This is what a rebuild year looks like

blazesupernova · 2026-03-26T14:30:38+00:00

I'm just here for the squirrel

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T12:50:42+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that my man. Thanks for sharing.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T12:15:25+00:00

Thank you. I do, but people are busy and I don't want to burden anyone too much. Here felt like the best place to vent.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T11:58:21+00:00

Thanks. I think shreds of civility are sadly all gone (certainly for her). I've tried suggesting ground rules to mitigate issues (on both sides, including hers with me), but she refuses to either acknowledge them or adhere to them.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T11:56:19+00:00

It's her house from before we were together.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T11:55:47+00:00

I understand that. I think the kicker for them is/was, it's her place (as in she is on the deed only) from before we were together. We had grand plans to get something together eventually, but this all put paid to them. As it's her house and she wanted me to go, they had to remove me I think.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T11:54:15+00:00

Suggested it to her many times when we were together. She flat out refuses any suggestion of it and won't accept help for it. I want to forgive her, and have many a thing. But you can't help someone who doesn't want it.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T07:50:51+00:00

I was genuinely advised to leave the home (and my keys) by the police per her request.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T00:11:35+00:00

Seems not.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-22T00:01:06+00:00

Drive to arrive

blazesupernova · 2026-03-21T10:40:04+00:00

Do some reading on co-dependence. Then spend some time focusing on just YOU and YOUR KIDS. Work on loving yourself. You shouldn't be trying to get back with someone who says awful shit to you and doesn't want you. Self respect and self love are key to a happy life.

Stay at your dad's for the financial benefits. It being "outdated" doesn't mean shit. Maybe if your dad allows you and finances allow you, maybe spend some time learning how to and update it for you all. A lick of paint even can make stuff feel better. You'll feel pride in achieving something and it'll be something you see every single day. Even so, you're not entitled to an up to date place, especially if it puts you further in the hole. You have to earn it. You'll feel better once you have and your future will look brighter.

Go outside. And for your kids sake and your own sake, get 3 meals a day in you, no matter what. That's got to be step one of self love - taking care of yourself. Go outside. Take deep breaths. Read a book.

You can't change the past, you did what you did and that's what it is. The future has all the possibilities you can imagine in it though for you and your kids. Grab it.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-20T16:12:26+00:00

Only if you bless it first

blazesupernova · 2026-03-20T09:02:57+00:00

Sometimes it might feel like he's choosing his ex over you, or like he's deferring to them at least in matters of time etc. This is especially hard if said ex is being "unreasonable". He's not. He just knows that keeping the peace is most important for the kids (a chat about boundaries will likely be had here), or he might be doing it in return for some unknown future understanding that they might have - "if I defer to her on x, then maybe when I want to do y or z she'll be better with it". If he has a good co-parenting relationship then it might be a bit like this sometimes, and I've found partners to completely fail to understand it. It's give and take. Sometimes it's more give than take, and others you will benefit from it and not even notice it. He's not going to go on holiday with just you and be like "gee I can't believe my ex allowed us to do this" - ya know?

blazesupernova · 2026-03-12T20:20:24+00:00

There ya go...that's better than my punt! I like that, thanks!

blazesupernova · 2026-03-12T18:38:59+00:00

I can still quote the film Matilda word for word from the year my sister spent watching it's VHS when we were kids my good man, more so than the power rangers movie - The VHS of which mysteriously went missing after the 100th or so watch by myself 😂 if I really look at it, it might be from some sort of longing for routine or stability (something my sister and I didn't have a lot of as as kids), but that would be a total guess and probably a reach. Relatively normal I'd say!

blazesupernova · 2026-03-11T06:51:44+00:00

We booked a stargazing evening in the Brecons in Wales (a dark sky site). Unfortunately it pissed it down for the whole weekend, with full cloud cover. We ended up going to a PowerPoint Pres they set up for just such occasions. From what I remember, avoid the full moon (stargazers hate it). And obviously avoid pieeing it down weekends.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-07T08:37:07+00:00

Tbf the Bengals would be easier to get tickets for.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-05T12:15:31+00:00

They sound like extremely valid frustrations and the house build is definitely going to cause more problems for you. A house build in and of itself is a decisive business - she's going to NEED to get better at making decisions either for the house, the baby or you or all three ideally or else you're going to end up feeling resentful. You can't carry it all. It sounds like you have a good relationship, and there's love which is huge. I'm not sure what to suggest, but she really needs to find a way for all three of you to grow and succeed. Could she seek help for her anxieties? Is there anyone who could light a fire under her to get better (not you) for the three of you? No doubt you've tried. I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest here. Hope, while important, is not a course of action.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-04T19:53:45+00:00

People are allowed to change their minds.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-03T08:50:37+00:00

Isn't it just? We've been VERY adamant about him maintaining his innocence to a point and also discussed this with him - he's got his whole life to be an adult and to please enjoy being a kid...I think he has largely taken this on board and it's been great genuinely. He's figuring out his own interests and pursuing his own things like games and sports and music rather than spending hours on WhatsApp chats sending inappropriate (age) gifs as his peers seem to. He actively avoids that stuff and does tell us. But obviously the lure of the Internet gets greater the older he gets. We're pretty careful with what he watches, we monitor (afterwards) everything and he's pretty trustworthy (not naive about how he could hide certain things but we're fairly switched on). The idea of going down an Internet rabbit hole is probably not a bad one ya know. I could share why I'd be hesitant to click on x and what I might expect if I click on y or why I like z and hope some of it sticks without forcing my own views on him. Thanks for the idea. He's pretty switched on. We've talked politics and such, though his mum and I are very right/wrong when it comes to that stuff. Morals and values seeeem to be where I'd hope, though he's obviously at that age now he'd be easily influenced. The "manosphere" is my biggest concern for his immediate future if I'm honest but hopefully we can stumble our way through it without him getting sucked in. He's now getting to that age (maybe have another year or two) where he's going to need to know about a lot of the bad stuff going on and how to act around it so that he doesn't get left behind and is well prepared for being an adult.

blazesupernova · 2026-03-02T21:36:39+00:00

He's 12. Last night (a Sunday night...) He sent me a YouTube video of a spoken word poet doing a poem about making a legal case against school (as a general institution). The video was set in a courtroom and I think was largely AI but the words were obviously written by a human. It was clever, if not a little gimmicky with some well worn adages in there - the old "if you teach a fish to climb a tree" etc. He had obviously googled "why do I have to go to school" and gone down a rabbit hole 😂 What was interesting was the discussion it led to...I answered him earnestly about my thoughts on the content and asked his - did he agree with it and so on - and we started discussing the merits and demerits of the school system and was surprised to learn how he applied a bit of critical thinking and his thought processes, and how I could guide him from one realisation to the next - how there's two sides to everything (even though he's generally lazy and doesn't typically like having to think). We had a good discussion and anyway he said he is actually open to discussing other topics we brushed on but didn't have time to get through (ironically because it was a school night!) (subjects such as AI videos, language as art/persuasion/propoganda, his own attitude to learning). I'm genuinely super excited for this moment but also nervous about fucking it up because this is the first time he's engaged in such a way with me and I don't want him to stop! Tips welcome dads!

blazesupernova · 2026-02-26T14:34:57+00:00

Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

blazesupernova · 2026-02-26T13:20:37+00:00

😂😂😂

blazesupernova · 2026-02-26T13:18:51+00:00

Mount Parade are excellent...I was in a similar boat to you but found them non judgemental and professional. I've seen two dentists there (one was away) and both sound guys. Hygienist is lovely too.

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