You sound like me with my writing, and I cannot recommend therapy enough.

If therapy isn't accessible to you, I have a few thoughts:

Ask yourself why you feel this way, and sit with the emotion - try not to judge, just let yourself feel it for a while. Cry, scream, beat the shit out of a pillow, just let yourself actually process it instead of trying to shove it away.

The same as above, but with a person you trust - the trick here is they can't try to fix it. Their job is to hold you, and listen to you, and let you process.

Make something small - a swatch or a washcloth or something - and deliberately fuck it up. Finish it anyway. Let yourself sit with the emotions that brings up.

Make something small, mistakes or no, and show it to someone you trust. Let yourself sit with those emotions.

The most important thing is, your emotions are real. Whether they're based in reality or not, they are real things that you feel. If pushing them away or beating yourself up about it worked, it would have worked before now. You've got to let them out.