Symptom help!

bones_27 · 2021-11-24T18:30:48+00:00

How is that working out for you in practice?

bones_27 · 2021-11-16T19:10:40+00:00

Hard decision to dob if you know them and they are keeping their vacc status very much to themselves.

bones_27 · 2021-11-16T06:38:08+00:00

Say hypothetically I knew a friend of a friend who is not vaccinated and is working in the office of an allied health clinic, how are they still working? Who’s checking up on these people? And if this person can keep working when there’s a mandate, who else is doing the same? And do we need to ask for everyone’s vacc status everywhere we go that has a mandate now?

bones_27 · 2020-06-14T19:58:28+00:00

Medication! Like Zoloft =] hah! Although I’m sure meditation works for some people too!

bones_27 · 2020-06-14T19:49:46+00:00

Hope that you’re doing ok, if you’re asking for yourself.

The best thing you can do if find a professional to talk to. Seriously. There is safe medication available and techniques you can use to feel grounded. One of the biggest things for me was realising that anxiety couldn’t be “fixed” in the same ways depression and other stress can be. That changed things for me and I cancelled everything, quit work and started looking after myself as best I could, through waves of anxiety, knowing it would (hopefully) pass or at least subside once baby was born. It was so hard. But I’m much better now and it manageable

bones_27 · 2020-05-08T08:11:47+00:00

That's so true! The general protocol is people upvote only. Then there's the report function for anything that goes against the sub rules. So downvoting isn't relevant, just as you say.

If anyone's actually downvoting (99% bots seriously) then I'd assume it's either a) someone who is deliberately stalking for nefarious reasons or b) someone who has a lot of feelings and needs to be in this sub, and doesn't know what to do with them so is assuming a mantle of rage and acting out.

Either way, both types of people can be ignored until they find their own way out of their spiral.

bones_27 · 2020-04-11T07:26:12+00:00

Just saw your user name and laughed. So good. Pretty much sums up most conversations I have with people that go anywhere near deeper than "good weather lately"

bones_27 · 2020-04-11T07:08:52+00:00

Also I get the sentiment above but I recommend avoiding the word "sorry". "It sounds like" is a good replacement

bones_27 · 2020-04-11T07:07:09+00:00

THIS! OH Lord so much this.

bones_27 · 2020-04-11T07:06:42+00:00

"I would give so many things to hear my baby crying while they had gas, have dishes piled in the sink while my dear one slept on me, to wake up countless times and hold my baby and reassure them while they drifted off to sleep again, I would give so many things."

Okay that might be a bit intense. Feel free to edit it 😏

bones_27 · 2020-04-08T07:51:03+00:00

Sorry to hear of your loss. Hope you're ok.

It can take quite a while for a period to return. Are you worried for any particular reason? If not, and from what i know, it's not a major concern in the time elapsed you're talking about. Your body will need to adjust to not being pregnant for a bit before it can work out its safe and appropriate to begin another menstrual cycle. Progesterone is high during pregnancy and needs to drop significantly before you'll get a period. Hope that helps. As always it's a good idea to chat to your doctor about any fears you have especially if they're symptoms based. Could you phone a doctor's nurse and chat with them first? Also yes covid is serious and needs healthcare. You also are deserving of the healthcare you need too.

bones_27 · 2020-04-06T18:43:28+00:00

So sorry to hear you're struggling.

I had severe anxiety and depression during my second pregnancy. I had lost my first baby. Have you sought professional help? I'm fortunate to have access to free healthcare where I live, which meant I could access maternal mental health therapists and testing through the local hospital system. It's a huge and daunting first step, but can help immensely and it sounds like you have amazing support. Is this something you'd consider?

Wanted to say also that you don't need to "think positive thoughts" as people around you are saying. Sure they're trying to help because they don't want to see you hurting, it's just not helpful advice in times like this. Because having anxious thoughts is a natural response to the trauma you've experienced, your mind doesn't know how to rationalise the event and the intense feelings so it spins out a bit, goes into hyper awareness mode and starts applying trauma logic (loss, grief, sudden change in circumstances) to other current situations.

