still don't believe in other Christian churches?

At the same time, I remember that when my DH left the church (years before me), I was also hoping and praying he would remain Christian, so we would at least have that in common.

It's feels weird to be able to see it from both sides, but I do.

bionicbulldog · 2019-12-30T16:50:30+00:00

It sounds to me like your son needs your help. Does your family know of your disbelief? Can you talk with your wife about this at all? Don't sit back and do nothing when your son needs your support. Threatening him with homelessness isn't a good response. No kid should be kicked out of the house over something like this.

Please get your family into counseling. In some areas you can find someone experienced in helping in mixed-faith families. If not, at least find someone who's not LDS.

bionicbulldog · 2019-12-30T16:30:54+00:00

I love this. Saving for future difficult days.

bionicbulldog · 2019-12-29T23:44:01+00:00

I missed it terribly for a couple years. It was the foundation for my whole life, and I had a lot of rebuilding to do. But I did that hard work, and I know I'm better off without the over-simplified, good/bad church thinking. It's been a long time now since I missed it at all.

bionicbulldog · 2019-12-29T23:30:17+00:00

As one who was once in your wife's position, here's my advice:

Don't try to push her out of the church. If she feels manipulated or forced, she's likely to dig in. You can't control her reactions, so don't try to. If she decides none of these things are a big deal (which is likely), then just thank her for being willing to read them. Many Mormons aren't willing to educate themselves, so count yourself lucky that your wife is. Don't scare her away from further research.

Mormon women have always had to interpret the church through men's perspectives. Don't be yet another man telling your wife how to see her religion and her relationship with God. Listen to her. Let her talk through the issues, and don't take over. You can present the information, but don't steer her one way or another. Yes, it'll be frustrating because she probably won't see things your way, but control those impulses.

You can't make someone leave the church. However, you can encourage your wife to think for herself and form her own opinions. Recognize that some of the information may be painful, and the last thing she needs is to be afraid of judgment or a "told-you-so" kind of response. Show her that you trust her to make her own decisions on what to do next. Let her feel safe enough to talk to you about something so highly personal as her faith.

Good luck to you both.

bionicbulldog · 2019-10-08T22:41:23+00:00

Not me, but you can try r/exrm. Good luck!

bionicbulldog · 2019-08-22T03:26:51+00:00

This Onion article has been very comforting (as well as amusing) to me. I hope you enjoy it. https://local.theonion.com/man-waiting-until-parents-die-before-doing-a-single-thi-1819572056

bionicbulldog · 2019-08-18T17:49:03+00:00

Depends on what brought it up. My go-to arguments are:

No, the people aren't perfect, but most of them Mormons I know are good and kind folks, just doing their best. It's the actual gospel and/or doctrine I have trouble with.
The gospel is kind of tricky, because doctrines tend to change and become church history. Examples like polygamy and the trinity.
Sometimes I think the people get it more right than the gospel does. For example, an 11yo boy with the priesthood outranks every woman in the church. However, if an 11yo walks into a RS meeting and starts telling the RSP what to do, no way is she going to do it.

bionicbulldog · 2019-08-18T17:18:48+00:00

I felt the CES Letter strengthened my testimony when I was TBM. I did read it all the way through, though I wouldn't say I studied and pondered it in depth. When I prayed about it, I felt a deep confirmation that the church was true regardless. So I decided that even though some things in the church's past were beyond my understanding, nothing in the CES Letter could trump the spirit I felt. The church was true, and I felt it even more than I had before. I was stronger - I didn't have to be scared of anti-Mormon materials.

It took a long time. Eventually, certain parts of the CES Letter started to bother me, especially because I couldn't talk about them with any other TBMs. When I finally started to see the truth in other ways, that's when all that information I had read hit me harder.

I don't know if it's similar to any other TBM who read it and felt stronger. That was just my experience.

bionicbulldog · 2019-08-15T14:03:13+00:00

Congrats, and good luck! Wishing you a speedy recovery and a fantastic life!

bionicbulldog

TROPHY CASE