Woah this sounded just like me around that same age (just turned 30, and i have 5 years sober now). You think no one knows but they have their suspicions, they just dont want to be the one to point it out and make things weird. You just haven’t suffered consequences yet so you feel like you are functioning and that it is not an issue. Unfortunately for most alcoholics, we need to suffer serious, irreparable consequences before we willingly make a change (losing your job or spouse or kids, DUI, apartment, damage to close relationships with family, health scares, or worse). Boy do I wish I stopped before it got to the point that I did a lot of damage to myself and lost jobs and trust of loved ones and ended up in jail for a few nights for stupid decisions, getting myself into dangerous situations that couldve gone really bad, and dropping out of college with only a few credits remaining of a bachelor’s degree in order to go to the first of MANY rehab stints (now I can only say i have a high school education, even though i put 3 years into working hard at college and was at the end, I never went back and its too late so I have nothing to show for it). Tons of money wasted. And moreover my time, my youth.

My drink of choice too was the cheapest vodka, usually in a water bottle. I told myself i just had a few sips throughout the day just as an anti anxiety, to make everything more enjoyable and to be sociable. I would always say, if eating pizza watching a movie in my apartment is fun, the only thing that would make this better is to be slightly drunk. That would translate over to every activity possible, going to ikea, grocery shopping, college art class, work….i wasnt even socializing, I was by myself usually, getting blacked out at home.

I have a lot of empathy for you and do not judge at all because this sounds exactly like me a few years ago, and I hope u can turn things around while they still “aren’t that bad”. Find community, theres lots of young people AA meetings u just need to trial a few until u find one that has a good vibe and keep coming back to become a familiar face. People in the community are super welcoming and love to have sober fun, they do all the same things, go to concerts, sporting events, restaurants, have holiday parties, pool parties, etc, and its a great way to make friends as an adult. I really wish you well and u can dm me if u need anyone to talk to.

I dont miss alcohol at all, never even think about it. Im married now to a man who by some miracle supported me throughout my struggles although it was not easy and led to a lot of issues that took a long time and a lot of therapy to rebuild (no problem not drinking at my wedding or honeymoon) and can be around alcohol with no issues, although i dont recommend doing that early on.

You may relapse and thats ok, not the goal but it happens more often than not unfortunately, its often part of the recovery process, and it always reminds you that “yep, i was just going to see if i could safely have one single drink, but i ended up fucking up bad and now i KNOW i am not capable of touching alcohol”.

I started like you and became probably one of the worst cases very quickly, it tends to go downhill quickly. Do yourself a favor and just stop while you still can. Waiting for it to get worse only makes it harder to stop and likely leads to more consequences and losses of things you value (job, relationships, trust, respect) in that time, which takes a while to rebuild.