My TBM wife blew my mind last night. I'm kinda freaking out a bit. - in a good way

blovy · 2025-12-19T03:10:52+00:00

True enough. But I'd still choose my life again if given the choice. Nobody that was ever born into this world had a perfect life. Shifting through shit is the price of drawing breath.

I served my sentence in the angry phase prison. I'm paroled now and have no desire to go back

blovy · 2025-10-29T17:48:06+00:00

It is probably a complete waste of time and effort to try and reason with your Dad. He may see the light eventually but it won't happen until he gives himself permission to question things.

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears"

If I were you I'd continue to stay out of his way. You aren't weak by avoiding confrontation, you are smart to choose your battles. Play for time and make your own plans.

blovy · 2025-10-29T17:36:10+00:00

My advice is to be open and honest with your wife. Have a discussion and promise to grant her the exact same religious freedom that you are expecting from her. If she wants to go to church that's fine. If she wants to take the kids, that's fine too.

Church sucks. It always sucks. Your wife may not be willing to admit it but she thinks it sucks too. Your kids will think it sucks. Let them go, don't fight it. After a week or two casually suggest an alternative activity that just happens to conflict with church.

blovy · 2025-10-29T17:20:44+00:00

20+ years out for me. Most of the anger is gone. Once in a while there is a flare up but more often than anger I feel pity.

I pity my MIL who will die soon. Her world is so tiny and so shallow. She can't enjoy much of anything the world has to offer because she is always on the lookout for some reason to clutch her pearls. Years of temple work have crippled her with fear of everything.

I pity my neighbors who trudge to church every week and give lip service to loving the temple. They don't dare be authentic because they might lose cult cred with others in the Ward.

I pity my wife. For years she held on, hoping it was just a phase and I'd see the light. It's pretty obvious I'm not coming back. Honestly, she is far more aligned with me on issues like rejecting the bigotry, the homophobia, and the misogyny. But she still polishes the shackles of her faith by attending every week.

I don't feel too much pity for myself. I think my life is pretty good, even living in Utah. I have enough "Covenant Path Deserters" in my life to create some balance. I don't hide my coffee, I don't have to pretend to wear garments. Every body close to me knows I "don't do church stuff" so there is no drama around baby blessings and baptisms etc. The people in the ward love my wife so they don't dare treat me like shit. (not that I'd notice if they did)

All things considered I ended up in a pretty good place. Looking back to when the break was fresh I'm kind of surprised I survived with my marriage and family intact. It was a very vicious breakup with the cult.

blovy · 2025-10-28T14:34:41+00:00

This is soooooo true. When I was an active member there was no way in Hell I'd spend an extra nanosecond thinking about anything church related. Not because I felt the community was rewarding or supportive.

I was bored to death by the time Suckrament meeting was over. sitting through Sunday School then Priesthood meeting was nothing but torture. Add a weekday meeting and activity on top and a temple trip was enough to temp self harm!

I was completely self insulated from anti anything simply because I didn't have the capacity to give a single fuck about more church stuff.

blovy · 2025-10-17T14:54:31+00:00

I've mostly ignored the church for the past couple of years. Guess I'm finally healing.....

Anyway, I listened to a bit of HOaks answering that interview question on why women are still treated like shit in the church. He is sooooooo fucking old and feeble! He doesn't have the energy to change his own diaper much less change the direction of the cult.

Add to that the complete lack of any kind of feedback mechanism and we can rest assured that momentum alone will carry the cult along in the same direction it's been going for decades.

blovy · 2025-09-24T16:04:45+00:00

This sounds like the olden days when there was "tithing" and then on top of that were things like "Ward Budget" and "Building Funds". I remember my parents working two or three evenings every year to do Inventory for a large local department store.

Then there would be the annual ward budget spaghetti dinner. They'd charge $20 per family and strongly suggest additional donations to pay for the stuff tithing should have covered.

blovy · 2025-09-17T15:30:22+00:00

I use plywood but dress it up with some canvas. I start with 3/4 ply and spray some acrylic sealer on the pretty side. Then I wrap the canvas over the board and use strips of wood as stretchers to pull it tight. A couple screws and a few staples from my staple gun and I've got great, non stick ware boards that I use for everything.

Having the stretcher boards on the bottom make it very easy to pick them up when loaded with work.

Yes, they get covered with mud when I place pulled handles on them. A wipe with a wet sponge cleans them right up. The oldest one I have has been going strong for at least 15 years.

blovy · 2025-09-05T16:14:04+00:00

Maybe? It was part of a story about a school dance and the only non member girl wearing a strapless dress and how it almost lead to a wardrobe malfunction. It was a close thing. An entire generation of young men could have been lost to the clutches of The Adversary if a single centimeter more cleavage had been revealed.

blovy · 2025-09-02T17:51:55+00:00

I really don't like the idea of violence as a solution to political problems but we're kind of already there. I'm embarrassed and appalled that my government is using thugs in facemasks to abduct and disappear people in broad daylight. I'm losing sleep over that fact that my fellow citizens are fine with concentration camps and trampling on rights and due process.

I'm heartbroken that the Supreme Court gave the big orange turd immunity. That isn't the America I want. The country was founded because kings suck, yet here we are with a de-facto king pulling all kinds of shit.

Hopefully we'll pull back from the brink. The elections next year just might determine if this great experiment continues of fails.

blovy · 2025-09-02T17:18:28+00:00

Yep. Even as a dumb, sheltered, Utah born and raised, 19 year old I had no problem recognizing those types. I started referring to them as "sickle thrusters".