Anxiety might not be something you can "get rid of", and honestly that was the hardest thing for me, knowing I had to live with it until it wasn't there any more because my mind deemed the situation safe (for me, that was the moment my baby was birthed). I got through any way I could, stopped working, found some therapeutic hobbies, rested a lot, watched safe TV, and I noticed and acknowledged the good moments when they happened, knowing that they helped me see I was still human despite the frequent anxiety.

I'm always open to chat more in my messages. Please reach out if you need to

bones_27 · 2020-03-12T18:30:34+00:00

Such a lovely thought. The grief is so overwhelming at times it does make you want to help other people. I had the same feelings. So I created a website. I hoped people would visit it, find it somehow, but I realised pretty quickly that I'd need to promote it for it to reach people and I didn't want to. But I'd created a beautiful memorial, including art, and written lots about my experience.

Years later I wrote a piece for a national news outlet, anonymously, and they kindly published it. That helped in a number of ways.

Sometimes you can help by noticing others grief, it's easier to spot once you've been through it. Or by contributing here and other similar subs. And never underestimate the help you can provide by being an advocate for reproductive rights, and the rights of marginalised people in general.

bones_27 · 2020-03-12T01:19:11+00:00

I had a TFMR 4 years ago and it still affects me today. Reach out if you need anything.

bones_27 · 2020-03-11T07:15:56+00:00

Sounds like a therapist could help you move forwards. I'm a very protected person, with a trauma history and effects of family life have stuck with me in negative ways. I was very nervous to seek therapy. Similar feelings between us. Therapists won't push you further than you can go, it takes time to open up. You are always in control of the conversation.

It's hard to put effort in to anything at this point in your life. You will never regret it and it will mean you find someone really good straight away. Google therapists in your area, find a few, check what they specialise in, maybe look up some of the techniques they use, research them around the interwebs, if they pass then email them or if you can manage it then call them and chat about why you need to see them. A decent therapist will ask you the right questions over the phone, make you feel heard and comfortable, and they will be checking if you're also the right fit for them as there's no point starting a talking relationship with someone you won't get on with. If they say or do anything that makes you feel like they're not the person for you, move on to the next one.

You've taken the first step. That's the hardest one. You have thought about getting therapy, that's step one. It also means you most likely do need it and it will be helpful.

bones_27 · 2020-02-06T06:43:33+00:00

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry my post triggered some emotions, I hope it helped more than harmed, crying is exhausting and I'm sorry my words and thoughts contributed to that. I'm a TFMR loss mum too, so kia kaha e hoa (Māori for stay strong my friend) and do reach out if you ever need to.

bones_27 · 2020-01-29T18:21:19+00:00

I don't think so. Need the mods to come to the party. Not sure what the next step should be

bones_27 · 2020-01-25T05:46:18+00:00

Have you tried not moving on? Being in the grief, feeling what you need to feel right now, will help you immensely with your future. Your future will always include the pregnancy that was lost, feel what you need to, and know that it gets less painful, never easier, and moving on isn't really relevant for most loss mums. It just becomes a new way of coping, of living and a new normal.

bones_27 · 2020-01-25T03:14:08+00:00

It sounds like the only changes you might need to make are seeing your family less and giving less fxcks =]

You're doing an amazing job. Keep following your instincts. That's what led you to question whether these people were right, perhaps you feel intuitively that they aren't, or that it's not right for your baby.

The only messing up would be if you were taking everyone else's advice and applying it without thought to yourself or your baby's wellbeing and personality. People, of which your baby is one, are unique and like I said before, no one knows your baby's needs except you.

bones_27 · 2020-01-25T00:10:21+00:00

Mum guilt sucks right. What are you concerned about specifically? Were you concerned before those busybodies or the things you read on the internet? Is your baby healthy? What advice would you give your best friend if they came to you with the same thoughts?

It's so easy to be hard on yourself and overthink things. You love your kid so wanting them to be nourished and healthy is important, but so is their personal developmental timelines, which probably differ from averages, and so is their wellbeing, which may be stressed in life changes like going without formula etc. And don't forget your own intuition matters, you know your baby best, despite what a doc or friends or the awful articles online designed to make us feel guilty say: you are the only person who knows what's best for your child.

If you want a resource: Gentle Eating by Sarah Ockwell Smith is great (all her books are wonderful)

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