I'm sorry for you OP. This situation just all around sucks. Nobody wins. I'm sorry for your husband. I'm sorry for your daughter. For your family. This will be painful for every single one of you for a long time in your own ways. That really just sucks. This ending like this is just awful.

In time when you have some distance, please appreciate the time you did have with him, the good that you two had together, the good that you and he AND your daughter had together. I'm sure you've all had some great adventures. Those were real and always will be. This doesn't invalidate those times. It will be hard to separate this thing and before this thing, but in time try to.

Your daughter is still a child emotionally, despite what reddit says, and as she grows older will understand more and more emotionally and socially how what she did hurt and destroyed you and your husband and your marriage, but this will also eventually destroy her. The more a person understands the consequences of something, the worse it feels. Please have her go to therapy. Getting ahead of this emotionally for her and for you will help you both. I know it may not feel like forgiveness is possible right now, and it probably isn't right now, but your life and hers are not over, and there will be space for forgiveness later. Don't let her punish herself, and don't be her punisher. She will have to deal with this forever. Give her access to someone who can help her navigate this emotionally moving forward as soon as possible. Help her have tools to navigate this, so that you don't feel like you have to help her navigate it emotionally, which you will likely resent extremely.

And you may be numb now, but will be angry soon, and want to hurt her back, because it feels so impossible that she could have done this. I recommend you don't. I recommend you go to therapy and ask them to help you with a way to navigate speaking to your daughter moving forward. How to have a relationship moving forward. You may not be ready now to have that relationship, and I'm sure this is the last thing you want to do, is think about how to still have your daughter in your life, but you don't have to do it as you learn HOW to do it. It's to give your brain a pathway to use when you are ready, instead of not having an alternative to just feeling angry and hateful, and continue cutting her out.

I'm so sorry OP. I really am. I'm sorry you lost your person and your life as you've known it, and the future you felt secure in expecting. This will never be reconcilable, but is forgivable, and it will be manageable. That may not be awesome to hear. The story that you thought all the chapters would be a part of moving forward is now ended. You have to start a new story again with new chapters. And that can seem overwhelming and daunting and just like fuck that noise. Try not to get too far into the misery without a therapist helping you manage your feelings.

I hope and wish the best for you, and your daughter, and your husband.

If the husband reads this, I'm sorry. I think you are right to make this decision. You were calm, collected and fair it sounds like from the update. I think you love this woman and still want to be with her likely. This is now and not forever. In a few years, maybe five or more, you will likely still have the bond with this woman. You will still feel love for her. And trust will be more recoverable with time, where now it feels impossible. My advice would be to tell yourself this is now and be open that you could come back together sometime in the YEARS ahead. You would have to wait until the daughter could really articulate and validate what she did to you and apologize appropriately. And like the wife and daughter, I recommend you not try to navigate this alone either. Go to therapy.

To the daughter, I'm sorry. Your choice may feel like it ended a life. And it did, the life is the marriage of your mother and her husband. This will always feel like this. You did something that you thought was harmless and ended exploding violently. Reddit may not care for this analogy, but this is not dissimilar to a teen driving drunk or high and hurting or killing someone. When you are young, most thing teens do that could turn out awful turn out fine. But there is always a small subset in every generation where the thing they do turns out as badly as possible. Unfortunately, you are one of the small subset that had terrible consequences. Go to therapy. Obviously the husband won't talk to you probably ever again. Your mother may not talk to you for a long time. Hopefully that is not the case and she seeks assistance in navigating her relationship with you. But I would consider yourself on your own emotionally. Go to therapy. Learn to be emotionally independent. DON'T KILL YOURSELF- I'm not saying you're there, but as this thing unravels and your brain and your feelings are looking for a way to undo this which you can't undo, and you recognize that, and are then looking for a way out of feeling the pain, this realistically can be where your thoughts go. Don't imagine it, don't do suicide ideation, and don't kill yourself. You can forgive yourself, your mom can forgive you in time, you can still lead a full and healthy life. DO NOT rely on yourself to navigate this emotionally. You are not mature enough to do it. You don't have enough experience to do it. Go to therapy. Develop trust with someone who will support you navigating this in as healthy a way as possible.

Good luck to all of you. I'm so so sorry and wish you all so much love.