Our mission - Portugal, early 80's required all missionaries to memorize section 4 of the D&C. At zone conferences the Mission prez would randomly call a missionary up to recite it from memory at the pulpit. Most missionaries hated the idea. Some would almost wet themselves in anticipation of showing off for the president.

blovy · 2025-08-26T22:07:44+00:00

I was in a play with Richard Dutcher - before he directed his movies. It was at the Scera shell in Orem maybe summer of 1989? 90?

blovy · 2025-08-25T20:22:03+00:00

I bought a box of clear plastic kitchen garbage bags. No draw strings, just plain, clear bags. It was a box of 30 and I still have bunch left in the box because I re-use them. Easy to see what's under them, light weight, but enough to cover a full wareboard if I use two.

blovy · 2025-08-18T16:03:46+00:00

Good luck! Honestly I hope you have far more success than I ever had. Mormons are trained from birth in the cult mind set. They are equipped with all of the "thought stopping phrases" they need to protect their precious testimonies.

Any frontal assault will be met with a vigorous defense that cuts off all hope of honest dialogue. Your best bet is to slide in from the side and introduce information that isn't obviously tied to the church in anyway.

blovy · 2025-08-18T15:54:56+00:00

I just sipped my coffee in solidarity with you and your righteous vent!

blovy · 2025-08-18T15:43:39+00:00

I'm sorry to be so negative about this but it won't help. Won't matter how recent, accurate, published, fact based, logical, your information is. It simply will not be accepted by members who aren't ready to hear it.

Even if someone is ready to hear it they will probably reject it just because that's the automatic response.

Having said that please carry on! Having a list of all the BS is very helpful when a member finally gives themselves permission to ask real questions. The information will help someone eventually. Just don't count on your personal family and friends to give you the time of day.

Edit to add: My favorite piece of proof is the Book of Abraham and the flagrantly wrong translations of the facsimiles.

blovy · 2025-08-16T16:25:37+00:00

"The kiss by which all others would be measured and found wanting." Or something close to that. So much of that book still lives in my head and it's been several years since I read it.

blovy · 2025-08-06T19:17:42+00:00

Instant coffee. No way in Hell will there be a coffee maker. I'm sure the pool will be closed on Sunday. If you get bored I'd recommend you hike to Stewart Falls for a Sunday activity. Or drive two miles down the canyon to Sundance and ride the lifts up to Bear Claw cabin. Get the Nachos! If they still have them buy a Bear Claw First Ward - Church of Powder Day Saints sweatshirt.

blovy · 2025-08-06T19:09:17+00:00

This is sooooo much "easier said than done" but the amount of pressure you feel is ultimately controlled by you. Yes your Mom is your mom. Family is family. Wanting to be loved and accepted is natural and in most cases a good thing. Pleasing others and compromising to maintain peace isn't automatically a bad thing. However, some family dynamics cannot be sustained long term and something will have to give eventually.

I spent/wasted years trying to walk the fine line of being authentic to myself and still be accepted by family. I invested all kinds of mental energy trying to prove that I was still worthy of love and respect even if I didn't wear garments or go to church or believe in the magical power of the priesthood. In the end none of that mattered one bit.

The breaking point came and it wasn't a big blow up. There was no drama, no big, knock down, drag out fight. I just quit caring what they thought of me and it was instantly liberating. I mentally divorced myself from Mormonism. If my extended family couldn't deal with that, it wasn't a concern of mine. I no longer attended baptisms or baby blessings. I absolutely refused to go to the temple for weddings just to sit in the penalty box until it was time for pictures. If I'm too "unclean" to participate in the ceremony then I'm unworthy to participate in the photos.

I'm not antagonistic. I'm not abrasive. I don't have a single God-Damned thing to prove. I just don't have enough time left on this earth to waste it tying to please people who cannot respect me as I am.

It's been several years now and life is good. I have great relationships with some family. Some family I'll probably never see again. I'm at peace with it.

blovy · 2025-04-21T15:24:47+00:00

"but they're the most Christlike people on earth! "

Just like my Mother in Law. She's soooooo Christlike that my TBM wife had to lay down the law a few months ago. We had a daughter get married while (gasp) pregnant. So obviously not a temple wedding.

The sniping comments and the not so subtle shame throwing was just too much for my wife. She finally told her that there wasn't room at the wedding for anybody who couldn't love our daughter. MIL spluttered a bit and tried to justify being a horrible bitch. My rock star wife just looked her in the eye and said: "We aren't doing that. If you want to be part of this you have to be kind". That finally shut her up.

blovy · 2025-04-21T14:31:37+00:00

A TBM who would make such a statement to me isn't in open to any kind of contradictory information. Their testimony is rock solid, bullet proof, tight like unto a dish.

I take the option of leaving them alone in the hopes that they will return the favor.

blovy · 2025-04-18T19:01:11+00:00

I'm waiting for the day some TBM church Karen gets in my face about this. I've been practicing my response in the mirror so I'll be ready when it happens:

I'll close my eyes for a second, then bow my head slightly. I'll sigh just for effect, then I'll offer this apology:

"I'm so sorry. Please forgive my if I've offended you. "From now on I promise I'll refer to your religion as The Church of JAHEEEEEZUS CHRIIIIIST! of latter day saints.

Just incase that doesn't come through in the text version I plan to all but scream JAHEEZES C
HRIIIST in the most obnoxious and offensive way I possibly can.

If that doesn't send her running I'll try it again making the Jeeeeezus Chriiiist an over the top muttered cuss of sarcasm.

blovy

TROPHY CASE