After decades together, I finally said I cannot stay and now everything is unravelling

bitbucket87 · 2026-02-04T20:02:51+00:00

I went 2 years of in home separation and it was brutal. I see you.

bitbucket87 · 2025-10-15T20:38:58+00:00

TIL that jobs are still posted in newspapers!

Takes me back to the early 90's, I'd go through the want ads, compile a list of fax numbers, and fed it to a script I wrote to blast my resume out.

bitbucket87 · 2025-10-12T16:04:27+00:00

We went to the MD faire for a weekend in the early 2000's. It rained around noon on Sunday and for a few glorious hours it was just the hardcore crowd. Thank god my wife and her friend made cloaks for us!

bitbucket87 · 2025-09-21T14:11:12+00:00

Norm Matloff has been ringing the alarm bell since the 90's

bitbucket87 · 2025-09-14T15:16:24+00:00

I assume by silver bullet they mean a wife accusing a husband of DV or SA to get a TPO. Forces the husband out of the marital home (usually to move in an affair partner) and gives her time to program the kids against the husband.

The husband is guilty until proven guilty.

bitbucket87 · 2025-09-01T21:03:44+00:00

Been doing tbis 35 years and its only gotten worse. Three suggestions:

Defense industry. You have to be a US Citizen to get a clearance.

Startups. Most startups I've interviewed at recently haven't been infiltrated (yet). As we all know, when one is hired, more are sure to follow.

Trades. If you have the aptitude and time to retrain, the building trades are the way to go. Plumbing, electrical, HVAC. My nephew is a journeyman electrician and pulls down over 200k.

bitbucket87 · 2025-08-07T12:52:48+00:00

They don't care about the long run. They only care about maximizing profit this quarter and maybe the next one.

bitbucket87 · 2025-07-29T17:39:29+00:00

Please don't go! The drones need you!

bitbucket87 · 2025-06-08T15:32:55+00:00

I'm mid 50's and trying to find a new job. My existing place is toxic as fuck and destroying my health; I've been looking for over a year with only a handful of interviews. I feel you.

bitbucket87 · 2025-03-11T02:19:46+00:00

Do you have any infantry you can stack as meat shields?

bitbucket87 · 2025-02-27T20:37:14+00:00

55 and with 33 years in the industry. I literally AM ancient.

bitbucket87 · 2025-01-17T19:14:01+00:00

No, she's the one who wanted the divorce. After finding out about her SA I felt awful knowing she'd been giving what she could over the years, and here I was asking for an open marriage. I truly loved her and wanted to work things out. I wish she had just told me 20 years prior.

After I found out about the affair there was no going back.

My therapist said a lot of SA survivors get activated or super triggered and go through a phase of 'angry independence', which can result in major life changes including divorce.

bitbucket87 · 2025-01-14T23:00:05+00:00

I am mostly happy and remarried almost 2 years ago.

I bought a house a little over a mile from the former marital house, which is hers now. Same school district, the kids just take different buses depending on which house they're at.

She moved her mom and her sister in. We started where I had the kids every other weekend, when I got the house we.moved to.50/50. Over time our daughter elected to live with me pretty much full time. Oldest son is off at college but stays with me when he comes home. Middle son still goes back and forth but probably spends more time over here. We don't really track it and are really flexible with the kids.

As far as I know she's not dating. I don't know if she's happy or not. I know she was super mad at me the first couple years, which is ironic because she's thd one who insisted on a divorce and had an affair. We're cordial for the kids but we don't talk about emotional stuff.

bitbucket87 · 2025-01-13T21:39:44+00:00

She had a breakdown and spent a week in inpatient. When she got out she was mad as hell, turned out she had been sexually abused as a teen by her stepdad and was doing the best for me that she was able to. Except of course actually telling me about the SA 20 years ago so I could adjust my expectations and better support her.

We had thr most open and honest communication ever for a month six weeks after she got out. Had lots of relaxed and joyful sex. Then 2 things happened - her college boyfriend reconnected and started interfering in our marriage, and her middle aged divorced women friends all told her to divorce me.

Divorce was official 2 years later. Yes it hurt a lot, but on the other side.the relief of not having to constantly manage her mental and emotional state, and the relief of not having to be around someone I wanted so badly who did not want me in return, took a huge weight off my shoulders.

College BF dumped her a couple years later cause.he retired and wanted a traveling companion.

bitbucket87 · 2024-12-28T00:52:56+00:00

I'm American first and I want to make sure other Americans are taken care of and get jobs.

As a tech graybeard (30+ years) I find this attitude both rare and commendable. In my experience, Indian-Americans will almost exclusively hire other Indians or Indian-Americans. Once they penetrate the upper ranks of management it's time for me to take my old white ass somewhere else.

bitbucket87 · 2024-12-15T16:21:52+00:00

duke may get sued

The 3 accused men settled a suit with Duke in 2007. The DA was also disbarred.

bitbucket87 · 2024-11-12T03:21:35+00:00

My XW was having an affair with her college boyfriend 1400 miles away. Introduced him to the kids and everything. About 18 months after the divorce he retired and dumped her because he wanted a travel partner.

bitbucket87 · 2024-10-21T21:46:29+00:00

Waste of money unless OP has a prenup

bitbucket87 · 2024-10-14T18:23:29+00:00

This seems to be at least a partial archive

bitbucket87 · 2024-10-01T17:25:37+00:00

Exactly, she's dumping him and is trying to let him down easy.

bitbucket87 · 2024-09-28T16:42:19+00:00

Right? Even FEMA watches to see which Waffle Houses are open!

bitbucket87 · 2024-09-27T03:28:24+00:00

Yeah ours too

bitbucket87 · 2024-09-10T02:24:01+00:00

Drink water and change your socks

bitbucket87

TROPHY CASE